Single and happy... what's WRONG with that?!?

[cindi1]

I think Hottiescientist is right when she said others are happy in THEIR situation and think that would make you happy too. (or maybe misery loves company!)

It doesn't really matter if it's diet, lifestyle, marriage, children, t.v. watching, hobbies, etc. etc. Family and friends will always have opinions. Just live your life.

My MIL recently passed away and we learned a lot from her long time friends - one thing we learned from her best friend was that she hated being married. Hated the idea of it, never liked it - was much happier after the divorce. The ONLY good thing to her was having my husband. She lived in a time when you were expected to be married, but she would have been much happier had she never wed. I think that is sad - that she gave up 20 years of her life trying to do what others wanted her to do.

 

[LauraMax]

I think Hottiescientist is right when she said others are happy in THEIR situation and think that would make you happy too. (or maybe misery loves company!)

I dunno, I'm not convinced. My parents had a miserable marriage & divorced when I was 7. Mom never re-married, yet she still believes that I'd be happier w/a husband & kids. My sis, one year younger than I am, is also single & childless. Frankly I think it has more to do w/mom's desire to be a grandmother than her desire to see ME happy. Not that she doesn't want to see me happy, but I can't seem to convince her that I am in my current situation, which leads me to believe there's another motivation behind her "I feel so sorry for you" rants.

 

[Jane A]

Ditto!

And good for you dating a man 16 years your junior! (I'm envious.)

A few months ago, I was reading a book about French culture, and according to this author, the French accept many different kinds and levels of love. They apparently don't try to make everybody fit into the same sort of "cookie-cutter" relationships. Pretty cool.

Freedom. Love it!

 

[RapidBreath]

my two cents.

his wife has said to me that she feels sorry for me because I don't feel the need to call people on the phone all the time. Huh? What's wrong with enjoying your own company?

I'm 43 years old, I have a child, and my own home. I have a good job making better money than most men I know. So why do people think I need to get remarried? I understand other people's need to be with someone (sort of), I just wish they'd try to understand my need to be independent.[/QUOTE]

You are perfect. ummm. I don't know what the problem would be? Maybe its just that your Dad is from a different era and really hasn't progressed mentally into 2010. What can happen is that people can become stagnant and stuck in a time gone by and they really haven't accommodated the new societal norms, what I mean by that is even though he may know in his intellect that its 2010 and a lot of people don't choose to be married, he may not truly understand that at the core of him. Also, most guys don't understand that women don't have one purpose in life, and that is to be a mother to someone else (most guys see wives as being mothers and unless they aren't married they must be like a mother without a child.)

What my mother tells me about my father is, "Don't talk to him." That seems to work. You might try it, its not that I'm pouting I just don't bother to engage the man in conversation. Why make us both irritated?

 

[MidgetDogg]

Well, it seems my venting was actually in vain, because I called him out on his email to me and told him that I hoped he wasn't implying that I needed to start focussing on remarrying. He responded with an "OMG, no!" (dad is getting into the online and texting jargon) and said that he would never do that. I know that he does really like my BF (mostly, I think, because this BF talks ALOT and is a conservative. My ex is a liberal and never had anything interesting to talk about. zzzzzzzzz) and he knows how happy I am being on my own.

I think Dad has learned a lesson in being vague in his responses, and I've learned mine in jumping to conclusions. Dad was being esoteric in hinting about glad he is that I'll be taking back my maiden name. I have no way to explain that which will really make sense to anybody, which is probably why it threw me as well. I don't do well with riddles and he was trying to be cute.

Anyway, I'm glad that I brought the venting up... because it's really cool to see how many women feel the same way I do.

 

[banslug]

May I just say how much I really enjoyed reading all these responses! Seriously! I'm single (widowed, actually) with 2 boys who are now (this month, actually) 10 and 13. I've been taking a new look at MY life.....my present life and my life in about 7 years or so. By then, both my kids will be out of high school and onto whatever is next in THEIR lives. Then it's ALL me, all the time!

I'm only a few months out of a very bad breakup, and although it really REALLY shook me to my core at the time, I am FINE because I was FINE BEFORE he came into my life. Does that make sense?

Yes, I'd like to date, and yes, I think (THINK) that I'm open and ready NOW for dating again......but I love my life as-is and I'm actually really looking forward to when my kids are adults.

 

[Fit_mommy]

I am married with a 5 year old son. I love my husband and my son very much BUT I wonder what life would be like had I chosen NOT to get married and have kids.

I have never lived on my own. I went from being living at home with my mom to living in my marital home. I always wanted to move out of my mom's house and live on my own but never got the chance because I just never made enough money back then to be able to afford to do it. I think I would have loved it!

I don't regret my choice to marry and have a child but think had I had the chance to live as a single person on my own that perhaps I may have chosen a different path for myself. That being said, I feel confident that if one day for any reason I find myself on my own that I will welcome it with open arms and relish every moment of my new life/freedom!

There is no right or wrong answer here. It's all in what makes you happy and fulfilled! Having a husband/children is not the only answer and for many, is not the answer at all! DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!

 

[Marlene815]

I'm happily divorced (12 years) and I will never marry again. Companionship is nice but not marriage-not ever! I get the pity comments and feeble attempts by others to set me up with a "nice man" sometimes and it is sickening. There are plenty of miserably married people just going through the motions because its safe and financially easier to stay married. Also, I cannot tell you how many so called happily married men have tried to slip me their number on the sly. Believe me, not all married/attached people are happy. Many of them are just going through the motions.

Do what is best for you and ignore the critics. Only you know what is best for you.

 

[morningstar]

But you're not single - you're in a relationship. So really, you're in a relationship and happy. Sounds good to me - in fact, it sounds awesome!

I think there is something to be said for being in a relationship, beyond the inconvenience. Yes, it is nice getting to watch only what you want to watch on TV and have full control of the remote. Yep, it's great not having to compromise or check in with anyone. To live your life as selfishly as you please, I get it. Great stuff. But it can be lonely. And I gotta tell ya, I would give up the remote in a hot minute if it meant I would be in a beautiful relationship with a man I adored. It's not that I want to give up my independence or lifestyle or friends or way of being in the world - it's that I want a companion to be in the world with me. I want someone to tell me it's gonna be alright, even if it isn't. I want someone to hold me in the middle of the night when I wake up with a nightmare. I want to cook for someone and have him appreciate my food. I want to be there for someone when he needs me. I do want to grow old with someone. It can be a royal pain in the ass to be in a relationship, especially since so often relationships don't work out and tend to be a special kind of torture, but for me, I'm willing to have the pain if I can just have the sweetness too.

All of that is not to say that you shouldn't do whatever you want - of course you should be able to move your relationship forward or not, as you so choose.