Midlife Crisis?

[workout]

Hello, I am 51 years old, no children, married for 28 years (29 years in September), love to exercise to Cathe's DVDs, have a stable job (boring), good health. With all that I have mentioned about myself why do I feel like life is passing me by? Why do I feel like making a BIG change but don't know what? At times I want to get a divorce, at times I want to get another job, I even thought of joining a fitness competition but deep down inside I really don't want to do any of these things, for one, I love my husband. Is anyone out there going through a similar situation - Midlife Crisis? I am so unmotivated, feel hopeless and like right now I also feel "old", unattractive, very unsexy and just feel like it's not worth being alive at times. Has anybody felt like this and what did they do to fee better about themselves and life in general? Thanks for any suggestions, comments or anything you may have to get me out of this rut of a life (that's how it feels anyway).

 

[melimcn]

Honestly, you sound depressed to me.

Have you already gone through menopause? I have family that found the hormonal changes attached to it very difficult to deal with without some sort of other therapy, be it hormonal, drug or counseling. It may be something else all together.

What concerns me is your statement that it's not worth being alive at times. Please consider talking to someone (other than us out here)!

Everyone has difficult periods, and sometimes it difficult to recognize them for what they are. That's perfectly fine! Just try to focus on the positive aspects of your life, and maybe consider some counseling. If nothing else, it may help you find that "thing" that you're missing.

 

[kathryn]

I agree you sound depressed.
Before I turned 50, I didn't think it was a big deal. But when I hit the big 5-0, it seemed like there was such an accumulation of societal messages that 50 is 'old' (or at least I somehow started noticing them all of a sudden) that I was in a bit of a funk for a while, feeling, as you said, "old", "unsexy", "unmotivated" and in a rut.

I can't say what turned it around for me (I think actually it was getting into walking, which I do well, and which was a new challenge for me: competing against myself. And spending more time outside (in the sun) may have helped as well (vitamin D deficiency can contribute to depression: something to think about at this time of year).

Hope you start to feel better soon!
Sometimes just sharing how you're feeling and having a place to rant and kvetch can help!

 

[workout]

Honestly, you sound depressed to me.

Have you already gone through menopause? I have family that found the hormonal changes attached to it very difficult to deal with without some sort of other therapy, be it hormonal, drug or counseling. It may be something else all together.

What concerns me is your statement that it's not worth being alive at times. Please consider talking to someone (other than us out here)!

Everyone has difficult periods, and sometimes it difficult to recognize them for what they are. That's perfectly fine! Just try to focus on the positive aspects of your life, and maybe consider some counseling. If nothing else, it may help you find that "thing" that you're missing.

Hi Melissa, thanks for your advice. I think I'm am definitely going to look into speaking to a therapist - they have some good references here where I work. It's been going on too long and today, for some reason, I decided to post about it and wanted to actively do something about this feeling. Thanks for responding.

 

[ImFiddY]

It's the start of menopause. I actually quit my job when I started feeling the mood swings. I asked for a divorce too. I felt messed up and whacked out and embarrassed myself.

I went to the gyno and she just threw a prescription for sleeping pills and some antidepressants at me. I did not want to take those so I did a lot of research and someone suggested the supplement 5-HTP. I take 100mg daily and I feel level headed, love my husband and am not a raving nut job anymore.

So hang in there. Talk with your doctor and you will find a solution.

 

[workout]

I agree you sound depressed.
Before I turned 50, I didn't think it was a big deal. But when I hit the big 5-0, it seemed like there was such an accumulation of societal messages that 50 is 'old' (or at least I somehow started noticing them all of a sudden) that I was in a bit of a funk for a while, feeling, as you said, "old", "unsexy", "unmotivated" and in a rut.

I can't say what turned it around for me (I think actually it was getting into walking, which I do well, and which was a new challenge for me: competing against myself. And spending more time outside (in the sun) may have helped as well (vitamin D deficiency can contribute to depression: something to think about at this time of year).

Hope you start to feel better soon!
Sometimes just sharing how you're feeling and having a place to rant and kvetch can help!

Hi Kathryn, thanks for your response. It's good to know that other women have felt the same way I do and that it passed. I keep telling myself "this too shall pass". Thanks again for your advice, I truly appreciate it.

 

[workout]

It's the start of menopause. I actually quit my job when I started feeling the mood swings. I asked for a divorce too. I felt messed up and whacked out and embarrassed myself.

I went to the gyno and she just threw a prescription for sleeping pills and some antidepressants at me. I did not want to take those so I did a lot of research and someone suggested the supplement 5-HTP. I take 100mg daily and I feel level headed, love my husband and am not a raving nut job anymore.

So hang in there. Talk with your doctor and you will find a solution.

Hi Imfiddy, I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago so I've been going through "surgical menopause" - UGH!! I'm going to look into that supplement, 5-HTP, hey I'm willing to try something to get me back to "normal". Thanks for responding.

 

[netsnotes16]

Not alone with menapause. Just can't afford menapause, Big Mama wants a Volvo Convertiable, blue hard top thank you very much!

Seriously, hugs and a therapist would be a great person to talk to. I find that working out keeps me in perspective. Also try taking BVitamins, which helps me alot. HUGS!

 

[workout]

Not alone with menapause. Just can't afford menapause, Big Mama wants a Volvo Convertiable, blue hard top thank you very much!

Seriously, hugs and a therapist would be a great person to talk to. I find that working out keeps me in perspective. Also try taking BVitamins, which helps me alot. HUGS!

Hmmm, netsonotes16 that Volvo Convertible would sure help - LOL. You're right if it wasn't for the workouts I would probably be on the 10 o' clock NEWS. Thanks.

 

[chefling]

A message board you might find interesting and helpful is power-surge.com It's a supportive board for women going through menopause and peri-menopause. There are a lot of emotions during this time as well as unusual and unsuspecting physical symptoms.
There is a lot of information here.

The board itself is somewhat daunting at first with so many segments to choose from. I usually click on the "view new post" and choose the threads that interest me.

What you are feeling does seem quite normal for this stage in your life but don't let yourself get too depressed before seeking help.


Hope you feel better soon,

 

[RapidBreath]

Aww! Hugs!

I'm just going to throw all this out there, I hope it helps.

That doesn't sound like a normal midlife crisis. That sounds like clinical depression. I know. I've been there and I'm only 31. I was there when I was a teen, and again for three years in my twenties. The feeling "that its not worth it to be alive" is an indication of the seriousness of your situation.

Do you experience this in the fall/winter? Is it SAD, seasonal affect disorder? I have that. I use a set of inexpensive daylight spectrum bulbs for about 30 min. every morning before the sun comes up. Maintain your schedule. Sometimes, I turn them on during my Cathe workout. Lavender baths before bed can help with anxiety, I particularly like Dresdner Lavender Bath Salt. Soak in a warm bath for about 20 min. You can add epsom salts if you have doms If you have a vitamin deficiency it can read out as depression. You probably want to stay away from soy because it tends to take a hit on the liver. Avoid alcohol because it is a depressant.

If you have had a change in any medication lately, that can cause this problem. As you age your level of testosterone will drop and can cause these problems. Have you had your thyroid checked lately? Food additives can compound these issues or even create them, like red dye #5 often causes headaches/migraines in children and adults.

Don't get a divorce unless you have a good reason, wanting to make a change doesn't count. There is something else to consider. The world just experienced a significant set of earthquakes. We had one here in northern CA. Then there was the Haitian quake. There is normally a significant rise in divorce just after a volcano erupts. It happened with Mt. Saint Helens. So, the possibility that you feel uneasy may not be you at all, it may just be the ground beneathe your feet, literally.

I may think of something else later.. . . .

 

[RapidBreath]

It's the start of menopause. I actually quit my job when I started feeling the mood swings. I asked for a divorce too. I felt messed up and whacked out and embarrassed myself.

I went to the gyno and she just threw a prescription for sleeping pills and some antidepressants at me. I did not want to take those so I did a lot of research and someone suggested the supplement 5-HTP. I take 100mg daily and I feel level headed, love my husband and am not a raving nut job anymore.

So hang in there. Talk with your doctor and you will find a solution.

Excellent suggestion! I have heard fabulous things about 5-HTP.

 

[Autumn68]

Hello, I am 51 years old, no children, married for 28 years (29 years in September), love to exercise to Cathe's DVDs, have a stable job (boring), good health. With all that I have mentioned about myself why do I feel like life is passing me by? Why do I feel like making a BIG change but don't know what? At times I want to get a divorce, at times I want to get another job, I even thought of joining a fitness competition but deep down inside I really don't want to do any of these things, for one, I love my husband. Is anyone out there going through a similar situation - Midlife Crisis? I am so unmotivated, feel hopeless and like right now I also feel "old", unattractive, very unsexy and just feel like it's not worth being alive at times. Has anybody felt like this and what did they do to fee better about themselves and life in general? Thanks for any suggestions, comments or anything you may have to get me out of this rut of a life (that's how it feels anyway).

I am 10 yrs your jr, but am married 20 yrs w/ no kids. Thought I was the only one. Always wanted them, just didn't work out the way I wanted - Try not to get too upset about it. I feel for you with what you explained in your post. I think when we watch TV we see these exciting lives, but life isn't that way. I think you have to push yourself to get involved, find something your passionate about and get involved with helping people. That's my advise, I'm looking for ways to get involved myself.
Autumn

 

[bethj]

You need God in your life. Thats what is so empty and missing. You can try to fill the void with exercise, relationships, money, vacations, anti-depressants, hormones, alcohol, having children, getting divorced, a new job; whatever you try it will never satisfy you. You are facing the second half of your life and realizing maybe there's something more to it than you thought. And facing mortality. And what happens after that. Check out a Bible believing church counselor and see what they have to say. It may surprise you.
Beth

 

[RapidBreath]

You need God in your life. Thats what is so empty and missing. You can try to fill the void with exercise, relationships, money, vacations, anti-depressants, hormones, alcohol, having children, getting divorced, a new job; whatever you try it will never satisfy you. You are facing the second half of your life and realizing maybe there's something more to it than you thought. And facing mortality. And what happens after that. Check out a Bible believing church counselor and see what they have to say. It may surprise you.
Beth

Thats actually not a bad suggestion at all. I should have thought of that one. I have a spiritual practice through my yoga and it really helps. Great suggestion Beth.

 

[Amy Steppe]

I probably sound like a broken record, but I think you sound depressed too.

I turned 55 in October and now am near the age when both my parents died. That really freaks me out....

Kathryn mentions the Vitamin D deficiency and there is a lot to what she is saying. I strongly second checking your vitamin D levels.

I had blood work that showed me very deficient in Vitamin D. I now take supplements and they have really made a difference in the quality of my life.

Look around you- the women (and men) your age and younger who could not make it through even one of Cathe's warmups.

You are in an elite minority. Most women our age gave up 15 years ago.

Just remind yourself of how strong and fit you are and rejoice in your good health.

I hope this helps a little......

 

[netsnotes16]

Hmmm, netsonotes16 that Volvo Convertible would sure help - LOL. You're right if it wasn't for the workouts I would probably be on the 10 o' clock NEWS. Thanks.

Right now I have to be content with my sunroof in the mommy mobile station wagon. But heh a girl can dream!

M-you are right about working out, I get cranky if I don't. Working out for me ranks right up there with naps, and reading. Forget the housework! LOL

K-I read taking Vitamin D at night helps. And it does help me to sleep better. It was suggested to take Vitamin D Chelated, I found Bi-Lo's brand, Full Circle on sale and I stocked up.

I also think girl friend time is important! I finally got together w/my friends at the local watering hole this weekend!

HUGS to us all.....

 

[workout]

I'm just going to throw all this out there, I hope it helps.

That doesn't sound like a normal midlife crisis. That sounds like clinical depression. I know. I've been there and I'm only 31. I was there when I was a teen, and again for three years in my twenties. The feeling "that its not worth it to be alive" is an indication of the seriousness of your situation.

Do you experience this in the fall/winter? Is it SAD, seasonal affect disorder? I have that. I use a set of inexpensive daylight spectrum bulbs for about 30 min. every morning before the sun comes up. Maintain your schedule. Sometimes, I turn them on during my Cathe workout. Lavender baths before bed can help with anxiety, I particularly like Dresdner Lavender Bath Salt. Soak in a warm bath for about 20 min. You can add epsom salts if you have doms If you have a vitamin deficiency it can read out as depression. You probably want to stay away from soy because it tends to take a hit on the liver. Avoid alcohol because it is a depressant.

If you have had a change in any medication lately, that can cause this problem. As you age your level of testosterone will drop and can cause these problems. Have you had your thyroid checked lately? Food additives can compound these issues or even create them, like red dye #5 often causes headaches/migraines in children and adults.

Don't get a divorce unless you have a good reason, wanting to make a change doesn't count. There is something else to consider. The world just experienced a significant set of earthquakes. We had one here in northern CA. Then there was the Haitian quake. There is normally a significant rise in divorce just after a volcano erupts. It happened with Mt. Saint Helens. So, the possibility that you feel uneasy may not be you at all, it may just be the ground beneathe your feet, literally.

I may think of something else later.. . . .

Hi Rapidbreath, thank you for the hugs. I don't think I have SAD since I've been feeling like this for a while. I won't get a divorce, I know there is no "real" reason for that - my husband is a great man. I know that I have to do something soon. Thanks for your suggestion.

 

[workout]

You need God in your life. Thats what is so empty and missing. You can try to fill the void with exercise, relationships, money, vacations, anti-depressants, hormones, alcohol, having children, getting divorced, a new job; whatever you try it will never satisfy you. You are facing the second half of your life and realizing maybe there's something more to it than you thought. And facing mortality. And what happens after that. Check out a Bible believing church counselor and see what they have to say. It may surprise you.
Beth

Hi Beth, you may have a point regarding God. I was a Jehovah's Witness for 30 years but left because I just didn't agree anymore with many of their teachings/rules. So now I don't really belong to any organized religion and sometimes wonder if God really exists with so much cruelty in this world. But I know that we all need to fill the spiritual aspects of our lives and I must admit, I am lacking in that part. Thanks for bringing this up.

 

[workout]

Hi Chefling, I will definitely look into this website - thank you. It's amazing how much help I've received already from everyone.