The health nut verses the couch potatoe

C

claridge

Cathlete
Hi team

Any of you have a partner that is soooooooo not into fitness of any kind, that its frustrating for you when you have taken, and are taking the time (sometimes years) to look and feel good, but your beloved one is quiet happy with the "belly"? Sometimes I get quiet frustrated that society has almost pressured me into staying a certain size and looking a certain way, while men think everyone should just accept them the way they are. Its weird, but despite the fact we have been married for a number of years, "body" issues can be such a sensitive subject, that I really hesitate in saying anything negative because I know he would never comment about me. Suggestions please on getting back some of the man I married.
 
Can you possibly just challenge him to trying just ONE Cathe workout with you? Once my hubby tried, he loved her style. My picks would be any weight work video or if you want to really get him good, try Bootcamp. Since it has a couple of males in the crew, that might make him feel more comfy too. Good Luck and keep setting a good example. BTW, WELCOME, I see you are new around here. Looking forward to getting to know you.
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Hi there,

I have a sort of similar situation. My hubby loves to long distance cycle, but not in any sort of concerted way that actually causes him to lose weight. He just heads out when he has the time and the inclination, which can sometimes put stretches of a week or two between rides. He's also not interested in healthy eating, but just eats what and how much he chooses. Since our marriage he's lost muscle and gained a bit of fat, but isn't hugely overweight; just doesn't look fit anymore. While I would love it if he suddenly became the health and fitness nut that I am, I don't think it's my business to control his health. I tell him frequently how good it makes me feel to workout daily and eat clean, and the medical benefits of a healthy lifestyle, and I leave it at that. He's a big boy, and can do what he wants with his body.

Likewise, I can do what I choose with mine, and I choose to take as good care of it as I possibly can. That means that I do not eat the crap snacks along with him after dinner, I make very healthy suppers (if he doesn't like what I make, I'm happy to let him make himself something else), and I expect him to take care of our daughter while I exercise in the morning. As a husband and father, he's top of the line and I love him dearly. For his sake, I wish he took better care of his health, but you can't force someone to change their lifestyle; choices like that have to come from within. I've chosen to concentrate instead on our daughter, who has not yet become set in her ways. I'm teaching her about nutrition, and encouraging her to be active. As her most influential role model, I make sure she sees how it is possible to live a healthy lifestyle, and to learn that it's not "weird" to dislike junk food, or enjoy a good sweat.

I'm not being much help to you, I know, but I truly think that a person cannot be committed to healthy living (it can be very difficult!), if they haven't fully embraced it within themselves. If disinterest in health and fitness is your husband's biggest "flaw", then count yourself lucky. Keep living your life as you want to, show him how it's possible to live healthy, but don't expect him to change unless he decides it for himself. That's my two cents worth. Take it or leave it.

All the best,
Sandra
 
I would like to chime in on this as well b/c I am facing the EXACT SAME situation!! DH and I just celebrated our third anniversary less than a month ago and I have to admit that he's definitely looking unhealthy these days. As someone mentioned before--THE BELLY. I get frustrated, too b/c I make a huge effort to keep myself in shape so that I have more energy and feel better about myself, inside and out. But I also have had trouble saying anything to him b/c I don't want to be mean. But, then again, my DH's main problem is beer--if he'd cut out the couple of beers that he has every night when he gets home from work, he'd be sooooooooo much healthier. So, I've tried to drop hints to him like saying that it's really not good for him to drink beer EVERY day and maybe he should just save it for the weekends. But the problem is that where we live in central Arkansas, the men drink beer like kool-aid or sodas!!! It's gross! Good luck to you and maybe you should try to say something if you know of one bad habit that he has that would drastically improve his health if he was willing to cut it out (or at least cut back!) Needless to say, I feel your painx(
 
I just read an intersting article about a body-image study. Participants were asked to rate their attractiveness on a scale of 1-10. Most of the women rated themselves below 7, while most of the men, even those who were 50 pounds overweight, rated themselves above 7. And what about those sitcoms (are there 4 or 5 of them now?) where they show a "babe" of a woman married to a couch potato kind of guy.
 
Kathryn - I just mentioned that to my husband the other night - I can't remember what we were watching but I said that very thing!! The women were in just way better shape then their husbands!

Jo
 
Your right. More and more sitcoms show - putting it nicely - an overweight or not very attractive husband, with a young pretty wife whoe's had at least 3 children but looks a size 000, and shes the one in the sitcom trying to seduce him! Ive also noticed though, that hes given the most stupid lines and shes comes across as the bright intellegant one.
Your also right that I should continue to set a good healthy example to our children but Im being careful about the girls. I dont want them to grow up thinking they are the ones that have to maintain their shape and looks, while its acceptable for their brother to sit on the couch with dad and have beer and chips.
I cant really see my husband work out with me by using a exercise tape, so maybe I need to find a activity (and the time) that we will both enjoy together,
or maybe I should also just "get over it" and he is who he is, and I need to accept that.
 
I saw a funny cartoon once. It dipicted a beautiful, shapely woman wearing a nice bikini. She had flat abs, tight thighs and toned arms and was truly beautiful. Standing in front her was a full-length mirror and in the mirror she saw a woman with big thighs, huge stomach and flabby arms. The next box showed a man wearing a thong bathing suit, with a massive belly hanging over it. Hair was all over his butt and he had a double chin and was unshaven. In the full-length mirror in front of him - he saw a well-defined body builder with six pack abs and well defined arms and legs -- a real stud! The caption at the bottom read "the difference between men and women."

It is so true - men see themselves differently. women are far more critical of their looks and bodies! x( }(
 
I have a similar experience, but wanted to know from you ladies if you also suffer from subtle sabotage of your own efforts on the part of your partner? Mine definitely doesn't workout and doesn't give a flip about diet (and I've tried to get him to workout with me, but no go). But he also has a bad habit of trying to talk me out of working out or eating whatever I want. I truly believe he does this because he cares and cannot fathom that I actually really love Cathe and working out and am not doing it because of pressure to look a certain way. Same with eating. But it makes me mad sometimes...
 
Lynne - the cartoon you mentioned is so true! It reminds me of this saying I learned a long time ago:

I am not who I think I am,
I am not who you think I am,
But I am who I think you think I am.

Isn't this so true-we tend to see ourselves as how we think other's look at us - why do we do this to ourselves?

Anyway, my DH is the same way-he's active in several sports but as far as diet-his is terrible (oh, and I can't forget to mention the beer!) He's not overweight but he could definitely stand to lose some weight around the middle - I think if he quit drinking beer it would be gone in no time!;-) I don't nag him but have told him I'm concerned and it has nothing to do with how he looks but about his health. Anyway, I try to eat somewhat healthy but he just doesn't so finally I still encourage him and try to be somewhat healthy around the house but I am learning not to make it my burden. I just try to remember that "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."

Wendy
 
Just wanted to say that this works both ways. Seems to me that for every overweight guy who doesn't care, there is a woman who feels the same way. They just see themselves differently, as mentioned above.
My wife complains all the time about being overweight yet she doesn't actually do anything about it. She does a hell of a lot of talking about doing it, but the actual DOING part, well...... And she belittles me for working out. I workout at 430 AM while she is still sawing wood but somehow she views that as cutting into "our" time. LOL! I've grown weary of trying to kickstart her down the road of health so I have just learned to live with it. She'll never be in good shape and I will never find her attractive like I did when we first got married. But that's life. Some people don't want it bad enough in my view.
I really think it's a marital obligation to stay in shape. I am definitely not thinking divorce so don't get the wrong idea. But, why should someone who stays in shape be expected to stay with someone who just becomes wayyyy overweight over time due to lack of giving a damn? It shows a lack of respect to your partner. And the old "you should love me no matter what" line is a major copout. Can't stand that one! Saying that line takes all of the responsibility off of the person saying it to do things correctly and to work hard.
I hope all of you have luck in getting your spouses to work out but realistically it's very hard to change a person. So, I say try for awhile, but don't beat yourselves up over it. In the end you cannot live for someone else.
T. :)
 
My husband is slim, but eats terribly and has lost alot of muscle mass due to not exercising. He prefers cardio over weights any day. He was a runner before I met him and did bike racing and triathalons. If I ask him sincerely he'll always workout with me and enjoy it...until the next day when he can't move. He still has horror stories about how his biceps didn't work for 2 weeks after doing Cathe's bicep work, lol. Yet, I still haven't gotten to the point where he'll workout with me on his own without me asking. I workout on weekends and he's free to join in, but usually doesnt. I've given up asking him, he knows how I feel about it. He tells me that he should listen to his body and his body is saying don't work out...he's lucky I love him or some days I'd strangle him, lol. I do try to do my part and cook healthy meals and I do the grocery shopping so try not to buy too much junk. That's about all you can do. Like Trevor said, you cannot live for someone else.
 
I chuckled a bit when I read Trevor's post. Just this morning I got up at 4:00 to work out and DH says what the hell are you doing, working out again? I said yes, I can't sleep and I didn't workout last night so while everyone is sleeping, I'm going to get a workout in. I workout in the basement and you can't hear me from upstairs so it doesn't wake anyone up.

DH is slim, but not "in shape". He does think Cathe looks awesome and typically will help out with the girls if I'm working out that evening. He doesn't run or lift, just does lots of walking around in the woods hunting.

Glad I'm not the only one taking quality time away from the spouse to work out ;-)

Sami
 
Hi all - I've stopped trying to get my SO to work out with me. We spend a lot of time together and she is very respectful of "my exercise time."

I used to nag her about exercising with me, but I started to see it as selfish on my part as I sometimes get lonely exercising alone and would love to have company.

She does exercise alot though. She delivers mail, walks the dog every weeknight (we take dog to park together on weekends). She is also a woodworker, loves yard work, gardening and snowblowing. So, at least I know she is getting a good amount of exercise.

Mar

:)
 
Here's one sure-fire way to get a DH, DW or SO to clean up their act -- badger them to get a full physical. This worked with my DH - once he saw his numbers and had a male doctor tell him to change his lifestyle, he listened. Can't get a DH to the doctor - tell him he must for life insurance (usually required) and make the appointment and drive him there if you have to. If you have kids, the life insurance is really easy to argue and convince him/her to go.

On the other side, if his or her numbers are OK from a medical standpoint, then stop worrying. The appearance thing is far less important, IMHO.

Just my 2 cents.
DD
 
Sandra,
Sounds like we're married to the same guy! My DH loses weight in the summer because that's when he loves to ride, but gains it all back every winter because he can't stand riding in the cold. He has tried in-door cycling machines but can't stand them. He's not motivated by his high blood pressure, because he claims it's always high, even when he loses weight. He'd rather be on blood pressure medication than change his eating habits!!@#%^&*( For someone like me, such an attitude is unthinkable. I love him dearly, but sometimes it feels like we are as different as day and night.
-Nancy
 
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