so, how many still have great personal girlfriends after age 50?

lidochick

Active Member
Just wondering...it seems like so many once close girlfriends have gone away. Married, now having their first child at age 42+, remarried, very good friend until that happened, and now in another state. You know the story, your esential reason for friendship is changed by circumstance, and suddenly you feel like you have lost touch. I try and call, sometimes feeling like I am the one doing all the calling. I would like to know how many of us actually maintain great woman friendships in spite of marriage, husbands, new babies, moving ect. Dianne ps...sorry I don't post that often here, but I read every day...and you guys are the most real people on the net! Also pleased to note that I can now do real pushups! Thank you Cathe!
 
I have lost touch with a lot of friends that live in the same state, but I'm so happy that my best girlfriend and I are as close as ever. I used to go see her regularly(she lives in Michigan and I live in SC). I have now been married 5 years and since I've been married she has flown down to see me about once a year.(My husband is in school full time) She will be here weekend after next. I have found that I have friends and then I have those that stick closer than a "brother" or "sister" in my case. I am so thankful and blessed that our friendship has lasted through living in different states and through the fact that she is single and I am married. It is kind of weird b/c before I was married most of my friends were married and I hung out with couples/families but now those are the ones I have lost contact with.:( I was looking at my wedding photos the other day and my husband and I were talking about getting back in touch with some of the people we miss. We have even run into a couple at Walmart several times over the past few months and we talked for the longest time...catching up. It is just a matter of us calling and getting together....they have 4 kids so they just got very busy...the 4th was unexpected...and we lost touch. Busyness and life should not get in the way of true friendship...keep calling...a true friend will call back.

Congtats on the pushup Dianne!:7

P.S. Edited to add, I can see how easily this happens. I just shared my experience. Sometimes friends change. I knew two people before I was married. Then they got married. I was o.k. friends with them both but after I got married the 4 of us became good friends.
 
I also lost touch with a lot of my girlfriends since getting married and starting a family. I am still best friends w/my best friend from high school. Our lives are very different but we are still the best of friends. Another HS friend of mine are still close as well.

Funny you asked this question ~ I am supposed to meet 2 of my "old" friends on Saturday for dinner. I haven't seen either of them in 3 years - they are both single and w/out kids. It will be nice to catch up.
 
Hi Dianne (lidochick)!

Weird post for me, two of the things I was just going through right now too. The girlfriends and the pushups...what a weird combo. Can do 20 now thanks to P90X and am hoping for more! Congrats on yours also.

As far as girlfriends.....I have one mainstay. The girl I went to college with. We typically call each other every weekend. We're very close and tell each other everything. Wish we lived closer (2-3 hour drive) but we see each other a couple times a year.

One friend (we stood up at each others weddings) hasn't been around much but she recently got divorced and is expecting her first baby with a new boyfriend at 40. She has been contacting me a lot now and we are making plans to get together. She always wanted kids and now is real excited. Of all her friends I probably have the youngest little one at 3. Another girl who helped with my wedding is still single at 40 and we get together 6-7 times a year. We seem to have a lot in common - her parents live close by and she visits them often and then swings by our place to catch up.

The friend I was close to for about 12 years seems to have dropped out of the picture. I actually taught her in high school my first year. We became friends because she dated a classmate that was my good friend. She was typically fine until last year they built a house and she turned..well..bitchy. My husband and I haven't been over there since Christmas. Her husband talks daily with mine and comes over to our house weekly and even eats lunch or dinner with us on occasion, but she has dropped out of the picture. I told her husband I had tried to call many times and she didn't return calls. Oh well, who knows. What's worse is that she miscarried over the weekend and I was going to take some food/flowers over but her husband wasn't suppose to tell anyone she was pregnant and if she knew we knew, well she just goes off on everyone including her husband. Oh well, miss the friendship, not the bitchiness.

The other friends all moved states away and we've completely lost contact. There is a class reunion this coming weekend for classes of 81' through 84' but my family is having a get-together and I can't be both places at the same time. One girlfriend called and since I'm not going we made plans to see a movie in a couple weeks and catch up.

Wow - sorry this got so long...Sami
 
None but wish I did. Everyone has moved away. So did I but then moved back so all close friends are in a different town. Currently work as a Supervisor so hard to be friends with staff that report to you. A very lonely life. :( At least I have DH and my dog. But still miss a close female friend to go shopping or share things with. I need to find one that also loves fitness workouts at home! Anyone from Wisconsin????
 
RE: so, how many still have great personal girlfriends ...

I still have two close girlfriends whom I met in the third grade, if you can imagine that. I just had dinner with the one and spoke to the other last week. We also went to the same high school. We try to get together a couple times a year (but we do all live within an hour of each other).

I have one or two close friends from college that I still see. I also have been able to make some pretty close friend through my career, and many of these friends have been around for the last 15 years or so.

What we all try to do to stay in touch is to schedule the next dinner while we are finishing up the current one, even if we have to schedule it out six months. That seems to work. Most of time, anyway. (Of course I don't know what we would do if some of us had to relocate).
 
Man oh man. I was just thinking about this the other day. I totally have no friends!! My gay shopping buddy moved to San Fransisco. My girlfriend lives in a different city and we never see each other. Sometimes we have gab sessions on the phone, but we don't go to lunch like we used to.

I have some girlfriends at work, but it's not the same kind of bond one gets with a best friend. I really miss that.

Hey, congrats on doing real pushups! That's a major accomplishment!
 
I have been thinking of that for a year now, I had a great friend since I was 12 years old, (38 now) and just last year I broke that friendship and I have been so depressed over that wondering if I did the right thing, but my heart tells me I did because the things she said and did were so hurtful. It is such a long story but it involved the safety of my son and I had to believe my son over her. Now I don't have any real close friends.
 
interesting subject, all of my friends from high school moved away or out of state, have not taked to in years. I have noticed at my age , 31, it seems that women are not interested in starting up new friendships, they seem to maybe? not have the energy for friendship when they have careers and children. I am a mom of three and would love to have someone to hang out with had similar interest who had children but that category is not interested. It is frustrating because it gets very lonely being a sahm, any of you had similar experiences??
 
That's the sad truth about friendships... friends come and go, but enemies you keep that forever! Anyway, I do have a long time friend -- we have been friends since 2nd grade. That was 32 yrs. ago! We are in different countries, and he is not a girlfriend... boy friend. I don't know why we never really attracted to each other though we are a lot a like in many ways.
 
RE: so, how many still have great personal girlfriends ...

Congrats on the pushups, all that hard work pays off, way to go!!:)

I have been blessed with the best fit of a girlfriend I could ever wish for. We met when in grade 9 at 14 years of age (I'm now 42). She saw me through the suicide of my boyfriend in our senior year of high school which took our already solid friendship to a new level. After graduating she moved 3000 miles away but we kept in touch through long letters and longer phone calls. I visited her out west and met her future husband and she came home to be my maid of honour when I married in '83. My first marriage failed and who did I call first, my friend Ruth!! We talked for hours that night (I still remember that I called after 11:00 and it still cost $40.00 almost 20 years ago!!!), when I woke the next day there was an empty bottle of scotch and an overflowing ashtray by the phone but my healing had begun (I quit smoking in '86 but still enjoy a drink now and then). For reasons that neither of us can recall we fell out of touch for a few years. I had met and married my soulmate and had moved to a new city. One night I was doing the dishes and stopped in the middle and called her brother to see if I could track her down. As fate would have it her and her husband had relocated and now lived 30 minutes from my husband and I. We got back in touch and those years melted in a heartbeat. The 4 of us hung out alot and really enjoyed each other. I became pregnant and then she became pregnant with twins. It was amazing being pregnant together and then sadly at 6 months she lost her babies. I worried about how hard it may be for her to watch my pregnancy progress as they mourned their loss but there was nothing to worry about. My daughter came along and then she became pregnant again. Her and her husband relocated back to our home town 2 hours away but we saw each other pretty often. Her husband had a really rough winter and was quite ill but seemed to get better. On a beautiful May weekend they visited and her and I went to get dinner. As we sat in the parking lot she told me that her husband was terminally ill and my heart broke for her. They carried on with their lives and their new reality with grace and courage, she amazed and inspired me constantly. My husband and I had another daughter and felt so blessed in our circumstance. Again fate weaved a new thread into our fabric and it was my husband's health that took an unfortunate turn, cancer had come to our home. John was sick and then well again but Ruth was widowed. I had yet another daughter but soon John was unwell again and we moved back home. It was wonderful to be home and surrounded by family and friends and now Ruth lived a 5 minute walk from my home. A year and a half later my husband died and I cannot express in words the value of the friendship. Two ill fated friends, widows at 35, I still shake my head in disbelief. A year later her job moved her about an hour and a half away and I rented her house. For 2 years after my husband died I was up and down like a roller coaster on a daily basis but she stood by me through tears, talks and ,thankfully, through the anger. I knew I had to do something but didn't know what, I looked into returning to school and applied to 3 colleges and was accepted at the college in the same town as my friend lived. It was like a piece of home having her live near me again and our friendship flourished again. She met a fella and remarried and subsequently moved back home. I finished school and moved to a city about an hour from home last year. Yesterday Ruth and I took our crew to the beach (her son is 14, mine are 15, 13 and 9) and had a wonderful day. Her son is like a son to me and a brother to my girls, watching them together chokes me up and reminds me how very much I have to be grateful for. I can't imagine my life without this friendship and thank God that I called her that day and didn't let another friendship slip through my fingers because life had gotten crazy.

Sorry to go on so long, after writing this out I realize just how fortunate I am to have her. Thanks.

Take Care
Laurie
 
Wow Laurie!

What a beautiful story. I fought back tears as I read both of your ups & downs. You BOTH are blessed to have each other!
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
RE: so, how many still have great personal girlfriends ...

Yes, our lives change and sometimes friendships come & go due to the circumstances. I am blessed weekly with many friends due to teaching my classes and some of them are the BEST friendships of my life. I've had several great friends move out of state due to their husband's changing jobs but thankfully, thru E-mail and them still having family here, I do get to see them occasionally. Also, aren't "Free nights & weekends" great? I have one super close friend that I only get to see about 1/2 dozen times a year now and she only lives about 20 minutes from me! Our driveways were right across from each other before. Our lives just changed so much when our kids became of age to be active in sports and they picked different sports that took us in diff directions. Her & I used to iron 2X/week together,(I kept an extra ironing board at her house) we X-stitched every week, canned veggies & fruits, read books and our kids played. Those were the good ole days. It's all I can do to find time to iron now and my kids are grown! I have 11 other really good neighborhood friends I meet with monthly and play Bunco. That keeps me in contact with the neighbors. Wow, I guess I need to count my blessings! Oh, and how can I forget, my daughter. We are BEST of friends. Go out in your neighborhood, go to a class, try a church class because FRIENDS are sooo important! Wishing you luck and hoping you find ONE true friend!

Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Oh Laurie!

What an amazing story, and how wonderful of you to share it with all of us! You and Ruth are so lucky to have each other -- what a friendship yours is! I think you ought to write your story for publication -- the two of you are truly inspiring. You are loving, courageous, resourceful, resilient women and you deserve to be very proud of yourselves and of your special friendship. I'm so glad to have you here at the Forums!

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/spezial/spudniks/spudniklifter.gif
 
Debbie's so right!

As usual my girl Debbie hit the nail on the head!

I, too, am blessed by a small but very tight circle of close girlfriends who I see or speak to almost daily. I also belong to a bookclub (every one of us a lawyer, all but one of us retired) and we're about to celebrate our 18th anniversary together as a club. We live all over the map in the Atlanta area and if it weren't for bookclub we'd probably have drifted apart long ago, just with the geography and the busy-ness of life raising kids.

I often wonder how guys make it -- so few of them seem to have the kind of friends that women have, and I know my girlfriends are absolutely central to my life and well-being. I adore my DH and tell him many, many things -- but sometimes, there are things you can only say to a trusted girlfriend. :)

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/spezial/spudniks/spudniklifter.gif
 
RE: so, how many still have great personal girlfriends ...

I get the same feeling about women at this "stage" in life (the family stage). I'm 40 but have a toddler daughter and feel really isolated sometimes because my pre-baby friends mostly have older kids or no kids. Sometimes I feel like other women just feel like they have enough friends already and don't need any new ones, but personally, I've always felt I could always use one more friend, no matter how many I already have!

Anyway, it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I do have some great quality friends, both nearby and long-distance, so I guess that's more important than quantity. :)

Dana
 
RE: Oh Laurie!

Thanks Kathy and Debbie, I think it's wonderful how we can all share stories here, ask questions, unload a bit and learn from each other whether it's fitness or nutrition or family or ... whatever:)
I'm grateful to have 'met' all of my Cathe friends and to Cathe herself because she allows us this opportunity.

The friendships we forge with other women keep us sane and help us to remember what it feels like to be care free. When I am with my best friend I am not a mother or a daughter or a ....., I am just Laurie and there is so much freedom and space to be just 'lil ol' me':7

Take Care
Laurie
 
RE: Debbie's so right!

Great subject. Up until about 5 years ago all my friends were guys. I just had very few women friends (except in HS). Not sure what changed but now I've got some great women friends.

The one thing is the age of my good friends is all over the place. In my company 2 closest women friends are 31 and 28 (I was shocked when I found out)! and I'm 40s. I've got stay at home mom friends, career oriented, all different types. I don't have a best friend (that was reserved for my best friend/boyfriend - who sadly passed away 4 years ago. I don't think I'll ever have as special a friend but I do hope to continue friendships with the fine folks I know and look forward to meeting more wonderful friends along the way!

Yes, Debbie agree with the daughter as best friend. Mine is 18. We have always been close (even through the teen years). Everyone says as they get older you just get closer :)
 
I don't think I keep contact with anybody that I grew up with.I use to hang out with a girl (when I lived home), that I rarely talk to now and never see.And she only lives 3.5 hours away.She took part in my wedding 2 years ago but I haven't spoke to her much since then.
I also hung out with a few girls in highschool that I never see anymore.And its the samthing, they live just in the city.
Its horrible that we cannot find the time to stay connected with these people but time changes everyone.And everyones lives change when they marry,get jobs, move and of course they make new friends.
When I first moved to this town,I met my DH and I hung out with all of his friends.This town is a veru transitional town (military) and people are always moving.Everyone I knew moved to find better jobs and even his sister married a military guy and they moved.I was soooo lost.I think I was actually going thrrough depression.I would go for a run (by myself) come home and want to cry b/c I was thinking ,now what? There is nothing to do.
BUT I made ALOT of new freinds.Sometimes I think I may have to many b/c I don't have time to talk to all of them...all of the time and I get in trouble for not calling more.Then I started a new job last year and made more new friends.
Just as long as I have friends,I am happy.But it is to bad that it is hard to keep in touch with people we grew up with.
Lori:)
 

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