The "emotional effects" of weight loss

M

Maximus

Cathlete
OK maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, but I saw this on the Early Show while I was getting ready for work. Two women who've had their stomachs stapled & lost in excess of 100 lbs. Both were whining & crying about how they're "still fat on the inside" & how difficult it now is to be "thin."

For some reason this really pi$$ed me off. First of all, there are people in this world who have real problems (try having your daughter kidnapped on a tropical island). Second of all, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS WRONG W/THESE WOMEN? Were they happy being obese? Did they not get what they wanted? Are there not like a zillion women out there trying to lose weight?

Rant's over now. I just really needed to get that out, & I figured you girls would understand. ;-)

Here's the link to the story:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/06/02/earlyshow/contributors/melindamurphy/main699316.shtml
 
RE: The

I think some people think that if they loose weight thier life will miraculously be better and their problems will dissapear. But then when that doesn't happen they odn't know what to do and feel let down. Cause problems stay even after loosing weight.

That's just my thought.

Diane
 
RE: The

Wow. I'm not even going to read the story. I share your incomprehension! Sure, there's a psychological adjustment to be made, but to the point of whining and crying? How about they rejoice now that they stand a chance of living past 50 rather than dying of obesity related diseases?!?! People are strange.

And yeah, it's good to rant!

Clare
 
RE: The

This is my perspective.

Have you ever heard of a "Dry Alcoholic"? They quit drinking through AA and the 12 steps but the issues that caused the drinking are with them until they are worked through.

It was probably emotional issues that allowed these women to eat themselves to morbid obesity. You can lose the weight by using the available tools, but if you don't work through the emotional issues, the root problem will still be there.

IMHO.
 
RE: The

Come on Maximus , Tell us how you really feel :) Just kidding and I share your feelings! Some people are just never happy and look for something to be miserable about. My guess is they will gain thw weight back and be even more unhappy!

Terri
 
RE: The

It doesn't matter how much weight we lose or how we look. If we don't like ourselves we going to live in emotional turmoil. When I get down about my weight or body (my husband says I have no need to), I just tell myself "hey I'm not happy with myself, but I am doing something about it." And after I finally accepted myself, it started to work.
Ditto on the ranting!
Kali
 
RE: The

Wow Maximus, you must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed!

I read the article and didn't get the impression that they're whining and crying at all. I think they're trying to bring to light the fact that issues arise when you lose a lot of weight that, perhaps, a lot of people don't realize. Many times, their friends and family will treat them differently. They will have to modify a lot of their behaviors surrounding food and eating -- which means that they may lose friends who are mainly around for those activities.

We all have a "tape" that we play over and over in our heads. The internal dialogue that remains essentially the same even if our outward appearance changes. I think they were just expressing that idea. Their "tape" is that of an obese person since that's all they've known for a very long time. They will need to work on changing their internal dialogue (which is VERY difficult).

Also, for some women, having a new body -- one that people NOTICE -- can be scary. They never had to deal with attention from men before because the were "safe" by carrying around a lot of extra weight. I completely understand that issue. Their interactions with people change and they have to face new things.

Sure they are happy with their new body -- but a new body doesn't mean a new mind. Now they must work on the mental part.

Shonie
 
RE: Raising awareness vs. offering assistance

Shonie - That is so true!

My gripe with a lot of these shows is that they set the issue out there, but they don't offer any help. Now, I didn't watch the show this morning, so I can't speak to whether or not they offered any suggestions, but they should. Positioning the show to make me more sensitive to the issues these ladies are experiencing is not going to help them. They need to know that they can change their internal dialogue and resolve emotional issues through counseling, self-help, etc.

Yes, absolutely create awareness and sensitivity to the difficulties that can arise from such a drastic change. Also, offer guidance to others who may experience the same thing.

I hope that makes sense.

Mona
 
RE: The

There is definitely an adjustment to be made when you lose a significant amount of weight. I remember thinking that my brain hadn't quite caught up to my body after losing the bulk of my weight. It took a bit of time. Sometimes I still need to remind myself of how far I have come just because I still feel like I have so far to go! I think part of the issue I have w/that surgery is exactly that - it happens so fast and by such an extreme method that folks can't deal w/all the aspects of the weight loss in time with the loss!

That being said, it's nothing to whine about, if that is what they were doing, and can be handles with time and therapy (if need be).

Christine :)
 
RE: Raising awareness vs. offering assistance

I had a hard time being happy with being big and small. I wasn't happy when I had to lose 50# and even when I lost it I wasn't happy. I constantly ask my husband how I looked and He said I looked great, but I would not believe him. I could not even take compliments from him in the right way. I would always mumble something negative and he just stoped doing it. I could not blame him.

I had seen a doctor way before then and she told me that I didn't love myself. and in a way she was right. I could not be nude in front of my husband for a while and at times I still can't. I see this doctor because I have OCD. And I hope this doesn't make any of you shy away from me. And my weight is something I obsesse over. I have been trying to find a happy medium of not being afraid to gain weight and afraid of losing weight. I have been battling to find that happy medium. I am slowly making progress.

So I know that is possible not to be happy no matter what.


Hope all of you don't think I am a basket case. I feel I can discuss these things with my friends. You are a great group of ladies.


kim
 
RE: The

This discussion sort of reminds me of watching the DVD extras for that movie "Shallow Hal" with Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow, where Jack Black's character gets some kind of spell cast on him (bear with me) where he sees women's physical appearance as a manifestation of their inner beauty or lack there of...for better or for worse.

In reality Gwyneth's character is quite obese but he sees her as what Gwyneth Paltrow the actress really looks like.

Anyway, Paltrow was saying she experimented with the "Fat suit", wearing it around in public, in disguise. She said the thing she noticed the most was how people would NOT look at her. She said she felt like people felt it was polite not to look at someone who was so large, so they avoided it (or it made them uncomfortable). She said it was incredibly isolating. That was an amazing observation, I thought.

Jen
 
RE: Raising awareness vs. offering assistance

Mona --

I totally agree with you. Most shows never offer a solution or even any good suggestions! Maybe we should come up with a TV show that actually offers solutions to problems! I'd like to be on TV :) We can be co-hosts!

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=6&uid=3655618&
 
RE: The

Some of us (myself included) have a distorted view of what our bodies really look like. There are days when I look in the mirror and see the same body as when it had 30 extra pounds on it. It's hard to work through this and be able to give yourself a reality check. And, I can definitely relate to it being scary when your body changes when you lose weight. For me, it was a physical "safe" area within which I could hide so as to not deal with certain issues. Having a good body doesn't help when you don't have a good body image or other self-esteem issues.


--Lois


"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning" - Mahatma Ghandi
 
RE: The

I've never understood the stomach stapling thing. Much less being proud and excited about it. It's awful of me, but I see it as an easy way out. I figure, I could lose weight, so can anyone. It's terrible of me.
 
RE: The

>Anyway, Paltrow was saying she experimented with the "Fat
>suit", wearing it around in public, in disguise. She said the
>thing she noticed the most was how people would NOT look at
>her. She said she felt like people felt it was polite not to
>look at someone who was so large, so they avoided it (or it
>made them uncomfortable). She said it was incredibly
>isolating. That was an amazing observation, I thought.
>
>Jen

I shed my "fat suit" for real when I lost nearly 130 pounds, and it's quite true that people treat me much differently now. However, I'm absolutely joyous about my newfound health and fitness (and yes, looks). But I've been thin (and fat and thin and fat) before, so I was pretty much aware of what it would be like beforehand.

I'm wondering if these two women had been heavy all their lives and were unprepared for the changes in people's attitudes. There's an enormous difference in the average person's response to normal weight vs. morbidly obese people. I can see how it might be disheartening to some people, I guess. It challenges your faith in mankind somewhat to realize that although you're the same person inside, people's response is shaped so much by what's on the outside -- even the attitudes and behavior of people who love you.

Shari
 
RE: The

Amy, for morbidly obese people, it's just not that simple. It's way more complex than diet and exercise issues. I agree with you that stomach stapling should be used as a last resort when all else has failed and the person's health (or life) is in danger. It shouldn't just be available for people as a way out of diet and exercising. It is a very risky surgery.

I knew a young woman (early 20's) who weighed over 300 lbs. She was diabetic and was beginning to have problems that you wouldn't expect of a person that young. She had the surgery done. It was a difficult recovery but in the process of making the decision to go ahead with the surgery, she made a commitment to change her lifestyle completely. The weight came off at a reasonable pace, she began an exercise program and learned about nutrition. She looks fabulous, not only because she doesn't weigh 300 lbs anymore but because she has much higher self esteem because she now has control of the situation. She's been maintaining her weight for 2 years now, is no longer diabetic, and is as healthy as you would expect someone in their 20's to be. I give her a lot of credit.

--Lois


"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning" - Mahatma Ghandi
 
RE: The

I read the article. The last sentence struck me. One woman said it was like ending a love affair with a bad lover. I know a person that values food over sex, socail life, etc. Food has a complete power over her. To give up overeating would cause so much stress for her. I don't understand it myself, I just wonder how can somebody consume so many calories day after day. I eat a ton, and yes, I have some pounds to shed. I think I eat a lot of delicious food, in large quantities some days, but I am not 100 pounds overweight. It baffles me how this can happen. It's so sad, and I am not being judgemental, because like I said, I have weight to lose myself. I am glad that these women were able to take the plunge and get surgery. If one has tried for years and years to lose weight and they just can't do it, surgery gives them hope to have a life.
 
RE: The

I think it is all question of expectations you spend all those years blaming everything "bad" in your life on being overweight and then lose the weight and find out that some/most of the "bad" didn't have anything to do with weight it had to do with you.
 
RE: The

I see what you're saying, Lois. My concern with the surgery being on the front covers of all the magazines is that people have stopped treating the surgery as a last resort. Does that make sense?

I applaud ANYONE who has been able to make a life change- I just am confused and sometimes frustrated by people who do something, thinking it will be a quick fix, then regret it later because they didn't do it right.

I wish I heard more stories like your friend. Those seem very different than those of people on Jerry Springer, etc. Like Al Roker- he did it and changed his life at the same time. I guess I just pay more attention to the hype.

I also have not known anyone go through it, so I guess my perception is way off anyway.
 
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