How do you rebel as an adult?

[BAM]

Kids/teens are great at rebellion although I wouldn't know cuz I haven't gone through that phase yet.........but I'm still hopeful! As an adult I recall a period when I wouldn't say no to people so I was beginning to take a stand. I was at a party and my friend brought her brother along. We were having a great time but she had to leave and asked if I would bring her brother home so he could stay longer. Well I was in assertive mode so I said that I wouldn't be able to and she looked at me like what was the big deal since I wasn't going too far out of my way. I was so hooked on taking a stand that I wasn't considering that perhaps that wasn't the occasion to take a stand on since I was enjoying his company. Another time some guy at work that I hardly knew asked me to drive him somewhere after work. I really didn't know how far away that town was. One of my co-workers told me how far it was and that he should have told me that to begin with. She suggested that I just tell him I couldn't. (Plus, he was a little bit skanky but I was trying to be nice.) I called him and told him I couldn't and he said "now what am I supposed to do?" Again, not sure if that was the time to assert my new found "no" word. I was saying no to EVERYONE who I wanted to in the past. For me this was being more rebellious than assertive because I was rebelling against my "good girl" image where people couldn't imagine me not being "nice." Currently my biggest rebellious moves are not wiping the shower down before getting out (I just want to attend to business and leave) - of course I will suffer because mold and mildew grow quickly. I may not do the dishes for a couple of days - and someone will stop by unexpectedly. I won't do housework for awhile because I'm sick and tired of it - then I get sick and tired at breathing in all the accumulated dust and get exhausted by trying to find things buried in piles. So how can you rebel as an adult and not have the consequences come back to bite you in the *ss???? There's got to be a way.

Bam

 

[Carolyn B]

Bam,

That is an excellent question! I have struggled with that myself and still haven't found the answer.

For me it's a little easier with people I don't know - like the ones you described who are asking for rides and other favors.

It is harder with people I know - especially family - who expect you to act a certain way based on knowing you all your life.

I read a book once (I think it was called The Dance of Anger) that said that when you decide to be different the world shouts "change back" because you are messing up what they have become comfortable with.

My problem is always trying to make people feel happy/comfortable and to like me (and with clients to have them like my work) even if it is as my own expense.

It really gets old, so I would love to "rebel." Maybe someone will have some great ideas on how to do that!

Carolyn

 

[TeTe]

The only way you can really rebel is when you don't CARE about the consequences.

But rebellion is going against society and/or authority. Doesn't sound like that's the issue in your cases. What you're describing is merely standing up for yourself and just doing what you want to do. Nothing wrong with that. But if you're going to beat yourself either way, I'd choose the one that is at least less work or involvement on my part!

 

[BAM]

Carolyn, boy have I been down the road of changing with others not comfortable with "my" choices. I have gotten a lot stronger in my wisdom and I just say "too bad" to them but I feel like there's stuff inside of me that just wants to say, (well I'm sure you could guess what that is,) to others and just do what "I" feel like doing.

TeTe, as I mentioned, I never rebelled as a teenager. I've got mother issues going on so there's definitely a need to do things that are for me and me alone and go against perceived expectations placed upon me. The closest I've come to doing that is in the manner I described in my original post which are definitely not very rebellious worthy but it was the closest I came. I'm ready to leave all of my responsibilities behind and take a cross country trip. So who's arm can I twist to come with me?

Bam

 

[LaughingWater]

I don't rebel, but I definitely do my own thing, and I don't worry about what others may think. I also have well defined boundaries, meaning no one can guilt or push me into doing something I don't want to do. (My mother admits to using varying degrees of manipulation with her loved ones, and she affectionately curses me for being completely immune to it. I wish I had a dime for every time she said, "Oh, and you...you just do what you damn well please, don't you!" )

So, forget about the word "rebel." You just want a stronger sense of self.