To give a gift or not...Need advice

[gettingfitmom]

DH and I are invited to a wedding. DH works with the father of the bride. I am friendly with the mother, know the father better...anyway, their daughter is getting married the end of the month. She wouldn't know us if she saw us...what is the proper gift (if any?) to give? Thanks in advance! Kay

 

[JeanneMarie]

I would definitely give a gift if I were invited to the wedding.

Either go to a store where they are registered and pick something from their list, or give a card with money.

As for how much to spend or give... that's up to your discretion. I always give about $100 if I'm giving cash, or spend about the same amount on a gift. If I were closer to the bride and groom, I would up that amount. You might think that's excessive since you don't know the bride & groom, so adjust accordingly. For me, I just feel funny giving anything less than $100 when it's cash. That's just my own hang up though... definitely not a standard to go by!

 

[Trixoo]

I would also definitely give a gift and would also give $100 or up. At a minimum, I try to cover the cost of my plate and my guest's plate if i bring one.

Hope the wedding is fun!

 

[Farah636]

definitely give a gift -- did they register anywhere? b/c then you could give them whatever they need. If not, cash is always an option -- though I'm never quite sure how much to give. $100 seems like a lot, but perhaps reasonable if it's a big, fancy wedding. If it's low key, you could do a bit less. Or just hit Target and get some cool kitchen gadget(s) or home item(s) like a grill or a toaster oven.

Enjoy the wedding!

 

[maddiesmum]

Since I have been invited by the parents, rather than the bride, a gift is a token at this point. For me, $100 is therefore excessive. I would look for a fabulous, creative gift for around $50 or less. And no, not cash. (Cash is OK from people you know, but I don't think it's quite the thing between strangers) That's enough, quite frankly. The bride does not even know you!

In fact, the ideal solution is to buy a couple of nice bottles of wine in a gift bag and that's enough. Nice means not from the bargain bin and around $18 a bottle.

Clare

 

[NY25]

An invitation is an invitation, regardless of who it's from. A gift is definitely in order. I would get something off of the registry list. Or perhaps something nice for the home - crystal serving bowl, vase, etc. Red Envelope has these gorgeous intertwining sterling silver candlesticks I like to use as my "go to" wedding gift. About $50 for the pair. Contemporary but simple enough to go in classic decors. Very symbolic the way they wrap together - can also be used apart.
(Candlesticks from RedEnvelope.com)

 

[nkhansen1]

Regardless of whom the announcement is from, sending a gift is the appropriate thing to do. First see if they have a registry, and purchase from their selection. If they didn't register, consider something thoughtful like a cookbook and some nice utensils or a tasteful picture frame. Consider the age of the couple as well. If they are very young and in need of setting up a household, sending cash or a gift card is perfect and welcome. I worked in the catering business for quite a while and did lots of weddings, and I know this to be true! Plus, I was a bride at 18 (still married 17 years later), and cash was our favorite gift! I did not need another salad bowl or photo frame, I needed cash! However, if the couple is older or more established, you definitely don't want to gift cash. Registry or thoughtful item for their home, you can't go wrong.

 

[lisa_la_machina]

If I were in your situation (friends with the parents only), I would still give a gift but not something as pricey as I would if I were friends with the bride/groom. I would aim for the $30-$50 range, with a preference toward purchasing something the couple registered for as opposed to a cash gift. Also, are you even attending the wedding? If not, I'd probably gravitate to a less expensive gift ($30), especially since the parents are the only people who would even recognize your name on a card.

 

[gettingfitmom]

Thanks everyone for the advice...am leaning towards a gift card...not sure of amount. The invitation said it will be casual. I will only know my DH and the bride's father and mother, but i will have fun! Thanks again

 

[Shelbygirl]

This thread is very timely for me. My husband and I were invited to a wedding too. It's the wedding of a guy that reports to someone who reports to my husband at work. (To translate, my husband is the boss of the groom's boss, so it's not an overly close connection). We aren't actually going to the wedding but I feel we need to give a gift. How much would you give in this situation?

Thanks,
Shelbygirl

 

[Trixoo]

This thread is very timely for me. My husband and I were invited to a wedding too. It's the wedding of a guy that reports to someone who reports to my husband at work. (To translate, my husband is the boss of the groom's boss, so it's not an overly close connection). We aren't actually going to the wedding but I feel we need to give a gift. How much would you give in this situation?

Thanks,
Shelbygirl

Interesting situation. If you're not attending and don't really know the person, I think a more modest gift ($40-50 range) is more than appropriate. I also think that when not attending, if the invitation is more of a courtesy invitation like yours, it would be okay not to send a gift, but I'm always in favor of helping out new couples (or new graduates, moms-to-be, whatever the event might be for). I remember the people who have attended my life events who didn't necessarily know me well, but knew my mom or dad, etc, and who gave me a much appreciated (and needed!) gift. Now when I get these invitations I consider it my societal obligation (opportunity) to pay it forward. Yeah, I'm paying out more now than I ever received, but I suspect that's true for us all! But I love living in a world where we still do things collectively to help one another and celebrate. Okay, off to a barn raising....

 

[mspina]

This thread is very timely for me. My husband and I were invited to a wedding too. It's the wedding of a guy that reports to someone who reports to my husband at work. (To translate, my husband is the boss of the groom's boss, so it's not an overly close connection). We aren't actually going to the wedding but I feel we need to give a gift. How much would you give in this situation?

Thanks,
Shelbygirl

I find this terrifically odd. Does your husband even know this guy even remotely well enough to be invited to his wedding? I guess the groom thinks so. Anyway, if you aren't going, I really don't think you have to give anything at all in this particular situation (not so for the OP, who is actually attending). So whatever you decide to give over $0, is more than enough.