Move-in with SO?

Thanks Marie and I do need to do some soul searching and have been a lot lately...that's kind of why I throw things out on this forum to get new information or ideas to think about.

This is the same guy and it was a snippet of one bad week which included a bad sense of humor and misunderstandings which were worked out and have not occurred since.

I enjoy reading everyone's responses and appreciate them all. I love my SO and we get along great the few nights we are together a week. I said that we'd regroup in 2 months to discuss again because I do want to take the time to think about this.

For me, many times, I feel like I need to drag myself out of my comfort zone. Having a problem with anxiety doesn't help.

Thanks all!
 
>Listen to yourself. It's not about people "pushing" their
>morality on you or quoting statistics that are no longer
>relevant (no offense to anyone but this is a personal and not
>one size fits all decision). It's about what you feel and
>what you believe is right and what you feel comfortable doing.
>

Agreed 100%!!!

Everyone is different - you need to do what YOU feel comfortable with.
 
"Either this will lead to marriage...or you will break up."

Actually, this is not true - they may just live together for an indefinite period of time. Although the SO would like this to lead to marriage relatively quickly, it might work out just fine for them to live together without marriage for a long time, or forever. I know several couples who are not married but have been living together for 5, 10, 15 years, and are happy as clams.

My hubby and I lived together for 5 years before we married, and it has worked out well for us - we've been together for 28 years now. Although statistically it's true that couples who live together tend to have a higher divorce rate, it's certainly not a guarantee of divorce. For me, getting married after living together was not that much different, although I did feel more secure and had more of a sense of "we'll grow old together", which was nice.

You may be a little reticent because you know your SO wants this to lead to marriage. If you do decide to move in with him, you could make it clear that this, all by itself, is a big step for you, and you would like to table the discussion of marriage until you have adjusted to this new situation - in other words, he shouldn't start bugging you to get married in x number of months, he should give you some space and time to reflect.

I wish you much happiness whatever you decide to do!
 
I haven't read the other posts, but in my experience, you never really know someone until you live with them. Let's just say I dodged the proverbial "bullet" with a previous SO by living with them first.

Just my .02, but you gotta do what's right for you...
 
If I had things to do over, I might consider the "indefinite living together" arrangement. Of course, I'd still want my daughter, so marriage would probably make more sense.

However, if I ever split from my husband...I wouldn't get married again.
 
I refused to marry my DH until we lived together. I lived with him for a year and then we were engaged for two years before we got married. It worked for us and I have never regretted the decision.
 
Yeah, DH and I lived together, too. And I'm glad we did. I rarely had a roommate, so I really needed to know if I was actually capable of living with another human being!!! It was weird at first, but we got through it.

I still felt strange about getting married,though. I actually panicked two weeks before the ceremony and told him that we should cancel it and just continue living with each other. Something about having to pay for and go through legal crap if we wanted to break-up just didn't sit easy with me!!! (Can you tell that I was never one of those women who gave ultimatums of "Marry me, or we're through?") I'm sure we'd have been fine either way, but it has all worked out great.

Hope it all works out for you, Divagirl!
 
Thanks,

I've always grown up believing that I would live with a man when I knew I wanted to marry him but now I am really thinking that I would feel more comfortable saying "forever" if I live with my SO first. So I feel backwards now.
 
Wow, I have gone back & forth on this one over the years!

When I was younger, I never thought that living with someone before marriage was something that I would do. It was more tradition than anything, I think.

In my twenties, I moved in with my (then) bf more for financial reasons than anything. We were always together so why pay for two places? We had loosely talked about more commitment but it wasn't a thing where we moved in together in preparation for marriage. I never remember a serious conversation and I never remember thinking "this is the man that I want to marry." Thank god we did that because even though we went out for 9 years (and lived together), in the end, we realized that it wasn't right and didn't end up getting married. Some of you went through this break up with me...

Very recently, this past weekend (!), I moved in with my boyfriend after 8 months. We talked about it a while ago but only did it now for a few reasons (practical ones, not relationship ones). This move was because I know that this is the person I want to spend my life with. It's been less than a week but it's just so nice knowing that I go home to him every night. We have talked about marriage in the sense that each of us know we want to spend our lives together but there were no deadlines or dates set for engagement, etc. and in this case, I am just fine wiht that.

Sooooooooooooooo, I guess my point is that every situation is different and "to each his own." If it feels right in your gut, then go for it. Just b/c you are talking/thinking about it doesn't mean that you are hesitating. It just means that you are being smart and doing the right thing.

Good luck!
 
My DH and I have been married for 24 years- we didn't live together first. I have the strong feeling that if we had, we wouldn't be together now. That first year of marriage- or for that matter living with someone- can be so stressful and different that, in my case, if I hadn't made the commitment of marriage, I may have packed up my things and called it a day!

I wonder how many relationships that didn't survive the first year or so of cohabiting would have ultimately thrived if given more time. Just another opinion. Good luck in your decision. It's good that you are giving it so much thought!

Doreen
 
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