ashaw
Cathlete
I wanted thank everyone for their support over the past year and especially the past few months with my hysterectomy surgery. And to Debinimi, I did get make contact with SeaShell and now I have the LMR bundle but I've yet to try any workouts.
I'm now 12 weeks post op this week, the scar on my lower abdomen is slowly fading and I'm back to exercise again. Last year, I dealt with a lot of anxiety over my surgery because there was a possibility of cancer. Thank God that was ruled out and all benign.
I thought the anxiety would subside once the surgery was done but it didn't and I made the decision to talk to my neurologist about getting something to help me sleep, just to take on an as needed basis. I've taken it twice and it really knocks me out and its hard to time it for sleep but not a hangover in the morning.
But there has been an interesting turn of events over the weekend that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I've been in a relationship with Kevin, the man I met in my neighborhood who does renovation work, since October 2023. I'm not proud of going outside my marriage, but I'd mentally checked out things here long before I met him. We talked about wanting to leave our marriages and be together but taking our time, I needed to find work and we would just take our time and smartly plan things. Not a day has gone by in 16 months that we've failed to say good night or good morning. Kevin would drive around in the morning and afternoon just to see me while I was out with Luca. The day in October 2023 that we finally talked about our feelings, he said "I've fallen for you hook, line and sinker." He bought me lingerie for my birthday, made me this little carved wooden heart, got me a shamrock necklace when he was in Ireland last year, came to the community center to see me after my CNA graduation, he went to the wrong Subway to surprise me at lunchtime after I had my CNA school orientation, he would come to the HEB grocery store just to see me when I was there shopping, we would talk on the phone most mornings when he was on his way to work and he's bought me enough lingerie from Temu to fill a large shopping bag.
On Thursday, he left town to go to his father in law's funeral and kept in touch as usual. On Saturday I got exciting news that I'd been selected to move forward to an interview for a call center job with the company I used to work for. I of course shared that news with him in a text. The last I heard from him was Saturday night at 10:35 when he got back to Houston. He mentioned that he and his wife had gotten into an argument at the first airport and hadn't spoken the entire trip back to Houston, which was quite a haul as I knew there were layovers and connecting flights. I've been sick with some upper respiratory thing since last week and he even said he hoped I was feeling better and the usual "good night, love you". I haven't heard from him since. The only strange thing happened was yesterday around 5 PM, I got the exact same text from him that I'd gotten on Saturday night at 10:35. I know he's been increasingly stressed with his work, tired of fighting Houston traffic, he was pretty distraught over the loss of his father in law from cancer, as well as overall disillusion with America, in fact he said he's worked in a few other countries but America was never a place he even wanted to visit, I know he feels some isolation because he often talks about missing meeting the guys at the pub and having BS over a pint, he's self employed and often works alone or with a helper so its not like he's working a construction job with a large group of guys and he's said multiple times over the past few weeks that "Trump is going to ruin this country". The last time we talked on the phone was Monday or Tuesday and it was a lot of negative stuff about the country and the world. I know that he can drink quite heavily at times and at night he will have "a sprinkle of weed" with his hookah.
I've always tried to be a source of support and encouragement for him but as of late its been draining me. I now believe that some of my anxiety was coming from that relationship, mainly is the job I find going to be good enough for our life together. I don't know what happened, if he committed suicide, if he overdosed on something, drank too much or smoked bad weed, if he just up and left the country or just decided to ghost me. I know right before we got together in 2023 he and his wife had a big fight and he was thinking about going to go back to the UK but didn't because he wanted to see if there was a chance with me. He often said I was what kept him in the country. We've never had a disagreement, he knows I'm going through a lot at home and he's always been supportive. He also knew about the considerable sum of money that my parents gave me a few months before my surgery and that I was even willing to use some or all of that money towards the house we were going to share. His best friend in Ireland knows about me as well as his step-mom and her husband, whom he's very close with as well.
On Saturday after dinner, for some reason, I bagged up all the lingerie he bought me and put it in my closet along with the wooden heart and necklace. I even deleted all our pictures from my phone. Its almost like I had a premonition or something. The weird thing is I feel a release and a sense of relief and peace, like I can now find a job that's good enough for me, not someone else. And honestly, as expensive as things are now, I don't know if I can afford to leave my marriage because of all the debt I have and having to sink $4,700 into my car last month. Its almost like I feel my energy returning and maybe once I'm over this upper respiratory crud, I'll come back to Cathe again after doing Pvolve for so long. I don't know if Kevin is dead or alive, in another country or just ghosted me but I don't know if I want to know. I still feel a bit of sadness and confusion because this man has been a huge part of my life for 3 years, a little over a year and a half of it as friends. When I told him back in March 2023 that we shouldn't text, he later said he was hurt over it but didn't want to lose me as a friend. He told me the happiest day of his life was the day I texted him when he was at the airport leaving for Paris to watch rugby world cup matches (it was earlier in the day that we came out with our feelings for each other).
My interview is on March 11 with the company I used to work for which has since merged with another company and rebranded. I would be getting my property and casualty insurance license and doing customer service from home. I loved working from home because it was such a great work-life balance. It pays $16 an hour for training and $18 an hour once in production and I wouldn't be worrying about car problems and a commute, gas prices, I can eat my own food at home and save a fortune on clothes too.
I'm now 12 weeks post op this week, the scar on my lower abdomen is slowly fading and I'm back to exercise again. Last year, I dealt with a lot of anxiety over my surgery because there was a possibility of cancer. Thank God that was ruled out and all benign.
I thought the anxiety would subside once the surgery was done but it didn't and I made the decision to talk to my neurologist about getting something to help me sleep, just to take on an as needed basis. I've taken it twice and it really knocks me out and its hard to time it for sleep but not a hangover in the morning.
But there has been an interesting turn of events over the weekend that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I've been in a relationship with Kevin, the man I met in my neighborhood who does renovation work, since October 2023. I'm not proud of going outside my marriage, but I'd mentally checked out things here long before I met him. We talked about wanting to leave our marriages and be together but taking our time, I needed to find work and we would just take our time and smartly plan things. Not a day has gone by in 16 months that we've failed to say good night or good morning. Kevin would drive around in the morning and afternoon just to see me while I was out with Luca. The day in October 2023 that we finally talked about our feelings, he said "I've fallen for you hook, line and sinker." He bought me lingerie for my birthday, made me this little carved wooden heart, got me a shamrock necklace when he was in Ireland last year, came to the community center to see me after my CNA graduation, he went to the wrong Subway to surprise me at lunchtime after I had my CNA school orientation, he would come to the HEB grocery store just to see me when I was there shopping, we would talk on the phone most mornings when he was on his way to work and he's bought me enough lingerie from Temu to fill a large shopping bag.
On Thursday, he left town to go to his father in law's funeral and kept in touch as usual. On Saturday I got exciting news that I'd been selected to move forward to an interview for a call center job with the company I used to work for. I of course shared that news with him in a text. The last I heard from him was Saturday night at 10:35 when he got back to Houston. He mentioned that he and his wife had gotten into an argument at the first airport and hadn't spoken the entire trip back to Houston, which was quite a haul as I knew there were layovers and connecting flights. I've been sick with some upper respiratory thing since last week and he even said he hoped I was feeling better and the usual "good night, love you". I haven't heard from him since. The only strange thing happened was yesterday around 5 PM, I got the exact same text from him that I'd gotten on Saturday night at 10:35. I know he's been increasingly stressed with his work, tired of fighting Houston traffic, he was pretty distraught over the loss of his father in law from cancer, as well as overall disillusion with America, in fact he said he's worked in a few other countries but America was never a place he even wanted to visit, I know he feels some isolation because he often talks about missing meeting the guys at the pub and having BS over a pint, he's self employed and often works alone or with a helper so its not like he's working a construction job with a large group of guys and he's said multiple times over the past few weeks that "Trump is going to ruin this country". The last time we talked on the phone was Monday or Tuesday and it was a lot of negative stuff about the country and the world. I know that he can drink quite heavily at times and at night he will have "a sprinkle of weed" with his hookah.
I've always tried to be a source of support and encouragement for him but as of late its been draining me. I now believe that some of my anxiety was coming from that relationship, mainly is the job I find going to be good enough for our life together. I don't know what happened, if he committed suicide, if he overdosed on something, drank too much or smoked bad weed, if he just up and left the country or just decided to ghost me. I know right before we got together in 2023 he and his wife had a big fight and he was thinking about going to go back to the UK but didn't because he wanted to see if there was a chance with me. He often said I was what kept him in the country. We've never had a disagreement, he knows I'm going through a lot at home and he's always been supportive. He also knew about the considerable sum of money that my parents gave me a few months before my surgery and that I was even willing to use some or all of that money towards the house we were going to share. His best friend in Ireland knows about me as well as his step-mom and her husband, whom he's very close with as well.
On Saturday after dinner, for some reason, I bagged up all the lingerie he bought me and put it in my closet along with the wooden heart and necklace. I even deleted all our pictures from my phone. Its almost like I had a premonition or something. The weird thing is I feel a release and a sense of relief and peace, like I can now find a job that's good enough for me, not someone else. And honestly, as expensive as things are now, I don't know if I can afford to leave my marriage because of all the debt I have and having to sink $4,700 into my car last month. Its almost like I feel my energy returning and maybe once I'm over this upper respiratory crud, I'll come back to Cathe again after doing Pvolve for so long. I don't know if Kevin is dead or alive, in another country or just ghosted me but I don't know if I want to know. I still feel a bit of sadness and confusion because this man has been a huge part of my life for 3 years, a little over a year and a half of it as friends. When I told him back in March 2023 that we shouldn't text, he later said he was hurt over it but didn't want to lose me as a friend. He told me the happiest day of his life was the day I texted him when he was at the airport leaving for Paris to watch rugby world cup matches (it was earlier in the day that we came out with our feelings for each other).
My interview is on March 11 with the company I used to work for which has since merged with another company and rebranded. I would be getting my property and casualty insurance license and doing customer service from home. I loved working from home because it was such a great work-life balance. It pays $16 an hour for training and $18 an hour once in production and I wouldn't be worrying about car problems and a commute, gas prices, I can eat my own food at home and save a fortune on clothes too.
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