Quarter-life crisis?

newswoman13

newswoman13

Cathlete
Hello everyone! I'm curious and want to know how many of you have dealt with the infamous "quarter-life crisis"... It's like you finish school thinking jobs would be lined up a-dime-a-dozen and thinking you're mature enough to deal with emotions of all kinds (ha!). Personally, I think THIS is truly the time we can choose to have faith and grow up. Whew! Reality bites sometimes!

Any thoughts on this? Any fumbling for your bearings, and then boom -- you get it, or is it more of a gradual process? Like, finding your purpose or learning to deal with the unknown (new jobs, new cities, family away, etc.)

Yes, it's a personal interest...but, my book club usually delves into this as we try to conquer the world's problems during wine and books. So, I can share your insight with them. Thanks so much!
 
I never really went through a quarter-life crisis. My college years were a good transition from living with my parents to life on my own. After my freshman year of college, I never lived with my parens again, because I was in a co-op program. So I alternated semesters of going to school, and working for GE in my chosen field (materials engineering). When I was working, I rented my own apartment in Cincinnati and paid my own bills - it was real life, one semester at a time. So when it came time to graduate and find a job, there weren't any problems at all. I had job offers from all parts of the country. I chose to stay in the midwest, near my family and my then-boyfriend (now he's my DH). Moving to a new city was not a problem, because I did it when I was working for GE. My family is only a couple hours away, and I was already used to living away from them anyway. So I really never had any quarter-life crisis, because my college experience gradually eased me into "real life" - and for that I am so thankful. I am still not sure of my purpose on this earth, I don't think I'll ever be completely sure. I'm an engineer right now, but I don't know if I want to do this until I retire. But I take what life dishes out to me, one day at a time. :)
 
Yeah, I don't expect to answer ALL the questions neither today nor in this lifetime, but it seems that a lot of my co-workers are doing this "WTF??!!" thing! We laugh, but it is frustrating. My law school friends and teacher friends are sort of mapped out for the moment, so I think part of it is working in media/journalism -- sort of a risky, low-job-security route. But, I suppose if you keep the faith... And, of course, take it one day at a time. :+
 
Im going through something but I don't know what it is. Im only 26 but I had a child at the age of 18 that caused me to grow up a little quicker. I just got my belly button peirced and I am thinking about getting a tattoo, which I never, EVER dreamed would happen.
I am also going through something emotionally and I have no idea what it is. It also might be the fact that right now DH doesn't have a job and I feel distint from him. I am hoping whatever this is will pass soon.
 
I've been lurking on this site for several months now with very few posts, but after reading this (esp Emily's post) I decided to jump in. I had almost the exact same experience as Emily's but co-oped and work for GE in Louisville. I thought I had a pretty good plan but now I'm in the "shouldn't I be doing more with my life?". You know, "shouldn't I be doing something meaningful and making a difference in the world?". It seems it is different for everyone. For me, It will be a never-ending, gradual process.
 
LoDo - my husband co-oped for GE in Louisville too!!! He co-oped there a couple of semesters before he moved to GE in Cincinnati. What a coincidence! :)
 
Oh sure. I would have to say that the period between when I was 21 and 25 was the worst of my life. I was struggling to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. I got a real lame job right out of college, thinking that because I had a degree I didn't have to start at the bottom.

I definitely struggled with my morality then. Living on my own, making no money. Hanging out with people who I hope my daughter will avoid when she gets older. But it's definitely a valuable learning period. The turning point for me came when I was 25 and a really nasty cow of a woman pulled a huge chunk of hair out of my head at a bar. That's when I knew I was associating with the wrong crowd.

I think we all go through that "shouldn't I be doing something meaningful" stage. I came very close to dying when I was 19 and always felt that I was spared because I was meant to do something important with my life. I spent a long time trying to figure out what that was, until one day I realized that I was a mother and raising a good person maybe is the important thing I'm meant to do.

It might be something else, something intangeable like saying something that has a profoundly positive impact on someone else. Just by a random act of kindness, you can change the course of someone else's life.
 
you bring up a good point about "...something intangeable like saying something that has a profoundly positive impact on someone else. Just by a random act of kindness, you can change the course of someone else's life. " I never think about that. I always need reminding.
 
Donna, You're right -- Maybe being me, a peaceful me who's got integrity is where the answer lies. I think that's where grace butts in her pretty head to sprinkle some miracles and "meaning"! Thanks for replying, everyone!!!
 
You know, maybe we're not ALL meant to do something that will make a difference in the world at large, but we can ALL do things to make a difference in our own worlds. Not everyone was Marie Antoinette in a former life. Some of us had to muck out the stables;)
 
I don't necessarily feel I have to do something huge or grande or miraculous, but I do feel that pressure to be the best me. Hmmm, sounds like a little perfectionism is trying to get the best of me. Yuck. But, still, the thought of mistakes, and "am I doing the right thing" bugs the you-know-what out me.
 
I definitely struggled after I left college with what direction to go in. I had a list of things that I was interested in, but I couldn't decide between them. It was like I was afraid to pursue one thing at the expense of something else. Also, I needed to support myself, so I had to take whatever job I could, even if it wasn't in my field. After a while of working in a job that's not what I want to do with my life, I would get restless, and question everything all over again.

Then, not too long ago, I realized that it wasn't that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life...it's that I didn't *believe* that I could accomplish my dreams. So I was searching around for other things, but those things weren't me.

I feel much better now, though I'm still feeling my way toward what I want. At least I feel like I'm pointed in the right direction. As they say...follow your bliss. :)
 
You are dissapointed because you in your mind thought that jobs will be line up for you.Your expectations are not realistic, there is a big difference between expextations and possibities. Learn to go with flow, sometimes things don't work out the way you expected but out of pressure or desperation you will be forced to think outside the box and come out something better for youself. Ask yourself and be honest in your answer, if you didn't need money what would you be doing, what is that something that you have passion for that you couldn't wait to get out of bed every morning to go work. That would lead you in the right direction, and search for that. Diamons are made out of pressure, think about that.
 
Interesting question.

Nope, I didn’t go through that. At 25 I finished grad school, got a job, fended for myself, enjoyed my freedom, had a lot of friends... It was all good.

At 28, it all started to change – marriage, my father dying, stupid in-laws believing they can (according to tradition) own me (WTF, indeed), then motherhood, which brought about this grand shift in the way I live and look at life, regardless of how I feel about it.

I find that at 36, I’m having the crisis you’re asking about, and I am starting to believe that without marriage and motherhood, there wouldn’t be such crisis. But I’m here, and there is no changing what I’ve done. I find myself fumbling to redefine my self, my life, and my relation to the world I live in, and to a greater power, if that exists at all. I work hard to be grateful. Despite everything (“everything” being issues I can’t write about in one sitting or discuss in a venue such as this one – I know, I know... this is a great place, but some things I prefer to keep quiet), I’ve had a good life. I’ve stopped asking why. Well, about 90% of the time, I’ve stopped asking why. Exercise had been helpful about this. It has taught me to grit my teeth, just do it, and keep going. To the best of my ability. Without cheating or whining. Do it and take it as far as I can take it.

And I think that’s the point. You take the bad with the good, you learn from the things that ail you, and you get down on your knees for the things that bring you joy. At the end, whenever that’d be, I’d like to be able to look back and say, “You know, I did well there. That didn’t faze me. I just kept hitting those balls out the park.”

Pinky
 
Sorry Angie, guess I kind of lost this thread. When I was 19, I went on spring break in Daytona and fell off the balcony of the hotel. I was 28' up and landed on the blacktop parking lot. I broke my pelvis in a couple places, then two weeks later and still in the hospital, developed a blood clot in my other leg. The doctors in Florida just took my word for it when I told them I pulled a muscle in my leg during PT and gave me a muscle relaxer. I flew back to New York the next day, with no relief from the muscle relaxers. I was supposed to finish my recovery at my father's house, but the pain in the "pulled" leg was too bad and my dad took me to a hospital in Buffalo. There the doctors saw immediately that I had the symptoms of a blood clot. If it had dislodged, it could have killed me. So, it was a double luck-out. I survived the fall and then survived the blood clot.

A few years ago, I was hit by a car while walking my bike on the side of the road. The car's rearview mirror struck me in the back and sent me flying. Literally knocked me out of my sneaker. I wasn't really what you'd call hurt in that accident though. Just some bruises. Nasty bruises, but really not so bad. I got to get treated by the hot young doctor in my doctor's practice. I still go to the doctor who diagnosed and treated the blood clot. He's not young and hot, but he's got quite an amusing moustache!
 
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