So what do you do when...........

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
your boss sexually harasses you on a regular basis? (yeah I know, another weird guy story from Laura)

The mayor here, who is 20 years older than I am, hits on me pretty much every day. I always try to blow him off in a nice way b/c unfortunately he has total control over any salary increases and/or promotions I might get in the future.

He's been making inappropriate comments since pretty much the day I started. Then he started dating this girl--and I call her a girl b/c she's younger than me, meaning he's dating someone 25 years younger than him--from Germany. Now, this guy has a heck of a lot of money, & she went back to Germany more than a year ago to live in a house he bought while he pays her bills, gives her start up money for a business, etc. etc. IMO it's pretty clear she's using him for money & the dumba$$ has no idea. He thinks he's the most eligible bachelor in my town, & I'm not making that up--he's actually said it to me several times. As far as I'm concerned he's a flabby old dude who I have absolutely no interest in dating.

Anyway, he's finally gotten tired of her refusing to come back to the US (he goes to Germany once a month or so) & is breaking up w/her. The inappropriate comments have increased to the extent that I've started a log, & believe me, I have an entry every day. Last week he touched my rear end & told me I looked like I gained some weight & the view from behind was really nice. Monday night he told me to "keep warm" for him (whatever the heck that means), & I finally told him I couldn't think of a more inappropriate relationship. He told me he liked inappropriate relationships. I told him I had a career to consider. His response was, "oh don't worry, I'll make sure you have a career."

At this point I am so uncomfortable every time I see him I try to hide before he snags me. I'm afraid to tell him to leave me alone b/c I don't want to hurt his feelings, plus I don't want it to affect my career. I'm afraid not to tell him to leave me alone b/c I can't keep working under these conditions.

I've talked to my friends & even one coworker about this & no one seems to have anything productive to tell me, other than "EWWWW" and "what a pig!" So I'm asking you guys, any advice?
 
Wow Lauramax! I may be naive because I've never experienced it but couldn't you sue him and go work somewhere else?!?!?!?!??! Comments are bad enough, but he totally crossed the line by touching your rear!!
 
Girl, I could sue the pants off him! I could have this guy paying my mortgage for the rest of my life. Problem is:

1) municipal govmt is a small community & I wouldn't be able to get a job anywhere else for the rest of my life
2) I'm just not the type to damage someone's reputation & threaten their career. He has young children (8 & 12, adopted from Russia), their mother died of cancer about 6 years ago, I don't want them suffering b/c of me.
 
Hey.. just sent you a PM... Never sent one before so not sure if you'll get it!

Anyway - just wanted to say watch your back and be careful. He sounds like a real scumbag and if he's gone that far, you don't know just how far he'll go...
 
What a pompous fool! Wow, Laura...I have not real advice here. Proceed with caution and make sure NOTHING you say can be misunderstood as encouragement on his part. The facts and nothing but the facts mam. I'd say less is more in this instance: fewer commments in response, less eye contact, keep it VERY professional and yes continue to keep a log.

Good luck~dmd
 
Yikes! Can you move into an office with a co-worker so you're never alone?

Is there anyone trustworthy and important that could give him a gentle warning? That he would actually listen to?

What a tough one ...!
 
When is his term up? Is there a strong liklihood that he will not get re-elected? If waiting out his term is not an option, then...

How about starting with a letter telling him that his advances are unwanted, that he is crossing the line and you consider it sexual harrassment, that you don't want to ruin his career or family life therefore if he agrees to stop bothering you, you won't make public the daily log of advances he has made? This way it's between you and him only, you make it clear what you expect and if he doesn't behave you have more evidence in your favor. You can also put in your letter that you expect no adverse response (such as not getting promoted or not getting raises) as that would be retaliation and that is illegal.

Reality is that he may eventually get upset that you're not responding to his advances and start holding back raises, etc as a way to force you into a relationship. As much as you need your job, what if he starts to cross the line even more than he already has and starts to stalk you? Starts being even more aggressive and possibly violent?

Can you talk to a lawyer on the QT? How about speaking with your state's department of labor anonymously? They could probably give you some great advice too.

Good luck with this one. But dont' wait too much longer to take action - this one needs some head on dealing with.

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} to you as it's got to be tough dealing with this every day. You're going to need a lot of inner strength to face this. I know you can do it.

Claude

"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Satchel Paige
 
Logbook, logbook, logbook, and guard it with your life. I hope you take it home with you at night.

If he touches you again, I'd look him in the eye and say "Please don't touch me, it make me uncomfortable." and if he says things that make you uncomfortable, say it does, be professional, calm, and matter of fact. The uncomfortable atmosphere is what creates breaking of the law, as I am sure you know. You need to make sure he knows you feel uncomfortable. Also, I'd start telling a few people at work, in strictest confidence, what is going on, anytime that happens, in case they have to testify later. Hopefully he will get the picture and it won't come to that. Yuck.

Good luck

Jen
 
Laura,

Not sure what type of city government is in your area, but certainly he reports to SOMEONE, a city council perhaps? You must stop this! By allowing this to continue he will become bolder and more agressive. Who knows who else he may be harassing and they are also afraid to open a can of worms, but it must be done. Pretend this was not you, but a daughter, a sister, etc., would you allow it to continue? The law is on your side and you should be protected. I would put out some feelers to a lawyer or trusted coworker and put a stop to this situation. Please don't let him continue to rule your work life, it's not worth it.

Karen
 
Sorry, I could not work under those conditions I'd quit. No job is worth that BS.

"You can't win them all - but you can try." - Babe Zaharias http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/musik/music-smiley-004.gif[/img]
 
Maybe let it "slip" that you're either dating a lawyer who specializes in sexual harrassment cases, dating a police officer OR just dating a pyscho bouncer who hated Mayor McCheese as a child.
 
Laura- My first response, like your co-worker, was "EEEEWWWWWW"
I read this to my DH, his recommendations: 1) Get a lawyer, preferably not his friend!!!, 2) carry around a mini tape recorder and record him and his inappropriate comments. A log is great but it won't hold up in court! If he touches you inappropriately while you are recording him, verbalize, "please stop touching my _______, I don't like it when you touch my ______, it makes me very uncomfortable". If you don't want to take him to court, at least you could us the tapes blackmail him or at least scare him for a good long time}( }( }( .
 
You must have a human resource department ... contact them. If you don't want to do a formal complaint, then relate that sexual harrassment has been occuring and that training is needed for the entire office, including the mayor. So sorry this is happening to you .. makes life at the office more stressful than it needs to be.
 
Laura,

Sorry to hear about all this. I was just about to mention a mini tape recorder too. You HAVE to get it on tape somehow so if it ever comes down to him or you...its gonna be him. If you can't handle working there I'd get a lawyer. If you can work your way around it without it affecting your self esteem and keep him at bay I'd keep a recorder with his comments in case you ever need it. Sorry to hear.
 
diva,I strongly suggest that Laura get a lawyer no matter what. The lawyer can help her sort through her options, and give her tips for what to do whether she decides to stay or go.
-Nancy
 
What a scumbag!! Laura, be careful with the recording what he says thing. Depending on the consent laws of your state you could get yourself in trouble too, and that's the last thing you want.

Sparrow

ETA: if you do persue this, YOU won't be doing anything to his kids or his reputation. HE is doing it all to himself.

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Yes - don't do the tape recorder. That one could backfire on you.

Can you look for another job also and possibly get out before something further happens?

I like the idea of having HR do a company wide training. I'm in HR and always try to make issues/training look like it is for everyone when something comes up and then one person doesn't look like they are singled out.
 
I work in the federal govt, we all get sexual harassment training every year.

The most important communication is for the victim to make the perp know that the attention is unwelcome. Believe me, a perp can make the crudest suggestion and get away with it, once.

But the suggestion having been made, the victim says, "I am not interested in that kind of relationship with you. I find your suggestion offensive and I am asking you to stop interacting with me in this manner." At this point if the perp continues he's going to get slammed, and rightfully so.

A career politician is going to have warning bells go off inside his head when he hears that warning.

Just my $.02

dave
 
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