The guy who doesn't call??

Jasmin416

Jasmin416

Cathlete
So I've been dating this guy I'm CRAZY about for a month now and twice this past week he's told me he'd call me by a certain time and the 1st time called me 4 hours late and the second time (last night) not at all. He called at 6pm..we talked for short time and then he said he'd call me by 9pm and I never heard from him. I thought of letting a couple calls go unanswered but then that is games. The other thing is that he was supposed to let me know yesterday if we were getting together tonight or Thursday and of course I don't know now.

1. Do I just go to my spin class tonight regardless of whether he calls about tonight?

2. Do I mention his not calling when he says he will? I don't like this kind of behavior

This is the part of dating I do not like.
 
Yes, go to your class. Do not mention his not calling. Be polite & friendly but stand-offish. Don't approach him, don't ask him for coffee or dinner, don't say "give me a call." Wait for him to approach. Don't say yes if he tries to make plans less than 48 hours in advance. If he does try, tell him you've already got plans.

To quote George from Seinfeld, you don't have "hand." You must regain "hand." ;)
 
I hate to be a negative nelly here but it seems to me he's sending a message. When DH and I were dating he called every time he said he would, which is one way I knew he was serious and into me. :)

If I were you, I'd ask him, not in a confrontational way but in a "I'm in control of my destiny, here and don't need to sit around guessing at male behavior" way. :) Just mention that he hasn't called a few times when he said he would and while you understand that sometimes people forget and get busy, if he is losing interest you'd rather just know that upfront so you two can part on good terms.

HTH!

Sparrow
 
there is a book

called "Hes not that into you." and I think not calling is a symptom. I hate it when that happens though. I was waaay into a guy in college for three years and it just was not reciprocated. As it turned out, he was an idiot and I was much better off still I really know how you feel.

1. Go to the spin class no matter what.
2. Don't mention it. I think its time to focus on things other than this guy.

After all, we know he is a just the teensiest bit of a loser cause you're great and smart people call great people on the phone. (I know cause you're on this forum.)
 
1. Go to the spin class.
2. Give him sh!t about not calling...especially if he says he will! I AM confrontational and don't play games. Tell him you have a life and don't plan on waiting around for him.

ITA, that this guy may not be "all that". Nice, responsible guys actually do call and take your time into consideration.
 
Really? Do you think I should ask him to just let me know if he's really not into this any longer? I am sure that I will hear from him today....he calls me everyday.
 
Sparrow has this one dead on.
He may not be that into you or losing interest. And that's OK, it happens. But just tell him that if it's not working anymore, then maybe you should just part ways.

It may also just be that he got tied up with something else. I do that constantly, and am terrible about calling back.

I don't think there's any reason to be argumentative or angry with him. It's a couple of phone calls, and being angry won't improve the situation. Just ask him straight out if this is still working for him.
 
One other piece of information. He has paid to go to a benefit with me next weekend which he just paid for last week and he's going on a ski trip with me as well in 2 weeks that is already paid for. So , I need to be delicate with this situation and not assume anything but I do want him to know that I don't accept this kind of behavior
 
Go to your spin class. Don't plan your schedule around "what if".

Let him know that it bothers you that he didn't call when he said he would. I dated a guy a couple of months ago who never called when he said he would. I let him know it bothered me he apologized but continued to do it. Needless to say, I'm not dating him anymore.
 
Go to class. If he calls about tonight, tell him you're going to class. It's actually a real turn-off to have someone plan their life around yours. I wouldn't bother saying anything about him not calling - it will sound like you're nagging and trying to control him. What I find works the best is to live your life like you did before you met him. If you make definite plans, then that's one thing....but waiting to do something because you're waiting for him to call about plans you might do...that will make you nuts.

I don't know if I'd assume he's not that into you. Some guys just are a little clueless. I've been seeing my BF for 7 months and I can count on one hand how many times we've talked on the phone. We do text each other and if he doesn't text me, I notice. Then I don't text him...and he always worries I'm mad at him. You've only been together a month, so you're still learning his ways.

The best way to handle it is to ask him, nicely, non-confrontationally. If you've paid for things...I'd say he's into you.
 
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OH! I am all about NOT playing ANY games! NONE. I'm all out there, open and honest, and I expect that from my partner.

My suggestion is to go about what YOU have planned for tonight, and when you eventually talk to him (here, I'd call him instead of waiting for his call) and I'd certainly bring up the subject of his not calling. Perhaps he's more 'relaxed' in relationships and doesn't know your expectations.

Gayle
 
Maybe he's one of these people who doesn't think a specific time MEANS a specific time (you know, like cable TV installers?;)).

Definitely next time he says "I'll call you ...specific time" let him know that this time you'd like him to do so, because you can't stand it when people say that and don't follow through (or something to that effect...it's difficult to know how to say it: you don't want to seem needy or like you are planning your life around him--which is what it could sound like to him--, but you do want him to know that you really can't put up with that kind of behavior.)

Or, if he says he'll call by 7, say, and hasn't called by 8, give him a short call, saying that you are just about to go out and need to know whatever info he was going to give you when he called.

(Though I might have a tendency to sound snarky, probably, saying "Hi, it's 8, and since you didn't call when you said you would, I thought I'd follow up": italics added to show where it's easy to sound snarky or angry, LOL!)
 
Forget him

Jasmin416 said:
So I've been dating this guy I'm CRAZY about for a month now and twice this past week he's told me he'd call me by a certain time and the 1st time called me 4 hours late and the second time (last night) not at all. He called at 6pm..we talked for short time and then he said he'd call me by 9pm and I never heard from him. I thought of letting a couple calls go unanswered but then that is games. The other thing is that he was supposed to let me know yesterday if we were getting together tonight or Thursday and of course I don't know now.

1. Do I just go to my spin class tonight regardless of whether he calls about tonight?

2. Do I mention his not calling when he says he will? I don't like this kind of behavior

This is the part of dating I do not like.
Click to expand...

This guy is not worth your time - I would consider him history. He is grossly inconsiderate.
 
My first reaction is the whole "he's not that into you" response. There is always time to make a phone call or text if you are thinking about someone. There is never the perfect excuse (barring death or accident) for not at least dropping a text to let you know he cant call. I have been single for several years and I tell you - that whole Sex and the City episode was SUCH a relavation and has changed my whole dating experiences. Yes - there are times when I hope someone I like calls -but not worrying about it and not calling them first and letting them call me works! And man - the stress release on not worrying about it is SO great! I dont like playing games at all and am straight up about who I am with any one - but there are things that help a relationship progress.

Go about you life and your schedule. If it is meant to be - it will be. Placing lots of unresponded to calls or texts is not the answer - calling him out on not calling you is not the answer yet either. It has been a month - too early to put too much pressure on things.
 
I would go to my class tonight and then take a wait and see attitude, but don't put your life on hold for him. Some relationships take longer to blossom than others. I would defeintely give it more time to see how things develope.
 
Just relax and see what happens. If he calls you and continues to call you daily, then don't sweat it. He may have gotten caught up and forgot to call - it happens. It might be a bad week for him.

I do, agree, however, that you should not put your life on hold for him. If he asks you out for tonight now, simply tell him that you made other plans because he never confirmed your plans for tonight, but you'll be happy to see him another night. The message that sends him is that while you enjoy his company and want to see him, you aren't sitting by the phone pining for him and if he doesn't call to confirm, you'll assume he's busy.

I personally think women in general read way too much into things like this - because men think completely differently than we do. He's a guy - it probably is just a case of him getting caught up in something else and it simply slipping his mind to call you back. The worst thing you could do right now (IMO) is to start having "conversations" with him. Guys HATE that. But, the not calling isn't cool - so you need to let him know that you will not be sitting around waiting for him. If he expects you to be somewhere, he has to call. Period.
 
Hi,

I know how you feel. It is tough to be "normal" when you are smitten and have the new excitement feelings. I would go to the class and continue on as normally as possible. I hate when guys do that too with the phone calling or not calling. Personally I would not say anything to him, but then again, I would not pursue this guy too seriously either. If you two have not decided to be exclusive - and I am gathering that you haven't because this is new - then I would start to see other guys. I would just go out on dates - nothing serious. I would be available, but not too available to any one of them.

It is nice that he has paid for things, but that does not necessarily indicate anything serious either. Men like to feel like they are good providers and he probably likes to make these gestures (otherwise he would not do it in the first place). I think it is a good sign that he has made these gestures. It also does not make you obligated in anyway to him either. Unless he has stated that he wants exclusivity, then don't worry about taking the trip or going to the event. He probably enjoys your company, but since it has only been a month he probably wants to take his time and see where things go.

It is your choice, but I would not completely drop him for the not calling thing. I would not make a big deal out of it either. Just see other people and then you won't be thinking about his calling or lack of calling too much and you will have a lot more fun.

Forgot to mention about the making plans thing - I always make it a rule to never accept a date invitation from a guy after Wednesdays - even if it means I sit in that night! #1, the guy had Monday to recover from the weekend and think about calling me, #2 Tuesday would be the optimal day if he got my number on a Saturday, #3 Wednesday is the deadline for a Saturday invitation - Friday will be "filled". My reason? Because I do not like to feel like I am the last minute option for a guy. Now I may be weird about that, but I want the guy to know that I am the priority, let some other girl be the last minute option. The only acception to the rule is if the activities for the last minute invitation involve an event. For example, he could call that Friday and say "hey, I just got 2 tickets to a show, sporting event, etc..." then the rule can be bent b/c I would not want to miss out on the event and these types of dates can happen due to last minute ticket availability - ie a friend cancels etc. I do not feel like a list minute option there because he did in fact consider me to go. Plus it is hard to get tickets to really cool stuff haha! ;)
 
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Go spinning! Let go of analyzing his behavior. Do what is BEST for you! A spin class will not make or break anything. You will feel better after working out, too!
 
I completely agree with what LauraMax said. Go to class and live your life. You need the upper hand!
Ellen
 
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