Help Moms! I am losing it!

Jennifit

Jennifit

Cathlete
OK,

I know I have posted before about my 2 year old twins, but lately I have been really losing my mind...They have been sick back and forth for 2 weeks now, always refusing to take their antibiotics, crying all the time...making me pull my hair out. I feel lost and lonely. They go to a class 2 hours a week and I have a sitter for 3 hours one day a week, so I shouldn't be complaining, but I just feel overwhelmed, tired, and lost with mySELF. My DH works a LOT, so I am with them from morning until bed time most days.
Is this normal to feel this way? What did you do to combat the winter blahs of parenting? Thanks for letting me vent.
 
Jennifit, I have been there, my twins are now 10, it does get better. Believe it or not! I remember the feelings of isolation, especially in the winter, when it is so hard to get everyone out of the house, by yourself. I wish I had some answers for you, I remember just watching the clock waiting for bed time, Everyday is long, the years pass quickly, Just wanted you to know I can sympathize with you and vent any time you want! Mary
 
Normal, normal, normal!

Believe me, there would be something wrong with you if you didn't feel this way! Kids can be frustrating, and they're a ton of work!

It feels like forever -- the stress and annoyance just never stops. But yours are at a really tough age, and you've got twice the trouble. I don't have twins, but both of mine have "issues," so it's been a challenge over the years. Just hang in there and take breaks whenever you can. Ignore the housework as much as possible. Don't feel like you have to be perfect and please complain as much as you need to!
 
ita w/ previous posters. im a sahm and my girls are 6, 4, and 3months old. i feel your pain!:p
cant add much to what they said, just wanted to offer my sympathies!
 
What Kate said. I have 3 girls-9, 6, and 2. Christmas vacation almost killed me! The 2 year old is the worst-screams like she's on fire when she doesn't get her way, which is quite frequently. She's very verbal and headstrong, to boot. WHen I get frustrated and call my husband at work, he just starts singing the lyrics to country songs that talk about how, one day, I'm going to miss all of this. And we will. But it's definitely a challenge. We visited some friends this weekend with 5 kids under 5-5 year old twins, 19 month old twins, and a 7 month old! When I asked how she could be so patient with them she said, "I go to work!":)

Take heart, it'll be ok. And vent away! That's what we're here for!
 
I love you guys! Thank you so much for your kind words - I am glad I am not the only one. Motherhood is the toughest job on the planet. Thank you, you really helped me.
 
It is that hardest job in the world. My boys are now 7 and 10 and much of those early years are a blur. The first year with my second was the hardest year of my life and when you are living it you think it will never pass, but thankfully it does. I recently saw "Marley and Me" and one of the parts that so resonated with me is when she's home with two small kids and is totally overwhelmed and trying to explain to her husband that it isn't that she doesn't want to be home with her kids she's just totally overwhelmed and no one tells you are hard it's going to be.

It's fairly recent in human history that people are so separated from each other in their daily lives. For most of history, women lived close together in communities where they shared their days and their children had each other and other adults around constantly.

Do you know another Mom in your situation? One of the things I did when my kids was little was get together once a week with the another Mom. We alternated houses each week and the visiting Mom watched the kids while the host Mom got to do whatever she wanted, at home, for a few hours. That can be to clean, or read, work on a project, take a bubble bath, whatever you choose. I've known Moms who get together and spend the day cleaning one of the houses, or baking. There are lots of options, but somehow just having another adult there to interact with makes a huge difference regardless of what you do with the time.
 
Well I'm ashamed to say : ) that I only have one (18 mo.'s and I stay at home) and I have felt EXACTLY the same. My husband is in his 3rd year of residency and it's better this year, but last year when mine was very young and my husband worked all the time, I was very unhappy. My son was and still can be very difficult, lots of crying, etc. and ever since he turned a year old he gets a cold every 2 weeks. The best thing I ever did was start switching with 2 of my friends so that we each watch the others' kids at the same time once a week. So we each get 2 mornings off and only have to watch the others' kids 1 morning - it's great! But then they get sick so much I don't get that some weeks! : )

I agree with Peaceful Rainbow...we weren't meant to be so secluded with our kids. My husband is in the Air Force and we live 4 hours away from any family. I can tell you I never once wanted to live within 10 hours of my in-laws or parents, but I would live next door to any of them now. ha ha!

Well, I know how you feel and so we must be normal! : )
 
Very normal. And you've got double the trouble. You need more help. 5 hours a week to yourself is not very much. You should get involved in some things with them to get yourself out and hanging out with some grownups.

I only have 1, and I worked full-time, and I was going nuts too. Still do, and she's over 8. But now it's more about arguing.

It does get better.
 
Hey, I feel like that and I only have 1:D. I got 1yr off for mat leave and I was looking forward to going back to work if you could imagine that. My DH sometimes works long hours and is away alot on weekends and sometimes I just go stir crazy. One thing that I did do alot was go to the YMCA. They have some free drop-in programs that are really good so it helps to get some adult interaction. You might look into that.

I really like the other suggestion of trading babysitting duties with other Moms. Its free and allows you to either get errands done or even your w/o's in.
 
I don't have any specific advice, but I can sympathize and empathize. My twins are 15. It will get easier -- or at least different -- every age and stage has unique challenges and blessings. Motherhood is very tough, and mothering twins is its own brand of tough, but it is well worth it.

If you begin to feel too overwhelmed, talk to your DH about alternatives. Two year old twins can be very challenging. Hang in there!
 
I was there too ! Not with twins (that's very tough I'm sure !) but with had 3 in 4 years and stayed home also. Had a travelling sales person as a DH and he never wanted to go anywhere nor do anything with the kids.

I found that making friends with other SAHM's was a godsend. The kids enjoy it and you can too. And the idea of being able to take a little more time off if you can drop them at a play date is great too.

We are always here for a vent - and might I add that I am feeling that way about the "adults" at work too so it isn't even just that you are home with kids !

Want to share also that Oprah's show featured a mother today who was feeling like she was losing herself - it happens very easily when you stay home with your kids. Oprah said being a SAHM is THE HARDEST JOB ON THE PLANET. Yep, I have to agree now that I've been back in the workforce for 10 years and have no children at home. I will always remember the good and the bad, BUT the good still outweighs the bad IMO so hang in there because you will be glad you were there for them. My children tell me they are happy I stayed home too. (I feel fortunate to have had the choice !)

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you . . . ;)
 
Oh yeah...I hear ya. :) We started having children when DH was a 2nd year resident, so the bills were paid (barely), but he was never home. It was like being a single mom. Oy, the tears.

Hang in there. As they get older and a little more independent, you will have more time to yourself (and you may even be able to hear yourself think once again :p ).
 
My DS is 18 months. My DD is 4. I'm at home with my kids, too. I can sympathize 100% with you. One of the things I do, and it sounds silly, is listen to Trace Adkins song, "You're Gonna Miss This." I go in our office, shut the door (I know the kids will be fine for a few moments) and I turn up the music loud and just zone out for a moment. Inevitably, the song lyrics make me cry, I forget what I'm pissed off about, and I can go back and enjoy being with my kids. It doesn't work all the time (what does?!), but sometimes it's enough.

I've also been fond, lately, of going in the bathroom and shutting the door. I make phone calls from there! ha! ;) It's the only place my kids can't bug me, ... at least for a few moments. I've also been known to go to go to our bedroom, grab a pillow, and scream into it for a few seconds. My own personal temper tantrum.

Not sure if I was any help ... but just know there is someone else out there in the same boat as you. It's tough being a Mom. It's one of the hardest things out there. But it's sooooooo worth it. :D
 
Kara, that's the song I was talking about in my post! My husband always sings it to me when I'm stressed. Have you listened to the lyrics of Darius Rucker's new song? It's called, It Won't Be Like This For Long. And Kenny Chesney's There Goes My Life. When I hear those lyrics I always cry-they are so true.

Oh, the joys of motherhood!
 
kgalas said:
Kara, that's the song I was talking about in my post! My husband always sings it to me when I'm stressed. Have you listened to the lyrics of Darius Rucker's new song? It's called, It Won't Be Like This For Long. And Kenny Chesney's There Goes My Life. When I hear those lyrics I always cry-they are so true.

Oh, the joys of motherhood!
Click to expand...

Klaudia,

Yes! I only read thru a few of the posts, then posted mine and went back and noticed you had written the same thing I had. Don't you love that Trace Adkins song?! Thanks for the tip about similar songs. ;)
 
I've only got 1 who's 6 months old, and I feel your pain. I can't imagine twins!

It sounds like you definitely need more YOU time. It doesn't make you selfish for needing it. We're all better moms when we take time to refresh and recharge without our kids. Is there any kind of a day program or anyone that you could leave them with one day a week? Can you do daycare or something like that for one day?

In absence of that, whenever I feel overwhelmed, I watch an episode of Jon and Kate + Eight, and that always makes me feel better! LOL! Just imagine what you're going through with 8 kids! It always makes me feel like it's not so bad. :)
 
Do you have a "Moms Club" in your area? My friend is a member and the kids have play dates, field trips, and even a babysitting coop. It is a very supportive group of nice women (and men actually).

Also, are you maintaining relationships with your friends? It is easy to get wrapped up in your kids and forget that you need a life too. Your friends may also be willing to take the kids of your hands for a little while you take a shower in peace or vacuum in the nude or whatever it is you might do with a little free time. ;) I have a very handsome little friend who I like to take the movies when my friend needs a break from the mommy duties (and if she vacuums in the nude I'd prefer not to know).
 
Wow, twins. You have every right to be overwhelmed! I have three boys, ages 7, 4 and three months. Even with school and preschool, I still get overwhelmed when I have all three sometimes! Don't feel ashamed. When they are sick it makes things so much harder because you seem to lose track of time and schedules fly out the window. When you're feeling extra stressed, can you call a relative to help you out? Or possibly get the sitter to sit an extra day so you can take a break? Our local rec center has childcare and is very reasonable rate wise. Maybe you could join your local rec center or Y and when you are feeling stressed, go work out and get some time to yourself. Just don't be ashamed to ask for help. It was a tough lesson for me to learn because I felt like asking for help somehow made me seem like a less capable mom. Instead, when I reached out to my mom to see if she could help out with the kids from time to time so I could have some time for me, it made her feel extra useful and she admired my recognizing that I needed a time out. Motherhood is such a blessing, but it's also so very challenging. We'd be doing it wrong if it wasn't!! So know you are not alone. Asking for help or seeking advice just makes you a better mom!! :) ((hugs))
 
I know exactly how you feel. I have a 22 month old and an 8 month old. My kids were both really sick over Christmas and it was terrible. I am going back to work Feb 2 and I am almost ashamed to admit that I am looking forward to it. I love my children dearly but they are starting to drive me crazy. I am a teacher so I can get them at 3 and then just do all of my grading, lessons and paperwork when they go to bed. That will give me close to 5 hours with them.

Try and see if you can get someone to come over and watch the kids for a little while so you can do something for you. It can even be a high school student. Every little bit helps.
 
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