need help with sleep issue!!

R

RachelN

Cathlete
Has anyone found a way to teach your child to put herself to sleep besides crying it out?

Katie is still getting up 3-4 times a night at six months. She has acid reflux but that is pretty much under control. She does nurse everytime she gets up but I think that is her way of going back to sleep.

I also need to get her on a nap schedule and get her to nap in bed. She was used to us holding her for nap (she slept better when we elevated her head because of the reflux.) Now when I put her in bed for nap no matter how sound asleep she is she screams as soon as she is down. I get her up to calm her but then she is awake.

Lately even when I hold her for naps she only sleeps 15-20 minutes. This makes for a very crabby baby.

In fact she has started a new phase. She will not let me do anything that doesn't involve actively playing with or holding her. I can't even eat! Lately I have taken to putting her in the swing or her gym and letting her cry while I do what I have to do. She is making me nuts!

I want to correct these problems now before they become worse!

Any recommendations?

Thanks

Rachel

Katie 6/20/06
 
Rachel, I am sending cyber hugs and cyber coffee your way. It will get better, especially as Katie gets more mobile and more tired. With dd#1 she cried much of the night, so she slept many nights in her take along swing as a newborn. When she got older, I did begin leaving her crying in her bed. She did eventually fall asleep, and now loves her bed and goes to sleep easiliy on her own. Unfortunately, I know of no other way , than letting them cry it out. As awful as it feels to you, it is the best thing for your child and later on she will have healthy sleep habits. A great book, although I forget its actual title, is something like healthy child, healthy sleep. Everyone I have known that resorting to letting the child cry it out, eventually got a good sleeper. I should also add that my dd#1 screamed wherever we were. My friends were amazed that I continued on and ignored her. My dd#1 now 3 years old, is a happy child, so no scars from letting her cry it out. Had I not let her cry it out, I would have lost my mind. I will admit dd#2 is an easier baby. Good luck!
 
Letting your baby cry it out might work, but I have to respectfully disagree that "it is the best thing for your child". It never felt right to me and I was able to get my children to be good sleepers by using other methods. Sometimes a baby is crying for a reason and if you just let him/her cry it out, you might miss a problem - in your case, it could be the acid reflux bothering her or some other illness or pain that she can't communicate to you.

The method that worked best for us is the one that we used with our fourth (and last) child. It is from the book The Baby Whisperer and it's called the pick-up/put-down method. You can go to the babywhisperer.com forums and there is a lot of discussion about the method there. I believe that it is a much more compassionate way to get a child to sleep and stay asleep on their own than allowing them to cry it out.

Good luck - it's so hard when your baby won't sleep!

Erica
 
Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about what's happening and I feel your pain. Our daughter (now three) didn't sleep through the night until I stopped breastfeeding at 12 months.

One thing that helped was putting her in her own room and having my husband go to her if she really cried. If I went, she just wanted me to hold her and would only fall asleep nursing and then wake up when I put her down. If she wasn't truly hungry, dh could settle her more easily, maybe because he didn't smell like breastmilk.

I found some good ideas in the book "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, too. That book helped alot (we managed regular naps and reduced night waking from 3 ~ 4 times to just 1 time per night.) When I stopped breastfeeding, she magically started to sleep through until 7 am.

About daytime fussiness, my mom suggests using a back carrier so the baby can feel you and see what you're doing. My sister used one with her son and my mom with fussy me. My Japanese friends swear by this one, actually.

Hope this helps!

Mary
 
Rachel,

You sounds exactly like me when Maddie was 4 months. With all due respect to those who distrust CIO, I believe CIO works and doesn't cause any harm. In fact, I think it is the best method for many babies (certainly not all) because it works so quickly (one night for us when we used it to put her down earlier).

I tried the Baby Whisperer's methods and they did not work for us. Maddie was not comforted by my mere presence or touch, she wanted to be held all the time. Picking her up and putting her down simply stimulated her more. (In fact, I am skeptical of a lot of the BW's advice on various topics. For example, she is extremely dismissive of extended nursing (comments like, she was STILL nursing at a year ... It was more for herself than the baby. And this woman provided lactation consultations? Grrrr, don't get me started)).

It's great if her methods work for some babies, because they are gentler than CIO, so they are worth a shot. But if they don't work (and even if they do), I highly recommend Weissbluth's HEalthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. When I used CIO, I went to Maddie when she first cried to make sure she wasn't wet or something. Usually she quickly started drifitng off in my arms, which told me that there was no physical discomfort preventing her from sleeping. Then I could put her down knowing that her ensuing cries were protests and she was ok. CIO is unpleasant and if you find another method that works, great, but assertions that it somehow damages babies are simply unsupported by any research (and believe me, I have looked to make sure I wasn't making a huge mistake). There IS, however, plenty of research showing that poor sleeping habits hurt babies. So if gentler methods don't work, weigh the relative risks of CIO and disordered sleeping. The way I saw it, the risks of CIO are speculative but the risks of poor sleeping are well-documented. Within a day or two of using CIO, M started sleeping several hours a night more than she used to, which made it easier for her to nap because she wasn't overtired (ironic thing about babies and sleep). And that is, as convicted felon MArtha Stewart would say, a very good thing.

It's tough when you have a high-maintenance baby--I called M a barnacle baby. Of course, babies need a lot of physical affection but you can't do it every minute of the day and she will be ok if you set her down in a safe place to play for a few minutes at a time, even if she protests loudly.

Lastly, here's a link to an interesting article recently in the NYT about sleep training.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/12/h...l=1&adxnnlx=1167333198-TABaqkpkXFY6xKvYeAepRA

Good luck!
 
Hi Rachel, I'm a new mom with a seven month old. He would never go to sleep on his own no matter what I tried so I resorted to the "let him cry." My trick, make sure he's clean, fed, & dry, then give your husband strict orders to only check on him & talk to him reassuringly if the crying gets really loud, then get out of the house. It took a few nights (four to be exact) but it did work. I've read that its good for them to learn to comfort themselves as you won't always be able to be there for them. Good Luck. CD
 
Hi Rachel,

I want to tell you that I wish you all the hugs, patience, and love you need when the baby is being demanding - although still adorable!!

I went through very similar things with my first baby. I will tell you that I read the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and I now recommend this book to all my new parent friends & family. I know some people don't agree with her ways or the way she "says" things in her book, but to me it's just her personality and I enjoyed her take on things, even if I didn't agree. (Sort of like Supernanny.)

As to the problems you spoke about, I used the pick up/put down method to break my daughter of the always needing to be held. It work the first day - but be warned, it was a long morning for me because I had allowed her to become pretty used to being held!!
Basically, you put the baby down in the playpen or wherever you want him/her. When they fuss, you pick them back up. As soon as they are calm, put 'em right back down. (Don't hold too long after they're calm or you lose the window of opportunity.) You repeat this as long as it takes. You are teaching the baby that they are ok, you are here for them, but that they don't need to be in your arms 24/7.

As to getting them on a good schedule, I also followed the Baby Whisperer advice about reading your baby's cues. The one that I remember the most is about the window of opportunity for naps/bedtime. The book goes into greater detail, but essentially she says that babies go through a process to prepare for sleep. If you notice the baby will yawn and rub eyes, stare off, etc. when they get tired. Once you notice this, have that baby in bed by the third yawn. Once they pass that point, they are overtired/overstimulated and will be that much harder to get to sleep.

In addition to the baby whisperer book, I used and recommend a book by Jodi Mindell called "Sleeping Through The Night".

Using the techniques in both of these books, I have successfully put my 4 year old daughter (started when she was 4 months old) on a great routine. She goes to bed by 8 pm each night, and sleeps all night.
I also have my two year old twins (boy/girl) on a great routine. They take a short nap in the morning, a longer one (1 1/2 - 2 1/2 hours) in the afternoon and go to bed each night between 7pm and 7:15 pm. I'm telling you all this because (A.) I'm really proud of being able to do this and want you to know you can do it too, and (B) My kids wake up happy, and most importantly, they go to bed Happy - with no fuss, they wave to one another and cheerily say "Night, night - I love you!"

Sorry to go on like that, but I feel like anytime I can share what has worked for me with others, I'm going to do it.

All the best to you and your family,

Tricia
 
Hi, I have a 15 month old who has been sleeping thru the night since 7 1/2 weeks and on a regular nap sch by 3 months. I believe two books really helped: for night sleeping: Baby Wise. I did change a few things to fit my sch (like not starting the day at 7 - my husband and I are not morning people) but for the most part followed the book. I know a lot of people who had success with this book. There have been many mornings when we had to wake her up -after 9am. For naps the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (or something like that). It basically says to watch for the tired cues and put them to bed shortly afterwards. The only time my daughter fell asleep to the breast was when she was an infant. Pay attention to the patterns of your child and you will notice things they do when they are tired. Another thing I read was try to put your child to bed in the same place everytime. I know this is not always possible but if you do it more times then not it will help establish a routine for the child. My daughter slept thru the night at 7 1/2 weeks, took 3 naps a day (about 2 hrs in the morning and afternoon and 30-45 min in the evening) until about 9 months and then she dropped the third nap. She still takes 2 naps a day (on most days) for about and 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. We usually put her to bed between 7:30 and 8:30pm and she sleeps until 8 or 9 am. I really have to say that I believe these books have helped with this wonderful sleep pattern.
 
Rachel,

This is such an interesting thread and issue. All babies are so different its hard to recommend one method over another.

I have a 10-month old. She goes to bed at 7-ish. She generally wakes up one time per night between 3 and 4 a.m., nurses, then goes back to sleep until 6 or 7 a.m.

My "method" if you can call it that, was to go to her every time she cried and change her diaper and/or nurse her until she fell back to sleep. She would wake up 3 to 5 times per night when she was a newborn, but it gradually lessened to only 1 time per night when she was about 6 months old.

I figured that if I go to her in the night, she will feel confident that I would be there, and would not be scared of sleep or to go back to sleep if she woke up temporarily.

Not exactly what anyone (except probably Dr. Sears) would recommend, but it has worked for us!

Best of luck and don't be afraid to try different things!
 
Hi Rachel! I can't exactly tell how old your baby is but Dr. Weisbluth Healthy Sleep, etc." worked for both my daughters - who have VERY different personalities and sleep styles. Nonetheless, if I remember correctly, the method for crying it out was for around age 9 mos. (maybe a little less) and then he talks about the age whereby once in bed by 6-7 pm, the baby may wake around 10pm but then no longer "needs" to feed at the 12-2am feeding so the next "wake" should be around 5 pm. I live in Chicago where Dr. Weisbluth is from and I know he also does consultations.

Both my children have cried it out and greeted me with smiles and continued affection each morning. The other great advice I received from a fellow mother is to remember that sleep is cyclical - she had 4 & 7 year olds who, although went to be on their own and slept through the night, sometimes still ended up snuggled in her bed by morning.

Just remember, if you're up at 2 am, you are not alone...

Best wishes for a good nights sleep on occasion!

jeni - momma to Olivia 4 and Anasofia 18 mos.
 
We have since let her cry it out. We only had to let her cry twice for less than 5 minutes. She now sleeps from approx 7pm-4am. I get her and feed her at 4 and she goes back down until 6am.

Once in awhile she will fuss in the night but I don't get her unless it is a true cry. I think this is her way of putting herself back to sleep.

She is doing much better at nap time as well.

Thanks for all the suggestions.


Rachel


Katie 6/20/06
 
do you have a wrap or a sling you can wear her in? this might allow you to get some things done and help her sleep at night. have you checked out the sears books - attachment parenting and/or the baby book? both talk about wearing your baby.
good luck!!!!
 
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