Relationship help....please

Okay, first, I don't see this guy really caring all that much about your feelings. He is trying to turn this around to where it is your fault, when you are trying to broach a subject about his inability to connect with you. Frankly, I see this guy as a "taker", and he has effectively placed you in the role of "giver". He is also very good at making himself the victim in all this.

Okay, having said that I also don't think this guy wants the same thing out of this relationship that you do, and that raises a big flag. After 3 months I think there should be more of a need on his part to do things to please you, yet all I am hearing is that he wants things so that they please him.

This is not going to change, more importantly he is not going to change. This does not sound like the kind of relationship you are looking for, so why settle for this drama? You don't have to settle for anything, and you deserve more attention than you are getting from this guy.

I don't mean to sound lousy about this, but this guy is making ME mad.
 
>Put simply...
>Honey, he's just not that into you.
>
>Sorry if that's harsh, but from your description, that seems
>to be the case.


That may be true but maybe not. My DH was like this for the first months of our relationship. He didn't want to seem to 'needy' so he played it cool and rarely called me during the week. It upset me for awhile but the longer we were together, the less of a problem this was. We are now married (almost 6 years), and happily so might I add.:)

Carolyn
 
Hahaha...I think you stole that line from Sex and the City? Where Miranda decided to give relationship advice to two gals she over heard talking? Anyway...I just thought it was cute.

I agree with both sides here. I can see your point in wanting him to check up on you every once in a while. I think you really want him to want to call you. And thats understandable to, especially when you are in a new relationship and you are not 100% sure how the other person feels about you. Or maybe you are afraid that he doesn't feel as strongly towards you as you do to him.
But rubbing this in will probably make him throw his arms into the air and just say " I give up". Men can only be taunted for so long. I know that DH would hate it if I brought things up over and over and I probably did when we were first going out.
Just let it go and see how things go from there. You could just tell him that you are not trying to smother him but you would like to have a quick chat through out the week.
Good Luck!
Lori:)
 
hmmmm

Men seem to respond negatively when they feel pushed into a corner....I would say that the email probably would have made him feel that way even if you didn't intend it to.

I usually find that if I want a certain response from my spouse (and back in the day SO) I would just get really involved in my own life and doing what I wanted and not being around when he usually expected me to be....if I was involved with other things it gave me things to talk about with him and it kept me preoccupied when he was too busy...

if he truly cares - he will miss you after noticing the absence and bring it up to you :) OR he will love rarely seeing you and then that either works for you or it doesn't....

just my two cents -)
 
I agree with Reba. In relationships past, I always had a problem if the guy wasn't giving me the attention I felt I deserved. I would drive myself nuts wondering why they didn't call like I thought, or do special things for me like I thought they should, etc. Well, when I met my now husband, he was not like that AT ALL. We got to know each other as friends first (we met at church), but once he told me how he felt about me (I had felt the same about him for a long time but kept it to myself) that was all she wrote. He told me he had no intention of being my friend and that he was going to make me his wife and that's exactly what he did. He treated me like a queen (and still does, pretty much ;) ). My point being, maybe this guy is not the right one. I didn't meet my DH until I was 30!!! I spent my 20's dating and I never want to go thru that again. Just remember, your life does not revolve around him. I know it's hard but try to do things with other friends so that your not always available to him all the time. Chances are, he will take you for granted if your always there. I wish you the best! Dating is hard and can really put a damper on your self esteem if you let it.

Ashley
 
Thanks for all the great advice...a lot of valid points were given. I took the direction of letting things go before the weekend started and we actually had a fantastic weekend together where he said he felt we didn't have enough time together. In the interim I've now been getting daily phone calls to catch up...and had an early week dinner invitation. I don't like the way the argument escalated so quickly between us but hopefully it was due to him being sick and my being stressed at work. Again, thanks to those who gave thoughtful insights.
 
Divagirl,

I'm glad it's going better. I just want to add my 2 cents to the list of ladies who say, you can probably do better. Forgive me, I don't know how your relationship is really going. But I dated someone who always left me starving for attention even though I am SO NOT a high maintenance girl, I like my space. When we broke up he told me I'd have no trouble finding someone who was at my house in my face all the time and it would drive me crazy. Well, he was partly right. My next boyfriend was head over heels for me and could not get enough of being together. He made sure I knew he wanted to be my boyfriend and that we wouldn't be seeing other people. This guy is my husband now and is as sweet and wonderful as when we first started dating. I thank God every day the other one didn't work out.

Just my 2 cents. There are wonderful guys out there that are really easy to get along with.

Best,
Bella:)
 
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