Stay at home mom vs. working mom.....

Wendy, Congrulations on your pregnancy!

Like many others, I too aspired to be a SAHM. 6 weeks post-partum I called my husband and work and said, "I need something else to do."!! Now, mind you, the first three months for me weren't really exciting because the babies don't do much. Still, I just found that I personally couldn't get joy from a life of grocery shopping with a child or running any other errands on a weekly basis that took 2-3 hours when I could do it on my own in one day for 1/2 hour. That's just me though. I found I needed an identity outside of mommy groups, play dates and "making a happy home". Actually, my home was happier when I made a part-time job in fitness. I get out of the house for my purposes for 2-3 hours at a time and put my daughter in the Kids' Club at my job. I train clients and teach classes and Olivia has up to 2 hours of play and/or "creative movement" class!

I think that whatever makes you feel the best will be the best for your family. Also, I have many friends that went back to work and then quit or went part-time when their children were 12-18 mos. old. Just be confident in your decision and know that you can always change your mind about working!

Take care!

Jeni - mommy to Olivia and due with #2 7/21/05
Healthy Moms Certified Fitness Instructor
 
If i didn't need the money, I'd be a stay at home mom. I am back to working full time now, my son is almost 2 years old, I worked part time during his first year and a half.
 
Jeni:

For the most part, you are a SAHM. The fact you teach some classes during the week doesnt' change that. Once you have your baby, trust me, you won't have alot of extra time. I have to comment on this statement you made:

"I think that whatever makes you feel the best will be the best for your family."

It is a myth that if the parents are happy, the children are happy. This has been determined to by a myth by the research of Judith Wallerstein who is the author of "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce." Kids are the most happy when the parents are there to raise them. If you don't believe me, ask your kid if he/she would rather stay home with mommy or daddy today or go to daycare. We are living in a very selfish society today and we need to change our thinking and start doing what is best for our KIDS, not what is best for the parents. When you have a baby, you are no longer #1. I stay home with my kids and it is not always easy, I admit. It is a job and I have to try my best to stay upbeat and find things to do because I know it is what is best for my kids. I am not looking out for myself right now. My time will come when my kids are up and out.
 
I've been lurking on this thread for a while and just want to congratulate all of you on being so sensible and respectful. This topic can get "hot" very quickly and it's a pleasure to read the views of people who don't feel compelled to judge others. I'm an "old" mom of 15 and 13 year old girls and a 6 year old boy. I went back to work full time when my girls were 11 weeks old and carted around a breast pump till they turned a year old. I worked part-time with my son until he went to school and for me that was far and away the best choice. I always hated working and being away from the kids and it was a major source of conflict in my marriage, but my husband and I both felt that we had to each be able to support the family if necessary due to a job loss or some other situation, and we also agreed that we would arrange our work schedules so that one of us was always with the kids. This worked out wonderfully for the kids, but it always bothered me. Anyway, the reason we chose to work our child care in that way was because when I was maternity leave with my first child, two friends of ours died very young and very unexpectedly. The first was a man killed in a car accident leaving a SAHM wife who hadn't worked in years and eventually lost their house. The second was a SAHM who died of a brain aneurysm leaving a 1-year old and a 4 year-old and a husband who had always worked long hours and was a benevolent stranger to his kids after mom was gone. Obviously, these are extreme cases, but it made my husband and I really do some thinking and what ended up working for us was to have us each be co-parents in every way. I think my kids are better for it. But the bottom line for every family is happy, healthy children. As I said, I respect and admire all of you for your respectful dialogue. I live in a community where there are very few working moms, so my kids and I have been on the receiving end of a great deal of unkindness over the years. Best wishes to all of you on your blessed events!!!

Carole
 
Carole, part of the reason I work outside of the home is for the very reasons you stated about your two friends that died very young. My dad was only 35 when he died with leukemia leaving my mom and 4 kids behind. My mom had always been a SAHM and did not have any job skills or education to fall back on. It was very hard for her to make ends meet. I realized at the age of 13 that I never wanted to be in a similar situation. I basically raised my brothers while my mother was working a minimum wage job. I've always been one of those what-if people and I like to know that I can at least try to keep my family afloat if something catastrophic were to happen.

Carole, I really like your co-parenting idea!!
 
Thank you Kristi, and congratulations!
Not to say that it has always been perfect, but in the hindsight of three amazing older kids, it was the right decision with the right man. My husband -- let me paint a picture here -- is an Italian-American man from New York City (I want you to envision the stereotype). He's a very big and tough guy who happens to have as his greatest passion a gift for fatherhood. He is the most nurturing person I've ever met, male or female, and has always been truly a co-parent. He makes doctor appointments when necessary without asking, arranges playdates, volunteers in school, anything that any good parent would do. Since his gifts are different from mine, our kids have benefited from a good balance. On a personal level, I always dreamed of being a stay at home mom with a perfect home and perfect kids, but that fantasy is about me and I had to put it aside for what is best for the kids.

Carole
 
I'm a school teacher, so once my 4 year old gets in school, we basically have the same schedule, day in, day out, year round. My 12 year old gets on the bus with me still at home, and we arrived back home at almost the exact time each day. The four year old is lucky in the fact that her two grandmothers (whom are retired) watch her 3 days a week, so she goes to a home daycare (she only watches 3 other 3-5 year olds) 2 days a week at most. They also did this for my older daughter. Anytime I have a short week at school, she won't go to the home care provider or will only go 1 day instead.

Both DD are extremely close to their grandmothers. Matter of fact, thre 4 year old had two "grammys" on her birthday cake. She just loves them to death. I carry all our health insurance, free of charge, by work. DH would have to pay out the nose for family health insurance. I guess we're really lucky to have the best of both worlds. I would prefer being a SAHM, but it just doesn't work best for us. I enjoy my time at work and I enjoy my time at home and on numerous breaks thoughout the year with my girls.

I think it breaks down into finding what works best for you and your family given your individual set of circumstances. Every once in a while, the 4 year old doesn't want to go to the home day care provider and cries. I listen by the door (pretending I've left) and she stops in less than a minute and is excited to play with one of the toys and see who is there that day. Sometimes I pick her up there and she doesn't want to leave. She knows she is loved by this lady because she brought it up yesterday that she knows she loves her.

Good luck with whatever you do...choosing is not always easy.

Sam
 
IMO...everyone needs to find thier own balance...Your children deserve to be #1 ofcourse, but that doesn't mean that you, as a parent, should have NOTHING for yourself. Every parent deserves a little bit of happiness/satisfaction in their lives that goes beyond thier children and if that means working outside of the home then so be it. I see nothing wrong with that....but again...this is just my own personal opinnion on the matter. I feel that if a woman is truly unhappy as a SAHM then maybe she just wasn't meant to be one and should investigate other possible options for her and her child/chilren.

Have a great work out!

~Wendy~

I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!

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http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
 
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