I am 32 years old and have been dating my 30 year old boyfriend for almost three years. Please keep in mind as you read this that he and I have had a really strong, fun, amazing relationship during this time. I can't explain all that it is, but please at least try to imagine two people who get along amazingly well, spend a lot of time together, "get" each other, support one another, etc etc etc.. we're not talking about people with all kinds of issues and argue a lot or anything like that. Imagine a couple really having fun together, loving one another. Ok, read on..
At about the one year mark, I raised the "Where is this going?" topic and we didn't get very far. I brought it up again at the year and a half mark and he wanted to take a "BREAK"; which we did, for about a week and then I called him and we got back together; still no promise of commitment. At the two year mark and then again at the two and a half year mark, I definitely made sure I conveyed that I wanted to marry him but he told me he wasn't ready and didn't know when he would be ready; however he loved me and loved being with me, and said he wouldn't be with me if he didn't think it had a chance of being anything more than what it was. He packed up his things one day and told me he loved me but he couldn't stand making me so sad when he knew I wanted more than he could give; I (foolishly) convinced him to stay, that we didn't have to get married, that I just wanted to be with him. He stayed. A few months later (as in, last weekend) I got a phone call from my friend who said she was pregnant with her second child. When I hung up, I just started crying; my boyfriend asked what was wrong and I brought up the question of our future. He responded by packing his things (again) and leaving, saying again that he loves me, loves being with me, is not interested in any other woman, but that we're just not going to "work out" in the long run and he doesn't know why. He says that logically he thinks we should get engaged but every time he thinks about staying with me forever he gets a "sinking feeling" in his stomach. I was crying and basically hysterical; I tried convincing him to stay but he left. The next day I drove out to where he was staying (about an hour and a half away, I might add) and he was receptive to seeing me but it was an awkward conversation and I was crying and blubbering the whole time, asking him to please consider the great relationship that he has and why would he want to leave. He says he can't put his finger on why it won't work, but he doesn't think it will, and he doesn't want to drag me though any more of this.
Needless to say, I am HEARTBROKEN. I can't think about anything but him. I can't eat, can barely sleep, I think of all of the great things in our relationship and how it seemed so easy for him to leave after all that we had meant to one another.
Does anyone out there have any thoughts on this? I realize you don't know me, and you don't know him.. but has anyone else been in a similar situation? What does it mean to be afraid of commitment - I just can't understand?
At about the one year mark, I raised the "Where is this going?" topic and we didn't get very far. I brought it up again at the year and a half mark and he wanted to take a "BREAK"; which we did, for about a week and then I called him and we got back together; still no promise of commitment. At the two year mark and then again at the two and a half year mark, I definitely made sure I conveyed that I wanted to marry him but he told me he wasn't ready and didn't know when he would be ready; however he loved me and loved being with me, and said he wouldn't be with me if he didn't think it had a chance of being anything more than what it was. He packed up his things one day and told me he loved me but he couldn't stand making me so sad when he knew I wanted more than he could give; I (foolishly) convinced him to stay, that we didn't have to get married, that I just wanted to be with him. He stayed. A few months later (as in, last weekend) I got a phone call from my friend who said she was pregnant with her second child. When I hung up, I just started crying; my boyfriend asked what was wrong and I brought up the question of our future. He responded by packing his things (again) and leaving, saying again that he loves me, loves being with me, is not interested in any other woman, but that we're just not going to "work out" in the long run and he doesn't know why. He says that logically he thinks we should get engaged but every time he thinks about staying with me forever he gets a "sinking feeling" in his stomach. I was crying and basically hysterical; I tried convincing him to stay but he left. The next day I drove out to where he was staying (about an hour and a half away, I might add) and he was receptive to seeing me but it was an awkward conversation and I was crying and blubbering the whole time, asking him to please consider the great relationship that he has and why would he want to leave. He says he can't put his finger on why it won't work, but he doesn't think it will, and he doesn't want to drag me though any more of this.
Needless to say, I am HEARTBROKEN. I can't think about anything but him. I can't eat, can barely sleep, I think of all of the great things in our relationship and how it seemed so easy for him to leave after all that we had meant to one another.
Does anyone out there have any thoughts on this? I realize you don't know me, and you don't know him.. but has anyone else been in a similar situation? What does it mean to be afraid of commitment - I just can't understand?
So take Sparrow's advice!;-)