Potty Training Question (especially veteran moms)

K

kristi

Cathlete
In June DS will turn 3. As of the month before he turned 2, the daycare where DS goes starts introducing potty training to the kids. DS knows what he needs to do but he refuses to use the potty at home and very rarely at daycare. A couple times during the week he uses the potty at the daycare, but he really has no interest. Is this normal? I realize there really isn't a problem unless he is 5 years old and still not potty trained before he goes to school. LOL However, I'm not sure when children normally show interest. I don't want to make him use it because he might rebel, but then again I want him to realize that we would like for him to start using it. Ideally it would be nice to have him potty trained before this little one is born. We have tried all sorts of techniques, reading books about the potty, having him wear "big boy" underwear, bribing him with stickers and toys, etc.

Please let me know I am not alone in this. When did your kids first show interest in the potty. I'm thinking that at this point it might not be until fall or winter until he might show interest since warm summer days are here. I can barely bring DS in from playing outside as it is.

Thanks!
 
Hi Kristi!

I think you have nothing to worry about wrt your son's age and potty training. My experience is that it can sometimes happen between ages 2 and 3, but most often happens between ages 3-4. And for the child, it's like a flick is switched in their little brains, and they suddenly decide for themselves that they're ready to use the toilet. You're doing a very good job of making him aware of the potty, and creating an environment that supportively encourages him to use it, so now you really just need to wait until he has "the moment." For my daughter, we did all the same things you are doing. But ultimately it was her decision. I had left her "big girl panties" in plain view in the living room for weeks. One day, when she was 2 1/2, she finally reached for them, and she said to me, "Mommy, I want to wear big girl panties." I said, "Okay, but in order to wear big girl panties, you need to put your pee in the toilet." She immediately ran to the bathroom and peed in the toilet. And that was it. She was fully toilet trained from that point on - for peeing. To get her to do a BM in the toilet took about another 9 months or so. We put Pull-Ups on her at bedtime, and she would always wait until we did that before passing a BM. In order to break that cycle we actually had to start putting her to bed in panties and let her have a couple of accidents. But that was only a couple of nights, and then she got the point that she needed to do the BMs in the toilet, too.

I think one of the strongest influences on her decision to use the toilet, was the fact that she's been in daycare since she was 1, and she saw all the older kids using the toilets, and wearing their big kid underpants. I think she wanted to be like her friends and wear big girl panties. Hopefully your son will feel the same way soon, too.

My friend's son opened up to the idea of toilet-use in his 3rd year, and again he started with urinating. He is going to be 4 in June, and just a week ago started doing BMs in the toilet.

Keep up with the books, put his big boy underpants somewhere where he can see them a lot, and keep talking in positive tones about how it's so exciting to grow up, and you are going to be so happy for him when he decides to use the toilet. In short, create a supportive and encouraging environment for him, and then try to be patient :)

Good luck! And be sure to let us know when it all clicks for him!
Sandra
 
Thanks Sandra! That is exactly what I needed to hear! I've been trying to be very patient and create a positive environment and attitude toward using the potty. I don't want him to dread it. I just had to ask about the age thing because so many of the kids have been using the potty beginning at 18 months - 24 months. I love your idea of keeping his big boy underwear out in plain view for him to decide when he wants to wear them. We let him pick them out months ago. Maybe with them lying around the house he will actually want to wear them soon.
 
My first DS was in his 3rd year before he was potty trained and my send DS was 4. We did not do the training pants, we went straight for the undies. Dad told them where to stand and told them to aim for the center. LOL! They were both trained in a weekend when they decided they were ready. We did not push. My youngest DS just turned 3 last month but there is no interest but hopefully there will be soon. I was always told boys potty train later than girls do. I was also told that if they are not dry when they get up in the morning they are not ready either. I made sure the first two stayed dry all night before we even started to see if there was interest.
 
I'm in the same boat as you, but I'm home with him. I have him in his underwear during the day, but he never wants to stop playing or doing whatever it is he is doing to go potty. I just started reading a really good book called "Positve Disipline for Preschoolers" which suggests drawing pictures of the child acutally doing the thing you want them to do. (This wasn't exactly something they directly tied to potty training, but I thought I'd give it a try) So, I tried that today, and my DS loved having himself be in the picture...although, I'm not sure if it's acutally going to work or not yet..I'll have to give it a few days I suppose. He's acutally been sitting and going on the potty for a long time now (both 1 and 2) without any problems...it's just getting him to do it himself or stop his play long enough to get there. I also don't want to push too hard because I'm afraid it'll just turn into a power struggle. I've had a friend who potty trained her little ones by just leaving them without diaper/underwear until they recognized the sensation and were able to use the potty. She heard of this technique from another friend who did the same thing and both of them had their child potty trained within days. (Obviously the first couple days are messy) I've been very hesitant to try this...I can't bear the thought of pee smells on my rugs or chasing him around all day being paranoid of where he's gone. Any way....sorry to drag this on..but I would also love any tips/advice/experience anyone can share.

Thanks,
Lindzebird
 
Hi Kristi. I found what really helped us was the way that my son's daycare approached the whole potty training issue. They used stampers on the kids hands. Whenever one of the kids uses the potty (or even tries to use it), they get a stamp on their hand. So when one child sees that another child has a stamp they also want one. I would go to pick up Gabe and all these little kids would be running at me showing me their hands. They were so proud of theirselves. Since it was working so well for us at daycare I bought some for home and he really liked that. :)
 
I am very much a vetern, training my own 3 kids and training 2 others. Have you tried the "cheerios". Boys love the search and destroy game. Just a few cheerios in toilet and let them pee on them. They will be asking you to LET them go potty.
 
My son turned 3 at the end of February and is now finally using the potty to urinate but not for BMs yet. I have to give most of the credit to his daycare provider who was very consistent about putting him on the potty every couple of hours and rewarding him with stickers (which he loved). What frustrated us was that he was perfectly willing to use the potty at daycare but threw screaming crying fits when we wanted him to use the potty at home. We were at our wit's end, but then one day it just finally "clicked" and he started asking to use the potty on his own. I guess my point is that one day it will "click" with your son. Don't stress out about it too much (although I know it's hard not too). My daycare provider hates the pull-ups because they don't feel wet after they go. She asked us to put him in regular underwear all of the time (except at night). Summer will probably be a great time time to potty train because if he's outside a lot and has an accident, it won't be such a hassle.

On a side note, I have a friend who potty trained her reluctant three year old in a weekend, by putting him in sweatpants (easier to pull down) and NO underwear at all. He hated the feeling of urine running down his leg so much that by Sunday he was asking to use the potty when he needed to go. They went through quite a few sweatpants, but it worked for them!
 
Lindystar - Great idea! I've never heard of the Cheerio method. I bet he would love that. It is well worth a try.
 
The sweatpants idea is a great idea too! DS has quite a few pairs of them that he normally wears to daycare. I bet he would hate to feel the pee running down his legs. I think I might use this idea in conjunction with the cheerio idea.

Thanks everyone for such great ideas!
 
kristi,

from everything i've read and heard children will train and let you know when they are ready. my son starting showing interest at 2 so i bought him a potty and put it in his bathroom next to the big potty. i didn't force him for awhile. he started just wanting to sit on it but not really using it. he would also do the same thing at his daycare. we bought big boy underpants and stickers and placed one on the potty each time he used it. i took awhile for him to really get the "hang" of it but he was trained prior to him turning 3...lucky me. hang in there....one day they just get it!
 
All kids are obviously different and have different motivations.

I didn't want to push my son either, but by the time he was 3 yrs and 4 mos, I was tired of diapers and I got desperate.

He didn't care about potty training. He is very independent and this was a control issue with him, so I had to give him a reason to want to use the potty. All of the standard reasons (big boy underwear, stickers, treats) didn't work for him.

What did work for me was to make him a "treasure chest." I used a plastic tote and filled it with little "grab bags." Each brown paper bag had some kind of little toy, treat, fun things that he doesn't usually get. I scoured the aisles at the dollar store and Wal-Mart to find things to fill the bags. Then I picked a 3-day weekend and locked ourselves in the house.

Each time he even tried to go to the potty, he got to pick a bag from the treasure chest. I would act excited to see what was in the bag and he would get really excited. The first couple of days, we probably went through 15 or 20 bags each day. By Sunday, we was potty trained and we have had very few accidents since then. I had prepared myself for one of the worst 3 days of my life, but it was much easier than I had anticipated.

Not being able to see the prizes was key. It helped keep him motivated because he wanted to know what was in every bag. I just used brown paper bags and stapled them shut.

We had to forget the pull ups as well. It didn't take long for me to realize that he was smart enough to know the difference between underwear and pull ups. He didn't have any reservations about wetting in the pull ups, so we got rid of them.

Also, I was waiting for him to wake up in the mornings dry before we really tried to potty train. This NEVER happened with my son. He ALWAYS woke up wet.

Ultimately, use your own judgement about when he is ready. I was much more willing to change diapers than to stress out over accidents, so I waited until well after he turned 3.

Good Luck,

Tina
 
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