slightly O/T - How did you know you were baby-ready?
- Thread starter kellib
- Start date
Hi Kellib,
I was actually scared half to death to have a baby. Motherhood just looked so hard and overwhelming to me. It took my husband the first 3 1/2 years of our marriage to talk me into the idea of having a baby. Anyway, my husband's 4 year old cousin (little girl) came to stay with us for a whole week and when she left, my husband and I both cried later that day. We missed her so much. A big change considering that one week before that I had scolded my husband for agreeing to babysit her for a whole week. Oh well, she won my heart and made me realize I wanted my own little one no matter how much work, pain, money, or whatever else it took!
One year later, I had my own little boy. I think you will know when it's time because you will not be able to concentrate on anything else. At least that's how it worked for me. I wasn't even pregnant but couldn't stay out of the babies "r" us store.
I wish you much luck with your decision.
I was actually scared half to death to have a baby. Motherhood just looked so hard and overwhelming to me. It took my husband the first 3 1/2 years of our marriage to talk me into the idea of having a baby. Anyway, my husband's 4 year old cousin (little girl) came to stay with us for a whole week and when she left, my husband and I both cried later that day. We missed her so much. A big change considering that one week before that I had scolded my husband for agreeing to babysit her for a whole week. Oh well, she won my heart and made me realize I wanted my own little one no matter how much work, pain, money, or whatever else it took!
One year later, I had my own little boy. I think you will know when it's time because you will not be able to concentrate on anything else. At least that's how it worked for me. I wasn't even pregnant but couldn't stay out of the babies "r" us store.
I wish you much luck with your decision.
I don't think you can ever be entirely ready. Our little surprise was conceived 3 mos. after we were married. I was both awed and scared to death by the idea of having a baby. Although I always thought I'd have a family, it wasn't something I'd put a lot of thought into.
It might help to know how much instinct seems to take over -- and where instinct fails, the "What to Expect" books and girlfriends definitely pick up the slack. To me (and I never would have dreamt I'd have felt this way), it is the most amazing and powerful thing about womanhood and femininity. It is definitely the most important job I'll ever have. You also find yourself in this kind of club that you might not have ever noticed before. The members of the mama club do things like smile a calm smile at you when your infant is crying (no... make that screaming), slide their shopping cart to you when they notice that you are struggling a wriggly 32 lb. toddler and a diaper bag... they even let you go to the potty first when you are pregnant and in line at a public restroom.
I thought it was far more difficult to plan having this second baby because I actually had to make the decision to get off of b/c and decide to grow huge while also chasing after a toddler. I'm 4 1/2 mos. pregnant now, and once again the reality of it all is sinking in, and I am starting to fantasize about having another tiny baby to nurse and cuddle again. I find myself mooning over newborns when I'm out shopping!
I think the more you worry about it, the harder it becomes to just go for it. I can honestly say, though, that I can't even remember anything important about my life before mommyhood -- even though I was a working professional then, and I THOUGHT I was important... nothing compares to being a mommy to Aaron (and I'm a SAHM now except for teaching a couple of prenatal exercise classes at the local YMCA).
Susan
It might help to know how much instinct seems to take over -- and where instinct fails, the "What to Expect" books and girlfriends definitely pick up the slack. To me (and I never would have dreamt I'd have felt this way), it is the most amazing and powerful thing about womanhood and femininity. It is definitely the most important job I'll ever have. You also find yourself in this kind of club that you might not have ever noticed before. The members of the mama club do things like smile a calm smile at you when your infant is crying (no... make that screaming), slide their shopping cart to you when they notice that you are struggling a wriggly 32 lb. toddler and a diaper bag... they even let you go to the potty first when you are pregnant and in line at a public restroom.
I thought it was far more difficult to plan having this second baby because I actually had to make the decision to get off of b/c and decide to grow huge while also chasing after a toddler. I'm 4 1/2 mos. pregnant now, and once again the reality of it all is sinking in, and I am starting to fantasize about having another tiny baby to nurse and cuddle again. I find myself mooning over newborns when I'm out shopping!
I think the more you worry about it, the harder it becomes to just go for it. I can honestly say, though, that I can't even remember anything important about my life before mommyhood -- even though I was a working professional then, and I THOUGHT I was important... nothing compares to being a mommy to Aaron (and I'm a SAHM now except for teaching a couple of prenatal exercise classes at the local YMCA).
Susan
jcm
Cathlete
Oh, this is such a hard decision! My husband and I were married five years before our daughter was born. She's 18 months now and soooo much fun!
I'd have to say I "knew" (as much as you ever can know) when all of our DINK (double income, no kids) activities weren't as much fun anymore. The huge dinner bills every weekend, weekend trips to wherever. The neatness of it all began to wear off and it felt like it was time to try something new. And try not being so selfish. I hope I'm not offending anyone here, but I think people without kids are a little selfish. Not in not wanting to have kids, but just in that they have the luxury to have things for themselves, time for themselves ... And definitely not selfish intentionally. But when you have kids you know what it means to truly live for someone else and sacrafice your own whatever (time, money, sleep) for this little person you love more than you thought was possible.
And yes, the unspoken mom's club is great. And I was the person in restaurants shooting evil glances and parents w/ whining children. Ohhhh, I feel so bad now ...
I'd have to say I "knew" (as much as you ever can know) when all of our DINK (double income, no kids) activities weren't as much fun anymore. The huge dinner bills every weekend, weekend trips to wherever. The neatness of it all began to wear off and it felt like it was time to try something new. And try not being so selfish. I hope I'm not offending anyone here, but I think people without kids are a little selfish. Not in not wanting to have kids, but just in that they have the luxury to have things for themselves, time for themselves ... And definitely not selfish intentionally. But when you have kids you know what it means to truly live for someone else and sacrafice your own whatever (time, money, sleep) for this little person you love more than you thought was possible.
And yes, the unspoken mom's club is great. And I was the person in restaurants shooting evil glances and parents w/ whining children. Ohhhh, I feel so bad now ...
Meecher
Cathlete
Oh my! I had to laugh at the last post...because I've been one of those "evil glance" types at restaurants and grocery stores. Now that I'm pregnant for the first time (starting 5th month), I'm *really* watching that behavior!!! (I've heard, though, that after you actually have your child, that kind of noise eventually becomes less noticeable...we'll see!!!)
Anyway, I've always said to everyone, "If my husband had a uterus, we'd have ten kids by now." He just adores kids (he's from a big family), while I've always been more uncomfortable around them (I'm an only child). We've been married now for 6.5 years and this is going to be our first. (He's super thrilled!)
First of all, I agree with the person that said you're never really ready...because that describes me. About a year ago, I went off the pill thinking, "well, if it happens, it happens..." (and obviously it finally did!).
I can't honestly say that I've ever SUPER-wanted to get pregnant or be a mom, but that's probably because it's the BIG UNKNOWN! One thing I can say, though, is that I gave some thought to my grandparents, who are both in their 80s, and thought about how awful it would be if I waited too much longer and something were to happen. That led me to thinking about other things, and before you know it, suddenly I was drawn to the idea.
I worried about the same question of being "baby-ready" for many years (while my poor husband waited patiently)...and I've come to the conclusion that everyone's threshold is different. I have friends that started wanting to become mothers in childhood...and then there are those strange ones like me!
I don't know if this helps at all, but good luck to you in whatever timeline you choose!
Michelle (Meecher) from WI
Anyway, I've always said to everyone, "If my husband had a uterus, we'd have ten kids by now." He just adores kids (he's from a big family), while I've always been more uncomfortable around them (I'm an only child). We've been married now for 6.5 years and this is going to be our first. (He's super thrilled!)
First of all, I agree with the person that said you're never really ready...because that describes me. About a year ago, I went off the pill thinking, "well, if it happens, it happens..." (and obviously it finally did!).
I can't honestly say that I've ever SUPER-wanted to get pregnant or be a mom, but that's probably because it's the BIG UNKNOWN! One thing I can say, though, is that I gave some thought to my grandparents, who are both in their 80s, and thought about how awful it would be if I waited too much longer and something were to happen. That led me to thinking about other things, and before you know it, suddenly I was drawn to the idea.
I worried about the same question of being "baby-ready" for many years (while my poor husband waited patiently)...and I've come to the conclusion that everyone's threshold is different. I have friends that started wanting to become mothers in childhood...and then there are those strange ones like me!
I don't know if this helps at all, but good luck to you in whatever timeline you choose!
Michelle (Meecher) from WI
LaBelleRebelle
Active Member
When dh and I married, we just decided to "let nature take its course." Well, we had our 1st baby 10 months to the day after we married! It was pretty much a honeymoon pregnancy...
What irritated me was all the stares I got from acquaintances when they noticed I was pregnant... I began to show very early on, and I could literally see people doing the math in their head as they looked at me. In my religion, we do not sleep together before marriage, but a lot of people were whispering and speculating about me. Very embarrassing.
What irritated me was all the stares I got from acquaintances when they noticed I was pregnant... I began to show very early on, and I could literally see people doing the math in their head as they looked at me. In my religion, we do not sleep together before marriage, but a lot of people were whispering and speculating about me. Very embarrassing.
Thanks so much everyone for your input - I'm still listening if anyone else wants to comment!! I know I'm not ready right now, but I can hear my biological clock ticking--loudly!!
LaBelle--how rude!!! Who's business is it but yours and your dh when you got pregnant? One of my good friends reminds me when I get ticked about people making comments/giving me looks (not because I'm pregnant, but because I'm vegan) is that it's not what they say or do but how you react--and you have TOTAL control over that! (but it's still pretty rude of them and totally uncalled for...) Best wishes to you!
LaBelle--how rude!!! Who's business is it but yours and your dh when you got pregnant? One of my good friends reminds me when I get ticked about people making comments/giving me looks (not because I'm pregnant, but because I'm vegan) is that it's not what they say or do but how you react--and you have TOTAL control over that! (but it's still pretty rude of them and totally uncalled for...) Best wishes to you!
Hi Kelli!
It's your old friend from knee-surgery land! Hope you are well and fully recovered! I am sort of in your boat, although for a very different reason. Being 41, I am ambivalent about getting pregnant at this late date, although we are trying, using the FAM. It's hard to imagine being 60 and just having a teenager, but we'll see what happens. It may not happen for us at all, but I would say, there probably never is a 'convenient' time, but once it happens, you'll be ready - that's what they tell me anyway. Keep us posted!
Cheers!
Colia
It's your old friend from knee-surgery land! Hope you are well and fully recovered! I am sort of in your boat, although for a very different reason. Being 41, I am ambivalent about getting pregnant at this late date, although we are trying, using the FAM. It's hard to imagine being 60 and just having a teenager, but we'll see what happens. It may not happen for us at all, but I would say, there probably never is a 'convenient' time, but once it happens, you'll be ready - that's what they tell me anyway. Keep us posted!
Cheers!
Colia
RE: Hi Kelli!
Hi Colia! So good to hear from you!
Please enlighten me on what FAM is....I wish you all the best luck in conceiving! Are you considering adoption as well? Please keep me updated!
Knees could be better, but doc said it could take a year to recover totally so I'm trying to keep positive--I hope yours are doing well!
Drop me a line when you get a chance! Love to hear from you!
Kelli
ps. though not a parent but from the perspective of once being a teenager, I can say it must be rough at any age for a parent!!!
Hi Colia! So good to hear from you!
Please enlighten me on what FAM is....I wish you all the best luck in conceiving! Are you considering adoption as well? Please keep me updated!
Knees could be better, but doc said it could take a year to recover totally so I'm trying to keep positive--I hope yours are doing well!
Drop me a line when you get a chance! Love to hear from you!
Kelli
ps. though not a parent but from the perspective of once being a teenager, I can say it must be rough at any age for a parent!!!
I have been asking myself this question for awhile now. I'm 37 and at my last annual gyn checkup my doctor told me that if I was considering getting pregnant I shouldn't postpone trying to conceive any longer. So after much debating, I thought o.k. I'm ready to stop taking the pill. Then we had to change insurance companies and in order to have the pre-natal and delivery fully covered we have to wait until the end of 2002 to begin trying. My husband seems to think it will happen right away but I get anxious thinking it may take up to a year or more which will make me 39.
Sigh. I guess I'll just have to let fate take it's course.
Lorrie
Sigh. I guess I'll just have to let fate take it's course.
Lorrie
H
Hazel
Guest
I can't speak for anyone else, but when I was ready to have a baby, I just knew. And I was not one of those women who has always wanted children either. I am the youngest in my family and hadn't spent much time around children as an adult -- to be brutally honest, I wasn't even sure I liked children (I hope that doesn't make me sound horrid!), plus my mother had always threatened me that I'd have teenagers like myself one day, and I knew that would be the worst! And of course there were all the vanity issues involved in having my body go through all the changes of pregnancy. So I spent an awful lot of time putting my husband off -- saying I'd have children "some day" but never really feeling it on an emotional level.
But then I went to a friend's baby shower and it was like BLAM! -- being hit by a bolt of lightning. I don't exactly why it occurred at that moment -- there were several women there with new babies, maybe just seeing friends with children made it not seem so weird -- but I came home that night and told my husband I wanted a baby. I just had this physical ache to have a child of my own.
If you're lucky enough to have that "a ha!" moment like I did, you'll know when it's time. But I have several friends who weren't intending to have children at all or for several more years and got pregnant accidentally and are happy and devoted parents.
And of course there were all the vanity issues involved in having my body go through all the changes of pregnancy. So I spent an awful lot of time putting my husband off -- saying I'd have children "some day" but never really feeling it on an emotional level.But then I went to a friend's baby shower and it was like BLAM! -- being hit by a bolt of lightning. I don't exactly why it occurred at that moment -- there were several women there with new babies, maybe just seeing friends with children made it not seem so weird -- but I came home that night and told my husband I wanted a baby. I just had this physical ache to have a child of my own.
If you're lucky enough to have that "a ha!" moment like I did, you'll know when it's time. But I have several friends who weren't intending to have children at all or for several more years and got pregnant accidentally and are happy and devoted parents.
RE: Hi Kelli!
FAM is fertility awareness method, using daily first morning body temperatures and some other shall-we-say, female clues - I'll email you privately. There's a great book out called Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler, I think her name is - I got it used from Amazon. You might want to check it out - good advice for both trying to get and keep from getting pregnant - gotta run - more later!
Cheers,
Colia
FAM is fertility awareness method, using daily first morning body temperatures and some other shall-we-say, female clues - I'll email you privately. There's a great book out called Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler, I think her name is - I got it used from Amazon. You might want to check it out - good advice for both trying to get and keep from getting pregnant - gotta run - more later!
Cheers,
Colia