? Re: Marriage / Serious Long-Term Relationships

CollinsMom

Cathlete
Are you married? In a serious long-term relationship? If so, how did you decide to be in one? If not, why not?

In terms of marriage and the like, do you get married because you found your "soul mate"? Or because the person made sense for you, if whatever ways.

I ask because I am in a relationship -- been with him for about a year and a half -- and I am thinking about marriage. I have a 2 year old son from a previous relationship, so the stakes are higher in terms of making a mistake.

How did you come to make the decision to be with this person?
 
Hi I am married and have been for 13 years-I am 35 years old and I got married because not only did I think he was my soul mate but my best friend also. It just felt right to me and 13 years later it still does. We dont have any children and are not planning on having any so I understand its different for you. But I believe you just know in your heart. I wish you the best in your decision.

Sincerely,

Lisa

I forgot to mention that I moved from PA to NM to be with my husband, I took a huge risk based on my feelings for him and turned out to be the best thing I ever did.
 
I am happily married. I married my best friend in 1993 on Valentine's day. I married him because he was my best friend and you could say my soul mate. We were good friends and enjoyed each other company without the hanky panky. I had been in several BAD relationships (not marriages) and was about ready to give up. I had a hard time finding "marriage material". Along came my DH and the rest is history! I decided to marry him overall because I could imagine us together until we were old. Remember the cheesy line from the Wedding Singer song: "I want to grow old with you!" :)
 
Ooooh, that's kinda a toughie. I've been married 7 yrs now. Got married when I was 20, young, I know. He's 4 years older than me. My mom was diagnosed w/ cancer right after we met and passed away about 6 months into our relationship and he was there every step of the way, when it would have been so easy for him to run. I guess thats how I knew. Got engaged about 8 months into it and married a yr later. Haven't looked back. I see where you're cautious bc of your son and I understand that. The only advice I can give - is go with what feels right. I wouldn't get married just for the sake of being married, your son will need the stability. But then again, he has that if you've been with the guy for a yr and half - its not like a rotating door going on. My thought is, you just know when you know.

We also just "fit". Same ideas on money, religion, kids, family. But on the other hand, we are our own people - he's outdoorsy, I sunburn. We both read, but he's fantasy, I'm horror/romance. I think your base interests and beliefs have to be the same, or it won't work. How have the last 1 1/2 yrs been? I would think if its been that long, there is a good amount of common ground. The only thing to remember, is marriage is work - just like dating. You have to work at it. Just bc you're married doesn't suddenly mean you can take him for granted, wear baggy grey sweats, and eat hamburger helper for dinner every night. Tell him and show him you love him everyday, and it will work.
 
I wore the baggy gray sweats and made the Hamburger Helper BEFORE we got married...and he proposed anyway....gotta be true love there....hmmm...or maybe he's blind!
 
I'm married... been married for 3 years, which doesn't sound very long, but we were a couple for 4 years before we got married. So we've been together for 7 years. I'm 28, he's 29. He's my best friend, we make a great team, we have similar values... we're a good "fit". We don't have kids (yet), but someday I think we'll be a great parenting team. :)

How did I decide to marry him? Well... for us, it was just the next logical step in our relationship. After 3 years together, we had a pretty good idea that marriage was for us, and we spent over a year planning for marriage and the wedding. We definitely didn't go into it lightly. :)
 
You're always taking a risk anytime you commit yourself to one person. And - considering the divorce rate I certainly understand your hesitance.

Personally, I have been married for almost 11 years and I knew I wanted to be with him, because he was the only one I found that would put up with my crap.:eek: I'm not an easy person to live with and have a short temper and he is very easy going and patient. There's no way we would work together if his personality didn't compliment mine. I am so lucky I found him! He is just the sweetest man in the world. So, if everyone else likes your man, then there's a good reason for it. Look at how he treats others and that will tell a lot about him.

Also, if there's something about him that bugs you, know that it will just get amplified when you get married. So, if he does something or has a personality trait that is a deal breaker, it will probably break the deal later on. Some of the biggest deal breakers are infidelity, emotional problems, alcohol/drugs, & money mis-management. If it's something that's not a deal breaker like dressing badly, smelly farts, lack of etiquette, or being glued to the TV for sporting events, then you need to just learn to accept it and deal with it. Although, I've heard that they can be trained??:D

Still, if marriage scares you then don't take the plunge. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you know in your heart for sure that he's the one. Best of luck to you and wishing you happiness.

Angie
 
Collinsmom, I met my DH in 1996, and got married in 2001 after living together for several years. Unless you're really on a tight timetable because you want to have more kids, I say take your time. By the time I married my DH, I knew exactly who I was marrying, warts and all. I'm really glad I did it that way! :D
 
My DH and I were introduced to each other by a mutual friend. He is my soul mate, and after a week of dating we knew that! We clicked in so many ways, same values, ethics, religion, feelings about family, money, etc. We would finish each others sentences! We moved in together after 3 months(Knowing we would be getting married)and there really was no "adjustment period" (and I know thats unusual) We have been together for 15 years, married for 13 this Nov., we are each others best friends, and the only friends that matter to us. We've had good times and bad (miscarriage, my DH is the one with the job and he had no job for 4 months, we lost out on an all expense paid vac. to Hawaii(my fault)) and we are STILL in love. I think as long as you appreciate what you have!!!, and have the same values and out look on life, you are off to a great start. There are no garentees in life, I'd suggest following your instincts, and take it slow, there is no rush.
Good luck,
Deanie
 

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