Serious Question...Adult ADD???

S

sarab

Cathlete
Does anybody suffer from this? What were your symptoms? The reason I am asking (with humiliation and desperation) is because I think something is wrong with me and this may be it. I can't stay focused on much of anything. I can't stick to anything such as a workout schedule, eating schedule, etc. For example, I woke up on Sat morning with all intentions of making a good breakfast for my family (mission accomplished), taking a shower (did not even brush my teeth until 2 let alone take a shower), mop (one week later and still not done), laundry (done), anyway, I think you get my point.

Maybe I overwhelm myself, but that is not always the case. Some days I will have very little to do (housework wise) and I get nothing done. I feel like I can't focus on anything. Then, I get soooo mad at myself and feel like a complete failure. I go to bed at night feeling like a bad mom, wife, person. I don't know why I feel this way, but it has been going on for about 6 months to a year. Do I need help?

I am ashamed to admit all of this. I had a diffucult time letting my deep secret out. But, I need to deal with it. I hope I am not viewed as a "crazy" person, which is a fear of mine. But sometimes I feel "crazy". I never used to be this way. I used to be able to do everything. Now, I look back and think "How did I do all of that".

Please Help!!!
Thanks!
Sara
 
Sara-
{{{{{{{{sara}}}}}}}}} Dont know your age or anything but sure sounds familiar to my hormone hell until I took medical action. i related immediately. I dont know anything about adult ADD but I sure would get hormones checked out before having an MD put me on ADD meds.
 
Hi,

I'm obviously not a psychiatrist, but am very interested in ADHD and work as a special education teacher. Adult ADHD is very real and there is nothing wrong or deviant about being ADHD. The brain is just working differently. According to the DSM IV, ADHD symptoms are diagnosed or noticed by the age of 7. So if this has been going on your whole life then it could possibly be ADHD. If not, sometimes depression can look like the symptoms that you have. I'm sure there are other things it could be too. I'd go see a professional if it is really interferring with your life, which it sounds like it is.

Tracy
 
Oh, Sara. I can relate totally. I'm a person that has had both depression and ADD going on. I don't have the depression anymore, but reading your post sure sounds more like a form of depression than anything else. And I know the feelings of being a bad person, wife, housekeeper, mother and how the can wreak havoc on you.
 
I can relate...I flit from project to project like a wild molecule never getting focused enough to see them through to completion. Consequently my life has become a long to-do list, including many things that I WANT and ENJOY doing but simply cannot focus long enough to do them. This impacts me in a variety of ways and like Sara it feeds into feeling low, anxious, and becoming a procrastinator. Meditation and lots of exercise helps a bit but not enough. I'd love to know what others experiences are. I know I will be discussing this with my doctor because I feel I am able to get by and even be successful, even with my career, I am simply no where near my full potential (although I am not real keen on meds).
 
Sara - I actually went for marriage counseling (alone - DH wouldn't go) years ago and was diagnosed with ADD ....but was told that I probably grew up with it and have adapted (somewhat) into my adult life living with it. I will say that I am a lot like you. I tend to go off in all different directions all of the time. It takes me forever to get anything done.....as I'm always getting sidetracked. I'm always multitasking....can't stand only doing 1 thing at a time....must have the radio or TV on at all times. I can only follow DVDS for exercise....can't follow a written page. I even have to leave the room periodically when following a DVD, as I'll think of something I have to write down (obssessive/compuslive too). I need the structure of LISTS in my life and TO DO lists and need to follow an instructor for exercise. If I'm left to do something on my own....it would take me half the day!!

Usually, when I really need to get something done within a time frame, I do one of two things. I keep telling myself "focus Lora.....focus....one thing at a time.....concentrate, etc.". The other thing that is helpful is writing out a time schedule. Like if I have to be somewhere at a certain time, and I have to get A,B,C,D, E ...etc done prior to the time. I try to stick to the schedule and keep referring to it to stay on track. (ETA: just re-reading this - I realize it sounds sort of cheesy.....but writing it out on paper actually does help me stay somewhat focused....but when I figure times....I usually allow for my ADD issues). Also - I suffer from depression -- and I'm also a very hyper/nervous individual.

This is sort of embarrassing to admit........as I was a bit disturbed to find out that I have ADD (although I sort of thought I did). NOthing to be ashamed of though..........we're all unique!!

Hope I helped you in some "small" way. Take care!
 
Wow, Sara, I could have written your post! That's me all over again. Sadly, the older I get, the worse it gets. Or maybe I just have more that I need to accomplish, so I'm noticing more that I'm not accomplishing it.

I do take meds for depression. I was diagnosed with mild bipolar disorder about fifteen years ago. I function pretty normally with medication (and passably even without it, although it is hell internally). However, I do notice the problem is worse when my medication dosage is off (gained weight, lost weight, thyroid problems, etc.)

Hope you find an answer. I find that some things make it better; others make it worse. Nothing, so far, has made it go away. It's more about learning to cope with it. And let's face it, if you're at all like me, no matter how much you get done, it would never be enough to satisfy you. :) Ahhhh!

Shari
 
Sara,
I actually worked for a lawyer for several years who had ADD. He didn't know it and was never diagnosed, but you didn't have to be in the medical field to diagnose him. We used to talk about dropping ritalin in his coffee, or leaving a magazine article about adult ADD on his desk anonymously!

If you do have it, good for you for wanting to know. However, I'm going to venture to guess that if you have it, it probably does not come on suddenly. I don't think it's something that lasts for 6 months or a year. That lawyer I worked with hasn't changed in the 14 years I've known him. If you're having problems now that you've never had before, something tells me it's not ADD.

But, hey, what do I know? Talk to your doctor SOON!! As some here have mentioned, depression can make it very hard to concentrate or carry something thru to completion.

In any event, please don't despair! There are wonderful medications for depression, and for ADD. There's plenty of help out there, and the sooner you get started, the sooner you'll feel better. :D

Nancy
 
Hi Sara,

In my opinion it seems more likely that you are suffering from a combo of anxiety/depression than ADD. I believe ADD continues throughout a lifetime from a young age and not a sudden onset. The fact that you go to bed feeling like you are a bad person spells depression for me and that you fear you are going crazy or that people will think your crazy is anxiety. I've suffered from both off and on and it could be hormone related or stress related. Extreme stress can cause a lack of concentration and procrastination and your situation sounds more like that but I would suggest seeing a professional.

Tina
 
Thank you for all of your replies....I am glad to hear that I am not alone in this world. I want to talk to a dr about it. However, the only dr I ever see is obgyn. Should I go to a different dr? I was thinking about starting a yearly physical along with the "yearly female" checkup. I hate the idea of being medicated, but I am willing to get better. I don't feel like I have hit rock-bottom...my feelings kind of come and go. Little things will set me off. (My huge pile of laundry about brought my to tears this morning.)

I think part of my problem is growing up with mean people. Not from my family, but people around me. People have been so mean to me for no obvious reason. School was hell. I had one good friend, but that was it. Everybody else was fake and did/said really mean things behind my back. I still deal with this, sometimes from the public and sometimes from dh's family. I was asking dh last night if I am likable. I don't know if this is causing my problem, but it sure doesn't help!

Thanks again, I knew I would get good advice here!!!

Sara
 
((((((((((Sara)))))))))))) Please, give yourself some slack and get yourself to a doctor to talk about what is bothering you. I personally have the female doctor and a primary care doctor. Both are wonderful but the primary care is better able to see the big picture and has many contacts in the field when I need a referral. And remember to surround yourself with good people and ditch the people who drag you down.
 
Hi Sara,

I deal with a lot of what you mentioned and I used to pride myself on my ability to accomplish so much in so little time. I think it stems from stress and depression. I haven't gone to a doctor about it because, frankly, I haven't found one that I trust. I wanted to give you some advice on how to handle each day, though. I make lists of what I need to accomplish and this really motivates me. It is relaxing to go to bed at night with every item crossed off. Also, the internet exacerbates my ineffiency and lack of concentration. I am a full-time college student on top of everything else, and I focus better when I am forced to read textbooks and study. During the summer, my attentiveness and productivity fall and my computer usage increases. I have found that the brain is just like a muscle. If you use it to concentrate (lift heavy) then your ability (strength) will increase. When I am on the internet, I only skim through material not taking much of it in.
I hope I have communicated this somewhat coherently. Even though I know my advice doesn't solve the cause of the problem, perhaps it can help you feel a bit better right now. I, also, often feel that I am an inadequate mom, wife, etc. but these issues go back to my childhood. Anyway, I just want to offer a big ((((HUG)))) and reassurance that there are others that struggle with this as well.
 
Sara - I can relate to growing up around "meanies" also. Take care of yourself. If you feel like you need a doctor appt., then I'd go to a Family Practice or Internal Medicine doctor. I know hormones and stress can play a big part in what you describe also!!
 
Hi Sara! Another Adult ADD "sufferer" here:) I put this in quotes because I don't consider this to be necesarrily something to suffer from. You can turn it into something positive and harness it for good (so to speak) I rarely post anywhere but the cheetah (runners) check in but I have a reputation there of having too much energy.
I also joke alot that I have the attention span of a toddler ;-)
I've been this way as long as I can remember and I am now 50 yrs old.
If you like running at all I find that this is a wonderful way to work off the nervous energy and get yourself focused. Also, as others have stated when I find myself having more difficulty than usual focusing, list making helps alot.

You are a special person and this particular personality trait, or whatever you want to call it does not make you bad at all. There are successful ways to cope! You may however, also be dealing with depression issues so I would strongly advise you to discuss this with an MD.... family practice or internal medicine... not an ob/gyn.

Best of luck to you and take care!

ShellyC
 
Shelly - yes, I agree ....about the running or actually any form of exercise. It has been joked about me that I'm like the "Energizer Bunny".....I am also close to 50 (47). My house is full of LISTS!!!
 
My 71 year old mother has it, I have it and two of my daughters. I went on medication and it did help but I did not like the side effects. I try to deal with it on my own, but it really helps knowing that I have the condition when life gets crazy. I can be a little more gentle with myself. I am going to try vision therapy for myself. I did wonders for my daughter's ADD. It is not a cure all by any means, but anything to ease the condition is okay in my books. You are not crazy, you are creative. I always say that if I am in an emergency, I want an ADD person in my corner. We are great under pressure and in crisis situations. (All the practise, you know)

Make yourself lists and live by them. Talk to yourself and continually give yourself positive affirmations. When I clean the kitchen, I talk to myself; put 20 things away, now 15, okay, now 10 and----you know the rest. When I become overwhelmed, I tell myself that I am wonderful, creative and anything but dull and I can do the task in front of me. If your mind is running a hundred miles before you go to bed, do a yoga or meditation tape and take some melatonin.

You are not alone and you are unique and (as Jari says) a force to be reckoned with.

Cheryl
 
Sara:

you do not have to be medicated to treat depression and anxiety. I agree with the other posters that this seems more likely a diagnosis than ADHD. If you have been suffering for years, then medication becomes more probable. You seem to have certain issues, however, which have followed you from childhood, and for some reason, they are coming back to the foreground now. Something has acted as a trigger to make you feel insecure, and it is swamping you with a lack of confidence in your abilities. I would see a regular PCP and get a referral to a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioural therapy and who can precribe for depresssion and anxiety should this become necessary at some point. I don't advise seeing a social worker. They are not always adept at spotting deep seated problems that have been around since childhood. I have never had any luck with those that I have seen. I recommend a therapist/psychiatrist or a psychologist. Someone to talk to who is a profesional. You dislike the idea of medicaion, and certainly, you do not have to take any. It depends on how badly you are suffering, on how long it has been going on for, whether your symptoms may have been triggered by hormonal changes and/or additional recent stressors. I think you really need to find someone in whom you can trust enough to get all this stuff from childhood out.

I do not understand why some posters seem to think Ritalin and other ADHD drugs are so evil: they are a lot less evil than most antidepressants in my experience. Not as powerful and with way less side effects.

Good luck Sara,

Clare
 
Sorry you are feeling this way.

I am like everyone else in thinking it is more likely depression and anxiety. Know that feeling well.

You know, when I think about it, almost everyone I know personally that has lived through a difficult/messed up childhood...especially one with verbal abuse....grows up to have the feelings you are having now. It is hard to describe. It is like this feeling of being lost in regards to everything...including daily chores! It is like you look at other people and go "why can't I do that/be that way?". I constantly wonder how life is so easy to hold together for some people and what really keeps them going through the boring motions of it all. I think caregivers are especially vulnerable to this type of anxiety/depression. Some people spend so long focusing on others and discounting themselves that they never really know what it is they like to do or even have a clue as to who they are. I have seen this a lot, too.

I grew up in a judgemental environment filled with verbal abuse. I now question my worth in everything I do....including the laundry. I don't think I am "likeable". I think I am different than everyone else. I always feel different than everyone else. Like I have all these 'issues'. People can tell you things only so many times before you start to believe it. Therapy can help that, help you realize you are NOT what others think you are.
It is weird how the past can come back and bite you in the ass when you least expect it. I felt I had no real issues until I hit 26 or so. Then it was like all of a sudden I could get nothing accomplished and didn't care anymore. I took meds, now only take a mood stabilizer, but I can't really tell you it has helped much. Therapy does help but I think it needs to be more than once a week to be effective. I just think this is the way I am. This is what I have turned out to be. It is now just part of my personality.

One of the things they have you do in therapy is track your thoughts. Write down what you are thinking everytime you feel bad about yourself/have a negative thought. Then you learn how to rephrase that in a positive light. My therapist never worked with me on that stuff but my sister has one now that is awesome. She has homework every week!! They can really make a difference if you get the right one.

Based on what you say about people just being "mean" to you your WHOLE life, saying nasty things, 100% gauranteed you are fighting self esteem issues. Issues from the past that you maybe thought weren't that big of a deal and now you don't understand why all of a sudden they are. What are some of your thoughts when you get upset?
 
>. I can't stick to
>anything such as a workout schedule, eating schedule, etc. For
>example, I woke up on Sat morning with all intentions of
>making a good breakfast for my family (mission accomplished),
>taking a shower (did not even brush my teeth until 2 let alone
>take a shower), mop (one week later and still not done),
>laundry (done), anyway, I think you get my point.
>
>Maybe I overwhelm myself, but that is not always the case.
>Some days I will have very little to do (housework wise) and I
>get nothing done. I feel like I can't focus on anything. Then,
>I get soooo mad at myself and feel like a complete failure. I
>go to bed at night feeling like a bad mom, wife, person. I
>don't know why I feel this way, but it has been going on for
>about 6 months to a year. Do I need help?
>
>I am ashamed to admit all of this. I had a diffucult time
>letting my deep secret out. But, I need to deal with it. I
>hope I am not viewed as a "crazy" person, which is a fear of
>mine. But sometimes I feel "crazy". I never used to be this
>way. I used to be able to do everything. Now, I look back and
>think "How did I do all of that".
>

One thing I noticed: YOU GOT A LOT DONE! Like 2 out of 4! That sounds good to me! (I know that doesn't make you feel better)
I read this again and can't believe how this sounds like me!! Don't you look back at your life 'before' and wonder where you lost that part of yourself. What happened to that girl who could do it all and didn't feel so 'lost' all the time? Then you compare yourself to others. Your problems aren't as bad as other people's problems so why are you such a whiner, why can't you even brush your teeth for pete's sake??!! then you think, "No one else seems to have this problem, what is wrong with me??!!!". Then you try to stick to your guns, get up, do the laundry, make dinner, clean yourself, etc.......but that doesn't happen. You have failed again. Why?? Then you say, "man, there is REALLY something wrong with me for sure". So you constantly are telling yourself you are DEFECTED. It is a vicious cycle.
You know, I wonder where the 'old' part of me went. The girl that loved to work out balls-to-the-wall and kept an immaculate house. The one that planted flowers in the spring and looked forward to long rolleblade skates after a hard day at work. The one that felt good at her job and liked as a person and friend even if some days weren't so good. I especially wonder what happened to the girl that used to buy new clothes and do her hair and makeup in the morning just to look good for herself. I look at other women now and think, "God, where do you find the energy to paste on face/do your hair every morning?" It exhausts me just thinking about it. I wash my hair every couple of days and shave my legs like once a week and most times cringe when I hike my leg up and feel my fat rolls and then get out of the shower only to feel like I've ran a marathon!!! Sometimes I have to shave in two sessions cuz the razor gets dull. I mean, how sad is that???? I go shopping, am tortured looking at myself in the dressing room mirror constantly thinking "How could you let this happen to you?". I manage to find three new pieces of clothing in 3 hours and 120 outfits. I either buy them and bring them back the next day because they look bad and aren't worth the $$ anyway..or.. buy them, keep them, and never wear them, or....the most frequent.....wander around the store a bit more and talk myself out of them and put them all back. Now I have just wasted 3 more hours and wonder why I can't make a decision about anything and why clothes shopping seems so much harder for me than anyone else. I wonder how people get dressed in the morning and feel like they look good...or even OK!!!.....Again, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
:eek:

Then one day.......

The girl that planted those flowers kept seeing them die because she always forgot to water them (STUPID GIRL! can't you do anything right?!) so one day just decided "Screw it! Why waste the money?" Now I have empty pots in my front yard and a dirt garden. I go out and pull the weeds of course so the neighbors don't think I am white trash but I still wonder why a pull weeds to make an already ugly yard look better.(why can't I keep a pretty yard = WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?)

I used to buy stuff to decorate the house, right? Oh, I've never been good at decorating (another problem I have). My mom is great at it and to her matching the paint in your house is more important to spending time with your family. Anyhoo....one day I got sick of the pictures on my wall cuz I hadn't purchased any new ones in a long time. So I thought, "Hmm. I should buy some new pictures!" but then I looked at the stained carpet, knicked up walls, the dust on the furniture, and just felt sooooooo overwhelmed and thought, "Well, with everything else I have to do, WHY BOTHER, it will look like crap anyway". So I threw the old pictures away nad never got new ones. Now, I live in a pictureless house with bare walls with the same furniture we had when we moved in. I don't invite people over because that would mean I would have to 'pretend normal' and hurry up and buy some flowers, pictures, clean my walls, etc. So, I'd rather just hide from the world.

What do I do when my knick-knacks get dusty? THROW THEM AWAY. Well, that has happened so many times that eventually I just said, "why do I buy all this crap just to sit on the counter and collect dust?" So, I stopped buying them. Now, in addition to no flowers and no pics, I have no decorations.

And as all this happens, the downward spiral of what used to be me, I sleep more, work out less, feel my anxiety levels shoot through the roof. As it all goes downhill, what do I say to myself?? You guessed it, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME". And I just don't know anymore. I guess I hope one day it will change but I have the used the "oh, I am just so busy with school and work",etc..excuse but that doesn't fly cuz when I am not busy or have a week off I STILL don't want to accomplish anything. I have high hopes and think TOMORROW I am going to x x and x. but I wake up, look around, and say, "Nahhh. Why?" Then later I think, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME" and wonder why my husuband loves me when I seem to be so weak/lazy/depressed/unkempt for no good reason.

The truth is there really is no good reason why I changed. No real traceable incident. Yeah, I suffered a series of losses but I guess not anymore than anyone else...not anymore than the "beautiful people" (LOL). I have spent so much time feeling defected now that I just withdraw. I spend my leisure time with my husband because he is safe and won't make fun of me. I think people see weakness in you. If they think you are doubting yourself, questioning your worth, they will step in and zing ya. I think it makes them feel better. Sad, but true. And if you have a family with a dysfuntional history, well, the chances that they are going to take advantage of every single opportunity to make you feel like crap is really high up there.

Sorry this is so long, I just thought I'd share my experience and maybe you could identify. I'll send you a PM with my email and maybe you'd like to talk more.

;-)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top