I'm really annoyed at my best friend

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
& I don't know if I have the right to be.

She lives next door w/her mom, is about the same age, & her mom is about 75. Her mom had this old dog named Charlie, about the same age as Cosmo. Well, it just so happened that Charlie started having serious health problems about the same time as Cosmo. Charlie wasn't as lucky as Cosmo--poor Miss D had to put him down last Monday.

I've talked to Miss D about it a little & she was very adamant that she didn't want another dog. She said she was still grieving & it would take a while for her to get over poor old Charlie. She's a part time crossing guard & was home a lot, & she & Charlie were inseparable.

My friend, on the other hand, started looking for a new dog the minute Charlie was put down. I told her to at least give her mom a couple of weeks to get used to not having Charlie around, & then we'd go to a local shelter & get a puppy.

Well, against my advice my friend went to a pet shop & spent $1300 on a shitzu (sp?). This really pissed me off for several reasons:

--I thought it was incredibly selfish & insensitive for her to bring home a puppy less than a week after her mother lost her best friend, it was like she completely disregarded her mother's feelings
--I have serious issues w/pet shops. They're like puppy farms & usually don't care about animals, just profit. I feel like buying an animal from a pet shop is like supporting animal cruelty
--I have my own feelings about the breed that I'm not going to go into for fear of offending anyone
--I strongly believe in adopting shelter dogs
--I think it's utterly ridiculous to spend that kind of money on a pedigreed from a pet store when you can spend less than $100 to save an animal's life

What do you guys think? Please calm me down before I talk to her, b/c I think what she did was SO WRONG but I don't want to ruin our friendship over it--I guess it's really none of my business & it's her choice, but she kind of violated some of my beliefs that I feel very strongly about.
 
Laura,
Its ok to get mad at people even when they'r our friends. I also believe in saving a dog from a shelter. Thats what I did w/ my cat. I also think she rushed into things. DOn't just buy a dog thats over a thousand dollars and your not even sure if you like it. I mean the dog could be a pest or something and I'm not sure if dogs are returnable:7 Anyway just talk to her like a friend. Maybe shes just depressed and needed a friend like you or another dog.

Take Care,
~Adri~
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Even our best friends will not do things the same as we would Lauramax. She probably just thought she was helping her mom out. She may just be the kind of person that wants to "make things all better" and that was the solution she came up with, albeit not a great one.
 
Well, I think you said it best when you said"she kind of violated some of my beliefs that I feel very strongly about"...

Just because you feel strongly about them, does not mean others do as well. I think it is fantastic that you have beliefs and feel strongly about them but expecting others to follow and abide by them is setting yourself up for a lot of frustration.

Another thought...buying a puppy from a pet shop sounds like rescuing a dog if your description of the care...or lack thereof is true.

As for disregarding her mom's feelings...that is kind of between them. Your friend is grieving, too, just in a different way. Mom wants no pet replacement and your friend wants to replace the pet ASAP...2 different ways to deal sorrow and loss. Who's right? Who is wrong? Neither and both.
 
I'm in complete agreement with you, Laura, on all points.

Her mother needs time to grieve, and will be ready for a new dog in her own time.

Your friend needs to take the Shitzu back, or keep him/her for herself.

And when her mom is ready, maybe you and she can visit the local animal shelter and find another best friend for her.

(I'm not sure how I can help calm you down, because this would p*** me off as well! It's incosiderate both for her mother, who isn't ready for a dog yet, and the dog, who may not be wanted!)
 
LauraMax,

The worst thing we can ever do is to force our beliefs on another person and to expect other people to act the way we would. In doing that we will only end up hurt and angry. I agree with you and would have given the same advice as you did. I would never have been that insensitive to my own mother and we would have talked about getting a new dog before we actually did. IMO, I would not talk to your friend about it at all unless she brings it up first. This is an issue that is between your friend and her mother. I would definitely be there in case her mother wanted to talk about it (clearly they don't really communicate with each other) but other than that I don't think it's your business to discuss it with her without an invitation to do so.

Take a deep breath, use all the negative energy to workout. You might want to donate some $$$ to an animal shelter to make yourself feel better.

I hope this helps.
 
I feel exactly the way you do for exactly all the same reasons and I would be very upset. It's frustrating, but if you already gave her your advice/suggestions in advance, I think you have to leave it at that. Her mom will have to deal with the situation herself; that's between them and they are both adults. One of the hardest things to do is watch our friends do things we seriously would never do and still love and respect them anyway. If she's a valuable friend, I think you have to find a way to do that.
 
Laura, I totally understand your feelings but I kind of have to agree with Sarah on this one.

It's really a shame that your friend purchased a pet from the pet store. First of all, I would never pay that much for a dog. Secondly, buying pets from a pet store only serves to keep puppy mills in business. I make an exception for the big chains that help find homes for stray cats.

If she wanted a pure bred dog I wish she would've looked into a rescue orgainzation. She could've found what she wanted AND given a home to a needy pet for a fraction of the cost.

As for her mom--well, it's true that we all grieve differently and I suppose it would be really tough to reconile yourself to someone else's way of handling it when your own feelings are the complete opposite. I guess I can't really fault her for that. When our 1st dachshund died unexpectedly we waited for about 2 weeks and then we couldn't stand it anymore and had to get another dog, the difference being, we agreed with and supported each other in the decision.

If you value your friendship, I probably wouldn't say anyting unless she invites your opinion. This could be a very touchy subject for her, too.
 
I don't have anything more to add because the advice you've gotten already is unsurpassed. I am so touched by the depth of insight displayed here and I'm sure, with all of the suggestions, that you will be able to work through this. It's not always easy allowing others to be who they are when they differ so much from who we are but we free ourselves when we can come to terms with this. I hope you're able to resolve this quickly and you find peace. Hugs!

Bam
 
Thank you all for your thoughts. You made good points & I guess the bottom line is I need to keep my nose in my own business.

It's her mom I really feel for--when I got home last night she was sitting on her porch w/the puppy, the way she used to w/Charlie, except she wouldn't even touch the little thing. It was so clear she's barely keeping herself together, & I think what Stacey did was really painful for her. She kept saying "this is Stacey's dog, not mine."

My heart was breaking for her b/c I know when Cosmo goes there is NO WAY I could get another puppy so soon. Crap, I think it'll take me at least a week just to leave the house. :-(
 
Laura, I think you're doing the right thing in just leaving it alone. I know it's hard to keep your thoughts to yourself when you watch a person you care about doing something that you think is wrong, trust me, I know. But, being a friend, as you know, I'm sure, is to be there for your friends when they need you. Give your advice, and if they choose not to take it, to be there if they should fall and help them pick up the pieces. Sometimes it's not easy.

Kathy
 
While your friend may have done something inappropriate, it doesn't sound like she did anything intentionally to hurt you, her mother, or the canine population in general, ... It sounds like this is a black or white issue for you. While I don't buy dogs at pet shops either, I recognize that not all pet shops are bad. I have an acquaintence that owns one. She doesn't buy from puppy mills- She buys from local breeders and she loves and cares about dogs. And not all shelter dogs are well suited for everybody. My friend got a shelter dog that bit and seriously insured his baby son. He'll never buy from a shelter again. I say to each his own. If I bought my mother a dog and my "friend" was mad at me over it, I'd reevaluate the friendship.
 
No Deana, it's not black & white at all--it's seeing her mother hurt the way she is, & the fact that she ignored that. While there are other issues involved, I'm still in a state of shock that she would be that insensitive to her mother.
 
I agree about that - I don't think your friend exercised good judgment either. Hopefully the dog is well received, it helps with the grieving process, and it turns out to be a good thing.
 
Not to but into your thread, but I wouldn't say that ALL pet shops are bad. I rescued both of my cats from the local humane society after meeting them at PetSamrt, which never sells cats and dogs but instead works with local animal shelters to find homes for strays and orphans. After talking with the people who run the pet adoptions through PetSmart and hearing them say how great the store has been in working together, PetSmart is now the only place I go to buy food, toys, etc. for my babies.

Anyway, I totally understand why you would be upset with your friend, but you've gotten some great advice here and I hope that your friend's mother will start to feel better even with the new puppy addition.
 
Laura Max,

I think she just wants her mom not to be alone or hurt, and the sooner she has another little companion the sooner she may get over dear Charlie. She probably should have resisted the urge to buy her another a puppy until later since her mom requested that. But, it's done now. Look on the bright side, she has her hands full training a pup and will eventually love that one too. It dosen't take long before that happends.

I can understand not buying a dog at the pet store, (I wouldn't have) but if everyone thought that way, then the dogs at the pet stores would be in danger of not having homes as well. Everyone is made up so differently from one another, and wouldn't it be a boring world if we all thought the same way.

Let the two of them deal with it. Her mother will speak her mind, if not already.

You are a good friend to be so worried about the situation. I know you care, and that's what friends do.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
To bring a totally different view into this- there are ppl who regard animals as strictly as a possession one owns. My best friend thinks this way and told me I was being silly and it was just a cat when I was distraught after I had to put my cat to sleep. Perhaps this is how your friend also thinks...one item replaces another?
In any event I agree with much of what was said in here and I do not buy from pet stores either - if none other then the reason being they do not take care of their animals (at least in my local pet store they dont)
 
>To bring a totally different view into this- there are ppl
>who regard animals as strictly as a possession one owns. ...Perhaps this is how your friend also
>thinks...one item replaces another?

That would go along with 'buying an animal at a pet shop.' (I cringe whenever someone says they 'bought' a dog or a cat. How can you 'buy' a living being? )
 
Are they Beings? ummm

Anyway, they are breathing living animals, who feel pain, joy and sorrow though. Poor things, all of them deserves good homes. My animals are apart of my family, not everyone feels that way, and that's OK.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
You know, I think she really did it more for herself than for her mom, & I guess that's what's really bothering me here. Stacey is a cat person--she has 5 cats (yeah OK this is over our town's legal limit & I work for the town but I'm sure not gonna be the one to report her LOL). Her mom is a dog person & only had Charlie.

So I think what I'm so annoyed about is that she disrespected her mother's wishes--and her mother was VERY clear about this--& also wasn't sensitive to her grieving. I feel so bad for Miss D, & it's very obvious this is not what she wanted.

But I will keep my mouth shut & not let it interfere w/our friendship. I just kind of feel I'm seeing a side to her that I didn't know existed & I don't like it.
 
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