Should we move back to our hometown?

Jennifit

Jennifit

Cathlete
Hi!

My DH and I have been toying with the idea of moving back to our hometown since we had our twins 5 months ago... The biggest draw are my three sisters and my mother. (And, all my nieces) We love, love where we are, but I am really starting to burn out. We cannot afford too much help and have no real friends to help me out (nor would I want to ask for free help) My family has been wanting us to move back - they are all there - and my mother would be a big help.

If all else being equal, what would you do?? Also, the cost of living is so much less there, but the neighborhood and schools are just as great.

thanks for your advice!!!

jen
 
What Shelley said. I love north Jersey, but I'd really love to be back in south Jersey, rooting for the Iggles, Phillies & Flyers, being near my old friends & my family, shopping at the Cherry Hill Mall & having a much lower cost of living.

Oh, & being close enough to Glassboro to take a class w/Cathe every now & then. ;-)
 
I agree with everyone. If you can work out the employment situation, life will be much easier, at least while your babies are small. :)

Good luck!
Marie
 
I say if you can find work then do it.
I know it is alot harder without family.
My sister paid out $18000. on daycare last year. If she were home we could help her out alot.WOW!!! I know in 3 yrs when she retires from the military she plans on getting back here...
 
I am big on being near my family and friends. I will never move far from them unless it's an absolute MUST and I can't imagine what that would be. If I were you I would go in a heart beat but like everyone else said...make sure there is gainful employment otherwise the lower cost of living will be useless. Having a support system in place around you is very important IMO. I don't know how people do it with out one...or why they would want to for that matter....
 
I'd move back. As someone without much resources to help with childcare, I would appreciate the help. And it's good for your children to have family nearby.
 
Sounds like it would probably be best for you.

For me, moving back to my home would never be an option. But I came from a very small town, and being close to my family is not something I care for all that much. They're two hours away...plenty close for me! I made a life for myself where I am now long before I met DH. Although I have no real family here, I have my support and friends. Where I was raised is my "hometown," but where I live now is "home" to me.

Good luck with your decision. I hope it works out for you! :)
 
Guess I'm playing devil's advocate here. I'm sure being near family can be helpful... but on the other hand, sometimes family can drive you absolutely crazy. I enjoy going for family visits... down to FL, a 1 1/2 hour drive away to NJ... but I'm not so sure I'd enjoy living in the same TOWN as my and DH's families. I think it'd be too much togetherness for me. Just my two cents!:)
 
My DH and I live 2 hours away from any family so we don't get any help at all. We also don't have much of a support system with friends. It would help us tremedously, especially financially (we spend $14,000/year for childcare)if we lived closer. I can understand needing help. If our families (mine and DH) lived in a community with better paying jobs then we probably would have stayed in the area. What is your hesitation for not moving back? Jobs? It sounds like everything would be a win-win situation for you and your family from what you are saying. Good luck with your decision.
 
I've toyed with the idea of moving back to my hometown and I've come to the conclusion that it's TOO close, like someone else here mentioned. I would, however, consider living within an hour or two or even three away from them. That's just enough space, in my opinion anyway, to be comfortably close. My husband and I live 1000 miles from our hometown in Iowa and I regret having raised my kids so far away from their grandparents and cousins. My kids are grown now so it's too late to move back - and NOW I don't want to move away from my kids because THIS state is home to them. (But I do regret moving away from there 25 years ago). :-( I miss spending my life with my siblings and my parents and a large extended family.
 
DH and I are getting ready to move out of the philly area back to Indiana near our family. We have the same reason. Family, lower cost of living, friends, etc. I say go for it if you can!
LD
 
Thanks Everyone!
Yes, family can be a pain in the you-know-what, but at this point I would take those moments to be able to run to the store for 30 minutes.
We would definitely make sure DH would have a great opportunity, which it looks like he already has some great leads there. I will miss a big city, but being close would be great.

Thanks for all your advice! It is really helpful. I will let you know what happens!! ahhhhhhh - it makes me nervous.
 
jen,

i lived in florida for 14 years before moving back home. each time someone would visit, i would ball my eyes out when they would leave. i couldnt even take them to the airport. all i heard was, "you can never go home, it wont be the same." guess what? i did and it was the best decision i made.

i miss the warm weather and the easier driving and lifestyle, but thats it. i have my family. four months after i came back, my dad passed away. we were able to support eachother and still do. i help my mom a lot.

my situation is different, as i had gotten married and moved away. no kids, and i divorced, but i was still away from family. i have a sister and a brother and lots of nieces and nephews. i missed all the little things that i wanted to be at. now i get to go to the graduations (even the kindergarten), plays etc. it is so worth it.

do what you feel is right in your heart.

suri
 
Boy, i could have written this post! We moved from Alabama to Virginia 18 months ago and at the time, it seemed like the best thing to do! We were way to close to family and just wanted a change. Well, since then, we have added another baby and lost a vehicle. So, I am a SAHM to a 5 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. We are trying really hard to get back to Alabama. We have learned what is important to us...and that is family. As annyoying as they are, they can't be replaced by anyone. I miss the days of just dropping the kids off at my moms so I could grocery shop, or seeing a movie with DH (we have no sitter here in VA yet).

My vote, being in the same type of shoe, is to move back as fast as you can. Children need their grandparents, and mommy and daddy need free sitter:)

Jessica
 
I agree - move back.

Warren Buffett was asked what his greatest accomplishment was in life at some conference thing at UNL and he said "having the people that you love and care about also care and love you" - something like that gist anyways

It truly is about close relationships, family and good friends. You can live in the "hottest" "fun" city in the world but if you have nobody to share it with - where is the fun in that? I rather sit down with friends and family at a BBQ in the backyard and watch the nieces and nephews play and have a few cocktails - then go to cool show, or up and coming artist or whatever.....

not to mention - you could shop for two hours all alone without kids if you have babysitters :)
 
Congratulations on your twins! Ours are 16 months old. We are at the other end of the country from our families and also have no friends in the area. At some point, we will move to be about 30-60 min away from DH's family and about 3hrs from mine. I can say that our families are really missing being a part of our babies lives and watching them grow up. We have done okay in terms of our sanity, but it would have definitely been easier if we had help from our families. Good luck and let us know what you decide!
 
If moving back would be good for you AND your dh then go for it.

I used to think it'd be better if we were closer to family, my babies were 18 months apart. But after a few visits and reminders on how family can drive you crazy with "you should do this and you shouldn't do that" I have come to appreciate our freedom to make choices and grow as our own family unit. Through trial and error we managed and ended up better for it. We love visiting our other family, (grandmas, nieces and such) but it's great when you have a sense of freedom. Yes, it was hard. I did not have close friends to help, nor could we afford daycare, back then it was close to $800 a month.

Think very carefully, once you start depending on someone else to help you, something unsaid comes into play where they think you owe them gratitute. Be careful.

Carrie

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I don't think family will make something "unsaid" come into play. Yes, sometimes family will get on your nerves. But do the positives outweigh the negatives? Think about it and make your decision.
LD
 
I, too, have had a similar situation. Very impulsively my husband took a job and we moved 3 hours away from our family. Only three hours, no big deal, right? HUGE deal. I was so lonely, and our family really missed us. My mom would come and stay with us for weeks at time. We would come "home" almost every other weekend. We moved back after only 18 months. The economy where we live is really suffering, and we may be forced to move so my husband can work. I dread it more than I can say. It is very comforting to have grandma's and grandpa's that can come to soccer games, school plays, and of course baby sit. Our parents are still young and healthy and it's important to me to be with them and that my kids have a relationship with them. Go home if you can!

Sally
 
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