Sick father in law- wwyd?

[shannoncorrin]

This is long. Sorry.

A little over a year ago my stepdad passed away from brain cancer. Just about a month prior to his diagnosis, my husbands 20 year old cousin was diagnosed with the same type of brain tumor. Thankfully, he is currently cancer free. I had never had any one close to me diagnosed with cancer. Watching what this disease does rocked me to my core. It's changed everything. I'm convinced environmental factors cause this disease in most cases. So now I use essential oils instead of medications and household chemicals when I can. I clean with Norwex products. I make my own deodorant. I try to eat healthy and organic and non gmo. I've discovered Robyn obrien (watch her TEDx talk on you tube, it will change your life). And Fran dreschers detox your home amongst other things.

Nobody gets it, not even my husband. Everyone thinks I've turned into a crazy hippie, and maybe I have. Right now, we are living with my in laws until our house is built. I love my in laws, but they are completely opposite of me. I don't think they have ever tried a green veggie. Maybe once a month they eat an ear of corn or a banana. They eat pizza and burgers several days a week. It's awful. My farther in law is chronically ill. He is applying for long term disability. He has about 5 autoimmune issues, pulmonary fibrosis, and he is slowly recovering from a broken femur. He has digestive issues. He can't walk from room to room without getting out of breath and he is so frustrated that he can't do anything . It breaks my heart. He loves my son(who is 2) so much and my son looks up to his papa big time. I'm just so worried because I'm afraid if he continues down this path he isn't going to be around to see my son grow up.

I know his body is a ball of inflammation because of all the crap be eats. I don't know how to tell him that he would likely feel a lot better if he ate better. It's like they don't make that correlation. I don't want to over step my bounds and say something to upset them, but I want my son to grow up with a papa. And even if I did say something he or my mil would say the he doesn't like that kind of food. It is so sad.


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[~Elsie]

Hug ((shannon))
I am so sorry for what your family and you are going through right now and my sympathies for the loss of your dear stepdad. Those we love often live entirely different lifestyles than us don't they? My mother has been diagnosed with stage 4 copd from a lifetime of smoking so I understand your feeling. Getting to the point of offering your love to someone sometimes through health advice while accepting that they probably will not listen for whichever reasons may be best, but honestly ALL families have different dynamics so I am not sure if that is the best advice for me to give you.
I would like to share however that his being out of breath from pulmonary fibrosis is not a lifestyle or poor habits illness. It also has not been directly linked to environmental effects. I have family members with it, treated my grandma with oxygen for it so this is why I know this. I do not mean to sound like a know it all or insensitive.
My heart goes out to you and your father in-law. You sound like a very loving wife, mom and daughter in-law. We all really want those we care about to live optimally.

 

[desertambrosia]

Offer to cook a meal. Then explain that "it's so warm outside, let's have something light tonight." Then proceed to prepare something clean, organic, light and delicious. If your in-laws refuse to eat it, just put the leftovers in the fridge. I guarandamntee they're going to sneak a taste.
I don't know how anyone can eat that heavy, (pizza, burgers,) in the heat of summer! A cookout on the grill is a great occasional treat, but every night? Blech!! JMHO.

 

[cher54]

HI Shannoncorrin, I appreciate everything that you say. I know that we all want the best for our loved ones. I had a conversation with my sister a while ago which left me very upset that she was in the emotional state she was. Fortunately, I had lunch with a very evolved friend shortly after my conversation with my sis. My friend's advice to "meet my sister where she's at" have been invaluable to me. I think leading by example is the only way to make any headway. We can't change people and I've discovered that offering my "two cents" usually doesn't help. In my experience, people change when there's an impetus to change and that it is not up to me to decide the when's and how's. Take this with a grain of salt....I've just found in my experience it's the best way to handle things

 

[JeanneMarie]

In my experience, people change when there's an impetus to change and that it is not up to me to decide the when's and how's.

I couldn't have said it better. I have also watched loved ones do things detrimental to their health, ultimately leading to their lives being shortened. The best thing you can do is be an example, but you simply can't make someone else change because you want them to. It's up to them to make the decision to change and carry out that decision. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[tlc93]

Cher54 said it perfectly!

 

[maddiesmum]

Cher54 said it perfectly!

Agreed.

Clare

 

[ReneePruitt]

Hi there! I am sorry first for the loss of your step father and I know how gut wrenching it is to see someone you love suffer with this Cancer! I can't even say that word in real life it has taken most of my family. Well my mom however had breast cancer but she died of COPD. But all her sisters past away with ovarian and stomach cancer. My pa pa died of lung and my mama died of stomach cancer. My father now is suffering from esophagus cancer. My son (oldest) was diagnosed with fatty liver. My husband drink a half case a beer every evening before he goes to bed. I had raised my boys on healthy foods and I lost tons a weight as they were babies because I was then ready to take control of my life for my babies sake. I educated myself on food and exercise. My kids were healthy, my hubby never was. I can't seem to get him to stop smoking or drinking. My son now is unhealthy and eats pizza and burgers fries and so on. I tell you I realized the more I tried to help them the more they all they want is junk! Even after the doctor told my son he had a fatty liver. He does not drink at all it is the junk he eats. I do not buy junk so he gets it on his own he is a grown up.
I cook dinners at the house the rest of the time he goes other places to eat. I tell him it is cheaper and healthier to pack a lunch but he comes up with so many excuses. He gets upset if I say anything. However not saying anything got him to get fat anyway. So it is hard to know how to do it or help.
My sister now she complains, and complains of a bad back, and how bad she feels, and I DO tell her that if she tries yoga and incorporate exercise it may help but she will say "I can't exercise doctor said that's what is wrong with me I walked to much.. "Lol. I don't think so she hardly walked anywhere. She will say I hate green beans. Now she isn't over weight, but she is skinny fat if that is a way to describe it. In fact she is smaller then me.
I however like to eat but I eat healthy and I lift weights and feel good. She will look at my arms, and ask why cant she have firm arms and I tell her I lift heavy weights. But then she says she can't lift it will hurt her back on and on. I get sick of that cause y ask if u don't want to know. I have a work for that it is askhole !! Lol someone who asks for advice and never takes it or has reasons why that won't work.

But for my son, and hubby they don't ask and so it makes it hard to engage in telling them stuff cause I don't want to preach or hurt them, but I have had the conversation with them like my son I told him WE are going to have to lose weight and exercise, different ways like that.
I try to be kind but one day I had it and just told him, it was after the doctor told him he had fatty liver, I said ok look you have gotten bigger and it's time you have to watch what you eat. Then I explain what a FL is. He ties for a bit, and goes back to pizzas, and stuff and says oh well I don't care! It's likes a losing battle.
My hubby is finally eating salad but he still smoking, and now coughing his head off every morning. And beer still going with that.

What can we do? Keep doing us! I just keep plugging away at my workouts and I eat healthy for me. I decided I can not do it for them. Yes ultimately they may get sick and I will be the one to take care of them and I will see them suffer. I told my husband I feel he is selfish that way. I feel I love him so much I'd be here for him of course like he would for me but to destroy your body knowing I will see it after losing my mom and aunts and my youngest son in a car accident you'd think he would try to get healthier to give us more quality of life. But I really think they want to but don't think they can? Or don't know how but won't listen to me either. I don't know.

I agree that the food we eat contributes to diseases and cancers and heat problems. Digestive disorders. The way they inject our food with hormones I am convinced that is why young girls develop faster! In such wouldn't we age faster? Stands to reason to me.!!
Inflammation Is what is a complication of Rheumatoid Arthritis so what causes inflammation? Some foods do. I mean even if a disease ISNT cause by foods or over eating I would imagine it doesn't help the situation. Just like take a simple thing like snoring if you are thin and healthy and snore some and lightly if you gain weight it exacerbates the snoring to be louder, even to lose the breath for a few seconds in turn cause Blood pressure to go up for lack of oxygen depending on how long it went on. Then they develop sleep Apnia. Where they think they are sleeping yet can't get RIM sleep due to lack of oxygen and like my other son he feel asleep at the wheel and it was because he feel asleep all the ought the day no matter where he was. It was all because of over eating junk. Yes he snores lightly when he was lighter anyway but it was so bad too he eMate to much. He is okay now he has a machine to breath at night. But if he lost weight he would be better off and get of the machine. I can go on and on with how I feel food contributes to a wide range of things but you are CORRECT no one seems to even get a clue as to what food is doing to us. It is sad and I wish there was some way we can make people aware of it. I want to make people understand the choices they make do contribute to what the body ends up doing.
My sister says oh well we all die of something while she is smoking and drinking coffee all day and does nothing else!! She is the one that is skinny fat.. She won't exercise, and if and when she eats it is pizza rolls and such. She basically hardly eats but like I said when she does it is yuk food. So I feel for u and totally understand. I had a co worker ask how to lose and I told her what kind of exercise to do and she was like oh I don't want to exercise! [emoji16] okay then what should I tell you? There is a pill? There isn't!! Now that was in my head I did not say it. Except we'll eat healthy and u at least need to walk and lift light weights and I explain the reasons but she won't do it. It is sad.


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