Money, Kids and Chores

sancho

sancho

Cathlete
I'm looking for advice on how to handle the money/chores/allowance thing with my kids. My kids are asking for ways that they can earn money. For the past few months, I've let them make their bed for 50 cents each day. I don't nag about it, but if they make their bed before noon they get the money, if they don't, I make it (and no money for them). It's actually going fine (except, of course, I always have to remake the bed). Then, I wanted to encourage reading so I've offered 25-50 cents per book depending on the difficulty level (my kids do not like to read). Now they want more chores. I don't know how to handle it. I hate to pay for a chore, especially if I have to redo it (or help so much I would rather do it myself). And I'm not sure which chores I want them doing. I am compulsive, so if they are going to empty the dishwasher, then it has to be first thing in the morning (I run it every night). I do not want to NAG. What has worked for you? Especially at this age (8)???? How much money should I pay for each chore? How much should they be able to earn??

Thanks,

Lauren
 
Hi Lauren,

There's a lot going on here. It helps if you first define your focus and goals for giving allowance, having chores, teaching money skills, and motivational rewards.

The way I look at chores will probably differ from the mainstream. I do not pay my children for doing what I expect them to do as a family member. Basically, I don't want to reward them for what is already expected. For my children, making their beds at the age of 8 is expected. Helping with dishes, cleaning the bathroom, picking up their belongings, etc... are expected. I don't expect an 8 year old to mow the lawn. But, I wouldn't pay them to do it as an extra chore either.

As for giving money or prizes as a reward for grades or reading. I don't think I ever have. It was always expected they do their best. If I felt they needed extra reading or an additional challenge, I tried to provide it by letting them choose the books to read or reading difficult books with them. Generally, I've always tried to steer clear of giving prizes, food or money for expected behavior. I figured the natural rewards were sufficient and fulfilling, such as: pride in one's work, the feeling of accomplishment, a boost to their self confidence, building up of their character, etc...

Personally, I don't do allowance either. I've come to the conclusion that my children can learn about money handling skills by other means. That's not to say that allowance doesn't teach money handling skills. It's just that my children haven't needed a weekly allowance to learn how to save, spend, and give money.

If the finances are available, I will give them money for extra-curricular activities. If they want an expensive item, we may buy it for them or they may save money for it.

They receive money from holidays and birthdays. They earn money from working in the neighborhood: shoveling snow, doing extra work around the house, mowing the grass, babysitting, painting houses, clipping hedges, etc... I understand that my children were older than 8 when they earned their own money. But, there wasn't a real need for them to have extra money at 8 as they don't have any bills to pay. I figured there was plenty of time for them to learn money management skills with what they earned as teenagers from part time jobs.

Normally, we give as a family. We discuss what we will give together. My children have given time as well as money to church and various charities. When they give individually, it's usually something they've made or can give without costing a penny. My favorite gift is a back rub! Sometimes, they will forgo going to the movies with friends in order to buy a present.

I guess I sound stingy. Really, it's not like that in my home. If I did give allowance, it would be with the goal of teaching money management skills. I would calculate how much I spend on them excluding food and lodging. They would use their allowance to spend on soap, toothpaste, hair care products, clothes, etc...

I try not to nag either. It's difficult building good character traits. I guess that's what life is about. Trying to do what is right for righteousness sake.

Blessings on your journey.
Wendy
 
I wouldn't pay kids to do chores or to read books. Aren't these things they should just be doing? I mean, at some point in life they will have to learn (I hope) that they don't get rewarded for everything that they do. I think you may have opened a can of worms by starting them out expecting to be paid for what should be their responsibilities. How will you ever get them to do ANYthing if they expect to get paid for it? "Okay, mom, you want me to be home by 11:00? That'll be $50.00.

JMHO.

Oh, and let the flaming begin!

;)
 
Lauren

I may not be a mommy but I once had a mommy. :)

My mom gave us chores and gave a us a flat allowance for all of the chores. The older you got the allowance AND the chores increased. I have heard different opinions for paying and not paying. My mother was majorly compulsive and eventually we conformed and performed the chore to her expectations.

HTH
 
I'm not a mommy either but I did have one too (oops..I still do)! :)

We were given an allowance every week. I can't remember how much but we were expected to help out around the house. We all had specific chores and we had to help with the dishes (we didn't have a dishwasher). We didn't get anything extra for this. I guess the allowance covered everything the chores we had around the house.

I agree with the poster who said that giving them money to do chores is only going to make them expect money for everything they do in the future. They need to face the facts that life is full of mundane chores that need to get done without payment.
 
I don't pay for chores. Chores are chores. I know I'm a mean mommy. :)
When they become/became old enough(my kids are 9/13/18/21) to get a job, they got a job, and used their money to buy/save for whatever they wanted.
 
Michelle...

OT, here, but .....You do NOT have 18 and 21 year old children!!!! Look at you! What, did you have your first kid when you were 12??? :eek:

(okay, if you did, indeed have your first child when you were 12, I'm going to feel really horrible at my own insensitivity). :(

GO GIRL!!!
 
:7 Thank you! I had my oldest when I was 19, still too young to have kids, but I did. My oldest will be 22 in March.
 
I remember reading an article somewhere that recommended that you not tie an allowance to chores, otherwise kids will always expect to be paid for things that MUST be done. That said, I will pay my DS (10YO) for extra work he does around the house. Needless to say he doesn't earn much extra money.

I DO give him a small allowance ($2/week - some recommend 50 cents/year of age) that he can use or save for whatever he wants. He's a pretty good saver. I try to keep my mouth shut about what he buys (unless it's 50lb of candy or something) so that he can learn about tradeoffs when he doesn't have $ for things he wants.

As for nagging about how the chores are done...it's hard not to sometimes, but I try to refrain. MY way isn't the only way and they don't learn unless they DO and I found that too much "correction" just made them drop it altogether cuz it was never right anyway, so why bother...

Just my opinion, you will need to do what works for you.
 
Wendy (6Swans4me)--
That is EXACTLY how I was raised--to the T! How funny! Making your bed, doing homework, reading, picking up clothes/toys, etc. are not chores--they're responsibilities of being a person. I, like some others who posted, am not a Mommy, but I had/have (a very good!!) one. We got money on holidays, birthdays, etc. from relatives and such and if we needed something extra when we were 12 or 13 for a movie or something, my parents would help since we did not get an allowance. It was brilliantly done on their part, if I may say so myself.

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
We don't do allowances here either. I have 4 kids (17, 13 year old twins, 5) and they do chores because they are expected to contribute to our home/family. Sometimes, they have the opportunity to earn extra money by doing yard work, babysitting their little sister, etc. - anything above and beyond normal chores. My oldest has a job and they all get money for birthdays/holidays. I pay for their clothes and any other expenses - dances, movies, etc.

Erica
 
I'm a mother to two beautiful girls (13 and 15) and we give them $20 a week and they still nickel and dime me all the time! Boy, do I need to change some things fast! LOL.... Wendy, I love your way of thinking, I may have to borrow some of your ideas, if its not too late!

Krista
 
Our older kids have chores to do, but we don't pay them for doing them. We expect them to do them, and as they've gotten older they have more of them. They do get an allowance of a few dollars per week. But it is not related to the chores. They are allowed to spend it however they like, but if there is something that they want (video games, clothes they don't really need, etc.) they are expected to save up for it. They have both done a good job of saving. We also give them some money each week to donate to charity through their Sunday school.

So far they seem to be learning some good lessons about saving, which toys are worth saving up for, and how some junk isn't worth the price you pay for it. (I don't like seeing them "waste" their money, but they have learned from some mistakes.)
 
I see absolutely nothing wrong with providing an allowance and directly relating it to chores. That's how we're paid after all. We do something for the company and they pay us for doing it. I would not pay X amount for specific chores, but I would offer an allowance based on their completion of all of the chores you both agreed to.

I agree with the idea of saving and earning the something they really want, but do not NEED. I think it teaches patience and to deal with needs and wants in a more mature, responsible way.

But careful about redoing chores, though. If your child makes a bed, but it's not quite to your standards, let it go. You want them to learn that they are expected to do something, not that they have to be perfect every time they do it. That often backfires and the child feels he or she can never do anything right.
 
Thanks to everyone for you input. It has helped me to clarify what I feel will work for us. The bed thing was a quick fix to an annoying problem. I did not feel right about it because I agree that some chores should be expected (like picking up your clothes and toys and taking your plate to the sink, etc). At this age, they should be making their beds as part of their responsibility also.

I'm going to go ahead and give an allowance (they'll have chores that are expected but are not tied to a monetary amount) but I'm still having a hard time being okay with just handing them money each week and not tying it to doing something. Would that be the "capitalist" or "republican" in me? Not sure what the right political term would be. Can anyone help me through being okay with just giving them the money (I'm planning on $4 because they are 8)? Also, what should I do if they don't make their bed? It doesn't seem to make sense to "take it out of their allowance"? Right?

Also, what "Chores" should an 8 year old be expected to do?

I am going to keep paying for the reading. I agree that school work should be expected and not paid for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I won't continue this trend in future years, just using it as a fix to get over a mental hurdle for them. Once they start reading regularly, I'll quietly phase it out. Truly, they would rather do ANYTHING than have to read at home. They are happy to read at school, and are great students, but want no part of reading at home. But, that's another problem for another day.
 
I don't know what you would qualify as beyond already expected that would need to be routinely completed for an allowance. Every family is different in their expectations. Off the top of my head, here's what my children did when they were 8: separate laundry (darks, whites, light colors, sweaters), use a portable hand vac, sweep the floors, help with dishes, dust, make their beds, fold towels, hang clothes, put away their laundry, help put groceries away, and pick up their toys.

This is what my girlfriend calls handing over money each week for not doing anything: Welfare. LOLOLOLOL

Every family differs in their discipline approach. What do you do when they talk back? lie? etc... Really, it shouldn't get to be a discipline problem.

Prevention might work better. I understand that you don't want to nag them. What do you consider nagging? Having to remind them every morning? Unless it's a formed habit for them to make their beds automatically, why not give a friendly reminder? If you haven't already talked about morning routines, start there. Discuss morning routines and which order they should be completed. Then post a list of it for them to read (LOL). You might also be a cheerleader the first couple of weeks helping them go through the list in a timely manner. This might be a good opportunity for you to talk to them about: working together as a family, doing your part to help the family run smoothly, not using your time wisely, what happens when you're late for work or school, etc...

On a side note, I used to have high expectations on what I could accomplish in a day until I made a list. My frustrations melted away after visually seeing what I could realistically accomplish.

After focusing your energy on instilling a morning routine, you can ease up and let them take on the responsibility. Then if they "forget", you can decide what the repercussions will be. I know I would have them make their beds as soon as they got off the school bus. If it wasn't a school day, it might be no playing outside. If it was a constant forgetfulness that went on for a period of time, I might even take away their blankets and let them sleep with just a sheet and pillow. LOLOLOL But, I doubt it would ever get to that point. Pretty much, children want to please their parents.

As for the reading... Well, if my daughter has the freedom to choose what to do in her free time, it would be to watch tv, play with her friends, or play videos. The only time my daughter chooses to read is before she falls asleep or if she doesn't have anything mind numbing to do. LOL Do you have a limit on how much tv, videos, computer and outside play? I've found that limiting other activities helps increase her reading time. Just a suggestion. Oh! When she was younger, I would read with her. We would take turns, usually with me reading most of the first chapter. Some books took longer to suck her in. Some books took time to catch the sentence structure. Some books were just plain boring!!!! LOL

Best wishes!
Wendy
 
When my DS was 8 I had him unload the dishwasher, separate clothes for washing (that job now belongs to my 5YO), and fold and put away his own clothes. He sleeps in an upper bunk so we don't bother w/ making the bed. Heck, even I won't make that bed! Now that DS is 10 he also puts ALL the dishes away after unloading the dishwasher instead of just the silverware, tupperware & pots & pans.

My 5YO separates clothes for washing and separates them into each person's "piles" for folding. She folds some of her clothes (pants) & towels and puts them away (most of the time).

As for penalties for not doing chores? When I was a kid we always got docked a quarter for not making our beds. It adds up fast!
 
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