totally hurt by my parents

Hey Tina, I know I'm pretty late on this one and you've received great advice from everyone here but I want to just reiterate this...

DON'T let someone else plan YOUR wedding! It is a day for you and your husband not anyone else.

Yes your parents are helping pay for this but you need to speak up either they help and keep their mouth shut OR they completly back off and attend the wedding just like all of your other guests.

I was engaged a couple of years ago (unfortunately it didn't work out) BUT while we were planning we ran into similar troubles. In the end we decided to forget the wedding and just fly to the Caribbean and get married. It costs so much money and we couldn't put that toward our debt and a new home.

((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) for you and DH or DF for now. :)
 
Tina,
I read your post with interest because we just had a wedding for my stepson last fall. Unfortunately, I can't quite figure out what is going on. Why are your parents having a reception that you're not excited about? Is the reception part of the wedding? I'm not sure I understand what's going on.

My stepson had a large wedding, ceremony and reception, all in the same place. The couple is older than you, but we didn't want them to pay for anything because they need their money for other things. The idea was that the bride's father would pay for half the wedding and my stepson's Mom and us would split the other half. Well, my stepson's Mom wound up not really paying very much. I think she just paid for her guests, so the brides father and we had to pick up the slack. Anyway, we really didn't want the "kids" to have to pay for anything, and they didn't.

We didn't express a single opinion except when we were asked. The kids planned everything themselves, and the wedding was exactly the way they wanted it, which was very important to us. Which is why I'm totally confused by your post. Why wouldn't your parents put your happiness first??

Happy ending: not only did they have a great wedding, but the kids made a fortune in gifts! All told, they actually got more than the cost of the whole wedding! They were able to make a down payment on a house and they closed yesterday!

Just letting you know what went on with us in case it helps. But I still don't really understand what your arrangement is with the parents, so maybe you'll explain. Are your fiance's parents involved in this?

Whatever the situation, I am so sorry that you feel hurt by your parents, and I agree with the other posters who say that this is your wedding, and it needs to be what you want it to be.

P.S. Don't forget to have your parents and your fiance's parents let everyone know that you want CASH. LOL. }(

Hugs,
-Nancy
 
Ok, number one, if they are already making comments like "I'll have to work my whole life to pay this off", I would NEVER, NEVER,(did you read that...NEVER!!!!!) go with what they were willing to buy. In fact, if I had parents like that (mine don't even have $ to buy anything) I would get married in a courthouse (practically free) and use my own $$ for a nice honeymoon.

I had CC debt when I got married, so IMHO I did not deserve a big wedding. We got married in a courthouse. Took all of 30 min. I saved my money and what would have gone for a wedding went to CC debt. My family was there and it was perfectly fine for me. I shudder at the thought of people watching me walk down the isle and all that. YUCK. Dress shopping alone would make me have a nervous breakdown. But I do understand that the whole wedding thing is pretty important to some women. And your debt is obviously better, it's student loan.

I would, however, use my own money and NONE of theirs. Weddings aren't THAT important. They are not worth feeling indebted the rest of your life!!

Sorry your parents are being manipulative asses. Good Luck to you!! And congrats!!!:D
 
If your parents want fancy flowers and top of the line limos then thay can pay for that fancy flowers and stretch limos. If you want to save $$ and don't care about those things...go to a field and pick a bunch of buttercups and have a friend drive a fancy rented car for you. The only rule is...you have to be the happiest you have ever been on YOUR DAY!!! Do what pleases YOU not mom and dad. If mom and dad need more, they can pay for more but no one should be telling you how to spend YOUR $$$. Sounds to me like they want a nice show for their frinds and family because they think it will reflect on them.

If I had it to do all over again...I would have married on the beach at our honeymoon destination and said "screw it" to the whole "party" thing.

If you are going to spend on anything...make it your photos and video. The rest will be eaten, drank, the flowers will die and no one will remember the music. The pictures and video will last forever.
 
I am so touched by all of your replies! I would love to respond to everyone, but I am home with a tummy ache and am going to make it a quick visit to the computer. All of you have such great advice. It's funny, we have mentioned eloping many times. But now, with downpayments already set... we are just going to push through. Here's some ideas brandon and I are continuing to talk about :

1. renting a nice car with a friend driving (nice idea!!!!)
2. making table centerpeices from fake flowers or just candles
2a. :) having a bbq as the rehearsal dinnner- brandon's parents are pretty poor and don't have much to spend. They have a limited amount that they told us we can do what we please with.
3. brandon buying a suit to wear for a long time, rather than wasting $ on a rented tux
3a. doing my own hair and makeup
4. talking with my parents this weekend- and just getting to the point about things. We aren't happy with the way this is making us feel, this is our wedding, if they want the extravagant stuff than pay for it and DONT give us any grief!!! (They love to lay on the italian guilt, can't ya tell? ! )
5. having so much fun on our honeymoon and looking foward to what this is all about: officially starting our lives together as husband and wife.



ahh, alrighty, back to the couch. Thanks again for all your wonderful support! I *heart* my catheites :)
 
Plain and simple, it's your wedding, and you can do whatever you want! If you don't want to spend a lot of money, then just keep it basic. It's not all the froo-froo that matters - it's the vows. I know a pretty wedding is nice, but it can be pretty without being extravagant. Maybe you should talk to your parents and clarify exactly what it is you want. Maybe they can channel that $10K for the reception into something that will be more meaningful to you. Good luck!
 
I just saw this post and had to reply. I just got married a few months ago and can understand where you are coming from. My husband and I had to pay for part of our wedding too. We have a combined student debt of over $150,000 (grad school and undergrad) and just started working. We are both young too, I'm 24.

The way my parents did it was give me a set budget and anything over that I had to pay for. It was my choice if I wanted to have an extravegent wedding or a simple one, and I chose to have a few extras. But that should be your choice! Its your wedding and you should do what you want. Whatever they can pay for the wedding should be a gift to you to do whatever you want with. If you want to have a wedding for $10K, then that is what you should do. If you want to pay a little extra on your own, then go for it. But at least it is your decision and not a decision forced upon you.

I agree that you should spend the money to have a great photographer. Those pictures last forever and you will be happy you had the best. But you can really save money by cutting back on flowers. I have seen weddings centerpieces made of just candles surrounded by rose petals, or some interesting centerpieces made of fruit. I didn't have many flowers at the ceremony (a church was pretty enough as it was) and I chose quality over quantity for my centerpieces at the reception. They were small and simple with my favorite flowers instead of lots of cheaper ones.
 
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