Run, Bambi, Run!

6

67firecracker

Cathlete
Famous last words of a famous mother. I've found this phrase echoing in my head the last few days upon hearing a rumour that my dd is going out with a young man. I know for a fact there has been no "going out" but there's no accounting for what happens in school. She is an innocent 14 yr old. He's 15, tall, good-looking, athletic, popular, a partier, and in my dd's words - "he's a spoiled brat who gets whatever he wants!" ACCCKKKKK! Run Bambi Run!!!

Any advice from experienced mothers?

Trish

http://www.dogshow.ca/images/running-dog.gif
 
How funny! I've had the same thoughts, but I have a fifteen-year-old son. I know just what you mean, though. I want so much to keep him safe from that scary, dangerous world out there. On the other hand, I want him to experience every joy life has to offer, knowing that each joy is accompanied by a sorrow.

No one ever told me before I had a child that I would never feel safe again. I thought I was prepared. And I was, really. I'd hope so. I was nearly thirty-years-old when he was born. But I don't think I could ever have prepared myself for that part. It's like our hearts are walking around outside our bodies, isn't it?

Shari
 
Hi Trish,

I'm in the throes over here too. I have a 16yr.old girl. She has her first EVER boyfriend, however, last year she had a crush and had lunch every day with a boy like the one you describe your daughter is going out with. All I can say is, keep talking to her being careful not to judge her or the boy...I learned this one the hard way. Our daughter knows what our values are. She understand right from wrong. She knew this boy did not fit the bill for her, but she found him irresistable. We talked more about his good virtues. She figured out the rest. Thank GAWD! The young man she is "going out" with now is just right. A phone call here and there, group dating, no kissing ( yet...or so she says) or public displays of affection...what she likes about this boy is that there is "no pressure". Man, we like that too. We talk allot about the time she might find it difficult to resist "the pressure", because lets face it, that time will come. Oy Vay:eek: Good luck, I hear you. ~deb
 
Oh, you ladies are making me REALLY, REALLY appreciate my children's ages (7,5,2) right now! I don't think I'll ever be ready for dating, etc. with them! I think changing diapers forever is looking more appealing! LOL!

Good luck!

Dallas
 
Hey Trish, I don't know if this is what you want to hear or not but I met my husband when I was 13 and he was 15. I walked into my friends house for a slumber party and he was manning the record player. I fell head over heals at first sight, and the next morning I told my mom that I was "in love". I'm know for a fact she said "yeah right!" and was probably thinking "Run, Bambi,Run" but that was way back in 1979 and we are still together. He was (still is) tall, dark, handsome, and the captain of the football team...well he's not still dark haired or the football captain:)

My sister is in a similar marriage. She met her husband in 8th grade and they have been together for 22 years. We both are very fortunate, but I think coming out of a divorced childhood has made us even more determined to make it work....but I digress...

Having said all that, I have laid down the law with my kids from VERY young that there will be no boyfriends/girlfriends. No "dating"
in a traditional way. Of course we will take a situation as it comes and that doesn't meant they won't ever get to have group going out, but I have to tell you that when I overhear my kids talking to their friends about it they will just say "Oh, I'm not allowed to do that yet" and it seems to work out just fine for now.

Either way I hope it works out for your daughter. If he is a nice guy, than wonderful. If he is a loser, I hope she sees that before her heart is hurt:)
 
Hello again, I just re-read Deb's post and have to echo the communication thing. So important!! I would also add one more suggestion if I may. Have her father take her out on a date. My husband does simple ones with our daughter who is 12, but they will progress as she gets older. Ice cream now, but dinners in the future. Our thinking here is to have a MAN show her how to be treated...like a LADY. We want her to not only have a good expectation of how it should be, but to also make sure all of her "father needs" are being met. So many studies show that girls who didn't have good fathers try to fill that void with relationships. We hope to set a pretty high bar so that only boys who can meet that will make our daughter take notice.
 
Dani, that is so lovely that your husband takes his daughters out like this. I choked up while reading about it:)

Trish, I feel for you and am bracing myself for this. My daughters are 16, 14 and 10. I found Elizabeth's 16th birthday to be such a milestone, more so than I remember it being for myself. I know that I really can't protest if she wants to date. She has had an ongoing flirtation with a boy at school and I feel very good about the fact that she will talk to me about it, I know I didn't talk to my Mom about this stuff at 16. As has already been said, communication is key, sometimes when my daughters are telling me about something someone else has done (at the last school dance a 15 year old girl and 17 year old boy were busted by a teacher having sex in the boy's bathroom:eek: YIKES!!!) I have to do everything I can to contain myself and not freak out and risk losing the opportunity to hear their views on the situation before I give them my perspective. I have loved every stage of raising my Girls (more in retrospect at times) and as much as I know the teenage years are going to continue to be a challenge it is such a joy to see them become young, confident women in body, mind and spirit. It's easy for me to feel this way now, there are no bucks sniffing at the door right now although they have been circling in closer and closer....... :)

Take Care
Laurie
 
Amen to that one Dannette! I couldn't agree more. The relationship between father/daughter is significant to say the least. The words, compliments, ideas shared with my daughter have more weight at this time in her life that mine do. I'm aware and happy about this. My husband takes great care ( some guidance by me needed from time to time) to give her the kind of feedback and "open air" needed. She very much needs to be heard and respected and admired by her father. I can see clearly how this relationship is shaping her ideas about boys, romatic relationships, marriage. Interesting topic, yes? Oh, how I can't wait for the day she makes the best decision for her and we don't have to worry so much. deb:eek:
 
I think it is a very interesting topic which is not unusual for this forum. You all make me think, and I love reading such a variety of opinions.
 
Indeed, Dannette. I've learned alot from the ladies here. I find that as I move through life and my fitness and emotional needs change, I can always find a common voice in the crowd. I love to read the many different ideas and habits of the ladies here.

My family is where I live. These topics tend to stir me the most. I am always facinated with how some personalities just jump off the screen! Fun getting to know all of you! ~deb
 
A few more things and thoughts I needed to share:

1. After all my "Run, Bambi Run" thoughts over the last few days - we hit a deer last night! It's a good thing I'm not superstitious or believe in omens or anything! It came flying out of the ditch and hit just in front of my passenger door. Our car is totalled! I felt so bad for the deer - it was really gross, but I believe it died instantly.

2. I'm now amazed at my mother - she never asked or questioned me at all about the males in my life when I was a teenager! I'm just about going insane not knowing what is going on between this guy and my dd. My dd appears nonchalant and non-committal. She maintains there's nothing going on and yet the entire town is talking about how these two are a hot item! Is the guy telling stories? Is my dd telling the truth?

3. I do have a great dh, who has a good relationship with my dd and he did take her out the other day and express his disappointment that she never told him about this guy. She responded with "There was nothing to tell. We're just friends."

So the drama continues...

Trish
 
Wow Trish, I am sorry about your car..and the deer. I am glad you are alright.

It is good to keep and eye on your daughter during this time. Talk, talk, talk...and not just about the boy. Your a mom, you know what I mean. Sometimes the truth comes about indirectly.

Really, you and your dh are doing all that you can. I know it can all be so unnerving.

Question: When you say that the entire town is talking, what do you mean by this? That might freak me out. What is being said exactly?

Hang in there and watch out for deer! deb;-)
 
Run, Bambi, Run!!!

>Question: When you say that the entire town is talking, what
>do you mean by this? That might freak me out. What is being
>said exactly?

It does seem that the whole town is talking and I'm getting madder by the day because it seems apparent this guy is spreading nasty rumours or else we are really blind!
Here's what was said: We were all at the Gr. 8 grad and afterward I went to a friend's place. I talked to my dd before I left the grad and she said instead of coming with me she wanted to walk home and go to bed because she had a headache. At the aftergrad party my friend's son came in and asked me - very loudly from across the room so everyone could hear - if I knew where my daughter was. I said "home in bed" and he answered with a smirk - "With who?" (I had heart palpations inside - calm and cool outside) He then insinuated that she wasn't at home at all but out with this guy and then added "here I always thought she was a 'good girl.'" I ignored him but you can bet I cruised home shortly - to find her in bed ALONE and asleep. According to my ds she had come home right after the grad and went to bed complaining of a headache.
Next morning my ds was talking to a friend who had graduated last year and he was expressing amazement that my dd was going out with this guy. (Apparently he has a reputation.)
I then talked to the school counsellor who conveniently is a friend of mine and she too knew about this 'relationship' but except for sitting together she had never seen any inappropriate behaviour.

SO WHY IS EVERYONE MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL? At times like this I hate small towns!!!

Sorry about the long rant but if I rant this around here who knows what would be said!!!???!!!

Trish

http://www.dogshow.ca/images/running-dog.gif
 
RE: Run, Bambi, Run!!!

Trish,

Wow, what an accusation...from your friends son? Hmmm. I think if I were that boy's mother I would have allot to say to him. Is your daughter friendly with this boy? Would he have a "reason" to spread such a rumor or insult you in public this way? I feel for you. How awful.

Yep, girl, keep your antenae up. Sounds like you have set certain parameters around your daughters social life. I would knowing that she had a crush on a guy like this. It will pass....hopefully soon with your daughters reputation in tact. Just remember, your relationship with her is what is MOST important. She needs to feel safe coming to you. I know you understand this already...just felt the need to state the obvious. I mean, even if there is something going on between them....she will still need you.

How does SHE feel about things being said about her? Is she cavaleir about it? Defensive?

Hope this comes to an uneventful ending for you and your daughter. Take care and keep us posted. deb
 
RE: Run, Bambi, Run!!!

Deb - Thank you so much for your understanding and advice. I greatly appreciate being able to sort out my thoughts and feelings here and get an outside perspective.

My dd does not seem to be aware there are rumors out there! Oblivious! As for the guy that tried to publicly embarrass me - this is the same kid that I posted about several weeks ago feeling freaked out by his behaviour to me - teasing and hip checking me etc. and then acting very inappropriately to me when at their place -it was the consensus of the board that he had a crush on me. I've stayed far away and had no contact with him since - until the grad night. I thought I should go because his younger sister was graduating (gr. 8)...and he threw this at me. What's up with this kid???

It's great that all seems well in my dd world. The trying to destroy her reputation really bothers me but I realize I can't let it get to me - it certainly hasn't affected her. I too am praying for an uneventful ending...and that this other guy would fall off the face of the earth!}( :) I'm off to do Cardio Kicks!

Trish
http://www.dogshow.ca/images/running-dog.gif
 
RE: Run, Bambi, Run!!!

Hey Trish,

Seems like you have a healthy perspective on this. I'm sorry I didn't go back and read the info regarding the boy and his other inapproriate actions toward you. It may be that he is trying to get a rise out of you. What a sick kid....Got to keep those antane up, right mom?

Glad that your daughter is unaffected by the "buzz" about she and the stud ( sorry, couldn't resist). Isn't it amazing how much our kids need the guidance of their parents for issues like these? I can think back to a "bad boy" I was wild about in high school. My parents couldn't tell me a thing. It was my aunt who pulled me aside and borught things into focus for me...my parents were too wigged out and riding me too hard..I just tuned out. Back to my aunt, my other mother in life: She stayed close, said little, supported my efforts in school knew the situation with the "bad boy". She talked and talked to me about what I found so facinating about him...she stayed reallllly close and listended to me babble about the boy. I just could not go there with my mother, we simply didn't have that kind of relationship. My aunt's openness saved me. Thank god she was there. The boy was pressuring me for sex and she honed in on that quick...prepared me. It had an uneventful ending...sort of. There was a risidual reputation I had to deal with becuase I was in his company so much...but, Lord, it could have been so much worse. That close call with him did not define my high school years or even my social status amongst other friends who loved me anyway. I survived it and so will your daughter.

The ones who get worn out are the parents:) deb
 
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