Looking for ideas to help a friend

[Bunbun]

I have a long-term friend who is desperately in need of help--she is probably about to be evicted. She has been a hairdresser for 20+ years, but took time off 4 years ago to have a baby. In the space of that year, the salon that she worked for went out of business and her husband left her. She has managed to survive until now by working at home, but things have reached the point of desperation now. She has tried many jobs in other salons, but in the industry if you don't have clients that follow you, you have to develop a new clientele from walk-ins. So what would happen is she would go to work, and not get enough clients to even cover the cost of sending her son to daycare. Her family isn't any source of help to her--no money and enormous problems of their own. I can give her some money, but it won't be enough for more than a month's rent.

Does anyone know any charities that help women who get caught in these types of situations? She tried welfare and food stamps, but hated having to wait in line at a bureaucracy all day instead of trying to look for a job. She has tried at least 3 other jobs not in her industry, but they didn't work out. One big problem is that she has no computer skills. My BF is in the process of putting together one of our old computers to give her to learn on. That's about all we could think of doing.

I'd really appreciate any ideas anyone here has. She has been my friend for more than 20 years, and I just am at my wit's end on how to help her.

Bunbun

 

[sparrow]

Hi bunbun!

First off all, you're a good friend

Second of all, I don't know anything offhand except Human Services in your area. It might be a total drag (and embarrassing) for your friend to have to go through the process of foodstamps and welfare but that is what those services are for! She might also try calling Salvation Army. Sometimes they are able to provide emergency shelter/food or at least refer her to places that can help.

As for jobs, she might think of signing up with some temp agencies ASAP. They can get a person onto a job pretty quickly, once the paperwork etc. is set.

Good luck to her. I will keep my eyes and ears open and pass anything useful (unlike my advice!) on.

ETA: here's another resource. I can't claim experience with the organization but it might be of some help.

http://www.ceap.org/

Also, try googling "womens emergency assistance in ?????" and add your friend's town or state.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage

 

[L Sass]

Hi Bunbun. Sometimes if you have an 'in' with a local masonic lodge they will do things to help. Even an "I know someone who knows someone who is a mason". My dad is a mason and they have always gone to extraordinary measures to help in this kind of situation.

Lorrie

 

[Bunbun]

Thanks for the ideas, Sparrow. Not sure if ceap can help her specifically, but it's definitely on the right track. Salvation Army is definitely another option. I really appreciate the help!

 

[Miss Lee]

Hi Bunbun,

I think Sparrrow's suggestions are right on. The only other thing I can think of would be for her to move back in with her parents until she can turn things around. I know you said they have problems of their own, but would something like that be feasible in the short run? If that is not an option, does she have a sibling or a grandparent that could take her in for awhile?

It must be so difficult to be in her position--and frightening. She is so lucky to have you for a friend.

I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

Michele

 

[Bunbun]

Thanks, all. I really appreciate the help. Don't know if I know any masons, but you never know. However, it did give me an idea--I know several people who are deeply active in their synagogues, so maybe they will know of charities that could help in this situation. Moving back with her family is a good idea, but I'm not sure if it's even possible for her--I will suggest it again, though. Her dad is elderly and in a tiny place that won't accommodate a 4-year-old; not sure if there are cousins she could turn to.

 

[honeybunch1]

1) She needs to get out of the hair-dressing industry at least temporarily OR go to a shop that takes a lot of walk-in appointments like Great Clips, Best Cuts, of Fiesta (those are some of the ones around here)
2) She could find work as a waitress somewhere, I'm sure, with her experience working with the public
3) She needs to tough out the lines and get welfare/and or food stamps
4) Don't let her get dependent on you - your help must be limited and temporary
5) She can get free job training in lots of places, and free computer training at lots of libraries

She needs to develop her own plan pronto - don't allow her to wait for you to plan how to dig out of the hole she's in. I'm guessing she's in her 40's or close to it, so it's certainly not too late to learn new jobs skills and/or go back to school.

I DO sympathize with her plight (I've been dirt poor myself with limited job prospects and no husband) - she needs to take control.
Just Do It!

 

[Fit_mommy]

I have no ideas to offer but I just wanted to say that I feel immensely for this poor woman and hope that she finds a way to start turning things around. I also hope that she is recieving child support for her son. If she is not, she needs to fight for it!

She will be in my thoughts.

 

[milagrosepul]

Hey Bunbun, I don't know of any services that will help in that sense, but I know there are some places that will help train your friend with the computer skills she will need to get a decent paying job.

There are free training schools, especially for women in her situation. Try running a search for things of this sort. I know it is not an immediate solution but it will help for future occasions.

In the near future maybe she can have a family member stay with her child instead of paying for daycare...it may help with the pressure

 

[Bunbun]

I actually searched for "job training" in my area today and printed up about 10 pages of organizations that may be able to help. I agree that she needs out of the industry--it's crazy to try to be a single parent in an industry where there are no benefits and everything is on commission. But, it's her life and her decision, ultimately. I just hate to see a friend go through this sort of thing.

No family members at all in state who can help out with the babysitting, though she does have one friend with children who helps her out when she can.

 

[wutherhi]

Could she enroll at a university? She'd end up with a degree that would help her make a permanent improvement in her situation, and while she's there, she can get grants and loans to see her through. The university might even offer free or reduced price childcare and a job that works around the hours she's in classes. Just a thought.

Shari

 

[Bunbun]

Hadn't thought of that idea, Shari. I wonder if she'd be open to it--I have a feeling she is going to resist changing from what she has done all her adult life, but I'll suggest it.

 

[nancy324]

Bunbun, I just saw this thread today. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.

I think Honeybunch's waitressing idea could be a good one. Your friend may just need to put hairdressing aside for a year or two to get back on her feet. Once things get better, she can go back to it. But for now, if she's willing to work hard as a waitress at a reasonably good restaurant, she can probably make some good money. At least, that's what waitresses tell me. Of course, I'm not sure what it takes to get hired. I would think that a calm, warm, attentive personality would go a long way, but that's just speculation.

Sending good wishes your way,
Nancy