I need some cheering up

M

Maximus

Cathlete
I dumped the BF last week (w/o getting into details just trust me that it was the right thing to do) & I haven't heard a word from him--I guess I expected him to do a little begging & pleading, or at least pretend to be upset about it.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty down about it, it was my first relationship since my divorce & probably the best of my life. Now I'm just feeling like a stupid loser. I'm distracted at work & really not accomplishing anything. I'm irritable w/people & I'm probably taking out my personal problems on staff, which is not fair to them. I don't think I'm coping w/this very well.

So I'm venting here b/c everyone's always so supportive & encouraging. Give me some advice to help me get through this.
 
Hi Maximus! I'm sorry you had to dump BF but things happen for a reason. It just wasn't meant to be. Someone else far better is your future so don't dispair. I think you need to get together very soon w/some Catheites for dinner. Let me know what dates work for you & I'll email the other ladies & we'll all cheer you up. In the meantime, keep busy doing things you love the most. I've often found that taking my agression out on the machines at the gym helped tremendously. Take care, Kathy:*
 
Break ups are so hard, even when they are the right thing to do.I have a friend who keeps bouncing from relationship to relationship, b/c she doesn't like being alone.
When I broke up with my BF (this is a while ago)I was only single for 2 weeks! I spent sometime being with my new friends(I had just moved)and doing the things I would have done in my teenage years that I didn't get a chance to do b/c I got pregante.
For me it was a good thing that I wasn't single long b/c I married the man I dated:)
I think it is hard for you b/c you are not having any contact with him.You have cut him out of your life completely and that is not easy to do.And you are just going through your moarning process.It takes a while even though it is right.
Try not to think about it to much and spend lots of time with your friends.That will keep your mind from wondering to much.Before you know it,you will enjoy the time that you spend with yourself and you feel your life with other things until you are ready to move on.
Chances are he is not calling you b/c he doesn't want to give in to that.And he wants you to think that he is doing great with out you.I would imagine that he is gong through the samething that you are going through.Its just the mind games.
Hope you feel better soon,
Lori:)
 
You said it yourself: it was the right thing to do. So at least you know that. Now here's the bad part: it's going to hurt and it's going to suck. But it's going to get better. If he wasn't begging or pleading, then he wasn't good enough for you.

Nothing anyone says can really help you get through what you're feeling any faster, but just know that if you can make it through a divorce (which is horribly painful, I know), you can make it through a break-up. Try to concentrate on the things you didn't like about your BF, so when you eventually meet someone else, you can keep an eye out for those traits!

You are not stupid!
You are not a loser!
You are a great person!
Great people deserve relationships that make them happy!

Now take all the hurt and anger and disappointment and do KPC as soon as you get home from work. With every kick and punch, get out all those negative feelings. And know we're all here for you!

Take care of yourself.
 
I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. Even though it was the right thing to do I'm sure it's left a big void in your life.

My recommendation is to get one or two close girlfriends together, get a little booth at a bar and drink and talk it out. The more you express your emotions, the faster you can get it out of your system.

Because we don't know the details (not that I'm asking) the harder it is to say why he hasn't try to contact you...but maybe that's for the best.

My thoughts are with you.
 
Hey Maximus,

Guys sure do suck sometimes!!

Keep your head up. As you said, It was the right thing to do. Anyway, I'm sure it was his loss and not yours.

You feeling like a "loser"??? No way! There are no losers on this forum. So the relationship was a great experience...be thankful for having had it and move on!! There will be another one and it too will be wonderful!!
 
Sorry to hear that, Maximus. I know how hard it is to deal with a break up wether you are the one who made the decision or not. It definately takes it toll on your attitude and patience for a while. Maybe if you can pump up the intensity of your work outs and take out your "aggressions" with Cathe, it will make you feel a bit better. Exercise is supposed to help relieve stress. Anyway, just take one day at a time...it WILL get better. CHIN UP! ;)

Have a great work out!

~Wendy~

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http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
 
Thanks guys, you're the best. I guess it's just a "this too shall pass" kind of thing.

Kathy, you let me know when you guys are available, my schedule has suddenly become very open. :(
 
I'm so sorry your feeling down . Breaking up is hard to do . But Like you said It was the right thing to do .. I guess you need time to heal . Try to take this time for YOU ! You ! YOU ! .I dont know but I'm thinking him not hounding you is actually good ,even though it doesnt feel good . The longer before he does ,the Stronger you will be ! You are Grieving and that is actually good . Keep doing your workouts And working on you ,who knows you might not even want a relationship with anyone for awhile . You are good , You are strong ,Keep your chin up !!!! And let us know how your doing , I'm thinking we have all been through a break up !!!Remember Workout workout !!! .. You will feel better soon !!!:) :) :) :)
 
Oh Maximus -- and everyone else here that has given words of encouragement -- you simply don't know how much I needed this post today.

As some of you may or may not know from my previous posts, I've been in the process of a breakup with my SO of 10 years over the past year and a half (we own a house together). I'm the type that will just not let go. Over the past 9 months, I met a guy who became my workout partner (WP). We just clicked and had so much fun together. He made me feel special. He made me feel young and silly. He made me feel beautiful and sexy. He has made my breakup with SO a little easier -- and maybe that's why he came into my life. During that time, I think I let myself fall in love with him. He was exactly what I needed and wanted. He accepted me with all my flaws. He jokingly told me he loved me -- and continued to repeat it on a daily basis. I shrugged it off as just being silly. We only ever argued about one thing: money. He has some problems with money and I told him he needs to focus on getting that under control. I have loaned him money in the past.

So in the last 2 weeks the final end to my relationship with SO has come. But now my WP is not there. He won't return my phone calls. He seems distant. Like a loser, I told him how much I cared about him. I thought, perhaps, he was upset with me because I never really reciprocated his feelings to the extent that he expressed them. But I guess that isn't the problem. I don't know what has happened. I just feel alone and stupid. Man, the hit to the self-esteem is NOT good. I'm trying to concentrate on work, or anything else -- but I cannot stop rehashing everything in my mind.

Sorry to go into my "thing" when this is a Maximus thread. Just wanted to let you know that I'm right there with you, girl. I guess it's normal. We are strong women and we can pick ourselves up and move on.

Thank you all for always being so supportive in every way!

Take care of yourself Maximus -- I will be thinking of you. Hopefully that will take my mind off of "me"!

Shonie
 
Shonie, I actually remembered that you had also been going through a breakup & I don't mind at all that you posted your feelings here, it actually helps a lot. I hate to say it's the whole misery loves company thing, it's more like there are people out there who empathize w/what I'm going through. We can call this a "Max" thread if you'd like. :)

Anyway, the good news is throughout the last 2 years I was w/this guy I never lost sight of my friendships & family, so they're there for me now which helps. Truthfully I think much of this has more to do w/my pride rather than what I'm losing in the man. I feel like he should be just devastated that he's losing me & it really pisses me off that he isn't.x(

The truth is I do have a great life, a decent job, a beautiful house, close friends & family--I have no reason to complain. It's just sad losing someone you care about, especially when it seems like it doesn't really matter to him.
 
Hi, Max:

I was in a very similar situation recently. I ended my first relationship since my divorce, too. I was married 12 years; with this guy for 2.5. It was really, really hard, especially when we finally moved to "no contact" (definitely required). I have such a hard time letting go of people, too.

Anyway, one thing that really helped me. Someone sent me a quote (I think it was from Maya Angelou) that spending too much time looking at the door that closes keeps you from looking at the one that's opened.

That might be a bit corny, but it helps me keep perspective. We ended the relationships because they didn't work, and we want something that does. :)

Hang in there...
Marie
 
Shonie,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Try not to blame yourself - playing the "what if I..." game doesn't help. What other people choose to do or not to do doesn't really have anything to do with us (just with themselves), that's really tough to remember.

I think (I should say, I know) some men only like women who are "not really" available. They can't do true intimacy, so when you move from being "sort of available" to being "actually available," guys like that back out fast.

Hang in there... it is hard to end long relationships. It took my ex and I years to really dissolve and resolve things.

Take care,
Marie
 
That's a good quote Marie. Sometimes stuff only seems corny b/c it's so true.

And sometimes being alone works much better than being in a relationship that doesn't work. I don't know if you guys remember my posting about my sleeping problems, but they've miraculously disappeared since I made this decision. Coincidence? I don't think so...........
 
Maximus sometimes I am not very good with words of to console someone, but whatever I say comes from the heart. I do know how it is to be involved in a truly sincere relationship and it has to come to an end. I've been there some yrs. ago and the thing that made me feel better was a good cry. But b/c I know life goes on and has to go on I went on. I am very sorry to hear of this, b/c I don't know you personally, but just reading your posts, I think you're a special person and whenever God sees fit for Mr. 1/2 half right (b/c no one is perfect), to come your way he'll be there, who knows, maybe he's just under your nose:) .

I hope this helps a little;( .

Haydee
 
I'm sorry Max, it's not like you to be "down" in your posts. :(

You know...the thing I've noticed with men, they don't typically make you know when they're hurting after a break-up. Especially if it was you who initiated it. He probably just figures that you don't want him to call. And really....do you? It just makes the healing process so much more dragged out if there's contact.

I was always surprised after breaking up with a guy and I've seen him or one of his friends months later and find out how much it affected him.

Give yourself at least another week and you should start to feel better. And I gave this piece of advice once before to someone else, listen to "Freedom" by George Michael. It's a great song that makes you feel like dancing and celebrating your "oneness".
 
Maximus, I'm going to give you a little analogy, and hopefully the mental image will make you smile, give you positive reinforcement, and give you strength to keep your resolve.

When someone quits smoking cold turkey, they go through withdrawal. They want a cigarette, they think about cigarettes, they can' function and the fact that they don't have any cigarettes gnaws at their concentration, their work, and their overall lives.

Well, Maximus, you have quit your boyfriend cold turkey. You are having withdrawal right now, too. Don't mistake your withdrawal as "need". You don't need him, just as someone who recently quit smoking doesn't need a cigarette.

Think of him as a bad habit you needed to quit. If you think of him as a cigarette (another bad habit), it will be easier to recognize that what you're feeling is withdrawal and that you just need to work through it. The pain will soon give way and dissipate, and you'll get back to your life.

No weaning. ;-)
 
Oh, and the fact that he hasn't tried to contact you should tell you something about how he felt about you.

Better off without him.
 
Max and Max,

Be really good to yourselves right now, and surround yourselves with people who make you feel good just cuz they're around.

Also, change your routines up a bit if possible, because regardless of the reasons this person is not in your life anymore, there will still be that whole void.

Stay strong}(
 
I'm really sorry you are going through this. My fiance of 7 years and I just broke up and I have been crying every day for the past 2 weeks. I am barely holding it together. I am hoping last night was my bottom. I drove over to his house at 1:30 in the morning. I think he thought my dog died when he opened the door and saw me standing there crying. God I wish there was a happy pill to take. You did say it was the right thing to do, and I know in my situation, it might have been for the best, but I feel like a loser too. How about pouring a glass of wine and toasting to us losers and for a better tomorrow?

Beth
 
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