My daughter kicked out of daycare today!! Please help

wendybdh

wendybdh

Cathlete
My daughter is 2 1/2 and started daycare 3 weeks ago. She was going 4 mornings a week. She had always been with my mother or myself so she was new to being around other kids. Today when I went to pick her up the woman had all her things on her table and just told me that things weren't working out and she can't watch her anymore. She said that she doesn't share and she sees changes in the other children's behavior since she started. I'm totally beside myself and I feel like I'm failing at parenting. Has this happened to anyone else? Please help....
 
Wendy,

I'm not a parent, so I cannot relate or offer you any particular advice from that end. But I want to say I am stunned that you would be given such an abrupt termination without any prior notification that there had been problems. Many children need time to adjust to being in daycare and socializing with other children. I would say the daycare providers are the ones who failed here. They should have kept you informed and involved. It doesn't sound like they were very patient at all. You may be better off bringing your daughter someplace where she will receive better care.
[font face="heather" font color=black size=+2]~Cathy[/font]

http://s228.photobucket.com/albums/ee296/runninteach/exercise/th_skj.gif

http://img16.glitterfy.com/53/glitterfy084824T933D37.gif
 
RE: My daughter kicked out of daycare today!! Please h...

Wendy,

I've got to state right up front that I've not put my kids in daycare, so this is not "expert" advice or anything---however, having two kids I can say this: There is not a 2 1/2 year old on the planet that shares well. It's against the laws of the universe. It sounds to me like the daycare provider just wasn't willing to put the work in to help your daughter assimilate to the new situation (which is a big change!) or help the other kids get used to having her around (totally normal!). Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and this specific daycare situation would have been a negative experience for your daughter.

Keep your head up!

Kelly
 
RE: My daughter kicked out of daycare today!! Please h...

Don't feel bad. My son got kicked out of daycare when he was 18mos. Screeching, biting and acting crazy. (Not like this at home at all, and he was in the daycare since he was 7mo.)
There were possibly a few things going on. He had moved up to a room that had a bad mold problem- One worker had to quit it made her ill.
I was also told by one of the better teachers that he was mistreated because I did not let them feed him their processed crap of a sorry excuse for a "healthy meal" (FRUIT LOOPS FOR A ONE YEAR OLD???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????) They resented that I packed his food.
They told me the same thing....It's not working out.
Here's the best part....
this ordeal affected him so badly, for the next place I put him in (a very nice place)he had horrible separation anxiety. I ended up hearing the SAME thing......It's not working out.
I shed many tears, because like you I felt like a failure. He was tossed out of not one but two daycares. It weighed heavily on my family and work life. If I wasn't self employed, I would have been fired.
You may just need to find a better fit for your little one. There are many different types of daycares, and all kids are different in social situations. My son is on his third daycare and we are keeping our fingers crossed. He has been there for 7mo. now and seems to be fine.
Keep your chin up, it's not you as a parent...these things do happen, even though you may feel alone. It just takes trial and error!
Feel free to email me if you need to talk.
Jo
 
RE: My daughter kicked out of daycare today!! Please h...

My background and education is in Children's Ed and I've raised two children, been a teacher and run programs for years.

First, it is important that the parent have a great rapport with whoever cares for his/her child so communication can occur. If problems occur they need to be solved together with input from all. Honestly, I can tell you that I learn so much from parents!!! They tell me things that work with their child. It's like getting a key to unlock the secrets of helping a child florish. I hope this third day care gets your opinion on how to handle your child!!! I think some day care teachers want just mellow kids.
 
RE: My daughter kicked out of daycare today!! Please h...

Wow, that stinks!!! But don't feel bad! I think it is mainly an issue of your day care provider. I don't know many 2 1/2 year olds who share. I believe it is the job of a day care provider to deal with those kinds of issues and give it some time, especially during adjustment periods.

I think if things were so bad she should have notified you. I.e. if your DD had bitten another child or acted aggressively, I would expect that she'd call you or tell you when you pick your daughter up and maybe say, this is what happened, if it happens again and we can't get this under control, you maybe better off with a different day care provider.

When my kids went to a private day care provider, there was one child who kept being aggressive to the other kids (and believe me, that kid was he!! on wheels), she tried to work with it for weeks, the parents were cooperative, the babysitter informed us/the other parents about the challenge, kept us in the loop. Eventually the day care provider said that in the interest of the other children she cannot continue, she gave them 2 weeks to find another provider. I think that's fair, it's reasonable and that's what I would expect from a qualified day care provider.

I don't think there is ANY reason that would justify for the babysitter/DC provider to bail so fast and WITHOUT prior notice.

I think you may have just had a not so qualified and not so professional DC provider. As Kelly said, it may be a blessing in disguise. I always think things happen for a reason. I know it is stressful but it may give you a chance to find a much better place for your DD.

Good luck!!!
 
I am so sorry for your problem. Child care issues are SO frustrating. I have 8 year old twins who were in daycare. Due to our moving, we tried several daycares. Each one was an adjustment and there were issues, but the daycare provider ALWAYS offered strategies for how they were going to make things work out (instead of immediately asking us to leave). I never used private daycare (someone's home). We always went to accredited larger preschools. They seemed well versed at dealing with each child's differences.

I know this is disheartening and I am sorry that it has you questioning your skills as a mother. But, as someone who is past the toddler stage, I want to tell you that someday (soon!), this bump in the road will just be a memory that you will hopefully laugh over with your child.
 
Thank you all for your advice.

I do think that the provider just wants mellow kids and I know mine is not one. But, I told her that in the beginning. I told her that I am always busy and not sitting still and so is my husband. We're just that type of people. I also told her that every evening, lunch hour and morning before I go to work, she gets my undivided attention and that of my mother's when she watches her. I also told her that she's not used to playing with other kids. I was VERY upfront about these things in the beginning.

Also, I was just talking to a woman who used to have this childcare provider and she told me that she knows of at least 4 other children who she kicked out and also said that she plays favorites and told me a few other things that are helping to make me realize that this probably is for the best and it's not because of my parenting skills.

Now what do I tell my daughter as to why she's not going back or do I need to tell her anything at 2 1/2?
 
Your child is better off without that provider. Obviously, she is in the wrong business. All children need time to adjust to a new environment. Toddlers are going through a stage where they generally don't share. At this stage, they are pushing buttons and trying to learn their boundaries or their place. This is why they test your patience. They can sometimes be stubborn and other times be so so sweet. When my children were that age, their favorite word was no. They may play beside another child, but not necessarily with another child. Heck, my seven and nine year old argue (on occassion) about who has what toy and the like.

Personally, I would not feel ashamed or bad about this situation. Perhaps it was a sign that this is not the right provider. I am not saying that this provider is a bad person, just obviously not special enough to take care of your child. I wouldn't want her to take care of my child if that is how she treats her clients.

As far as telling your two year old about not going back- it is kind of pointless to really "discuss" this with your child. You may mention it, but her mentality is probably not equipped to understand the complexity of the situation. Perhaps you could just say that it is a special treat to go to the new provider- lots more toys, etc.
 
I was a hyper kid in an environment full of mellow kids and my experiences with impatient adults in education was... traumatic. Believe me, separating your child from these people is a blessing in disguise. Your child needs to be with people who understand kids are kids. It will be work but you'll be glad once you've found the proper fit. She should have discussed the situation with you when it became apparent there even was a situation. Such an abrupt termination... who acts like that? You're not the problem so chill. You're both better off without that angry nut.
 
Hi Wendy! I am so sorry. Your heart must ache. I have never had a child get kicked out of daycare but my son was a doozie! When we would go to pick him up from Sunday School, the teacher would be waiting at the door with him inhand! He wouldn't keep his clothes on or he'd stuff the other kids coloring pictures down the steeple of the church bank! :eek: He even tried to punch a teacher once in the face (He was around 2!) To this day, I never understood why he was sooo strong-willed. I always said Dr. Dobson wrote the book after our son. (The "Strong-Willed Child") Our daugther was COMPLETELY opposite...never once was she a discipline problem in school/church. Just goes to show that even two kids are raised by the same parents, they have their own personalities. Today our son is sooo laid back, respectful and caring. Howdathunkit? I am not saying your son is disrespectful or uncaring...I just want to help you feel better that later in life the lil' things now will seem so unimportant. I also agree that things happen for a reason. That daycare is def not a good fit for him. Good Luck and keep us posted. You are NOT a failure!


http://www.PictureTrail.com/gid8692709


Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie") http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/aktion/action-smiley-066.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance, I Hope You DANCE!
 
RE: My daughter kicked out of daycare today!! Please h...

Hi Wendy, I'm not a parent but I got kicked out of daycare when I was 3! That was over 40 years ago and I still remember. My brother and sister had gone to the same place with no problems so my parents were stunned. Especially since I was "the easy one". The truth is it was a horrible place. When we were older we asked our parents why the sent us to such a bad daycare center (back then I think it was called preschool). My Mom said it was highly recommended. Anyway, it was a nightmare. I'll never forget the name of the woman who ran it - Mrs Kisselbrink. Luckily the next place I went to was wonderful. They knew just how to work with each child as an individual with unique needs. Good luck finding the right place for your child. She'll thank you for it later on.

Just wanted to add that I don't remember if my parents gave me any reason for changing daycare except that the new one would be better, not that it would have taken much, anyway your daughter is probably glad to not have to go back there. Really this sounds like a case where you're not in the wrong at all. Mrs Kisselbrink played favorites, too. Believe me that's a terrible thing to do to little kids. (Needless to say I was not one of her favorites)
 
RE: My daughter kicked out of daycare today!! Please h...

Thank you all for your kind words. I know this is not the end of the world (even though yesterday I thought it was!) and was probably a good thing.

I honestly never thought parenting would be this hard, and she's only 2! I just love my little girl so much and know how wonderful she is and it just hurts to know that others don't see the same beautiful little girl that I see. (I know that's an unrealistic expectation but also a harsh reality.)

Thanks again.
 
she runs a daycare and can't handle a 2 yr old. that is extremely sad on her part. i would try to see it as a good thing and find someone worth watching her. i have a 3 yr old girl and she is a extreme handful. you can't tell her anything. she actually came out like that. don't feel bad. none of us are perfect. but as long as you love her with everything you both will make it. i know you're doing the best you can.
 
{{{{{Wendy}}}}}

I don't have children so I don't really know the ins and outs of daycare, but I'm inclined to agree with everyone else that this is probably a blessing in disguise. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think this has any bearing on your parenting skills.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top