Just need to vent and get some support

mabdoo

mabdoo

Cathlete
I am going crazy and it is only the beginning of July. I have a 14 month old and an almost 2 and a half year old. My kids are very active and don't sit still at all. They can play but they must be watched at all times because they climb everything and get into everything. I am happy that they are active but a minute of peAcE WOUld be nice. As you can see I hAVE one touching hte computer while I type. When I bring them outside they run in opposite directions, try going into other yards etc, no matter how many things we have to play with. When it comes time to cook dinner I have to put them in their highchairs but they don't want to stay in them long so even dinner has become an unpleasant task. I just bought sippy cups today because even though they are great at drinking out of cups the older one now thinks it is funny to dump the last little bit of her drink no matter how little I give her.

To top it off I saw a friend of mine at the store today and she was saying how her 22 month old is fully potty trained. Mine has no desire to sit on the potty for longer than it takes to get toilet paper to "wipe" and then wash her hands and play in the water. she was also buying stuff to bake cookies. I can't imagine having the kids sit or even help with that...I have tried.

The older one is also very strong willed and stubborn. We are going through the book "the strong willed child" and it is going ok so far but I can't "attend" to her the entire day. I do have another child to take care of. Plus she lately pushes her down and scratches her. Any suggestions?

And finally, our house is on the market. It is nearly impossible to keep it pristine with kids. I am sick of leaving it for people to look at it and then decide they don't like that the house is on a busy road. Didn't they know that when they decided they wanted to look at it? Why waste my time getting the kids out of hte house (and for some reason it is always during nap time, even though I told the realtors not to schedule showings from 11 to 2) if you really aren't interested?

Sorry for the long post but I am really getting sick of summer vacation and am looking forward to going back to work. I feel really guilty about this though. Please tell me that it gets easier. I would just like a few minutes to get something done for me or the house without stopping constantly. I can't keep waiting until they go to bed to get stuff done because I get up at 4:45 so I can get my workout in and get showered before they get up. Thanks.
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Hey I feel your pain. My two little ones are not little any more and are now 8 and 6 but I remember the good ol days of double diaper duty. My son was diagnoised at the age of 2 with Aspergers so everything that typical toddlers are able to learn I had to teach, . . .including just being able to talk. All I can tell you is that it does get easier. I know it is so hard to do just about anything including excersize. I remember having to wake up at 5am just to sneak in a run or waiting till everyone was asleep after 9pm to get in my Cathe workout. Try to make time for yourself or you'll end up feeling really disgruntled and trust me kids and husband will notice. I used to give myself a spa treatment 1 time a month. Being a mom is so not easy despite the luxuries that modern technology has provided (I mean can you imagine cloth diapers? Or having milk delivered on your door step?). It gets easier. Oh and by the way my son wouldn't potty train till he was 4 and even then it took almost 4 months to get him to do it and my daughter self taught herself how to use the potty before she even turned 2. Kids all learn at different levels, . .some kids faster than others. Don't sweat it, . .it isn't a race and your kids will get there I promise. It always just gets worse before it gets better but I promise you it will get better. All the best to you.
 
I have been in your shoes! Well, technically I kind of still am. :) I have a DD that just turned 4 and a 2 year old DS- they are 21 months apart. I will be the first to admit that the last two years have been far from a walk in the park. I adore my children but they are extremely active- I'm fascinated when I see people out in public with their kids and the kids are just SITTING- in strollers, grocery carts, restaurants, etc. My kids hate to sit for long and I usually have to bribe them to get it to work at all.

Dinner is a family joke for us- someone is always crying, in a bad mood, hated what I cooked, throwing food, you name it. It doesn't mean I accept the bad behavior, but it's a constant battle to try to calmly teach the right way to behave. It's exhausting, I know.

DS is at the age where he just tries to make a mess- I can see him survey a room and try to decide what to destroy. It's time consuming to stay on top of the mess and to help them learn how to help in cleaning up. Basically, I get you- it never stops. Oh and my son is 27 months and has no interest in potty training, so I feel you on that too.

The good news is that I think life is getting easier bit by bit. I've noticed little things- DS can now communicate and that helps in knowing how to help him. He doesn't create nearly as big of a mess when he eats. He can get himself half buckled in his car seat. Little things are starting to add up and I have hope it will continue to improve.

I'll send you fast selling house vibes because I can't imagine doing what you're doing while trying to keep the house in tip top shape. :) Hang in there- and as my mother likes to remind me, some day we'll miss this. :)
 
I have no kids and wish I could offer words of consolation. But I remember how my mother suffered. She about went out of her mind when my brother and I were children. She would say "My GOD. You kids were into EVERYTHING. I couldn't look away for a second." And back then there was very little support for the SAHM. I remember she yelled all the time but, otherwise, was kind of m.i.a. - until I hit adolescence, when she just snapped out of it.

When I was a grown woman my mom confessed that the stress of being trapped at home, out in the middle of nowhere, isolated from other adults caused her to turn to pills and booze. I had no idea. I found out when I was in college, while relating a conversation I'd had with another art student. He was telling me about how he'd spend hours sitting in front of his aquarium, in the dark, watching the fish swim. I thought it was funny because it wasn't something I had any interest in doing. But my mom said "Oh my God. I know exactly what he means. I used to do that." I'd forgotten we even had an aquarium but my mom said she'd sit at the dining room table, in the middle of the night, chilling out, watching the fish swim. She said it really calmed her down. My mother became the best mom ever but it was an acquired skill and my brother and I really made it tough.

God bless your heart. I know you're not alone, feeling the way you feel. Kids are so much responsibility and the weight of that responsibilty is HUGE. But please try to keep connected to your online friends so you don't ever have to feel completely isolated. Don't worry about the typos. I'm sure everyone can figure it all out. And don't worry about the top-this crowd. There are always people who just got lucky and have calm kids that behave while baking brownies. I know my mother didn't. Growing up, I was often the ONLY hyper kid in the classroom. I don't know why. Some kids are just that way. I think it almost always gets better. I only wish I could tell you when.

Hang in, dear. Vent any time you want, okay?
 
I do remember how demanding it was raising a family. Mine are all grown up now with families of their own -- so hang in there, they do grow up very fast!
 
Mabdoo

{{{{{hugs}}}} and more {[{{hugs}}}}

Mine are old now, 19, 17. 11 but I remember that time period like it was yesterday. I'll look at that time period and feel both happiness and turmoil because at times it was soooo tough.

Like everyone said it DOES get easier.

Try not to compare your child's progress to someone else's kid, especially if the mother is self-promoting her kid (they're usually exaggerating anyway)

Realistically, potty training doesn't 'take hold' until 2.9 to 3 years old.

Make a firm agreement with the realtor, or have your husband...to only show the house on specified days...Friday, Sat, Sun or Sat, Sun, Mon. In the meantime have her set up a virtual tour on her website, if she doesn't offer this service find a Realtor that does and does an excellent job at it.

They grow up so fast, my house it way too quiet now, and honestly I miss the chaos. I really do.

Take it minute by minute, hour by hour. And don't try to do too much. Really only try to handle the basics - food, safety, cleanliness and your exercise...the rest can wait.
 
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"Realistically, potty training doesn't 'take hold' until 2.9 to 3 years old."

I don't have kids, but I've been a nanny and have babysat lots of kids. I helped potty-train three kids, and it "took" by the time they were 2 1/2 years old. Honestly, the majority of the many kids I took care of were fully-trained well before three years, but, then again, that was 15-20 years ago, and I guess the people I worked for hadn't heard about how difficult it would be. It just wasn't. It was just one of those things you did.

No advice, just blowing the theory that you have to wait for them to be interested in it. It's called "training" for a reason.
 
TeTe do you remember how you got the kids to actually sit on the potty? My daughter won't sit for 15 seconds, seriously. I can't force her to sit there no matter how hard I try. I also don't think she really knows what peeing is either. I heard that I should let her run around outside without a diaper but haven't tried that yet. I can't find underwear small enough for her either.
 
(hugs)(hugs).

I have three boys & twins on the way. My youngest are 22 months apart & very active.

A couple words of wisdom that have worked for me:

1. Kids potty train themselves. They will not go to school with diapers on. Eventually they won't want diapers. Don't push it, it WILL happen. All my kids "trained" themselves on their own schedule. Literally.

2. Raise your kids by their own natural "bent". If your kids are super high energy, you'll have to find ways for them to burn energy. Kids groups, large fields, parks, anywhere they can explore safely. AND GET A FENCE FOR YOUR YARD. lol I"m still working with DH on this one.

3. My kids have all enjoyed being "creative". They have been able to burn energy by using their brains. For example: finger paint, chalk, scissors (when older), flashcards/sign language, moon sand, markers, baking.

4. Lastly, know that this is a season....it will pass.

(hugs)(hugs) You're a great mom, relax!!!!
 
Sounds like you need a break! Also, it might help if you have a few completely child-safe areas where they can run around like maniacs and you don't need to be quite so attentive.

TeTe, often children who are potty-trained young have a lot of accidents at night. Since people have stopped trying to potty train so young, I've noticed far less talk of bed wetting by older kids.
 
First you need a break! See if you can get hubby, mom, mom in law to take them for the afternoon and just go to lunch with a girlfriend or something. You are in the midst of a burn out. Been there, done that!
Then remember, this will pass quickly, in an extremely short time you will be sitting there going OMG he's 7!! Where did the time go! Seems like yesterday I was saying, you really want me to take him home? ALONE???? LOL

Next, do NOT compare your child to someone else's. All children are different. My oldest was potty trained at 2, completely, no accidents, no nothing, just did it. My 5 yr old, is potty trained, but CHOOSES not to stop to go! I am constantly cleaning up from accidents. He wasn't potty trained until almost 4. I was starting to wonder what the heck I had done wrong!

My oldest doesn't read well, but is working on it, my youngest learned at 4 to read! (started reading some at 3!) Almost taught himself!

I know it's easy to say don't compare, but it's hard to do. I have to remind myself of that all the time.

Like you, I am constantly on the go. I run a business (okay technically two) and work part time out of the house, I homeschool, I teach, I workout, I am building a house, and running a farm of sorts. I am actually grateful that I'm an insomniac! LOL And now we have company!

It does get "easier." Hate to use that word, as it just changes, but in a way it's easier, because they can dress themselves (usually) they can bathe themselves (or so hubby like's to believe), they can play quietly in the living room, (No I haven't been drinking! they actually do sometimes! ) and you will get a few mins alone

Oh, on the cooking dinner, have them help you get stuff, then when you are actually cooking, play a game, I used to put an ice cube in my youngest high chair tray and play "chase the ice" and try to catch it with a spoon into the cup, had my oldest keep score, and try himself when he was up for it. we also would sing the alphabet, (yes over and over again) first like normal, then so quietly a mouse couldn't hear, then almost yelling it, keep going at different levels, they LOVE that!
HTH!
I will try to think of some more that we did and message them to you if you want, when I have a little more time, I'm still supposed to head off to do BG! LOL
Hugs to you! You are not alone, and you can get through it, it's not easy, but worth it!
 
No advice here, but just wanted you to know that you're not alone! I have three kids - DS, 10, and two DDs, 7 and 3 - and there are days where I think I am going to lose my mind. I am a little high strung to begin with so the days when they all decide to "go at it," I have to remember to leave the room and take a few deep breaths.

My 3 yo is *almost* potty trained. She's trying hard, but I'm letting her do it at her own pace. When I was really working at it, she started to hold her poop and I knew she was getting a little stressed!

One thing my husband and I have finally started to do is have a date night at least once a month, and sometimes it's just us taking the kids to his mom's and coming home to get takeout and watch TV in a quiet house! I also try to go to my hair dresser appointments ALONE! Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm going to get my color, pedicure and manicure while my MIL watches my kids. At first I felt guilty ditching my kids on my birthday...then I thought wait, it's MY birthday...40, no less! :eek:

Good Luck! Trace Atkins has a song, You're Gonna Miss This (I think that's the title) and it's about kids growing up fast. When I hear it, it always makes me cry, because I know it's the truth. I try to remember that when things seem crazy!
 
My kids are a bit older now. 9yrs and 6yrs, but parenting is HARD, no matter which way you look at it. You have every right to feel like you do. One thing that stood out is your feeling of guilt about the potty training. You have soooo much on your plate right now, to focus on potty training now is just setting yourself up for failure IMHO. Your children will not go to middle school in diapers. Potty training will come in it's own time. Give yourself a break, try not to compare your kids to others. One thing I have learned so far (and I'm not a seasoned parent by any means) is that what works for one family, doesn't always work for other families. Please know you are a good Mother, and pat yourself on the back. Try and get out by yourself, even if it's going to the grocery store to look at the produce...just get a break every now and then. It is essential! Hugs,

Becky
 
I just wanted to send you {{hugs}}} Being a mother is THE hardest job there is, im sorry your going through a hard time right now:(.

I agree, this will pass...your a great mother:)
 
becky2500 said:
You have soooo much on your plate right now, to focus on potty training now is just setting yourself up for failure IMHO. Your children will not go to middle school in diapers. Potty training will come in it's own time. Give yourself a break, try not to compare your kids to others. One thing I have learned so far (and I'm not a seasoned parent by any means) is that what works for one family, doesn't always work for other families. Please know you are a good Mother, and pat yourself on the back.

Becky
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EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID!!! I had two that were potty trained around the age of 3, but my oldest DS was potty trained before he even turned 2, and he did it all on his own - ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT! I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with the other two and in hindsight me stressing over potty training the oldest wasn't worth it; she did it on her own time, anyways. With the stage that you are at right now - having 2 little ones with no break is HARD! - I wouldn't worry about it. I would encourage peepee on the potty, but wouldn't focus on it. It will happen on its own, just make sure that they see you and talk about what's happening with them. DH finally potty trained youngest DS (WARNING!: this might be gross!) by having him cross streams in the restroom: he would go to pee and bet DS some m&m's that he couldn't spray his pee with his pee (confused?) It worked!

As far as the scratching and pushing, I would play games with them that encourage positive communication and interaction. I would say things to DD about DS like: "your brother sure is learning xyz quickly, isn't he! you know what, to celebrate we should get some ice cream!", that way she would see having lil' bro around as a good thing. (that is just one example) And keep in mind that "this too shall pass...." I know that you may feel like wanting to bang your head on something right now, but it does pass and it does become less physically demanding once they get out of the toddler stage.

Just remember that this time goes by so quickly; they grow up way to fast and you will wish that you could turn back the clock to get it back, but you can't, so make the most of every moment that you have with them. I have one that is entering the teen years, and while we are still close I still miss when she looked at me like I was her world and nothing else mattered. In hindsight I wish I would have enjoyed it more and not thought so much about her getting out of her messy stage. Every stage has it's trials, and every stage has its limitless joys. :)

Blessings,
Melissa
 
The personality traits you want your children to have as adults are not necessarly the ones you want them to have as children! This idea came from a Dr. Sears book that I have and there were many days I would say this over and over in my head to remind myself being "strong-willed" is a good thing! When a parent would talk about how well there child sleeps, how quiet they are, or how they do "everything I ask", I would almost feel sorry for that child - what a boring life.

It sound like you are getting great advice, every parent needs a break. A fenced yard (we never played out front until 3 or 4 years old) and a sandbox go along way! We have every sporting equipment that was ever invented! Garage sales are great for that, they grow out of the Little Tykes stuff quickly.

Hang in there! And remember, your kids may throw 15 temper tantrums while insisting on zippering there own coats, but when they get it, you will never have to zipper it again!

Diane
 
mabdoo said:
TeTe do you remember how you got the kids to actually sit on the potty? My daughter won't sit for 15 seconds, seriously. I can't force her to sit there no matter how hard I try. I also don't think she really knows what peeing is either. I heard that I should let her run around outside without a diaper but haven't tried that yet. I can't find underwear small enough for her either.
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I PMed you!!!!
 
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