The best thing you have learned as a parent is....

D

dananmis22

Cathlete
There have been some threads about parenting lately, and I noticed that there are so mant different styles on this forum. We all have so much that we have learned that is valuable and precious, and so I thought that if we all named maybe one or two things that we have strength in and practice that works, we could be helping someone that isn't as strong in that area of parenting.

One thing that we do that the kids love is at dinner, we go around the table taking turns asking questions. From "what is your favorite color" to "what was your funniest/most embarassing moment" to "what is your favorite movie". One person asks a question, everyone answers one at a time and we all listen. We have had some pretty fun and interesting dinners, and we are learning about each other as we change and teach the kids how to converse and communicate as well as tackle problems they may have had during the day.

Another thing is that we take the kids out on dates for some one on one. mommy/daughter dates, daddy/daughter, mommy/son and daddy/son and do whatever they want at least once a month wether it is go to a movie or stay home and play sword fighting (that is actually fun!). The week is so busy with school and everyday life that it is easy to get lost in the shuffle. It is so important for us to stay connected with our kids.
 
You guys sound like awesome parents. I bet your kids are great from all the love and attention that is so obvious in your posts:)
 
My patience has definitely been increased. I've learned that breathing slowly and counting to 10 really works when you're about to blow your top.

I've learned to recite "Where The Wild Things Are" without the aid of the book.

The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another, his mother called him "Wild Thing!" and Max said, "I'll eat you up!" So he was sent to bed without eating anything.

That night, in Max's room, a forest grew. And grew. And grew until the ceilings hung with vines and walls became the world all around. And an ocean tumbled by with a private boat for Max. And he sailed off through night and day, and in and out of weeks, until he came to the place where the wild things are.

Shall I go on? Actually, here's a bit of interesting trivia about that book. Maurice Sendak based the "wild things" on his aunts and uncles, who used to pinch his cheeks when he was a boy and say, "I'll eat you up, I love you so."
 
The best thing I've learned as a parent is to never expect your child to be a "small adult". At 12 months, my son's caregivers in daycare kept pushing him to learn how to use a spoon to feed himself. They argued that kids this young can already be taught such a skill. As he got older, they expected him to develop faster in many regards, like self-control. The more they pushed, the more frustrated my son became and the more tantrums he had. Eventually he started believing he was a "bad boy". When I took him to therapy, the therapist, after testing him, told me that my son's cognitive and problem-solving abilities are more advanced than that of his peers, and he had "rules" inside his head that he came up with on his own. Most of these "rules" did not coincide with the rules they had in daycare. In other words, my son had his own way of perceiving the world that was not respected by his caregivers. Also, since he's developing much faster in one area, he's lagging behind in other areas, primarily in his emotional development. The therapist told me this is "normal" among intelligent kids. Small comfort for me. So instead of telling the child to stop a negative behavior, he has to be HELPED through it. If he throws a fit, he has to be walked through calming down, instead of being punished (i.e., taken to the director's office to be nagged at). Children grow and develop on their own pace -- we hear this and read about this all the time but I don't see this being acknowledged in action and deed.

Another thing I've learned is to NOT be judgmental about other parents. There is that other thread about a woman wanting to throw her kid against the wall, and there have been conclusions about her person thrown around. I have a difficult child who was a terribly difficult baby. So much is written about the welfare of children but I haven't found any one article or book about the welfare of the mother or parent. I understand the way one's brain can disintegrate from the fatigue of caring for a difficult child ALL BY ONESELF. It's a miracle how I'm still here with my boy. (He is spreading drool on my arm as I type this to catch my attention.}( ) I believe there are many parents out there, moms and dads alike, who need a break. A couple more hours of sleep for just one night can work wonders for a very tired parent. I've been there. I AM there day after day. If I didn't know how to count the good moments I have with my kid every day and be thankful for the times I laugh with him, I'd have been long gone.

Pinky
 
Best thing I have learned? Be consistent from the moment they're born. No means no, and I'm not going to change my mind whether they throw a temper tantrum on the floor of the supermarket or give me a big hug and a million kisses.

And be careful what promises or "threats" you make, cause you always have to make good on what you said. If you promised a visit to the swimming pool, what ever it takes you go. If you threaten to throw them out of the car if they don't stop arguing and hitting eachother... throw them out if they keep going. And believe me, I have done it (ofcourse I wouldn't say such a thing out on the highway somewhere, only when driving in my own neighbourhood).

Dutchie:)
 
I have learned how to worry and how worrying will change nothing. I have learned how to pray more deeply. I have learned a degree of patience, but not nearly enough. I hope I have learned how to listen, but maybe not close enough. I think mostly I have learned how much more I need to learn, even with my kids just about grown, and perched on the edge of the nest.
 
I'm learning to choose my battles. My "almost 10 year old" daughter and I have similar personalities -- headstrong and stubborn when it comes to having our own way. I have to check myself each and every day to determine if I'm about to start an argument with her over something that is really important (like insisting that she sit in the back seat rather than the front seat) or something that is NOT so important (like which shade of pink she's wanting me to paint her nails with). I've found, much to my dissatisfaction about myself, that sometimes I want things to go MY way around the house, when I should just be allowing her to make certain decisions for herself. I will continue working on this!!!

Sarah
 
If you give respect, you will get respect. My parents did that to us, and I passed it on to my girls. They are very respectful young adults.

Joanne
 
I love this thread! I have things I could offer up, but I have to say that I have just throughly enjoyed reading what you all have to share. Quite relaxing for some reason.
 
Shelley, don't be fooled! My kids are spoiled rotten! Especially my daughter. She has DH wrapped around her finger! I really feel sorry for whoever she marries! j/k. They are so lovely. DD is very giving and so helpful and is a natural leader, though for good or bad I am not sure yet. DS#1 is very thoughtful and very giving also, but is very compassionate and sensitive. DS#2 as far as we can tell is very mellow, and his talent is pooping.:eek: I don't know about being great parents, though. I often feel guilt because I lose my patience. I have yet to master the art of counting to 10 like Donna!
 
Oh, and Donna...?

In the great green room there was
A telephone and a red balloon and
A picture of a cow jumping over the moon
There were three little bears
Sitting on chairs
Two little kittens and a pair of mittens
A little toy house and a young mouse
A comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush
And a quiet old lady who was whispering "hush"

Goodnight room
Goodnight Moon
Goodnight cow jumping over the moon
Goodnight light and the red balloon
Goodnight chairs, goodnight bears
Goodnight kittens and goodnight mittens
Goodnight clocks and goodnight socks
Goodnight little house and goodnight mouse
Goodnight comb, goodnight brush
Goodnight nobody, goodnight mush
And goodnight to the old lady whispering "hush"

Goodnight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight noises everywhere.

;)
 
Pinky - I love your post. I could have written it word for word. My son sounds quite similar to yours.

I have a difficult son who has ADHD and possibly Aspergers/PDD. I also have learned to be very patient and rather than punishing him for having a fit, helping him calm down first.

And I also have learned not to judge other parents. There was a day recently when ds was having a fit that seemed to last forever and I seriously had visions of running away and never returning to the craziness. Of course, when everything calms down, I know I could never do it. I could never be without his contagious laugh or his daily affections. (He LOVE cuddling! What a great husband he will be one day!:D )

Before ds, I thought I knew what love was, but now after having him, I feel a love like I never have before.
 
I love reading all of these.

For me, I'm finally realizing, deeply, that they're going to be grown and gone before I know it, so I'm doing my best to give them my deepest attention now.

I only get one chance with them.

One.

I've pared down much of my other activities (music studies, music students, etc.) because I can always go back to that later. They're here now, so I want to be, too. Physicall, AND mentally.

My fitness addiction is great because they love to workout with me. They're only 7 and 9, but they're quite interested in fitness and nutrition. (They read nutrition labels, and have their own stability balls.) :)

So I'm here with them, and I'm focused on them right now. I totally love it. :)
 
Yes they will be grown and gone before you know it! Just yesterday he was 2 and now he is 23, has a great job and lives an hour from me. I see him a lot but I do miss those days of him being younger. The hardest part of being a parent for me is knowing when to let him make his own descisions as an adult. I try to guide him but let him fall or stand based on what he decides.

Terri
 
Laura, we should have talked more during the Texas bash.:) Like you, I've had thoughts of walking out the door. I keep walking and never look back. If only it were so easy. But I know that will only kill me even MORE. My kid needs help, not punishment, not judgement, not threats. He needs more love, caring, understanding and floor time more than other kids his age. It's not easy doing all this all the time. My energy and patience only goes so far. But I ask myself: If not me, then who? There's no one else. My husband is always working, and we don't have any extended family nearby. So I'm here. I owe my child that much.

Pinky
 
ROTFLMAO Shelley! I can recite Goodnight Moon by heart too!

The best advice I've been given by DS's teacher is "Pick and choose your battles, but win the war.".
 
The best thing I have learned as a parent is saying what I mean and mean what I say, as well as sticking with any decision or punishment I have made. It is tough sometimes but at least I am being consistent.
 
The best thing I have learned as a parent was something my mother said to me when she came to visit me in the hospital after my first child was born and I said I couldn't imagine him as anything other than a newborn:

Don't blink.

--Lois

"Don't forget to breathe!"
 
Patience; flexibility; when they are least loveable, they need it the most (thanks to my Dad for pointing this out!); and if you have no good reason to say "no", say "yes".

And for my memorized book: from Mr Rabbit and the lovely present.

She[mother]likes red said the little girl
Red, said Mr. Rabbit, You can't give her red.
Something red, maybe, said the little girl. . .

Well, said Mr. Rabbit, there are apples.
Good, siad the little girl. that's good, she like apples. But I need something else.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top