How does one stop being a worrier?

buckeyegirl

buckeyegirl

Cathlete
I am a worrier and a pretty high stress /type A individual. I have been since I was a child. I know some of it stems from my childhood and my parents' divorce and being separated from my mother at such a young age. But, I worry about everything. I wish I could be more of a laid back, laissez-faire person. I think I'd enjoy life more if I didn't spend so much time bound so tightly. I know it doesn't help that I can't exercise now due to my back problem.

Any books someone recommends? Meditation?

Please help soon - I'm worried about this:p

Heidi
 
Sorry, can't help, but I can relate. I don't think you really can change this type of fundamental emotion, it's kind of like a knee jerk response, at least for me. I suppose you can learn techniques to diffuse it or lessen it, but to stop being who you are is very hard to do. And I think about it this way, if there were not people like us to worry about everything, nothing would ever get done.

A friend of mine reached out to me to talk about an open position in his company, and the reason he wanted to hire me, is because "everything is a problem" for me that needs to be solved, he didn't need any more laid back people who assumed "things will just work out." So it's not all bad. ;)
 
Yes, but mine is worrying becoming anxiety - I have migraines, back problems, esophageal ulcers and am worried about further physical manifestations of constant worry.

I am the problem solver too. I'm a phenomenal multi-tasker,and I do get almost a sick sense of self gratification out of being able to do all of that. But my worrying in all deeply entrenched in that. I just wish I could still be a detail oriented, organized person that could "go with the flow" a little bit more.

Heidi
 
Dela said:
A friend of mine reached out to me to talk about an open position in his company, and the reason he wanted to hire me, is because "everything is a problem" for me that needs to be solved, he didn't need any more laid back people who assumed "things will just work out." So it's not all bad. ;)
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I like it!!! Do they need more people? ;)
 
Fellow worrier here ... UGH .. if you figure it out please tell me ... worry, stress, worrying about things that are completely out of my control... I know I cant fix it .. but doesnt stop me from worrying .. no reall solid suggestions I can offer .. except.. exercise helps .. having trusted close friends that can tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT also a HUGE help :p.. but it never quite goes away ... I feel your pain!!:(
 
This may not be a popular answer but medication. I just am incapable of turning my brain off. I worry, . . I overthink, . . .I stress. It became the cause to a plethora of issues, . .migrains, back pain, . .and the worse of it was insomnia. I just couldn't sleep. I also had trouble socializing because I would over think everything I would say and what others would say to me. It was not until I was driving one day when I almost fell asleep at the wheel. That was my wake up call to do something about it. I thought "What if my kids were in the car and I got into a car wreck?" I saw my MD and after 1 year of trying out different types of anti depressents I found one that actually works and has helped me to just "chill." I don't sweat the little stuff anymore and the best part of it all is that I can sleep at night. I know meds are not a popular answer here on this forum, . .and that a lot of people would probably reccomend yoga, . .or herbs or something but I can say for me it has given me sanity. That with a good diet and daily exercise have been my Rx solution. I hope this helps. Hang in there.
 
My solution to worrying is to work on my faith.

It doesn't matter what you have faith in, but having faith gives you the resources to deal with whatever situation comes up that you feel worry over.

My biggest worrying situation concerns my DS being in downtown ATL attending college. It seems that every day I hear of a mugging, car jacking, robbery or stabbing right in the area where his school is. It is enough to drive me batty.

I have discovered that I have to have faith that things will be okay. I can't control anything by worrying. My higher power gives me the strength and peace of mind to put myself at ease and let things be what they may.

Good luck. I know that worry can cause so many issues from health problems to anxiety. It's definitely not worth it!
 
Heidi,
Do you have a pet? One that you can have hugs & kisses with? It can really help with stress.
 
buckeyegirl said:
Yes, but mine is worrying becoming anxiety - I have migraines, back problems, esophageal ulcers and am worried about further physical manifestations of constant worry.

I am the problem solver too. I'm a phenomenal multi-tasker,and I do get almost a sick sense of self gratification out of being able to do all of that. But my worrying in all deeply entrenched in that. I just wish I could still be a detail oriented, organized person that could "go with the flow" a little bit more.

Heidi
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I'm sorry, that sounds awful, have you spoken to a doctor about anti anxiety medications?
 
Thanks - I do have 3 dogs and they do help to a certain degree when I'm home, and I am on Welbutrin as an anti-depressant. I think I'll check out Amazon for some self-help books. Can't hurt, I guess.

Thanks,
Heidi
 
Oooh, I have several thoughts about this topic! I am a natural worrier but I don't let it get the better of me (anymore!) I don't agree with the sentiment that if it weren't for worriers, nothing would ever get done. I get more done now that I'm not such a worrier, than back when I used up so much energy worrying about stuff.

To paraphrase the Dali Lama: There is never any reason to worry. If you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself, "Can anything be done?" If the answer is yes, then do it. If the answer is no, then there is nothing to be done!

The way I make sense out of this is that it's the conscientious, problem-solving, organized parts of us that aren't a problem and make us productive (and sought after as employees!); the worrying actually doesn't accomplish anything. It is definitely possible to be on task, tackling problems, but be calm and not make yourself sick with worry.

I think of anxiety as conscientiousness gone haywire. You can worry less if you embrace the conscientious parts of yourself, and trust that letting go of worry doesn't mean letting go of being on top of your life.

My warning signs that I'm worrying versus being conscientious: lots of my thoughts start with "What if...?" and lots of my thoughts spiral into worst-case scenarios. When I notice this happening, I just laugh at my thoughts -- they're just thoughts, after all! -- and refocus on what is actually happening, what I can actually do. HTH.
 
buckeyegirl said:
Thanks - I do have 3 dogs and they do help to a certain degree when I'm home, and I am on Welbutrin as an anti-depressant. I think I'll check out Amazon for some self-help books. Can't hurt, I guess.

Thanks,
Heidi
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I do recommend meditation, and reading about mindfulness. Here's a book title suggestion: The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
 
Well Said Bobbi-B. I totally agree. The fact you posted about it shows that you recognize it and want to solve it. You came to a good place. There are so many cool people on here !!

I used to be the EXACT same way. I thought for some reason that I wasn't being a valid human unless I was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off from 7am to 11pm, Mon-Sun. I would take on everything that was thrown at me , and then would worry my butt off about it all. I ended up sick with worry & Anxiety, literally, so, I stopped. I thought of it like this:

Having your whole city flooded & ruined by a hurricane like New Orleans, and having absolutely no where to go is something to stress & worry about.

I always tell myself: 'Having some bills, a bad hair day, too much work on your desk, a car/truck broken down, crabby boss, a zit on your nose ( like I have today ) or just too much to do in general is NOT something to stress about. I try to enjoy it. We have jobs, roofs over our heads, a great circle of friends, loving family,shoulders to cry on, freedom, Cathe to keep us in shape,,,,,;)' Granted if something negative comes my way like a sickness, or extra expense for example, I do the best I can with what I have to get it taken care of.
A perfect quote that I once saw: "Everyday above ground is a good day" So true.
Please get the book: "The Secret" by Rhonda Burnes. The Power of Positive thinking. It's a life changer. It really put things into perspective for me. I still have bad days sometimes, but then again, who doesn't right ?

Kick that worry in it's ass !

Morgs
 
The books:

1. Full Catastrophe Living - Jon Kabat Zinn (even if you're not stressed, many face pain or illness at some point in their lives) The accompanying yoga is easy, relaxing.

2. Wherever You Go, There You Are - Jon Kabat Zinn (the first of his I read, twice, mindfulness from a western point of view)

For life:

3. Get a dog. Maybe not a terrier, maybe a basset hound, seriously :)

Linda
just kidding about the terrier!

edit: one can not have too many dogs, cats, or books.....
 
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You might benefit from a book called "ConZentration" it helps you focus your mind and turn down those worrisome thoughts by gently reminding yourself what you do want and there are meditation exercises that do help.
 
I used to be that way too -- much less now. For me, I believe I learned it from my mother. Occasionally, I'll be asked how my mother is (she's 81 - I'm 48), and I jokingly reply that she'll live for another 20 years because she's got too much worrying left to do!

For me, it helped to think of it as a habit to break. When I would catch myself obsessing over something, I'd just make myself stop and do something else. Being able to recognize when it's happening takes a little practice, though.

Just don't despair. It most likely is not a physical thing, and you probably don't need to be medicated (last resort, really). It is quite likely that it is a way for your mind to keep itself occupied. Think about it. When you're really busy, you don't have time to worry, do you? Does your worry seem to accelerate at times that you are not busy (bored)?
If you're a Type A, you need challenge. If you don't have challenge, your mind will create it. (IMO)
 
JeanneMarie said:
My solution to worrying is to work on my faith.

It doesn't matter what you have faith in, but having faith gives you the resources to deal with whatever situation comes up that you feel worry over.

My biggest worrying situation concerns my DS being in downtown ATL attending college. It seems that every day I hear of a mugging, car jacking, robbery or stabbing right in the area where his school is. It is enough to drive me batty.

I have discovered that I have to have faith that things will be okay. I can't control anything by worrying. My higher power gives me the strength and peace of mind to put myself at ease and let things be what they may.

Good luck. I know that worry can cause so many issues from health problems to anxiety. It's definitely not worth it!
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Completely agree with you. :)
 
You asked about book ideas. Try "When things fall apart" by Pema Choldron (sp?) I'm not a worrier by nature so I don't know if this will help but I can't imagine it will hurt. ;)

I'll warn you the book is based on Buddhist principles, but I don't think it interfere with any religious beliefs you may have.
 
One of the most effective treatments for anxiety is CBT -- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. No drugs, it takes at most 6 weeks of sessions with a trained psychologist, and can help change the way you respond to the events of your life. A good CB therapist can help you recognize the negative patterns in your thinking, and give you specific strategies for changing those patterns. It has been proven to be highly effective in the long run, and I am a fan since it doesn't involve medication (which can be very helpful in many circumstances but I generally prefer to try the non-med options first). If the self-help options don't work, you might consider finding a therapist in your area.
 
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