I read these forums every day but haven't posted for a long time. Ok, here's the embarrassing part, and I can't believe I'm posting this...I have genital herpes (have for 21 years) and was just rejected by my boyfriend (of 3 months) because of it. In 21 years, this is the worst experience I've ever had with it. We were friends first, I cared about him, he said he really cared about me, told him before anything "happened" and then whammo...thanks but no thanks. I'm devastated, to say the least. I haven't worked out for weeks and I just need some encouraging words from any of you who have "been there" to help me get my motivation back. I'll just never understand how some people can be so ignorant and judgmental! I know, I know...he obviously isn't worth my time, but I'm just having a really hard time picking my dumbbells back up. Malissa
Really embarrassed but need support!
- Thread starter Malissa
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materialsgirl
Cathlete
Awww, hun - that guy is a total jerk to do that to you. I haven't been in your shoes, but have been dumped by guys for other stupid reasons and now that I'm married to a wonderful man, I am so glad those dorks did dump me and get out of my life. So you should be glad the dork is gone from your life too, because one of these days you'll find someone who will love you regardless of your "baggage". I know you've probably heard it a million times - but there are lots of other fish in the sea. 
It will be okay!
And getting back to your workouts will really help you relieve the stress and emotional pain of the breakup. I particularly recommend kickboxing, where you can pretend you're punching and kicking your ex. hee hee!
Hang in there! It will be alright!
It will be okay! And getting back to your workouts will really help you relieve the stress and emotional pain of the breakup. I particularly recommend kickboxing, where you can pretend you're punching and kicking your ex.
hee hee! Hang in there! It will be alright!
First of all, I'm really sorry for the pain you are going through.
Second, you have nothing to be embarrased about and I applaud you for being honest with the person who obviously isn't well-educated about genital herpes or just doesn't want to deal. You're right, he isn't worth your time but that doesn't make the pain any less. I am not in your situation but I am very close to someone who has been dealing with this issue for a while so I am very familiar with the consequences of full disclosure. It's the only right thing to do though.
As for picking up your dumbells again, that's up to you. The hardest part is just picking them up, the rest will come if you just do that much. Ease into it, set yourself some achievable goals and trust the exercise to help you with your head as well. It will make you feel back in control in one area of your life, help raise your self-esteem, and help you feel better about life in general. Above all, be gentle with yourself while you heal.
--Lois
"Don't forget to breathe!"
Second, you have nothing to be embarrased about and I applaud you for being honest with the person who obviously isn't well-educated about genital herpes or just doesn't want to deal. You're right, he isn't worth your time but that doesn't make the pain any less. I am not in your situation but I am very close to someone who has been dealing with this issue for a while so I am very familiar with the consequences of full disclosure. It's the only right thing to do though.
As for picking up your dumbells again, that's up to you. The hardest part is just picking them up, the rest will come if you just do that much. Ease into it, set yourself some achievable goals and trust the exercise to help you with your head as well. It will make you feel back in control in one area of your life, help raise your self-esteem, and help you feel better about life in general. Above all, be gentle with yourself while you heal.
--Lois
"Don't forget to breathe!"
Timber99
Cathlete
Malissa,
I have been having a hard time myself over the past few weeks so I am right there with ya. It's just been a rotten time in my life and I am in a funk, to say the least. I have been working out but I don't feel positive about the workouts and my eating...well, it sucks. I am sorry that this guy had the response that he did, but I am a true believer that "everything happens for a reason." there are better fish to fry kiddo
I went today to Barnes and Noble mid-day and thumbed through some fitness and health related books. I forced myself to have a protein shake for snack this afternoon and then threw on the workout tonight at full volume. I actually had already changed into PJ's (I had the house to myself tongiht ) and resolved to get up in the morning and then I forced myself to get the workout clothes on and "press play." Sometimes it is just a matter to forcing yourself and doing at lest a few minutes of the workout. When I am not motivated, I tend to do my favorites and I just do as much as I can force myself to do. Something is better than nothing, right? Even just a walk outside or some biking or anything that gets you moving is better for you to relieve stress and feel better. So...tomorrow just try to get in a few minutes of something and get those juices flowin'!
Christine
I have been having a hard time myself over the past few weeks so I am right there with ya. It's just been a rotten time in my life and I am in a funk, to say the least. I have been working out but I don't feel positive about the workouts and my eating...well, it sucks. I am sorry that this guy had the response that he did, but I am a true believer that "everything happens for a reason." there are better fish to fry kiddo
I went today to Barnes and Noble mid-day and thumbed through some fitness and health related books. I forced myself to have a protein shake for snack this afternoon and then threw on the workout tonight at full volume. I actually had already changed into PJ's (I had the house to myself tongiht
) and resolved to get up in the morning and then I forced myself to get the workout clothes on and "press play." Sometimes it is just a matter to forcing yourself and doing at lest a few minutes of the workout. When I am not motivated, I tend to do my favorites and I just do as much as I can force myself to do. Something is better than nothing, right? Even just a walk outside or some biking or anything that gets you moving is better for you to relieve stress and feel better. So...tomorrow just try to get in a few minutes of something and get those juices flowin'! Christine
Hey Hon
I occasionally suffer from oral herpes breakouts and honestly with anit-virals and creams, outbreaks can be reduced or eliminated substantially! I always laugh at people who shun people who suffer from any kind of herpes outbreaks because the majority of the population of the US have herpes at one extent or another but many are asymptomatic.
Please don't fret! You just need to find an educated, worthy individual who appreciates you for you and realizes that there're ways to prevent transmission
Sending hugs
I occasionally suffer from oral herpes breakouts and honestly with anit-virals and creams, outbreaks can be reduced or eliminated substantially! I always laugh at people who shun people who suffer from any kind of herpes outbreaks because the majority of the population of the US have herpes at one extent or another but many are asymptomatic.
Please don't fret! You just need to find an educated, worthy individual who appreciates you for you and realizes that there're ways to prevent transmission
Sending hugs
libra01971
Cathlete
Don't feel embarassed! I can't say that I've been there before but really - you will find someone who accepts you the way you are. I'm sure it is tough and I'm sending lots of big ((((HUGS))) your way. Pick up the dumbbells because it will be a way that you can feel good about yourself. I think many people are in the same situation as you are and not brave enough to admit it. But I have read stories about people finding someone who accepts them for who they are. We all have flaws. You need to feel better about yourself and you will find someone who loves you just the way you are.
I'm glad you decided to post Malissa. I think logically you know that if the guy didn't want to be with you because of this, he wasn't worth it, and it wasn't meant to be. It still hurts, though.
I've definitley had my share of "funks" for all sorts of different reasons. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice on how to get out of them. You will, though, so don't be discouraged! Hang in there!
I've definitley had my share of "funks" for all sorts of different reasons. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice on how to get out of them. You will, though, so don't be discouraged! Hang in there!
dmd
Cathlete
Hi Malissa,
I really admire your honesty. Already, I can tell you are going to be alright. My sister in law has genital herpes and manages them quite well. She has been married for 16yrs and has not given them to her husband. They have one of the most amazing realtionships and she is an amazing athlete! I know that people are simply ignorant about genital herpes. You are safe here, no need to be embarrassed. Honestly, the right man will come along ( although I know this isn't your bottom line). You are all you have. If you continue to feel ashamed about this, how will you take the best care of yourself? Take care of yourself, you are so worth it! deb
I really admire your honesty. Already, I can tell you are going to be alright. My sister in law has genital herpes and manages them quite well. She has been married for 16yrs and has not given them to her husband. They have one of the most amazing realtionships and she is an amazing athlete! I know that people are simply ignorant about genital herpes. You are safe here, no need to be embarrassed. Honestly, the right man will come along ( although I know this isn't your bottom line). You are all you have. If you continue to feel ashamed about this, how will you take the best care of yourself? Take care of yourself, you are so worth it! deb
Obviously, you were the one that should not be embarrassed. You did the right thing by letting this dude know, but you probably didn't get the same courtesy. If this was too difficult to deal with, then you are better off without him.
Many couples manage this disease succesfully, if they didn't then so many wouldn't be married would they? Picking up the dumbells will give you some much needed energy, motivation & self-appreciation. SO what are you waiting for?
((((hugs))))
Marla;-)
Many couples manage this disease succesfully, if they didn't then so many wouldn't be married would they? Picking up the dumbells will give you some much needed energy, motivation & self-appreciation. SO what are you waiting for?
((((hugs))))
Marla;-)
candi
Cathlete
Malissa,
You were honest with the guy and then he was honest with you in turn when he told you it was something he couldn't handle. You did the right thing and he did the thing that was right for him.
As you are going to suffer with this the rest of your life, you may experience this again and again so you need to find a way to deal with it emotionally. I wonder if there is some sort of support group out there that could give you some useful emotional tools to help you deal.
You were honest with the guy and then he was honest with you in turn when he told you it was something he couldn't handle. You did the right thing and he did the thing that was right for him.
As you are going to suffer with this the rest of your life, you may experience this again and again so you need to find a way to deal with it emotionally. I wonder if there is some sort of support group out there that could give you some useful emotional tools to help you deal.
Hi Malissa--no reason for you to be embarassed at all. It's probably more common than you think. My sister & cousin both have it, & they've both found men who accept them for all their flaws. It's a matter of finding someone who truly does care about you.
My sister went through a really hard time w/it for years. She went through many experiences almost identical to the one you just went through. But she did find someone who really loves her for who she is.
I can give you one good reason to get back to exercise--it'll make you feel better about yourself. It really feeds the confidence, not to mention it's a great stress reliever. I know it's hard to get started, but I think once you do you'll feel great!
My sister went through a really hard time w/it for years. She went through many experiences almost identical to the one you just went through. But she did find someone who really loves her for who she is.
I can give you one good reason to get back to exercise--it'll make you feel better about yourself. It really feeds the confidence, not to mention it's a great stress reliever. I know it's hard to get started, but I think once you do you'll feel great!
Oh Malissa, What a bummer. It sucks that herpes still has such a stigma attached to it. I have a friend who had a similar situation - the guy was hesitant to keep seeing her when she told him, but then she gave him a bunch of information to read and he decided it wasn't a big deal after all. So many people are uninformed about herpes - I don't know if you still speak to this guy, but maybe it would help if you gave him some info?
I'm sorry for what you are dealing with.
I'm sorry for what you are dealing with.
Thank you!
All of you ladies here are just so wonderful! Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. I knew this would be a "safe" place to come with this. I've had to deal with disclosing many times in my 21 year experience with hsv2 and for the most part, my partners have been accepting and mature. I've been married twice also so I know there are men out there who can handle it. This one was just so hard for me because we were good friends first - or so I thought. I know he has every right to make the decision he made, but it just made it very obvious to me that he didn't really care about me as much as I thought. That's what stung so badly. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, this is just another little bump in the road and I'm just going to get back up and keep moving, like I always do. I've worked hard over the past couple of years to get in the best shape of my life at the age of 42 and I'm not going to let some bonehead take that away from me! Think I will do Imax tonight just to prove my point! }( Thanks again, everyone!
All of you ladies here are just so wonderful! Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. I knew this would be a "safe" place to come with this. I've had to deal with disclosing many times in my 21 year experience with hsv2 and for the most part, my partners have been accepting and mature. I've been married twice also so I know there are men out there who can handle it. This one was just so hard for me because we were good friends first - or so I thought. I know he has every right to make the decision he made, but it just made it very obvious to me that he didn't really care about me as much as I thought. That's what stung so badly. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, this is just another little bump in the road and I'm just going to get back up and keep moving, like I always do. I've worked hard over the past couple of years to get in the best shape of my life at the age of 42 and I'm not going to let some bonehead take that away from me! Think I will do Imax tonight just to prove my point! }( Thanks again, everyone!