OK I need some relationship help from you wise ladies

[B]

RE: OK I need some relationship help from you wise ladi...

Heeeey Lauramax,

Just wanted to chime in to say please don't shut down emotionally!! Your ex is not worth it.... Who the heck is he to have gotten a woman like you to shut other men out and want to give up on relationships?!??!

I'm not saying jump into a relationship with this new guy just for the sake of being in a relationship, but give yourself the opportunity to get to know him. Make your feelings known from the start and just tell him you're not looking for a relationship right now. At the very least, you guys can hang out and have a good time.. maybe it'll grow into something more and maybe not... who knows?

I do believe that you need to deal with your emotions though. I used to be one to keep busy in order to get my mind off things, but after a while that gets tiring... Now - with my new BF - I say anything and everything that's on mind whether he likes it or not, and I expect the same from him - so we just take it from there.. And I like it so much better this way!!

I say all this to say - It's all about you! You deserve to be happy in all facets of life: friends, family, significant other, job, etc. You shouldn't have to "give up" anything and you shouldn't settle for less...

Take care of yourself.

 

[amberwaves]

Lauramax,

I too was with a cheater, it was 10 years ago and I never did get past the cheating part, it does change one. I think it has something to do with the loss of power somehow. the extreme devastation lasts a very very long time. I found it changed me permanently, at least the way I looked at relationships and trust. thinking I could never trust again was a huge hurdle. In my eyes it was the ultimate violation and a permanent scar. I learned to look at it that way, a scar.

Eventually, I found a man that truly felt the same way about trust, family and life. If you don't open yourself up a little bit to the discoveries of what a great man can be like, you may miss the best thing that ever happened to you.

Maybe you are not ready yet. But I hope you can at least allow yourself to get to really know someone, know what makes them tick. Even if he is not "the one" you made a friend.

I almost blew the best thing that ever happened to me because 10 years after the cheater, in my mind I was stil thinking "i'm never gonna let that happen again"

Seriously, I have some pretty high standards and when the man I dreamed about and thought would never appear, did in fact appear when I was 37, I had to pack away some baggage that he was not responsible for and he waited for me to do so, 2 years. Once I packed it away...I realized that what I truly wanted out of a relationship was real and possible. And..we were married one month later.

the pain of that relationship will always be a scab, let it scar over, make it scar over. Write down your pain then crumple it up stomp on and burn it. Remember that you are too beautiful inside and out to not allow yourself the joy of great relationship.

AMber

 

[Fach]

The best words of advice I can offer is take it slow and be honest with yourself AND the new guy. Don't drone on and on, date after date about your broken heart, but be honest about what your going through. If he is the right guy he will understand and be patient. I am sorry you are going through this. It is tough. Been there, done that. Just take baby steps.....Good luck!