I'm feeling kind of blue today

B

Boybert

Cathlete
I'm kind of tearful today. I guess I could use some anonymous support if you know what I mean.

Just for some background, hubby and I moved to NY a year ago for his job, about a month after my son was born. That in itself was so hard b/c I left behind family, friends. I have met a great group of ladies in my mother's circle and we get together every week, but I feel like I just haven't gotten that close to any of them. Sometimes I wonder if it's me or is everyone just super busy. I guess I just feel sort of lonely sometimes even though I have friends, if you know what I mean. Also yesterday, I asked one of my friends out of concern if our other friend had an eating problem (didn't ask like that) and she said no but later emailed me that she didn't feel comfortable talking about other people's issues. She wasn't upset but just told me that. I didn't blame her at all. I should have asked my friend, but really I shouldn't have asked at all. I'm so shy about that stuff in general. On top of that, I'm so sensitive about what people think of me and my actions all the time. I think I read to much into stuff.

I don't know, I'm so sorry for rambling, I just feel kind of down today. I hope you all are doing well and having a good start to your weekend.

Debbie


Debbie
 
Awwwww, Debbie, I'm sending cyber hugs! I'm not sure how old you are, but research has shown that it is much more difficult for women in their thirties/forties to make good, solid friendships. People are busy with their family commitments etc., and sometimes it's hard to break through that. Have you thought about perhaps joining a young mother's group or a moms and tots playtime, something at the library, maybe?

I can totally hear you on the feeling blue thing though. I have those days too, where you just feel like there isn't anybody to talk to, or to listen and that you're not close to anyone.

But you always have US! I mean, I know we're not right there with you, but we're right there with you!

I'm happy to chat anytime. Just PM me.:)
 
Thanks so much Shelley. Normally I have been quite happy here it is just lately I have felt like this. How do you PM? Is that like instant message?

Debbie
 
Debbie,

I know it is hard when you move to another location and try to get established in your new surroundings. Been there as we have moved many times. I use to live in a "Stepford Wives" like community and didn't want to fit in so I was treated like an outcast. My hubby worked 7 hours away in another state for a year before we moved to where his job was so I felt terribly lonely and beside myself most of the time. I seen the neighbors all hang out together and when I would say hello to one of them it was if I didn't exist...no response most of the time or a dirty look. It was a jealousy issue because I was much thinner then they were, but it was hell living there and not feeling like you belonged anywhere.
Now where I live is a different story altogether. I still felt by myself for awhile as I had to get to know people. That takes time. Don't rush it. Now I feel like I know too many people and wish they would stop coming to my door all the time unannounced..drives me crazy!
I would not think anymore about the eating problem question...let it go. She will probably not give it another thought. Do something nice for yourself today and that will make you feel so much better.

Take Care (((HUGS))))

Charlotte~~
 
Hi, Debbie -

Just wanted to send over some encouragement and a big HUG. Things will get better. I know how it is to feel like an outsider. It just takes some time. Meanwhile, be good to yourself and indulge in some pampering. And talk to us ANYTIME!!!!

Angie
 
Hi, Debbie:

Sorry to hear you are feeling that way. ((hugs)) I posted a while back when I was feeling really weepy and depressed (TTOM and being generally overwhelmed with life) and got some great support here. I hope you feel you are getting it, too.

I second Shelly's post about finding some activities or groups to join. I know it's really hard when you have small children, but have you thought about going to the Y (they have day care) or even doing something through your church (if you have one)? These are generally good ways to find other SAHMs....

Good luck, and hang in there!

Cheers,
Marie
 
I hope your day gets better....sending hugs your way. When I get to feeling bad, I go to the library and get me a good book to make me feel better. I wish I could help, I know what it is like to have days like this, but remember it will always get better.

Joanna
 
I can imagine how tough it must have been for you to move away from your friends and family...especially so soon after the birth of a child....:-(

Try to keep your chin up...you'll feel better again soon...

And don't worry yourself over the eating problem question...you asked out of concern...I really don't see anything wrong with that....

~Wendy~

I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!

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EDD: 05/19/05
 
You did absolutely nothing wrong by trying to talk to one friend about a perceived problem in another friend. It's the most natural thing in the world to confer with others for a reality check, and your intentions were good. Sounds like she was just super sensitive for some reason which had nothing to do with you.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you'll make some perfectly delightful friends, but it takes time. Friendships don't happen over night. Join neighborhood groups, and groups of people who share your interests, and acquaintances will develop into friendships over time. Meanwhile, you've got us!! :D


Just editing to say I know all about loneliness. I spend all day long working without much time to chat, and I just can't make friends at all because there just isn't time. It's really hard because, although I like my alone time, I'm really someone who needs friends. If it weren't for this forum, sometimes I think I'd go stark, raving mad. I see the young mothers all over my neighborhood spending time together. They have a strong common bond in their children, and want nothing to do with an older career woman like me. And I don't even have the excuse of being new in the neighborhood!
 
Debbie--I know exactly how you feel. We moved away from all our family and friends for 2 years for my DH's job. Our youngest was 8 months at the time. It was a small town and most of the moms worked. I am a stay at home mom with 3 boys. I had a real hard time. Most of the people in the town kept to themselves. I was considered an outsider, an outcast. There was no Y or gym's or any place to go to meet people. I had a really hard time while we were there. I was depressed and lonely. Our neighbor on one side got married and I ended becoming friends with his wife when she went on maternity leave. Now we are back to our hometown. The time will come though when my DH will be transfered again and I hope things will be better in the next place we move to. Keep trying! I know how lonely and hard it can be. If you need to talk drop me a line. What are your Cathe friends for?!
 
Hi Debbie,

It would probably help if you e-mailed your friend back and tell them exactly what you just told us.I know that would make me feel better b/c I am the same way.I care about what people think of me.I am getting out of it a bit more but its still there.I want everyone to like me and we all know thats just not possible.
Atleast you know you have good friends that won't talk about each other and that is really important.I hung out with people and still do, that are constintly talking about each other and I am stuck in the middle.Its an awful place to be.
I was also in you shoes with the friends thing but I didn't have a baby group to get me started either. When I moved here DH and I had alot of friends but I live in a very transitional town where people are moving in and moving out.DH is from here so he knew lots of people and I depended on him to help me meet people.
Finally,everyone I knew had left. And I was left with no one.But I started meeting people, have made alot of new friends (nothing like my old ones though) and I have even introduced DH to a few people.
Takes alot of guts doesn't it?
Don't worry about it.You weren't saying anything mean and I am sure your friend didn't take it that way.But I bet it would help if you were fully honest with her. Just tell her that you meant no harm ,its always easier to say it in a e-mail.
Lori:)
 
Debbie,Awwww Hugs to you , Keep your chin up . I can so relate except here Everyone moves away !!! And we stay LOL . So Its hard keeping friends ... Also It does all change after we have children . We all get so busy . I have one very close friend ,they are buying a house too ,So maybe she will stay !!!! Other wise my friends are all you ladies and the ladies in all my workout dvds, Oh and Dr Phil too LOL !!!! Hugs to you !!! :) :) :)
 
thanks so much girls. You always put a smile on my face :) I did email my friend and I don't think she was bothered at all, just uncomfortable conferring about a problem she was not sure the other girl did or didn't have. I think everything is fine - just me being overly sensitive. I tend to have that to a fault where I am always worried what people think and feel about me. I need to work on getting past that. Not to the point where I don't care at all but to just shrug some stuff off better. Thanks again girls. Your kind words really, really help.


Debbie
 
Debbie,

I can relate to your problem. I am 45, single and in my age group most of the people I know are married and have family obligations so can't get out and do things like I can. My son is grown so I am totally free but they arent. So I have lonely evenings and weekends sometimes. It gets me down and is maybe part of the reason I am obsessed with exercise. Anyway I hope things get better for you. Hang in there and be happy with who you are and dont let them get ya down!

Terri
 
I'm glad you posted Debbie. It's good to talk about things that are bugging you. Loneliness is so hard to deal with. Usually when you have a problem, it helps to talk about it. But when loneliness is the problem, you feel like, "who am I going to talk to?" I hope posting made you feel a little less lonely. You have friends here! I always enjoy your posts. Keep your head up, and feel better soon!
 
I can definitely relate to your post Debbie! I have moved around quite a bit with jobs and the excitement of moving to a new place was always positive. Then we moved here, to a very small town in the midwest, where everyone knows everyone and has no need for anyone new. The result was less than positive. Just image these things all happening at the same time:

DH gets promotion in a state far far away while I'm pregnant with second baby. Career driven me decides I wouldn't mind working part time after second baby to have time with the kids. We decide to take the single job and make the move, but I'm so apprehensive about moving to a new place with NO JOB (no daily adult cantact) I can't stand it.

Things get delayed forever and I keep getting more pregnant. My best friend is also pregnant and we are actually due within a couple weeks of each other !wow how neat is that! Anyway we end up moving.... in the winter... to north dakota. My baby is born (by a doctor I have never even seen) before the boxes are unpacked 5 days after the moving van arrived at new house). I have a 2 year old that is going through all sorts of emotional issues over moving and getting a new brother. I go into major PP depression. DH works super long hours getting into new job and is stressed besides so we just don't talk. I don't know anyone and don't even leave the house because it's so freakin cold out and there is 5 feet of snow. I miss my best friend and we can't even see each others babies.

Well, that got to be longer than it needed and I could go on and on with all sorts of other problems to compound how bad it all was. Like my husband having a major heart attack because of the job stress (and other things). Imagine my fear... DH dies of heart attack, me here alone with 2 babies :eek:. Then our house floods... we fight water around the clock with pumps (DH and I worked in shifts, we don't know anyone here to help us remember, and everyone else is flooding too) Then the power goes out :eek: because 10,000 powerlines are down around the state. (That was the year downtown Grand Forks ND burned while there was 5 feet of water in the streets.) So power is out for I don't know how many day, 5 or 6 or so, and it's freezing and I have a baby and a toddler and 3 feet of water in the basement. Most people are now in shelters but we stayed in the house. I just don't even know I how I got through that time.

Looking back it's almost funny how things just kept piling up and up and up. It was like well it can't get any worse... then it did. But see, even that got better. Your situation will too. It just takes some time. I know that doesn't help that much right now.

Pam
 
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