Prescription Pill Addiction...please help

I

incognito

New Member
Okay, first of all, I want to tell you that I created a new member name because I need help with a very personal issue. I wanted to hide my identity, but I am a member of this community...mostly lurking and sometimes posting. I have found this site to be the best info of overall health. So.....please help me.

I just found out that my dh is a prescription pill "junkie". It all started a few years ago when he had lower back pain. He went to several drs and found one who prescribed hydrocodones. I started noticing him taking more than he should and basically abusing this prescription. He agreed and went back to the dr to discuss this problem. She then put him on tramadol ultrams, which are non-narcotive. He started taking those and showing signs of a drug abuser. I remember one time he had to take off his hat and itch his head every 2 minutes. So, I encouraged him to stop taking those and just start taking care of himself....clean up his diet, start exercising. He "agreed" and decided to go off pills. I thought our journey was over, but it had only just begun....

Last week I got a message on our home phone saying "This is the last time Dr. Quack will fill your prescription early, even if you are going out of the country on business". I was quite confused, my dh never goes out of the country on business. I thought the dr office called the wrong number so I called them back. That message was left for my dh. He has been getting hydrocodones and ultrams for the past year or so behind my back. And...getting his prescription refilled early, which tells me he was abusing them.

This weekend was a turning point for us. Everything came out on the table...his addiction, his lies, his huge problem with pills. I felt so stupid because I should have seen the warning signs but I saw nothing, and if I ever did sense something was wrong, it was overcome with his success at work. He does so well at his work. He works long hours and comes home and plays with the kids. I thought he was doing well. In all actuality, he was secrectly suffering addiction. He felt like he could not tell me. He knew if I knew, I would want him to stop. He wanted to stop, but could not do it.

Why/how did his dr let him get like this? She has not seen him in her office for over a year. Yet, she refills his prescriptions eary???

I am trying to be strong and help my dh. What am I supposed to do? How to I help him recover this horrible addiction? I don't understand. The only thing I know to do at this point is to give him everything I have got...all of my love and strength. I want to make our home and life the happiest it has ever been. I want him to realize life can be wonderful and you don't have to take pills to make it that way. Am I doing the right thing? I am so scared....

Thank you so much for listening to me during this extreme emotional time.
 
Just wanted to send you {{{HUGS}}}! I'm so sorry to hear about this! Can you perhaps call his Dr. again and talk to her about the situation? She might have some advice to give you!
 
*Hugs*

I'm sure this must be excruciatingly hard for you guys right now. I hope he gets the help he needs.
 
We've gone through this with my BIL so here's my $.02. You need to see your DH's doctor alone and in person and tell her what he's done. My understanding is when prescribing narcotics, the doctor has to see the patient every 3 months, not sure about non-narcotics. I don't know if she'll tell you how much she's prescribed (dr/patient confidentiality) but you can tell her he's never left the country on trips etc. and describe his symptoms, your conversations with him & your fears. Can you tell from credit card statements how frequently he's been filling his prescriptions? Be forewarned, it's incredibly easy to get prescriptions over the internet. Just google whatever he's taking and you'll see hundreds of hits for sites that promise overnight shipping and no doctor visits. Again, I saw it with my BIL and it got very ugly. Your DH probably needs to go to a professional treatment center at a local hospital. Check your insurance and see what it covers for addiction recovery. IMO, he can't do this for love of his family. His body and mind are craving the meds and very few can overcome an addiction of this type with sheer willpower. Good luck and I'm so sorry for all you are going through.


Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
First of all BIG hugs and support for what you are going through, I know it is painfully difficult to deal with a situation like this. My fiancee is actually in the process of "recovering" from his addiction.

Long story somewhat short: He lost his right leg in Iraq in 2005 and has since undergone 5 different surgeries (so the prescriptions are actually valid!), but at his worst was taking 2 oxycodone and about 10 percocet a day, which is absolutely insane!

We had a long talk about how his pill popping was not only affecting him both physically and mentally, but how he was, in the process, slowly destroying our lives together. My bluntness about how I felt and how his behavior was affecting me made him realize he needed to change.

That being said, the only way he will kick this habit, is if he WANTS to. Make him realize how much this hurts you and affects your relationship. If he truly cares about your feelings and wants to change he will.

It will be a LONG and PAINFUL process for him, and you need to be supportive. He may get irritable, sleepy, and overall, just not seem like himself. But when it's all over it will be worth it!!

Again best of luck, and keep smiling!!!
 
WARNING: LONG ;~)

I am SO SO SORRY you are going through this - I send you a million hugs and lots of support. My mom was an alcoholic as was my first real boyfriend. It's a very difficult and stressful experience for everyone.

I would suggest that you find a physician whose specialty is addiction (curing it, not CAUSING it, like your husband's prior doctors did)- I think there is a new specialty called "addiction medicine", and they would best be able to evaluate your husband's particular situation and make treatment recommendations. If you can't find a doctor with that specialty you could just call a few local treatment programs and get their advice, they would probably have good referrals. There are out-patient as well as residential treatment programs, there are a lot of different alternatives for recovery.

There have been some recent specials on cable tv about addiction (as well as Celebrity Rehab, etc.) and it's fascinating to see how much of a physical problem it really is (as opposed to a "lack of willpower" thing) - I remember seeing on a CAT scan the brain activity of an addict as opposed to the brain activity of a non-addict, and them showing how certain parts of the brain "light up" and certain parts "shut down" when the addicts were shown pictures of their favorite drugs or alcohol. The parts of the addicts' brains that governed self-control and decision-making just shut down, and the parts of their brains that normally govern eat-sleep-go to the bathroom-get out of danger, i.e., the most basic physical needs, lit up inappropriately, as if the wires were crossed. Dr. Drew in Celebrity Rehab said that, for an addict, going without their drug in the early stages of withdrawal literally feels like committing suicide because of this brain glitch. That's why he calls addiction a "brain disease", you can see in lab tests how the brain is malfunctioning at the height of addiction. As addicts go longer without their drug, their brains move more and more back to normal and it gets easier for them to maintain their sobriety. But having a professional in charge of the recovery process at the beginning is very important, it's very difficult for anyone to do it without good advice from a professional.

I know it is tempting to try to make your home life and yourself perfect and always happy and soothing, but that really does not work in the way you want it to. It is not your fault your husband is addicted, you can't control it, and you can't cure it by trying to improve his environment. It's a very common thing to want to do, because it is true addicts turn to their drugs under stress, but people who suffer from addictions need to learn to deal with stress, they can't be shielded from normal life for fear of a relapse. You might find some comfort by going to Al-Anon meetings, it's a group of friends and relatives of alcoholics and addicts. It is a 12-step program and some people (like me) find that irritating, I went to the meetings but did not get a sponsor and did not work the steps. (I think it would have been more effective if I did, but I just did not want to.) But just sitting in on the meetings really helped me just by listening to the stories and the philosophy. You do not have to talk at the meetings, you can just sit and listen, and others will share their experiences. In general, the Al-Anon philosophy is to just go on about your life, keep busy, do not try to shield him, do not check up on him, do not search through his belongings looking for drugs, do not become unduly angry or punish him if he relapses, do not lie to people about the problem and do not make excuses for him, do not try to manipulate him in any way, let your husband do the recovery work himself, "lovingly disengage" because you are in danger of getting so wrapped up in his problem that you forget about yourself. The more you try to "control" his recovery the less he will be able to recover, because he needs to do this on his own. It's a tough philosophy to follow but it's actually a relief to realize that you are not responsible for his behavior.

I think it is SUCH a good thing that your DH has been honest with you about his problem, most addicts deny deny deny deny and then don't get the help they need. He sounds like a great guy who has fallen into a hole and he WILL climb out. This situation is very near to my heart and I will keep you in my thoughts and wish all the best for you and your family.
 
Try starting at Al-Anon, http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ I know it's not a "drug" program per say but they cover alcohol addiction.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I am a former drug addict and have refused pain medication in fear of falling down again.
 
I second Dave's advice. Please let me add something else here. I know it was discussed above, but please remember that there are alot of addicts that dr shop. We had an experience with a patient that went to over 14 dr's at the same time to get Loratab. We never knew. He did an incredible job of going to small mom and pop pharmacies because they don't communicate. DH only found out after an error at the Walmart pharmacy called our office for a refill authorization for Loratab by a different dr. This type of addiction is incredibly strong. So just thought I'd throw that out there, especially when your husband tries to rehab, that there may be other dr.'s out there prescribing you don't know about. The best thing you can do is to go back to his dr, with him and all of you discuss it together, treatment options, specialists, etc. I think you have that right, because I bet you are going to be a big part of his recovery support. JMHO, good luck to you both!
 
well my brother is dealing with this now. Pain meds can be extremely addictive. I used to work at a pain management clinic and we had several people coming in begging for an increase in their meds and to get them early etc. It was difficult for the drs to say no but sometimes they had to. My brother had some back pain and was given ocycontin. After they quit giving it to him he starting buying it off the streets for a lot of money. If he tried to quit he would go thru terrible withdrawls. He is in a rehab program now.
I'd say talk to a dr for sure and possibly get him in some kind of rehab. I've had a good girlfriend have addictions to the tons of pain meds she was on for fibromialgia symptoms. She finally got off of them but it was really hard for her. Big Hugs. I'm sure your DH was just scared to tell you. Its good it's out in the open now so he can get help.
 
Having been on hydrocodone after my c-section and subsequent abscesses and surgeries (long story, trust me, you don't wanna know...), I can say it would be VERY easy to become addicted. I never took any during the day but I was on them every night for quite a while. I'm not now, but I can see how tempting it could be.

I mirror what the others have recommended. It is a huge step that he talked to you about it so candidly and knows he has a problem.

THinking of you and wishing you the strength needed to conquer this.

Heidi
 
A recovered alcoholic's perspective:

First, supporting him is wonderful and he'll need it - but you can't quit for him. Second, the detox portion of this is - in short - hell. The best part about it is that he will only have to do it ONE time and then never again if he stays clean. Third, he needs to learn about this disease, and addiction is a disease. You learn about it best by talking to people who have recovered from it. AA works (and last time I checked it worked substantially better than any other program) because it is one drunk talking to another about staying sober one day at a time. No one could ever completely understand the insanity of alcoholism with out having lived it. I learned how to quit from the people who had actually quit. I think that's important.

ITA with the above posters about you learning how to deal with things from Al-Anon. Since I never was involved with that side of this, I can't comment on the how's and why's of the family's part. All I know is that I had to take responsiblity for my own sobriety.

There is hope. He is powerless now, but he sure as hell doesn't have to stay that way!

Jeanine

We find beauty in the most incomprehensible places and the otherwise homely faces. It is our gift to see beyond the dirt, terror, sadness and defeat and find the true soul that lies within. We are Rescue.
www.cfgdr.org
 
Sorry I don't have much advise.....but send you lots of (((((HUGS))))). I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers.

" I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith. "
-- II Timothy 4:7
 
My DH never admitted his problems so I think you have passed one very large hurdle as others have mentioned.

Yes, it is up to him to control his own life, but you sound so very supportive and that is another huge part of the puzzle.

ITA on all advice given to you except would be a little hesitant to go back to the doctor who was not in tune with her patient. Especially with constantly calling and needing refills so often. Couldn't she see that even though he was "out of the country" that that would not add days to the calendar? Not too sure about that.

It may also be a good idea to look for alternatives to the pain meds if DH is still in pain. Not sure since you didn't mention if he needs them or just became addicted.

Best of luck and loads of <<< HUGS >>>
 
Tough stuff! Try to remember, that his acceptance and confession is his first step to recovery!
Also, kind of off the subject a little,...but that nurse could get in lots and lots of trouble for leaving that type of info on an answering machine...a gigantic HIPPA violation & a lawsuit potiential. Know this, none of your DHs drs will discuss the issue with you without his consent. I knwo this doesn't help matters, just a heads up.
Thanks for sharing, and please keep us posted.
~Melanie~

Jadon born 11/23/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94
 
{{{{Hugs}}}}

I'm so sorry you're going through this.


>ITA on all advice given to you except would be a little
>hesitant to go back to the doctor who was not in tune with her
>patient. Especially with constantly calling and needing
>refills so often. Couldn't she see that even though he was
>"out of the country" that that would not add days to the
>calendar? Not too sure about that.

I also would question this doctor's treatment (or lack of it: she hasn't seen him for a long time, but continues to prescribe medication? I would think a responsible doctor would work with a patient to reduce or eliminate their need for the meds. Or at least want to check up on them to find out why they continue to need the meds.
 
Hey incognito,

My heart goes out to you and yours. Rx addiction is a fairly common ocurrence, unfortunately. First things first, take care of yourself and your family - Al-Anon gives lot advice about taking care of yourself. Then have your dh contact your medical insurance carrier and get a referral for a substance abuse assessment - it's important that he take responsibility for his recovery. That assessment will help determine the level of care he may need. He may need a detox center since the physcial withdrawal can be quite ugly depending on the extent of his addiction. In addition, depending on the physical problem that caused the drugs to be prescribed in the first place, he may need to be treated a facility that also can deal with the physical/medical problem. Then it will be a long process of recovery -- this isn't fixed over night, so be prepared for a lot of ups and downs, set-backs and positive progress. You won't be able to do the recovery work yourself, he has to do it. You may want to participate in family or couple counseling once he's through detox. The good news is that the prognosis can be very good if your dh wants recovery, and you learn not to be an enabler (not saying you are right now, just that some loved ones become so somewhere in the process).

Good luck, Deb
 
Hi guys,

Thank you for all the kind responses and words of support. Dh seems to be doing better, but it is hard for me believe everything he is saying. His biggest problem was his own prescription and I took care of that! I did talk to the nurse at the drs office and let her know everything that was going own and my disgust with Dr. Quack's lack of rx. For know on, if dh needs to go to a dr, I will go with him to be sure he is honest about his addiction problem.

Again, thanks so much for all the info and I will keep you updated.
 
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