The dreaded Company Party ~ opinions please

dbelden1

dbelden1

Cathlete
Ok, so in the spirit of another thread about Holiday Office Parties...

Let me preface this by saying, this is not an every weekend occurance, and besides driving (HA! don't we all have issues with men driving) it is about the only thing that we disagree on... Here's the situation:

DH and I work in the same industries, for different companies. I used to work for the SAME company but had a huge blow out with the GM and quit to work for the competition right after New Years this year... Even though GM with whom I had the disagreement with is no longer with the company and will obviously not be at the party, there are still a few people that I don't paticularly care to see EVER again... :mad: But certainly some that I would love to see... So earlier this month, when the company party invitation comes out (everyone is required to "donate" $40 per couple to attend this party no less) DH pays the money without even consulting me... Ok, so I'm already mad about this...

Here's the kicker:

at last years party DH decided to get just sh!t-faced drunk with all the construction guys, can't walk straight, missing for hours leaving me to fend for myself (i'm not a socialite and spent the majority of my time at one table and couldn't drink because I was the designated driver), DRUNK... and get this... it was his INTENTION to do this ~ although I was not made aware of this fact until AFTER! I, on the other hand, found it SO NOT amusing and was livid with him for 2 days! the "I LOVE YOU MAN" moment did not appeal to me and I was rather embarrassed for him as well as for myself... He couldn't have cared less and it didn't bother him a bit! :mad:

He almost had me talked into going to this party until I mentioned that I would appreciate it if he wouldn't get snockered again this year and that I found it very distasteful to do this in front of Regional Management, etc... "oh, no... I plan on doing the same thing this year... it's the only time I can say 'in your face *insert company name here*' and do whatever I want" ~ on no he didn't!!! that was the end for me! I ain't going!

This starts the conversation "well, if you aren't going to ours, I don't want to go to yours!" OH geez, what are we 12 years old now???

so, my question is... is it really that big a deal and am I just making too much out of this (he never does this any other night of the year and we don't go out much for drinks) and just live with it for him to let his hair down so to speak? or do I have a right to expect that he maintain some level of respectability at a company function and hold my ground???
 
I think you're right on this one, hon. Tell him if he wants to go, he can go alone and stay sober or call a cab. If you want to go to your party and he doesn't, then go it alone. Tell him just because he CAN get all sloppy, he doesn't need to. And it does indeed reflect poorly on him to his superiors and coworkers. Even if he tells them off b/c he is drunk (whether its a joke or not) they will think that is what he really thinks of them/the company and it could put his job in danger. I say hold your ground.

Nan
 
I have no DH, but I'd be disgusted by the behavior as well.

I also would think it would leave a bad impression on management (ie: on the people who would be responsible for his future advancement in the company).

If you do decide to go, and he gets drunk again and goes off, I'd say it's your turn to flirt with every attractive man at the party!
 
Yeah, I gotta say...the drunk thing is a huge turn off, no matter how much you love your mate. Isn't he afraid he'll do or say something that will come back and bite him in the butt later?

You know, if you stay home, he may actually behave a little better at the party since he doesn't have his designated driver and might have to rely on co-workers in the event he gets blitzed. Maybe he'll discover that he can have a great time without so much alcohol.

Anywho, I'd stay home. And I'd be happy to go to my office party without him.
 
There's an old saying...there are 3 things that are attractive in a woman but unattractive in a man: drunkenness, preening and insanity. :D

I'd stay home, let him have his *fun* without you and you go have fun at your party without him. Although he may change his mind about that last part.
 
I agree with the others. If that's his intended plan for the evening, he can go it alone. At least you were forwarned!

Diane
 
No way would I go anywhere with anyone planning on getting drunk like that.

Why in the world would he want to leave you to your own devices? That doesn't sound very loving or mature of him.

Stay home. That whole scenario is just a recipe for disaster.

If he pulls the thing about not going to your party with you, then go alone. It sounds like you'd have more fun anyway.
 
I agree with the others -- I do not care for that kind of behavior, and I wouldn't knowingly put myself in a position to be subjected to it. I would sit this one out, and if it were me, I'd be curious how he behaves it your absence. Let's just hope he does not drink, then drive himself home...
 
I'm with everyone else! Let him go alone. There's no reason for you to go and have to put up with that and whether he thinks so or not, people will remember his behavior and it will leave an impression with them.

If he doesn't want to go to your party, go without him and enjoy yourself. I learned a long time ago that taking a BF or DH to an event they don't want to be at just diminishes how much you'll enjoy yourself.
 
No. You are right. You felt humiliated last year and he's made it clear he has every intention of putting on a repeat performance. No way would I go, knowing exactly what's in store. As for the night of your office party, how about the look on his face as you exit your house wearing something slinky and sexy, having a good time, and coming home late, as well as sober? Really, don't go.

Also, isn't he even a little worried that his behavior could get him fired? It's a bad economy and guys who can't hold their liquor and who make fools of themselves by humiliating their bosses (and their wives!) at company parties, it would seem to me, would be among the first to consider letting go when the layoffs hit. He's risking your fiscal stability as a couple which is flat-out irresponsible.
 
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Dani,

I think you should let him go solo and go solo to your party if necessary.

Especially in a marriage or relationship, hurt is usually because of how things are communicated rather than the meaning of what is communicated. Does he think your refusal to come along is because you are trying to manipulate his behavior, or because you genuinely hate being in that situation?

My two cents: I would explain why I dont want to come along, trying to sound as unjudgmental as possible - "I hate being left to my own devices at a party and I will feel stressed knowing you are getting drunk." You could also tell him you appreciate that he does it just once a year. If you are worried about the impression he will create, say it as nicely as possible, but leave the decision to him. And ensure someone sober is bringing him home.

If you are worried about him interpreting you as unsupportive, most people come around to understanding their signficant other / spouse after the initial disappointment with a stance.

I believe giving a spouse space is good. I am a teetotaller so I cant really put myself in his shoes. I would like feeling that my spouse trusts me to let my hair down once in a way and will be there for me with comforting arms if I do mess up. On the other hand, I wouldnt drag him along on something that made him uncomfortable and would hope for the same in return.
 
Hi Dani!!!

I read your post and honestly would have the same feelings that you have. If your DH wants to do what he did last year, then he can go by himself and have a great time. There's no way I would want to be there while it happens though. I say that you go to your work party and have some apple martinis :p and he can go to his and do what he wants. No sense in you wasting a weekend night just watching him get plastered with his work buddies.
 
Well, we did have a pretty heated discussion (as heated as we ever get... we NEVER fight ~ which is a good thing) but I did let him know that if that's the way he wanted to proceed with his evening that he would be doing it alone. He is VERY responsible and does not drink and drive, and would probably stay the night at the place (casino/resort) and they have discounted rooms... Nor is he an obnoxious drunk... he's actually pretty funny and everyone loves him at work... While I don't think that the majority of the people even really notice his behavior, it is more my issue with overindulging in alcohol that is probably the issue. I don't drink all that much, but like Vee said, I did just a few weeks ago go out for Happy Hour with some of my co-workers and had a few too many... had to get a ride home... difference was that I was not with any of my Managers or Regional people! I just don't get why some people feel the need to get completely SMASHED to have fun... He's completely charming and loads of fun without all that!

I have decided that I will not go and if he wants to then he can... There will be plenty of people to watch over him for me! There is another party that we have been invited to on the same night as mine, so I think we will go to that one instead... it will be much more low key and no Management to worry about...

thanks for all the responses that pretty much confirmed what I thought... I am happy that I'm not blowing things out of proportion...
 
berry99 said:
Hi Dani!!!

I read your post and honestly would have the same feelings that you have. If your DH wants to do what he did last year, then he can go by himself and have a great time. There's no way I would want to be there while it happens though. I say that you go to your work party and have some apple martinis :p and he can go to his and do what he wants. No sense in you wasting a weekend night just watching him get plastered with his work buddies.
Click to expand...

OMG! not the dreaded Appletini!! *insert little green smile here* the girls are already trying to plan the December Happy Hour... I have already declined!

thanks for the support though :)
 
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