Is this taking advantage?Judgment Call

D

DawnA

Cathlete
Hi everyone,
I have been a caged rat for the last week and a half. Each of my kids has come down with the flu, one after another and I have been stuck in the house. I never want to see another bottle of PineSol as long as I live. My husband is on a schedule of 10 hr. midnights (10 in a row) and he needs to sleep during the day. So, as a result of this I have the dentist and a haircut rescheduled until this Friday morning, and on Friday afternoons I am a reading mom in my 7 year olds class. I always, always workout in the mornings after the kids go to school, because my daughter's in kindergarten and she gets home at noon. The question is, how selfish do I need to be? My friend called last night and said "what are you doing Friday morning?", and my answer was "driving all over town." She really needs a sitter and asked me first. This is not truly the issue, but there is a larger issue here. People have no problem asking me to not exercise in the morning. She knows very well how rigid I am about my routine, because quite frankly, if I don't do it while eveyone's in school it ain't gonna happen. I told her if she had a real emegency (like surgery) I could change my appointments.
What do you say when someone wants your time, they know that is your exercise time, and ask anyway?
 
I never really have this problem .But my boss has called me from time to time and wanted me to go somewhere with her, and I say"can't , working out" and she just says "for God's sake".People know me well enough by now.I don't even answer the phone when I am working out.My sister left a message on my answering machine the other day and she said" yes, David I do beleive that you are not home but I do beleive that my sister is.I think that she is doing aerobics and not answering phone.So when shes doen tell her to call me".She works out as much as me, so she understands.

If it was my friend I think I would tell her that I was busy but if she was really stuck then call me back and I would figure something out.Sometimes you need to be selfish in this life in order to do the things that you need to do for yourself.Once people know that you are available then they will drain you till they have your whole day tak'in up.You need to be selfish in order to have some "me" time.This is my opinion.Don't feel bad about it.No one else is gonna help you, you got to take care of yourself.
Now, go work out and tell your hubby to wear ear plugs... :7 :7 :7 Just joking...
Lori
 
Hey Dawn,

I'm not sure. What is the issue with your friend on Friday? How often do you get asked to reschedule your workout? How will you get to your other appointments if you are babysitting? I'm sorry but I would not take my own child to the dentist or hair dresser when she was little, I would definitely not take someone else's. If it'snot an emergency just simply tell her, sorry, I have plans you'll have to find someone else.

I only have one child--who is not really a child anymore, she's 17!--so I can't relate to not being able to workout because of kids. However, I do know that I used to workout at night--7PM to 8PM & I was always being asked to skip. It came down to finding another time to workout. It's hard to do. Maybe on those occassional days when you have to "reschedule" your workout time, you just get up an hour earlier & do it.

Not much help. I know.
 
Hi Dawn,

I really do understand your dilemma, I am extremely anal about my morning workout time. If I don't do it in the morning it probably won't happen, and I hate when that happens.
So, it really is a judgment call. How good a friend is this? Is there ANY way possible to get in some sort of workout before you do what she needs? Even a shorter one?
There are times I put my foot down and say I cannot do something until after 10am, that way I know I got my workout and shower time before the commitment, then there are times I inconvenience myself and get up even earlier to get my workout in before I have to leave, then there are the times I have to "suck it up" and just miss my workout and SOMETIMES I get it in later in the day, sometimes I don't?
So, how good a friend is she? And how important is her need? Those are the questions you basically have to ask yourself and determine.

Good luck, just wanted to tell you that I understand the "inner turmoil" cause I go through it too! :)

Donna
Fitness~ It's a journey, not a race!
 
Dawn:

I don't think your friend is taking advantage of you simply because she may not perceive your situation in the same wway you do, because you live it and she has her own dilemnas.

On the other hand, there is only so much a busy Mum can take. I think, that in the light of all your family stresses right now, you have had your fill. I think you now need a little time to spend on yourself, rather than looking after someone's else's child, so you can energize again ready to look after your family, which is your main priority in life anyway.

A good friend, if she is, will also understand this.

However, weigh the circumstances: first, does she have anyone else she can ask to babysit? If yes, then you are off the hook. If no, think: is this an emergency? i.e. will she get the sack if she has to miss work because you will not babysit?

Then, if you decide to help her, let her know clearly that you have also had a *bum* week or two and that while you will help on this occasion she must know that you have to cancel your plans and appointments to accommodate her, i.e. she can begin to think about how she might repay you with a kindness in the future, to keep your relationship on an even footing and then there can be no discussion about "taking advantage".

ALso, if you do decide to help her, deal a trade: i.e. you look after her child in the a.m. and reschedule your appointments, and she takes your kids later on so you can still get your workout in and maybe also a "walk-in" at the hairdressers? After all, you both have things that matter to you as individuals....

Does this help?

Clare
 
You owe this person, or any person, precisely zero justification, explanation, or apology for saying "no". Your time is your own.

We've probably beaten the "they just don't get it" theme to death vis a vis non-exercisers not understanding exercisers' priorities, and in the end it doesn't matter what your reason is.

A-jock
 
Thanks everyone,
You all are so level-headed. I just get panicked, and think if I miss a workout I'll immediately gain 80 lbs. I want to keep that time reserved, but I think my policy will be available for true emergencies only. Non-exercises really have no clue what it means to us, and I get offended by that, which is pointless, so I need to get off that one. I am so protective of my workout time, because it truly keeps me sane. I'm sure you ALL understand that one! Thanks!!
Dawn
 
RE: Dawn - stay protective of that time

It takes time and effort not only to build the skill and physical conditioning needed for a max-productive workout program, but also to develop a good working workout SCHEDULE.

Thankfully, I'm ornery enough where I just don't have as wide a circle of "friends" who might try to intrude on my time. DH knows that I'm not to be interrupted during a workout unless there's a dire family medical emergency. You have the right to be as firm about your workout time too.

A-jock
 
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