Input on a weird situation

allwildgirl

allwildgirl

Cathlete
Okay, here's the set up.

I'm separated from my DD's dad. She spends a week with me and a week with him, alternating.

He just asked me if, on the weeks that she's with him, they can come over and walk our dog.

I said I would have to think about it, and also run it by my SO, who lives with me. It's his dog too.

Does that seem reasonable? He got all bent out of shape when I said that.
 
Sounds reasonable to me. It's your SO's home too, he should definitely have at least the courtesy of giving his input.
 
I agree with Laura, running it by your SO is definitely reasonable. I'm assuming the dog walking request is for your DD?
 
Yes, the dog walking request is for my DD. But she didn't ask. He came up with the idea. The other part is that he comes to our house and then doesn't want to leave. Sometimes my SO has to come into the front hall and sort of hover to make him go. And he'll say things like "wow, it smells great in here! What are you having for dinner?". In a manner that suggests he'd like to be asked to stay. It's uncomfortable.

*sigh*
 
Well, that is tricky. Do you think it's a sincere request (maybe Sophie talks all the time about how much she misses the dog when she's there)? Or do you think he is just trying to butt in where he shouldn't be? Have you asked Sophie about this? Maybe she will fess up to the request if you approach it in a roundabout way? Because it might be her way of trying to stay connected with you when she is with him, you know? I know my kids have a really hard time going from their dad's to my house and back again and try really hard to stay connected at both places. (We also do 50/50 but we split the week in half.)

FWIW, I think 50/50 is great for kids but really, really hard on the adults. I used to feel so defensive when my relatives would ask if my kids "lived with" their father, and I had to keep explaining that they live in BOTH places and it works just fine for them. It took me a long time to stop feeling like a bad mother about that.

Anyway, good luck. :)

Marie
 
Shelley, it is totally appropriate for you the think about the request and ask your SO his opinon. I think Marie's suggestion about asking Sophie in a sneaky way whether it was her idea or his.
 
I can be sneaky:p

Marie - the 50/50 thing IS hard. I can barely handle a whole week without my kid, but I know that it's good for her to be able to spend a chunk of time with her dad.
 
Shelley, I agree with the others. It does sound like your ex is trying to stay connected to you and I wonder if he's the one who instigated ths whole thing. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to run it by your SO first. And I have no doubt that you can be sneaky:p :7
 
I don't know anything about your DD's dad but if you are already having trouble getting rid of him sometimes, this seems like a situation that could easily deteriorate into his being there a whole lot more than you and your SO want, under pretense of walking the dog.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Now he's telling me that it's ridiculous that I should have to run it by my SO, because it's all just to make Sophie happy and surely nobody can argue with that!! So he's laying some kind of freaking guilt trip on me and making me feel like a bad parent.

x(
 
My neighbor does the same thing. The kids spend a week with her and then a week with their dad. The dog goes where the kids go. So, the dog spends a week with her and kids and a week with their dad and kids. A win win situation.:) Maybe you could suggest he take the dog when he takes her.
 
Shelley - I must say, I think it's kind of weird, and I'd be very hesitant to say yes, if I were you. I mean, the two of you are apart for a reason. Maybe if he wants to walk a dog, he could get his own? And yes, definitely, your SO should have an equal say in the decision. I hope it works out.
 
I've decided to speak. I agree, I think your ex is trying to get into YOUR life more. Think really long and hard about it(because only you know the entire situation) before allowing him this additional space in your life.

I do agree about slyly finding out if Sophie had any part of this suggestion. (I know the sly/sneaky thing isn't easy, but try really hard.:p)
 
Shelly, you are in the right for sure. It is your/SO home, your/SO dog. I think it is rude of him to try and "stay" uninvited and stuff. Please don't give into his guilt. Definately have the discussion with your SO first and go from there.
I wish you luck, I can only imagine how difficult the whole situation can be. ((((HUGS))))
 
THAT is a great idea Marie!

Now I'm really getting pi$$ed off b/c this guy is totally messing w/your head. I think you should tell him to go scratch. Or get a his own freakin dog. He has absolutely no right to use your daughter to play games w/you. It's disgusting & unethical, & if I lived closer I'd come over & open a can of whoop a$$ on him.

Please pardon my french, I am not a big fan of the male species these days.
 
What if you and your SO had a child? Would your ex want to bring Sophie over to play with her brother/sister the week she is with him? Granted, you are talking about an animal and not a person but the dog is a part of your family. Why don't you suggest to your ex that he and Sophie get a dog that lives with him? But I'm the type of person who prefers not to have ties to an ex other than what is absolutely necessary. And this just does not seem necessary.

If it was Sophie's idea does asking him and not you seem like something she would do?
 
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