Help Ladies! How would handle a cheating boyfriend

nspire

nspire

Cathlete
I have a funny feeling my boyfriend may be cheating and am not sure how to handle it! I've known this guy for about 10yrs, but we've only been dating close to two years. I thought our relationship was really good. We talk numerous times a day, and see each other all the time.

Well, last night I called him because we always spend the weekend together and he never returned any of my calls. I had this feeling in my gut (I know you know what I mean) and went by his house at an ungodly hour(which is not like me at all, but) because this feeling just kept nagging me and he was not home.

I haven't talked with him yet to find out where he was and was wondering once he does call should I say nothing about knowing he wasn't home and let him hang himself? I'm really bumbed right now because I really thought he was the one. He's always talking about getting married and us moving in together. However, now I'm not sure how to handle this. Please help!
 
I've been married 13 years and if this guy is cheating run like the wind. I'd just ask him what he was up to and see if he claims to have been at home. Don't necessarily assume the worst but be open to the possibility. Depending on how he answers confront him. Don't dance around it and become some suspicious stalker. He's not worth it. And you'll become someone you don't recognize. Good luck!
 
Face to face so you can see his reaction, simply ask him outright. You will be able to tell right away, especially if he cannot look you in the face. If he is a cheat, the trust is gone, and unless you have the patience and the heart of a saint, run the other way, because it will never be the same after a partner cheats. Just my experience.
 
Just because he wasn't home, it doesn't mean he was cheating. Maybe he was out with some of his guy friends. If you want to keep a guy, you gotta let him hang with his boys sometimes. Don't accuse him of anything. Just ask him what he did and if he had fun. See how he acts and keep alert...but you can't assume the worst, you'll make yourself nuts.
 
Thanks, JCM, that was my original thought. He talked so much crap about being cheated on in the past and how he wouldn't do that, and I really believed him. I'm actually in awe right now, but I'll wait to see if he claims he was home or not.

Oh, don't worry, I don't plan on becoming a suspicious stalker either. A part of me wants to play the game with him, but I'm too old for that crap.
 
DSS62467, that's the funny thing about it, we've always been open when it comes to going out with our friends. He hangs with the guys and I hang out with my girlfriends, and I thought we never really had a trust issue. However, he never came home, and my mother always told me, "don't nothing stay open that late but legs", anyway, I'll wait to see what answer he gives before I react.

Tneah, I agree, I don't think I'll be able to trust him if I know he's lying.
 
All I can say is ask him what he did last night and then judge his reaction. If you don't buy his answer trust your gut and run far, far away fast. My first husband cheated on me and it was terrible. No one should have to go through that. Please keep us posted as we will be thinking of you.
 
mabdoo,

Thanks, I'll keep you guys posted! I feel like I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting for him to call. I'm going to the gym, then to get my nails done to keep myself busy. I'm almost anticipating the call just to see if he tells a lie or not.
 
Maybe he went out with his friends, had too much to drink and didn't think it was a good idea to drive home? I don't know what time the bars close where you live, but they're open until 4:00 here. It's not uncommon for me to get a text from my BF at 5:00 a.m. just pulling himself onto his friend's couch, just to say "hey" and then pass out. I'm completely cool with that, because I've learned I can trust him.

How do you know he never came home? Did you stake out his apt?
 
Please don't get the wrong idea, I'm not stalking. I ended up going by his place last night and again this morning, because I just wanted to be sure to have a leg to stand on if he decides to lie. I understand the part about having too much too drink and all, I don't mind it. OMG! let me leave this alone! I'm starting to sound pathetic to myself. Thanks for the reality check ladies, however, I will keep you informed as to what happens.

This is so unlike me, why am I even doing this.
 
If you guys always spend the weekend together, and he wanted to hang with the boys, why wouldn't he tell you that? I can see why you would be suspicious since nothing was said at all. Just be careful. If I found out I was being cheated on, I would end it....boyfriend or spouse - I won't play second fiddle to any woman.
 
I agree with Reese777. don't play second fiddle to anyone. I let my ex-hubby know right where the door was. At the time I had no idea he was cheating but then I had this really weird feeling in my gut. He is a cop and had to work late like three or four nights in a row which was unusual. Our entire marriage disintegrated in 2 weeks. I was devastated. He was so guilty and "felt bad for me" that he gave me everything, even the house! He was with the much younger girl for a total of 4 weeks. I was quite upset at the time and lost 22 pounds in 21 days. Thank goodness it all worked out the way it did because now I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters. My ex just got remarried a few months ago. His wife postponed the wedding 3 times because he was cheating on her. I guess she doesn't mind playing second fiddle.
 
Color me crazy but if my partner of two years dropped off the face of the earth for the weekend I would find that a little odd, especially if we were in the habit of spending the weekend together. As someone else said, if he wanted to spend time with friends, or even by himself, why would he not just say that? Seems to me like he might be trying to say something without having to say it, and I don't think your concerns are out of line.

Sorry you are going through this. Keep us posted!
 
Kick him to the curb ...

... if he really was cheating! But don't do it until you are sure that's what happened.

Maybe he had a craving for midnight diner food... maybe a friend of his fell seriously ill (or was too over-served to drive home). There really are some legitimate explanations.

I wouldn't come out and accuse him of cheating. But I'd definitely have my eyes and ears open for clues that this may be the case.

Good luck, and I hope it really was nothing.
 
Ok Ladies, my suspicions were right! That mothersucker lied and with care and concern in his voice. Ok, he calls and is instantly worried because I should like crap. I've been sick off and on with a flu bug and my voice is gone. So of course, he tries to sound concern saying he wanted to come over and take care of me. So I told him, well I tried to contact you last night a few times and you never returned my calls and asked him what happened.

He responds, I was showing property to a couple then went to get something to eat, and watched a few games while I was there. So I ask, what time did you get home? Oh, uhm about 10:30pm was his response.

I kept the conversation cool and he suggested we go out for the day. As of yet, he has no idea I know he wasn't even at home(what a loser). I plan to drop the bomb when we see one another so I can see his reaction. BTW, there was no mention of hanging out with friends or nothing like that. I've decided to put the cards on the table and tell him I know he lied. Men can be jerks!! UGH!!!
 
Oh, I'm so sorry. But it sounds like you have the right attitude. Do let us know what happens. However, it's better to find this out now rather than later - like after you're married. Again, I'm so sorry. And I feel your paint - been there.
 
nspire said:
Ok Ladies, my suspicions were right! That mothersucker lied and with care and concern in his voice. Ok, he calls and is instantly worried because I should like crap. I've been sick off and on with a flu bug and my voice is gone. So of course, he tries to sound concern saying he wanted to come over and take care of me. So I told him, well I tried to contact you last night a few times and you never returned my calls and asked him what happened.

He responds, I was showing property to a couple then went to get something to eat, and watched a few games while I was there. So I ask, what time did you get home? Oh, uhm about 10:30pm was his response.

I kept the conversation cool and he suggested we go out for the day. As of yet, he has no idea I know he wasn't even at home(what a loser). I plan to drop the bomb when we see one another so I can see his reaction. BTW, there was no mention of hanging out with friends or nothing like that. I've decided to put the cards on the table and tell him I know he lied. Men can be jerks!! UGH!!!
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Man. You are STRONG. Just stay strong so you can look back on this and be proud of how you behaved (i.e., just walk away without raised voices, or tears. Don't look back - ever!). I still wince when I think of my behavior when a college boyfriend dumped me. I completely fell apart and he wasn't even all that. He probably still thinks he's The Man... and why wouldn't he after the way I behaved? I would cry and be consoled by everyone... What I needed was an intervention: someone to smack me, tell me how stupid I looked, and make me grow up and behave myself. Very few men are worth your dignity.
 
Dump his sorry a$$ now!

nspire said:
Ok Ladies, my suspicions were right! That mothersucker lied and with care and concern in his voice. Ok, he calls and is instantly worried because I should like crap. I've been sick off and on with a flu bug and my voice is gone. So of course, he tries to sound concern saying he wanted to come over and take care of me. So I told him, well I tried to contact you last night a few times and you never returned my calls and asked him what happened.

He responds, I was showing property to a couple then went to get something to eat, and watched a few games while I was there. So I ask, what time did you get home? Oh, uhm about 10:30pm was his response.

I kept the conversation cool and he suggested we go out for the day. As of yet, he has no idea I know he wasn't even at home(what a loser). I plan to drop the bomb when we see one another so I can see his reaction. BTW, there was no mention of hanging out with friends or nothing like that. I've decided to put the cards on the table and tell him I know he lied. Men can be jerks!! UGH!!!
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I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy - don't make plans with him - you know he lied, so make him part of your past like right now!
 
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