How do I help them??

[naughtoj]

My brother and sister........cope with my dad's terminal illness?? My brother is falling apart. He broke down today. Cried. It was horrible. He has no one other than us. Addicted to drugs. What can I do to help him thru? It breaks my heart. I feel I can deal, but what about him?? What will he do? He has been so close to my dad....:-( :-( ;( ;( I just don't know how to deal with this, want to crawl in a hole.....;( ;(

 

[dhcsim]

Spend as much time w/ him as you can. The drugs call your name big time in situations like this, especially if there is noone "holding you up" so to speak. At least they did for some people I used to know. Do you trust him enough to let him stay w/ you on the days that you don't work? Maybe going out to eat or just watching a movie at home or something? I feel for your whole family. I will be praying for you.

 

[naughtoj]

I just don't know what to do for him. I mean, he is having such a hard time. It is like all of a sudden he realized that our dad is going to die, for sure. I hope he doesn't go deeper into drugs. My father is going downhill. Effects of chemo and radiation are starting to show. I told my mother today to please see a pulmonologist for the tumor in her lungs. I am so scared that the same thing will end up happening to her. She is scared. I hope she goes. ;( ;(

 

[Mckmain]

Janice....I do agree with Heather about your brother. It is just so hard to fight drugs...my heart goes out to you in so many ways. My Dad died 8 years ago and besides being my Dad he was such a good friend to me. I have awesome memories even when I miss him terribly. I will lift you and your family up in my prayers....Carole

 

[dhcsim]

Janice,

On the flip side of the coin, he also needs to remember that he is not the only one affected. Maybe you can subtly (sp?) mention that EVERYONE (meaning you AND him) need to stay strong, especially for BOTH of your parents. Maybe that will keep him from wanting to go in deeper. I hope I make sense. LOL. I just spent 2 hours steam cleaning my carpets.

 

[naughtoj]

Thanks Heather and Carole....

I had a really bad night last night. Some days are better than others for all of us I guess....

 

[milagrosepul]

Janice, I know you posted last night but I just wnated to suggest something. I agree with Heather and Carole also. When my mom was in the hospital for months my youger sister fell into a horrible cycle with drugs. I wish I knew then that I could've helped her by just being by her side.

Allow your brother to stay with you for a couple of days and not any place he can run into trouble. It will also help you to have him around. Support each other.

My thoughts are with you Janice, and your family

 

[Fit_mommy]

Let them both know that you are there for them. Try to spend more time with them. Your entire family needs to band together right now...especially during the holidays...and not only for the sad stuff but for the happy times too! MAKE happy times. Get people together for NO REASON just to have some fun. Try to not always focus on the fact that your dad is sick...get your brother and sister to do the same. Your dad wants you guys to be happy! Try to do this for him if not yourselves.

HTH.

 

[ColleenM]

It's tough. All I can say is be there and listen when you can, offer support when you can. My sisters and I had great moments altho through tears watching old videos and pictures and going down memory lane while my dad was sick.

 

[naughtoj]

Thanks. Well, my brother staying with me is NOT an option, for various reasons that I do not wish to go into here. All I can do I guess is tell him I am here for him. He is just devastated. He puts up this front, like all is OK. We know it is not. He can't deal with his own emotions...hence the drugs. I just wish I could make things different for him, but I know it is his battle to fight. It is especially hard with him cuz he is basically like my twin, one year older but we went thru all of life in the same grade/school and even shared the same job for a while. It is just so devastating, hard enough watching a parent so sick but then to also watch your other family members hurt so badly...;( Ahhh well, going to try to do something productive and healthy today...:7 Talk to ya'll later....