0 Push ups
Cathlete
12 - Truths about men
1. If they put a man on the moon they should be able to put them all there.
2. Never let a man's mind wander, it to small to be out on its own.
3. Go for younger men; you might as well they never mature anyway.
4. Men are all the same; they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
5. If you want a committed man; look in a mental hospital.
6. Women don''t make fools of men; most of them are the do it yourself type
7. Sadly all men are created equal.
8. Scientist have just discovered something that can do the work of five men; a women.
9. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
10. If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach; your aiming to high.
11. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
12. Husbands are like children; fine if they are someone elses.
*** Hmm I really don't think any of those were funny! *** LOL
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
1. If they put a man on the moon they should be able to put them all there.
2. Never let a man's mind wander, it to small to be out on its own.
3. Go for younger men; you might as well they never mature anyway.
4. Men are all the same; they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
5. If you want a committed man; look in a mental hospital.
6. Women don''t make fools of men; most of them are the do it yourself type
7. Sadly all men are created equal.
8. Scientist have just discovered something that can do the work of five men; a women.
9. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
10. If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach; your aiming to high.
11. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
12. Husbands are like children; fine if they are someone elses.
*** Hmm I really don't think any of those were funny! *** LOL
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
