Questions to ask before entering into a serious relationship

BAM

Cathlete
As I'm cleaning out a pile of stuff that I have (yeah, finally :D), I came across a list of questions that I heard on a talk show to ask your potential long term partner. I've expanded on them a little with my own take. If you like and agree with what you hear, and your beliefs are similar to the answers you get, then you've got something great to build on. If not, you may want to ask yourself and the other person some deeper questions. Here they are:

1. What are your short term goals? (This covers quite a broad range of topics, i.e. work, personal goals, relationships, spiritual growth, day to day tasks/repsonsibilities.)

2. What are your long term goals?

3. What are your views on relationships? - Partner, mother, father, siblings, relatives, friends, co-workers, etc.

4. What do you think about me?

5. What do you feel about me?

Then ask some questions regarding areas of importance to you. For me, someone's communication skills and their thoughts and practices on spirituality are VITAL. If a person can't share their thoughts and feelings with me and doesn't engage me in what I'm saying, then I will have a difficult time having a meaningful relationship with this person. Of course you could agree on every subject and it's possible you still may not be a long term match. I just believe there are some very important topics that you should know where the other person stands on right out of the gate or pretty soon afterwards. If you have any questions that you feel are essential in determing compatability, please add to the list.

Bam
 
I purchased a book by the comedian Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I bought the book for my daughters who are 21 and 23, hoping it would guide them from picking the losers, however I read it first and it's actually pretty good.
 
As I'm cleaning out a pile of stuff that I have (yeah, finally :D), I came across a list of questions that I heard on a talk show to ask your potential long term partner. I've expanded on them a little with my own take. If you like and agree with what you hear, and your beliefs are similar to the answers you get, then you've got something great to build on. If not, you may want to ask yourself and the other person some deeper questions. Here they are:

1. What are your short term goals? (This covers quite a broad range of topics, i.e. work, personal goals, relationships, spiritual growth, day to day tasks/repsonsibilities.)

2. What are your long term goals?

3. What are your views on relationships? - Partner, mother, father, siblings, relatives, friends, co-workers, etc.

4. What do you think about me?

5. What do you feel about me?

Then ask some questions regarding areas of importance to you. For me, someone's communication skills and their thoughts and practices on spirituality are VITAL. If a person can't share their thoughts and feelings with me and doesn't engage me in what I'm saying, then I will have a difficult time having a meaningful relationship with this person. Of course you could agree on every subject and it's possible you still may not be a long term match. I just believe there are some very important topics that you should know where the other person stands on right out of the gate or pretty soon afterwards. If you have any questions that you feel are essential in determing compatability, please add to the list.

Bam

What is your criminal history score?

Have you ever been charged with an assault? If so, what was the outcome? (Dismissal, conviction)

Have you ever been the defendant in a civil lawsuit? If yes, what was the nature of the case and the outcome?

What is your credit score? Do you have any problems with late payments, excessive debt, collection accounts, bankruptcy and/or foreclosure?

What is your employment history?

Are you willing to take an STD / STI test, and refrain from unprotected sex until the results are in and are seasoned for 6 months?

What do you hope for regarding children? (Do you want children? Do you not want children?) Do you have children already?

Do you drink alcohol frequently? Do you use illegal mind / mood altering drugs, and/or prescription mind / mood altering drugs for which you do not have a valid prescription?

All of the above may sound clinical as hell, but I've lost count of the number of men and women who failed to take these things into account when entering into a LTR / marriage, and their lives were ruined for years because of their mate's traits in the above categories.

A-Jock
 
A jock, I am right there with you.

I believe in THOROUGHLY checking someone out first. Marriage is too binding to go in with eyes closed. Not saying you will find out everything, they may not know everything (like goals), but you should have a good idea.
 
A-jock, some of those questions absolutely bring it to the next level. There have been so many smooth talking, affable criminals out there that have conned innocent people.

Bam
 
I can't believe they left out some of the most important questions...............
Can you clean?
Will you give back rubs without wanting anything in return?
Is your family crazy? (If they answer 'no' run because they are lying)
Is your family within a 2 hour drive? (If not, run away)
Can you wash my car?


I wish I would have asked these questions cause boy would my life be different now. (Just kidding;))
 
I use A-Jock's list, add in Wendy's questions and add one of my own:

Do you smoke or chew tobacco? (super yucko for me)

A friend of mine and I giggle saying that with each relationship we go thru, our list of characteristics in our future partner gets longer and MUCH MORE SPECIFIC! Yeah, my list is long....perhaps that's why I'm still dating! :)

Gayle
 
I can't believe they left out some of the most important questions...............
Can you clean?
Will you give back rubs without wanting anything in return?
Is your family crazy? (If they answer 'no' run because they are lying)
Is your family within a 2 hour drive? (If not, run away)
Can you wash my car?


I wish I would have asked these questions cause boy would my life be different now. (Just kidding;))

LOL!!! Actually, I have posed some of those and other very similar questions to my bf and......ding, ding, ding.........we have a winner!!!! .......and 3 of those have occurred for me frequently.........along with some "other" things as well! ;)

Bam
 
I use A-Jock's list, add in Wendy's questions and add one of my own:

Do you smoke or chew tobacco? (super yucko for me)

A friend of mine and I giggle saying that with each relationship we go thru, our list of characteristics in our future partner gets longer and MUCH MORE SPECIFIC! Yeah, my list is long....perhaps that's why I'm still dating! :)

Gayle

Oh Gayle, I have a much longer list as well which is why I'm still single. Perhaps if we don't mind dating a younger man, we can train one right out of the womb and get him primed. I wonder how long it would take to teach him to say, "You're always right dear", "I live to please you", "You're thoughts are my thoughts!" :D

Bam
 
Oh Gayle, I have a much longer list as well which is why I'm still single. Perhaps if we don't mind dating a younger man, we can train one right out of the womb and get him primed. I wonder how long it would take to teach him to say, "You're always right dear", "I live to please you", "You're thoughts are my thoughts!" :D

Bam

:) So true!

Quick funny story....the other day my DS (11) was tasting some Arizona Sweet Tea and I asked him if it tasted better than the homemade sweet tea I make. He looked at me, looked at my dad (who was also taste testing) and hesitated. I interrupted and said to him, "Jacob, the answer here is 'no mom, yours is the best'. A lie is good if it makes a woman feel better, especially if that woman in your MOM." lol I'm training him for HIS future wife! :)

Gayle
 
:) So true!

Quick funny story....the other day my DS (11) was tasting some Arizona Sweet Tea and I asked him if it tasted better than the homemade sweet tea I make. He looked at me, looked at my dad (who was also taste testing) and hesitated. I interrupted and said to him, "Jacob, the answer here is 'no mom, yours is the best'. A lie is good if it makes a woman feel better, especially if that woman in your MOM." lol I'm training him for HIS future wife! :)

Gayle

Good job Gayle! :D I say keep track of all of the specifics you teach him so you can bribe his future wife with disclosing them to her one by one when you need HER to see things your, er I mean, the unbiased way! ;)

Bam
 
Are you willing to take an STD / STI test, and refrain from unprotected sex until the results are in and are seasoned for 6 months?

I asked my last bf to do this; he got very offended I thought he was the type to have something. um.. what's the best way to phrase the question so it's not offensive?
 
I asked my last bf to do this; he got very offended I thought he was the type to have something. um.. what's the best way to phrase the question so it's not offensive?

In this day and age, it shouldn't be offensive to anyone. In fact, they should be concerned with it as well. If they do become offended, like your last bf, well, that tells you everything right there!

With my bf, as things became a wee bit steamy, ;), I just said to him that before things go to the next level, I think we should both have the typical tests done so that we each have peace of mind. He was all for it. I would not date anyone that wouldn't do this. Again, this is something very common to talk about in this day and age. If a potential bf is uneasy with this, then you need not waste any more of your time with him.

Bam
 
I asked my last bf to do this; he got very offended I thought he was the type to have something. um.. what's the best way to phrase the question so it's not offensive?

The risk of an STD/STI is too much to even consider taking on because you dont want to offend someone. It isnt "adult" or "responsible" in my opinion to be offended. How can someone who is offended by this be even ready for sex?

Even assuming the best about the sexual history of a person who gets offended, such a person may have had a prior relationship without asking this question because he was under the mistaken impression it would offend. STD/STI can be contacted from just one encounter. A LOT of people who contact them are not promiscuous.
 
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What is your criminal history score?

Have you ever been charged with an assault? If so, what was the outcome? (Dismissal, conviction)

Have you ever been the defendant in a civil lawsuit? If yes, what was the nature of the case and the outcome?

What is your credit score? Do you have any problems with late payments, excessive debt, collection accounts, bankruptcy and/or foreclosure?

What is your employment history?

Are you willing to take an STD / STI test, and refrain from unprotected sex until the results are in and are seasoned for 6 months?

What do you hope for regarding children? (Do you want children? Do you not want children?) Do you have children already?

Do you drink alcohol frequently? Do you use illegal mind / mood altering drugs, and/or prescription mind / mood altering drugs for which you do not have a valid prescription?

All of the above may sound clinical as hell, but I've lost count of the number of men and women who failed to take these things into account when entering into a LTR / marriage, and their lives were ruined for years because of their mate's traits in the above categories.

A-Jock

I should have asked those questions before I got married, doggone it! Where were you 14 years ago, A-Jock? :p
 
I couldn't agree more on the STD question. DH and I talked about it early on. I had recently been tested (within 1 year) due to a cheating boyfriend and he was more than willing to get tested himself.

Another question I would ask: "Are you willing to attend sci-fi conventions with me and not be embarrassed that I am sporting pointy rubber ears and uniform?"
:)
 
Another question I would ask: "Are you willing to attend sci-fi conventions with me and not be embarrassed that I am sporting pointy rubber ears and uniform?"
:)

Sparrow, how cute is that?!

I'll have you know that one of my new prized possessions is my Klingon Beam-Up Badge that I got from a box of Sugar Pops. I always thought I was more of a Romulan, but you learn about yourself over time.

a-Jock
 
If I'm ever in a position to be looking again, I'd be adding:

1) do you ever suffer from severe insomnia
2) are you prone to depression

DH has both and I'm not going there again.
 

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