Please help!!! Feeling very depressed

[targetlover]

Hello everyone!! I need some advice. First, let me start by saying that I am 6 weeks along with my second. My husband and I tried for 9 months to conceive. So why am I feeling depressed about being pg? I feel as though I am not able to do it this time around. I also feel what if something is wrong with this baby, I truly don't think I can handle that. I try to share my feelings with my husband and he asks me why did I want to get pg in the first place. I try to explain that I do want this baby, truly I do, but why am I feeling like this? I am not excited with this one as I was with my son. Is this part hormonal? I almost feel like I will have panic attachs? Is this normal? Please help.:-(

 

[autumn]

Oh Targetlover, I am in a similar boat. I had a miscarriage in 10/2002 and then tried for 11 months to get pregnant. You would think I would be more excited than with my daughter... I am not depressed but there is just not the excitement that I had with my daughter.

Remember, each pregnancy is different physically and emotionally. Your emotions can be due to the hormones and life experiences (9 months to conceive, a mother, etc.) you are bringing into this pregnancy. Don't be too hard on yourself. From what you have shared, you sound as though you may have some fears associated with this pregnancy. Talk to a friend, your doctor, anyone you feel comfortable with and who won't dismiss you. Most of all, know that you are not alone!

If you want to email me privately, please feel free.

Autumn

 

[melanalyus]

God is the Prince of Peace. Have you given your situation to Him? ;-) I'll pray for you and your baby. Glad to hear from you.

Melanie
Baby Justin born 1/17/04

" Take care of your body like it will last a lifetime. Take care of your soul like it will last for eternity"

 

[Dmpz]

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks of my first pregnancy - a week before christmas...and am about to embark upon the whole process of trying again. I have this fear that I wont be able to be happy and will be anxious throughout the pregnancy but especially during the first trimester...since that is when I miscarried.

I have been reading a book called "trying again" which I just started but there was something in the forward that has eased the anxiety a little for me...maybe it can help you. The author said to stay open to your feelings and embrace them all. Worry, pessimism, sadness, guilt as well as optimism and happiness. You may not be able to recapture the innocence and blissfulness normally associated with pregnancy...but you can find a balance between the negative feelings and the positive one. She also said to hold onto any feelings of optimism, no matter how fleeting it may be - if it gives you hope...do it.

She also said that you should let yourself feel close to this baby (make wishes, collect momentos and memories.) Detachment may keep you from getting your hopes up but it wont shield you from having to deal with another tragedy...should that happen. Recognizing the source of your anxiety or depression may also help - maybe writing them down in a journal or talking to a close friend - I think it helps to talk to someone who is experiencing a similar situation - that is why I like to read forums like these).

dmpz

 

[MSJ]

I think that hormones definitely can have an impact on our feelings during and after pregnancy. I know this goes against the wisdom of our age, but don't trust your feelings much--feelings can be very deceiving. I had terrible attacks of anxiety for my last two pregnancies. And after our 2nd child was born (we have 5) my post partum depression was so bad that I could not decide whether to kill myself or kill myself and the kids--that sounds so awful and it was, but hormones had totally skewed my assessment of my life and of our situation. I am learning to continually cast my anxieties on my Heavenly Father, so that I am not so plagued by fear. I am learning to trust in His promises(which never change) and not my feelings (which are tossed here and there by hormones, circumstances, my weight , and etc.)

I am not sure how helpful my little diatribe was, but it sounds like hormones to me and I am sure that eventually it will pass. Perhaps letting your OB know would be a good idea as well. Also, finding a good support system of some sort, particularly other mommies--you might find someone who has similar challenged during pregnancy.

take care and keep us posted--this forum is a good place for support
Maggie

 

[shopaholic]

First of all give yourself credit for asking for help. Hormones do play a great part as well as how you are feeling physically. if the pregnancy is physically draining, that do can increase depression. The pregnancy certainly is messing with your feelings. Second, the older we get, the more we analyze, often too much. In otherwords, the more you think about life with 2 children, the more stressed you get. Young, first time moms are often naive, and don't stress until they realize the actual stress of parenting. Whereas more mature moms think about every chrisis that could occur and every stress, and the more we question, the worse we feel, but then we are so prepared we cope. As Maggie mentioned, keep using this forum for support. If depression remains high though despite use of support talk to your ob. There are antidepressants that are safe to take while pregnant.

 

[autumn]

dmpz, thanks for sharing that! It is nice to know there are women sharing similar situations. I am thankful I know the root of my feelings... and I should add that in my situation the pregnancy has not led to depression (I am grieving so there is sadness)... it is just cautious excitement.

As for your fear of not feeling happy, I was so happy when I saw that positive pregancy test that I wept.

The book sounds very helpful. Who is the author? I may find it helpful in my practice.

Please take care and god bless!

Autumn

 

[Dmpz]

Hi Autumn:

Yes I think knowing that there are other women in similar situation has made me feel less alone. I was on a pregnancy loss board reading up on miscarriage in Dec. and found that there were actually a lot of women who miscarried the same week I did. It obviously didn't make me feel better that other women miscarried. It was surprising for me...b/c miscarriage is never talked about till it happens. Similarly, my husband talked to some clients and friends to deal with his grief and came back with lots of stories of similar experiences.

Anyway, the author of the book is Ann Douglas and the full name is "Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss". I just started it so I can't really give a review. The one thing I will say is that the three losses are different and sometimes I don't feel like I relate to stories about stillbirth or infant loss. I am not saying that the loss is any easier...it is just different. For what it is worth, I skip the parts I don't connect with and take the parts that I think may help.

thanks,
Dmpz

 

[targetlover]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am feeling a little better today. My husband took me to a movie, we say Miracle. So, today was better than the last week. I did want to add that I am on effexor so I know I have some help controlling these unwanted thoughts and feelings. Are any of you girls on an antidepressandt?

 

[jcm]

been there! I had my second baby four months ago (october). in june i just felt crappy. not excited about the baby or anything else for that matter. and i was just really irrational. when i found out the baby was a boy i cried for three days and wouldn't talk to anybody on the phone. i told all this to my midwife and she immediately put me on zoloft. i've been on it since june and she wants me to stay on it until this june then see how things go as i go off it. it was absolutely wonderful. i felt better in about thee weeks. felt back to myself. it's funny because the first pregnancy i felt awesome! no pms and i had good/happy hormones for nine months. i only recognized what i had as depression because i've been around it so much. hope the effexor continues to work for you. it's definitely worth it. that time i spent like that was HORRIBLE. and i've had no shame in it. it's all hormonal (for me) and i found the difference between the pregnancies so amazing i shared/continue to share my experience with others. you never know who you're going to help.