I need some support, please

A

acrochris

Cathlete
Hi everyone,
I have been working out for 5 years, and been a runner for 3. I started with Cathe tapes about 2 years ago. I also endured an eating disorder too that I have overcome. During that time, I developed 2 stress fractures and couldn't do high-impact for 8 months. During this time, I put on a lot of weight, granted I needed to put on some, but not so much. I did gain a lot of muscle, but also some stubborn fat. I wear a size 8 and I am 5'7". I am more comfortable in a 4, but I would be happy with a size 6. The working out part is not a problem for me, it is the eating. I deprived myself of almost all food for 3 years, and now I forgot how much I love deserts and nuts. I tell myself that I deserve to eat them because I didn't for so long. Well, I am fed up with what it has done to my body, yet I don't want to fall back with the anorexia either. I still see a counselar and everyone comments on how much better I look now, but I still would like to drop at least 10 lbs. If any of you can give me some sort of advice about clean eating or fitting in the deserts and still lose weight, I am all ears. I am literally afraid of dieting because I do fall into the habit of obsessing over every morsel. I don't want to go back to that destructive path. I delt with anorexia and in high school and early adult hood. I really want a healthier attitude about food. Now if I eat desert I think as long as I am not thinking about it, I'm really not eating it, if that makes sense. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Christine
 
Christine!!! That is so wonderful how you fought your way back from anorexia!! I'm not going to give you any dieting advice, for I feel that your problem would best be solved by a nutritinist who specializes in helping people find their right weight after having an eating disorder. Just remember, anorexia is like an addiction. You are never cured. So be extra, extra, careful when you do try to lose those 10 lbs ok? Bravo, for being strong!! You will meet your goal, for after all that you've already overcome, there's nothing that you can't accomplish:)! Hang in there!!

Aimee
 
Thank you Aimiee. Your words are very kind. I know I will always have body issues and I am doing my best to overcome them. I do really feel like I need to lose 10 lbs, but I got to remember the slower you lose it, the healthier it is. I just need patience and really try to make a more conscious effort to skip the deserts everyday. I guess I am just frustrated because I am trying so hard to have a healthier state of mind. A size 0 was loose on me before, and now that I am 8, it is hard to swallow sometimes. Thanks again!
 
Hi Christine! Sweetie - are you sure you need to lose those 10 pounds? I'm 5'8" and I wear a size 8. I try really hard to keep my weight up and not let any drop off. The only way I can get away with being a size 8 is because my upper body is very small and I have extremely LONG legs (think giraffe!). People still tease me about being skinny. Remember that if that extra 10 pounds is muscle, you don't want to lose it! I struggled with bulemia years ago and won the battle. I know some of what you've gone thru and am SO PROUD of you for your accomplishment! Treat yourself to dessert - you've earned the right! I'm a chocoholic myself. Non fat pudding is a great way to indulge (you can even have 2 if ya want!) or lite ice cream isn't too bad! Instead of obsessing about the dessert, pick the more harmless versions and once in awhile go ahead and have the good stuff. Please think really hard about the need to lose 10 more pounds - I think a size 6 may be too small for you. Sorry I sound like a mom - but I am one and care deeply about people who struggle with their weight (no matter which end of the scale they're on).

Best wishes for you,
Lindy
 
Hi Christine

First of all, congratulations on overcoming anorexia - I know how painful that is. I have been battling eating disorders for most of my life. Right now I am overweight, but healthy and feeling good, and trying not to be too hard on myself.
Anyway, I am also 5'7" and I believe that a size 4 would be too small on most women of our height. I am afraid it would be too difficult for you to maintain and cause you to relapse back to old habits. I know it is difficult to accept yourself at a larger size than you want to be, but you might have to do that if you don't want to get back into obsessive restricting.
Another Cathe fan, Honeybunch, manages her weight by allowing herself one "treat day" a week and it works great for her. She says she looks forward to her free day all week and it helps her to give up the goodies during the week.
Good luck!
Erica
 
RE: Hi Christine

Lindy & Erica,
Thank you both so much. It is amazing how many women struggle with this. It is so sad. I know realistically in my head that I am not overweight, (although as I said I would like to be smaller again), I think what gets me is that my 3 best girl friends are all sizes 2-4. They are athletic like me too and their heights range from 5'2"-5"9". My friend that is taller also has no hips or breasts and is built more like a boy. I should understand this. I am more curvascous, I definetely have the hips and breasts. I think it just bothers me because I was a size 4, granted I took an extremely unhealthy way to get there. I feel like a giant next to them. They don't make me feel that way at all, it is just in my head.

The cheat day is something I used to do and it did work for me, but since the anorexia for some reason it is hard to do. But, I know it is healthier, and if I do need something sweet, I could go for something a bit healthier.

Thank you both for the support and encourgagemnt. And congrats to you too for beating the disorder.
Take care!
Christine
 
RE: Hi Christine

I DID have and eating disorder when I was 12-13 yrs old, anorexia. I've been dealing with food issues all these yrs.(I'm 51 now) and think I have a handle on it. I tend to overeat sweets, so I don't fight it and allow myself one cheat day per week, and on that day I eat anything in any quanity I want.

I've learned that eating and weight control is completely individual, and what works for me may not work for anyone else. I second the notion that going to a nutritionist would be good for you. It would keep you from re-inventing the wheel, and would get you on a healthy track.

Good luck! You can beat it!
 
Hi Christine - your story reminds me a lot of me!! I have a very similar history to yours, and I too have found that it really is "feast or famine" with me. Whenever I see people who eat three normal - size meals a day, I always think "wow, how the heck do they do that??" ! I would also love to lose about 10 pounds (I have been working out about 10 years but have gotten about all the improvement I can without cleaning up my diet) but I just love food too much - and I know that if I plug into that willpower thing I have again to lose weight, it will just spiral downward into that same routine and become an obsession again. Sorry I'm not really giving you any advice here! For what it's worth though, I know how you feel. The only thing I have found to be of any help is just to try to stay as objective and positive as possible. Sure, I would love to be 10 pounds lighter and chuck my 8's for size sixes, but given the choice between being a tad heavier than I would like and eating pretty much what I want, or being skinny again (from 6,to 4, to 2,....) and being caught up in the tyrranical cycle I was in before, well....bring on the Goldfish!!!!!}> Good luck !!!!!!
 
Hi Christine,
I can't really give you any good suggestions since I'm slack in the nutrition department (haha). Just wanted to say, please hang in there and keep trying to fight off any demons from the past. My aunt almost died years ago from anorexia. She was 5'8 or 5'9 (I can't remember exactly). I do remember that she got to 62 lbs!!!!! She was a skeleton! It was so awful. She made it up to 105 lbs now but still has many stomach problems and looks like she is gonna be a victim of osteoporosis. I am so glad that she is alive today - she has meant alot to me. I can't imagine my life without her, and there is people out there that can't imagine having to live without you! Please, please keep trying and don't let this disease beat you. I'm sure you mean so much to the people in your life!!!!!

Lisa
 
Here's my Two cents

First of all; I am 5'9" and 145--so, weight is what you think you feel best at. (I was 210 at one time.) It's all individual.

I am a dessert-aholic :eek:

Instead of telling myself NO; I say "Later."
I have one Manhattan cocktail a week (usually saturday night); one "sweet roll from my favorite bakery" a week; and a portion controlled dessert every night. If I deny myself dessert; I'll get up at two in the morning and eat three times as much or half a jar of peanuts which DH keeps in the house. Life is too short to always say No!! :7
 
I'm with murph.

Just go slow and tell yourself too that you're going to go slow and it's ok to do that.

:D
 
Hi KZN,
I am glad I posted because it helps to know that others struggle with this too and can support eachother. I do know I am a lot happier now. It is no fun to feel so deprived. It is true, I love to eat, but I know I indulge too much. I know someday I will find a happy medium somewhere, it can just be so frustrating sometimes. I truly want to except myself for what I am, not for what I once was. No one is putting the pressure on me except myself. In my clothes I think I don't look so bad, but naked, Yuck!! Thank you for sharing your experience!
Christine
 
Lisa

I am so glad your aunt has made that much progress, I hope she continues to get at a healthier weight. That is truly scary, and I am sure she is so glad you are in her life. My family was there for me the whole time, and I know I put them through a lot. I will not go back to that, I won't let myself. I see it screwed with my body, but yet I see what it has done to others. It is heartbreaking. I see girls who beat it and I respect them so much because I was there and I know how hard it was. I hope your aunt realizes how far she has come, but hopefully she will continue.
Take care!
Christine
 
RE: Here's my Two cents

Hi murph,
Congrats on the remarkable weight loss. At night time is when I do my worst snacking. I try to be good all day long, and then night comes and I eat things I know I shouldn't. It doesn't help that it has been pounded in my head that you shouldn't eat past 7 p.m., so I automatically think it is naughty. I should just try to honor my hunger when it is there and maybe I wouldn't have a problem in the evening. UHH, why does it have to be so difficult at times!! I almost feel like pure avoidance would be better than eating just a little of a treat. I feel like it wouldn't be enough. I have to try though and get back a healthier mindset. I have these lists of good and bad foods and I know that isn't healthy. When I did see a dietician, she said, "There are no good food or bad foods, just bad diets". She makes it sound so easy, but it isn't. Thank you for the advice, it does make sense.
Christine
 
Thank you, Honeybunch

I am glad you beat it! I am glad you did find something that works for you, but you are right it is completely individual. My friend who runs marathons, can drink 4 margaritas, smoke a pack of cigarettes and then go out for a 10 mile run and feel great. If I did that I would die, so I know it varies from person to person. I guess the only thing I can do is learn by trial and error, and be more patient, but most of all more forgiving of myself. I beat myself up to much about wanting to eat, and that isn't healthy. I love to eat, and I enjoy while I do it, but afterwords I feel such guilt. I just need to change my mindset. Easier said than done, but I am a stubborn person so I should use that to beat this completely. I am bound and determined!
Thanks again Honeybunch!
Christine
 
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