Mean people suck but I love you anyway

janie1234

janie1234

Cathlete
Why is it that when you come across a mean and nasty person it just affects your whole day? I don't know I realize I'm a little on the sensitive side and this probably explains the anti social side of me but come on have some common decency. I work at a dental office, . .I know not exactly the place of choice that most people want to visit. So because the gal that usually answers the phone is home taking care of her sick little brother I offered to help take care of the calls and this woman calls who was in the pissiest mood ever demanding a quote on implants. I told her that our policy is not to quote over the phone because I'm not a Dr. and I can't diagnois. So she starts screaming at me and telling me she's alread gone to see 4 different Dr.'s. And as much as I appreciate her frustration, . . I know dental work isn't cheap we still don't quote over the phone. There are so many different types of crowns and implant options out there if I quoted wrong I'd be responsible. So she flips a lid even more and blames me for using her cell phone minutes tells me she doesn't know anyone in this area and that all Dentists are crooks. Now I know I shouldn't care. I'll never hear or see her again in my life but I wonder if she knows have extremely nasty she was. I felt like just telling her that I love her just because she probably doesn't have anyone in her life that tells her that on a daily basis at least that's why I'd like to believe she was such a dragon lady. This way I could feel sorry for her instead of take it personally. I guess it really bugs me because although I know I'm not perfect I'm the kind of person that would help someone pulled over on the side of the road or hold the door open for someone behind or in front of me, bake cookies for someone who has done something nice for me. I just need to find my zen like meditative happy place right now, . . . maybe I just need a hot chocolate?
 
I don't understand people like that, but sometimes I find it hard not to laugh in their face when they act so stupid! If only they could hear themselves!
 
It is said that difficult people are our best teachers. :)

She probably has no clue how nasty she was. A lot of people go through life ignorant of the effect they have on the world, completely wrapped up in themselves. They are often not happy people. How could they be when they lack decent connections with others...the connections that cultivate empathy and kindness?

If she is aware, then I'm sure at some point she will look back on this phone call and feel a measure of regret, knowing full well her anger was misplaced yet too ashamed to call and apologize. We all have crappy days.

I think the instinct to have compassion for her instead of taking her behavior personally is the right one. It's hard to do, but in the end it'll be easier on your heart.

And yes, chocolate cures everything. :eek: ((hug))
 
When someone is like that to me I always think they are just having a bad day. Everyone does sometimes. I hope you feel better - a little chocolate will help! :)
 
Thanks everyone. I always know where to come if I need some encouragement and just down right geniune kindness. :) Feeling much better now.
 
I have a client like that. She was complaining to me about all of her doctors and what crooks they are, so I made the mistake of recommending some of my doctors. Of course she came back and complained about my doctors, and even sent some nasty letters to them and to me. Every time I see her all she does is complain, yet she admits that she's in good health and has nothing to complain about. I try to imagine what motivates such people, but it's beyond me. One of the great mysteries of life I guess.

If it makes you feel any better, I'll give you the other side. I've spent a ton of money having implants and crowns, etc. I love my oral surgeon and my dentist. They have both given me great advice for preventing future problems, but I take total responsibility for not always doing what I should. It's my own fault that I don't wear my night guard and that I fall asleep at night with lozenges in my mouth. They put my mouth back together, give me teeth to chew with, make me look good, and do it painlessly. They work with my insurance company, and don't bill me until they know how much insurance paid. Plus, they scold me like caring parents for not taking care of my teeth. Crooks? I think not. No one enjoys paying for dental work, but I appreciate the work they do and think their charges are perfectly reasonable.
 
I get hurt like that, too. And because of that, I can't offer any advice about Those People. The place where I work runs 24-hours/7 days and you pretty much have to have LOTS of seniority to get on the day shift or get weekends off. As a result, most of the people who work days and have weekends off are people who've worked for our employer for a long time. And they're not exactly known as the hardest workers because, having put up with crap from our delightful employer for so many years, they kind of have a sense of entitlement, or they're bored... who knows. They're generally a big pain to deal with when you have to. But I was talking to a girl who finally got on days and I asked her how she stands working with Those People. She said "I can tune out anything. Gossip... angry, obnoxious behavior... none of it bothers me. It helps if you just don't care what anyone else thinks." I said "Then I better never wind up on day shift then..."

About 15 years ago I was trying to last in graduate school (art) at SUNY New Paltz (it was awful, all the graduate painters left) and was employed in a low-wage job just working in the art dept. office. I was older (having done a 4-year Navy hitch and having taken 8 years to get my 4-yr. degree, due to a lack of money) and new there. I wasn't happy because I felt different and because the program I was in couldn't possibly compare to the dynamic program I'd been in as an undergrad at Ohio State. So, one day I was at work in the art office, bopping about, acting happy, and some young female undergrad with super-hip clothes and hair came in to pick something up. I don't recall what got me started but I said something about how I could never understand why guys named John often get called Jack (i.e. John F. Kennedy). "Both are 1-syllable.... begin with 'J'... why don't parents who name their sons John but call them Jack just name their kids Jack in the first place (still wonder about that)?" This girl glared at me, with eyebrow cocked. Then she drolly sneered, low and slow, "I don't know. Maybe there's a book where you can LOOK IT UP..." Then she picked up what she came for and walked out, leaving me standing, speechless, wondering what I did to deserve such a cruel slap when I was only making polite conversation. I felt so down when she walked out - and that was 15 years ago.

It's not just you.
 
eh.. I try to have empathy even for people who are mean to me, if I don't know them or their life I figure they have a reason for being mean or in a bad mood. I could understand the woman maybe being frustrated not being able to get a quote on whatever she needed even after calling several places, and then using up minutes on her phone. Not something to really take personally.

When it's directed more towards me is when I have a hard time letting it roll off.
 
I definitely know how you feel -- for the past 12 years I have worked for an attorney who collects delinquent property taxes (not IRS -- just taxes on your home or business personal property) and after they are delinquent for 6 months, they are turned over to our office for collection. We begin by sending out a demand letter threatening foreclosure and you wouldn't believe the nasty people I have to deal with. The bad part is they call my home number (which is listed on the letterhead and is one of the drawbacks of working at home -- you take the good with the bad!). Usually most of the people are nice because they know they are late and want to work something out (because they know the seriousness of this debt -- their home can be foreclosed on for back taxes). But there are some people who want to "kill" the messenger (me!). They are extremely nasty! At first I used to get really upset over these phone calls, but after 12 years, I have gotten better. There are still occasional calls where people really get "under my skin" and will upset me for the rest of the day. I've just learned to tell myself that there are all kinds of people out there (it doesn't matter how nice or professional you are, there are going to be people who are just down right rude and nasty!) I'm the total opposite and I can't imagine why people are like that, but -- I have learned that if they get extremely rude, I just hang up -- it's not worth the frustration! I know my boss doesn't expect me to be subjected to people such as this! One thing that helps me (sometimes!), is I tell myself well, maybe that person is having a lot of bad things going on in his life (losing his job, home, health issues, etc), which sometimes helps me to rationalize why people can be so mean and nasty! Who knows!

Sorry to ramble on - hope this helps -- Julie
 
I think I might chalk it up to the horrible economy. She is looking to fix her mouth, which she needs, it is going to cost two arms and two legs now, and if she is worried about eating up her cell phone minutes, I bet she is stretched pretty thin in the $ arena.

Hope tomorrow is a much better day for you !

(And I have to say I am sensitive to those types of conversations too - but I'm in HR and have learned to thicken my skin if at all possible). ;)
 
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