Just thought I'd add a little towards this since I also experienced these feelings for years. For one I believe this is a good time to get to know yourself instead of someone else...just while things are slow. I feel like I searched for years to find new friends because of situations changing in my life...friends having kids, getting married, focused on a boyfriend etc. I had my therapist introduce me to a couple girls she thought I might have something in common with. One of them is still a good friend today even though she is not my "best" friend. But today I don't think I have one "best" friend. I have multiple friends I go to for different things. Another friend of mine now I met through a different friend. I'm so for "the more, the merrier". I totally know the feeling of everyone being "too busy". I spent a good year plus...going out with people I'd consider acquaintances which at times felt uncomfortable and a little depressing but at least I was getting out. Things really can change and then swing back and forth. When you are feeling better just do things, join clubs, try to meet friends through the internet. Find a good hobby. There are lots of things we can do that are interesting...which make us interesting...not just to other people but to ourselves which curbs that loneliness. If you can't go out a lot...learn some spanish on the computer...anything that makes things more interesting.
How do you deal with loneliness?
- Thread starter BAM
- Start date
naughtoj
Cathlete
Double, triple ditto everything Julie said.
I don't think this is an issue of "coming to terms" with having no friends. I am happy and content with myself and I DO pursue my own hobbies and interests BUT sometimes it just gets dang lonely doing them all by yourself!!! That is all.
That said, depression could be. I suffer from it as well but am finally seeing the light thru medication. I tried talk therapy but to be really honest it wasn't doing much for me. It would have in the long term but unfortunately insurance would rather medicate me than give me talk therapy. That is OK for me right now though because without the medication I don't know if I would be OK still right now....
Something to think about if it applies to you.....
Wish we lived in the same state...lol
I don't think this is an issue of "coming to terms" with having no friends. I am happy and content with myself and I DO pursue my own hobbies and interests BUT sometimes it just gets dang lonely doing them all by yourself!!! That is all.
That said, depression could be. I suffer from it as well but am finally seeing the light thru medication. I tried talk therapy but to be really honest it wasn't doing much for me. It would have in the long term but unfortunately insurance would rather medicate me than give me talk therapy. That is OK for me right now though because without the medication I don't know if I would be OK still right now....
Something to think about if it applies to you.....
Wish we lived in the same state...lol
Bobbi
Cathlete
That's funny. I too thought of a loving canine companion as well.
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't responded since my last post yesterday morning but you all have a part in the reason why. A friend of mine was visiting from out of state and yesterday, at the last minute, I joined him and his wife and their friends for dinner and then out after that. Even though he was the only one I would know (I had never met his wife), and I was tired, I had the support of all of you in my mind saying "just go!" :7 So I went and had no expectations of anything outside of getting out of the house. It was nice. I only knew my friend in the group and all the others had a shared history and were getting caught up on their things. I included myself in conversation as much as I could but often was just kind of on the sidelines as the others were into their own conversations. Please don't interpret this as me feeling bad for myself as I am just stating the situation factually. They were all very nice but I think when you're aware of how it feels to be the only one who really isn't part of a group, you are more sensitive to feeling alone. If ever I've been in a group and there was a person who was meeting everyone for the first time, I always have made sure that they were a part of the conversation at all times. Again, because I've felt what it's like to not be a part of a group, I make a conscious effort to include others.
Bottom line, I did go out and at least it was a change from my regular scenery. Did I feel alone amongst them? Yes, but I don't think it's because I wasn't trying. I really did stick my face into the group but it was what it was and I'm still glad I went. I know not every outing is going to produce more than its face value but as I know, nothing can change if you continue to do things the same way. I have to say that many times last night, thoughts of all of you kept running in my mind and I couldn't wait to get back here and share this with all of you. You have all made me feel less alone. :*
I will respond to your other posts in a little while. I'm still half asleep and I'm going to grab something to eat. Thanks again for all of your support! ((((( BIG )))))
Bam
A friend of mine was visiting from out of state and yesterday, at the last minute, I joined him and his wife and their friends for dinner and then out after that. Even though he was the only one I would know (I had never met his wife), and I was tired, I had the support of all of you in my mind saying "just go!" :7 So I went and had no expectations of anything outside of getting out of the house. It was nice. I only knew my friend in the group and all the others had a shared history and were getting caught up on their things. I included myself in conversation as much as I could but often was just kind of on the sidelines as the others were into their own conversations. Please don't interpret this as me feeling bad for myself as I am just stating the situation factually. They were all very nice but I think when you're aware of how it feels to be the only one who really isn't part of a group, you are more sensitive to feeling alone. If ever I've been in a group and there was a person who was meeting everyone for the first time, I always have made sure that they were a part of the conversation at all times. Again, because I've felt what it's like to not be a part of a group, I make a conscious effort to include others.Bottom line, I did go out and at least it was a change from my regular scenery. Did I feel alone amongst them? Yes, but I don't think it's because I wasn't trying. I really did stick my face into the group but it was what it was and I'm still glad I went. I know not every outing is going to produce more than its face value but as I know, nothing can change if you continue to do things the same way. I have to say that many times last night, thoughts of all of you kept running in my mind and I couldn't wait to get back here and share this with all of you. You have all made me feel less alone. :*
I will respond to your other posts in a little while. I'm still half asleep and I'm going to grab something to eat. Thanks again for all of your support! ((((( BIG )))))
Bam
Julie, thank you for all of your suggestions. A lot of what you said I am either doing or have done. Thanks for your list. It is quite helpful! I will definitely grab this months issue of Oprah's magazine. It sounds perfect!
Sundari, I know all about being your own best friend. YOU truly are the only reliable person in your life. I certainly understand about being at peace with ourselves and our lives. I am working on all the aspects of my life that have created my health issues thus leading up to this lonely state. It's all a process and when you are dealing with a lot of it on your own, sometimes it can get to you and the area that is really hitting hard on me right now is the loneliness. I'm just trying to get through this rough period.
Divagirl, believe me, I know myself sooooo well that I don't think I've left any stone unturned, lol. I don't have expectations of finding a best friend. I know they are extremely hard to come by these days. I know you had suggested taking up some online studies but unfortunately I'm not able to concentrate and focus on something like that right now but that is a great suggestion!
Janice, I too have done so many things by myself. I've gone alone to the movies, shopping, fairs, etc. but like you said, "....sometimes it just gets dang lonely doing them all by yourself!!! That is all..." Ain't that the truth!!!
Lisa, I'm glad your animals have helped you in your life and I can see Bobbi is a supporter of this also.
I appreciate all of your suggestions regarding the mental/emotional aspect of this. I assure you that I am addressing this along with all of my health issues. I have been very proactive in my health for many years. Unfortunately, I allowed the situations in my life to become bigger than me and now I am where I am. People become lonely for various reasons and a friendly smile or hug or someone just saying "I care", can go a long way. It would be wonderful if more people in this world became more aware of how a little gesture could go a long way. I know there are lots of caring people out there. Just look at all of you who have responded to this thread and everyone on this entire forum. Thank you for taking the time to be caring individuals. You are ALL gifts!
Bam
Sundari, I know all about being your own best friend. YOU truly are the only reliable person in your life. I certainly understand about being at peace with ourselves and our lives. I am working on all the aspects of my life that have created my health issues thus leading up to this lonely state. It's all a process and when you are dealing with a lot of it on your own, sometimes it can get to you and the area that is really hitting hard on me right now is the loneliness. I'm just trying to get through this rough period.
Divagirl, believe me, I know myself sooooo well that I don't think I've left any stone unturned, lol. I don't have expectations of finding a best friend. I know they are extremely hard to come by these days. I know you had suggested taking up some online studies but unfortunately I'm not able to concentrate and focus on something like that right now but that is a great suggestion!
Janice, I too have done so many things by myself. I've gone alone to the movies, shopping, fairs, etc. but like you said, "....sometimes it just gets dang lonely doing them all by yourself!!! That is all..." Ain't that the truth!!!
Lisa, I'm glad your animals have helped you in your life and I can see Bobbi is a supporter of this also.
I appreciate all of your suggestions regarding the mental/emotional aspect of this. I assure you that I am addressing this along with all of my health issues. I have been very proactive in my health for many years. Unfortunately, I allowed the situations in my life to become bigger than me and now I am where I am. People become lonely for various reasons and a friendly smile or hug or someone just saying "I care", can go a long way. It would be wonderful if more people in this world became more aware of how a little gesture could go a long way. I know there are lots of caring people out there. Just look at all of you who have responded to this thread and everyone on this entire forum. Thank you for taking the time to be caring individuals. You are ALL gifts!
Bam
Bobbi
Cathlete
That's the spirit, BAM! Way to take control of your life. I wish you great good luck!
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
allwildgirl
Cathlete
"...a friendly smile or hug or someone just saying "I care", can go a long way."
*smiles at BAM, gives her a hug and says "we care"* And by the way, we miss you in the <--- thread!
*smiles at BAM, gives her a hug and says "we care"*
And by the way, we miss you in the <--- thread!Hi everyone. I know there are a lot of people who are experiencing the same feelings that I am so I was wondering if anyone would be interested in having a daily check-in or a thread for those of us who would like to connect with others who are in the same situation. I know there are other check-in's here and everyone on the boards have been extremely supportive but sometimes connecting with others experiencing what you are going through can be quite comforting. I know I would benefit by it and I'm hoping that others would too! If you're not comfortable posting your response openly here, please feel free to send me a pm. I think this could be a great step in helping us know that there is a safe place we can go and share our similar feelings. Hope to be talking to all of you soon!
Bam
(P.S. This is not to take away anything from any of the other threads here at all. You all are truly a gift! Judging from the number of views on this thread, I thought this might be helpful.)
Bam
(P.S. This is not to take away anything from any of the other threads here at all. You all are truly a gift! Judging from the number of views on this thread, I thought this might be helpful.)
I just thought I'd bring this thread up to the forefront this evening in hopes that those interested will read my previous (above) message and perhaps want to partake in the type of thread that I mentioned. I think a lot of us could benefit from it so I hope to hear from those who might be interested. Thanks for listening.....again!
Bam
Bam