My name is not Mrs!

[jodijodi]

I do think that the ma'am/sir conventions are different in different parts of the country. In the South, many children are raised to use them as a term of respect regardless of the age of the person they are speaking to. No ifs, ands or buts...that is how you talk to people. It takes a little getting used to if you're from another part of the country, but it isn't meant to make anyone feel old, as Liann mentioned.

I spent the first half of my childhood in NJ, and my parents made sure that I called everyone Mr/Mrs with their last name. When we moved to South FL, everyone called their parents' friends by their first names. It took a while until my parents let me do that (even while the adults themselves were practically begging us to use their first names.) (South FL is not "the South", by the way, when you're talking about Southern manners...most of the people there are from somewhere else.)

When I moved to Atlanta as an adult, I found more and more parents insisting that their children use Mr/Mrs (or Miss/Ms/Mr with a first name). So I do think that some of it is regional.

Having said that, I don't really care what my kids' friends call me (assuming it isn't disrespectful.) Some call me Mrs. and some call me Jodi. (But it took a while until I realized that those who called me Mrs. weren't talking about my MIL, LOL!)

 

[Peaceful Rainbow]

My parents are close to 70 now and always told our friends to call them by their first names. They simply didn't care for formality. I've never liked being called ma'am, even though I recognize it as a sign of respect or Mrs. for that matter. Likely as a result of them being more comfortable with first names, and my children's friends all call me by my first name.

 

[kgalas]

I don't like hearing "Mrs." I'm 35 and it just makes me feel old. My dds' friends all call me "Ms. Klaudia" which I like. Except for one little 6 year old girl who calls me just "Klaudia"! Sounds so odd coming from a little kid. When I was growing up, we addressed everyone as Mr./Mrs. or Aunt/Uncle whether they were related or not.

 

[intensityjunkie]

In the south it's common for younger kids to call their friends' parents by their first name, but putting "Miss" in front of it. It lends a respectful air to it, but doesn't sound quite as formal as "Mrs. Smith".

I've been "Miss Jeanne" to my 21 year old DS's friends for many years now. They all still call me that!

Yeah thats the way we usually do it. Seths art teacher is Mrs Susan. Sunday school teachers etc are Mrs and their first name. Its a little less formal. But we have a neighbor kid that comes in calling my DH "AL" which is his first name. It always catches me off guard. Its like hes putting himself on an equal plane with an adult and hes only 7 yrs old.

 

[kgalas]

Exactly Jess! Hearing "Hey Klaudia", I'm expecting to see another adult, not a kindergartener:0

 

[kathryn]

It makes me uncomfortable when people at my drs office call me by my first name unless they've been there for awhile and "know" me.

Several years ago, when I would write a check, the cashier would often address me by my first name. WTF? You don't know me, so don't talk to me as if you do! Luckily, Walmart has changed things, and cashiers no longer are 'overly friendly' (except for those older women who call everyone 'dear' or "sweety", but that's okay).

 

[kathryn]

It's a shame that "Ms" never took off the way it was supposed to me used : as a substitute for "Mrs" OR "Miss," to have one form of address that didn't depend on marital status, the way men have only "Mr." Many people use "Ms" as only a synonym for "Miss," which pretty much misses the original intent.

Earlier this semester, one of my students emailed me about an absence, and addressed me by my first name (actually, she addresse me as "Kim"! so she not only used a first name, but the wrong one at that!). Most students, even those I am on more informal terms with, address me as Professor Lastname. I thought it was very odd.

But even more strange, IMO, is my department chair having his children call him by his first name. Somehow, that just seems so odd to me.

 

[jodijodi]

Every once in a while my youngest will call me by my first name...I have no idea where she got that habit! I always answer the same way: "That's Mom to you, little girl!"

 

[JeanneMarie]

I do think that the ma'am/sir conventions are different in different parts of the country. In the South, many children are raised to use them as a term of respect regardless of the age of the person they are speaking to. No ifs, ands or buts...that is how you talk to people. It takes a little getting used to if you're from another part of the country, but it isn't meant to make anyone feel old, as Liann mentioned.

Yes! I was raised in the south, and we were expected to address all of our elders with sir and ma'am. To not do so was considered rude. I raised my DS the same way. It in no way indicates that you are old. It just means that the person addressing you is showing respect.

It was considered VERY rude to answer an adult with just a "yes" or "no". It was "Yes ma'am/sir" or "No ma'am/sir", or you were in trouble!

 

[lala1]

This is really a pet peeve of mine! I think that my kids´ friends SHOULD address me as Mrs. I´ve always thought that those who don´t (aside from the cultural differences noted), have difficulty with feeling old (yes, I´m ready for the flames!). I am not on the same level as those kids, and I don´t care if I seem old to them. It is so true what Beavs said, to a teenager, anyone over 21 is old. And if someone calls me Ma´am, fine, they are showing respect. They kind of get the "damned if you do and damned if you don´t".

 

[sparrow13]

I belong to the ranks of those who'd have been murdered on the spot by their mother if they'd called an adult by his or her first name! To this day I can't call my parents' friends by the first names - the ones I've known since I was a kid, I mean.

That said, I don't mind at all that my niece and nephew's friends call me "Te Te" because that's what my niece and nephew call me. As the auntie, I like to keep things loose.

Sparrow

 

[JennieR]

I'm ok with Mrs, but ma'am is just code for "old lady" Damn grocery baggers call me that. "Can I help you out with this ma'am?". How insulting, how rude!

I agree, ma'am is code for 'old lady'. It's just not the teens that call me ma'am, I have people older then myself that call me ma'am. I know they're just being polite, but I still don't like it.

 

[josiespcah6ojsh]

that made me think of a phone call i got once asking for Missy. my last name is seay said like see. so we got to talking and i eventually asked who is this?

laura

 

[netsnotes16]

Yes! I was raised in the south, and we were expected to address all of our elders with sir and ma'am. To not do so was considered rude. I raised my DS the same way. It in no way indicates that you are old. It just means that the person addressing you is showing respect.

It was considered VERY rude to answer an adult with just a "yes" or "no". It was "Yes ma'am/sir" or "No ma'am/sir", or you were in trouble!

JeanneMarie, I agree. Are you sure we weren't seperated at birth? My children's friends call Miss Annette or Miss Net. When I am out at the grocery store, regardless of age, I'll say ma'am or sir. When I first heard "ma'am" said to me, I thought gee, I am gettin' old. It doesn't phase me now.

A friend of mine once said, "the terms ma'am or sir" was a way of downgrading me. And not to say that. I think it is respectful. Last year when Andrew was in 6th grade, the music teacher said, "even when the kids were in trouble, they would say "yes or no ma'am."

Also, I know in the Black/African American community, calling persons by the first names unless you are a contemporary is a major no-no. Because AA/BA's were called by their first names without any respect.

 

[Aquajock]

Netsnotes16, count me in as another Miss Annette who likes it that way! Although the teenaged children of our friends call me Annette and that's fine because I've known them all their lives, I feel that "Ma'am" and "Sir" are terms of respect outside the immediate family and VERY intimate friend circle.

I seriously do not like it when waitstaff in restaurants refer to me and DH as "you guys", either. Too much informality, masquerading as egalitarianism.

Miss A-Jock

 

[amyg]

I am cracking up remembering the first time I got a "ma'am". I was at a college campus bookstore and the guy was my age-- EIGHTEEN!!! :O I think I made an impression with my response...

Now, at 31, I just thank the people for calling me "miss" rather than "ma'am" or I'll tease someone for calling me "ma'am". It's fun.

I prefer everyone call me Amy no matter how old they are. Kids, that would be different; if I'm their mom, it's "Mom" thank you very much. I would occasionally call my mom by her first name if we were in a busy store and she didn't hear me say "mom". "Mary" got her every time!

I did call patients and clients Mr/Mrs unless asked until I realized last year that I was running the risk of seeming younger to them and minimizing my own worth so I now play it by ear. In CA, we're pretty laid back on this kind of thing!

 

[netsnotes16]

Netsnotes16, count me in as another Miss Annette who likes it that way! Although the teenaged children of our friends call me Annette and that's fine because I've known them all their lives, I feel that "Ma'am" and "Sir" are terms of respect outside the immediate family and VERY intimate friend circle.

I seriously do not like it when waitstaff in restaurants refer to me and DH as "you guys", either. Too much informality, masquerading as egalitarianism.

Miss A-Jock

Hey Annette! Hope you are doing well. When I was younger, one of the boys couldn't say Annette and we would call me "Enet." Anyway, when I taught daycare, they would call me Miss Net.

I have noticed a trend at banks that people will speak my first name, Annette. I am not sure if I am that comfortable with people referring to my first name until I get to know you better. I prefer to Miss or Ms Bethel.

Y'all say "you guys" and we say in the south "y'all." Even when I go out to eat, I'll tell the wait staff, yes or no, ma'am or sir. My children also say that as well. Even though I have to remind my teenage daugther at times.