Help for the motivationally challenged

A

adkoester

Member
I haven't posted to the forum in forever but am experiencing a problem that I am hoping some of you may be able to help me with.

I am motivationally challenged!! I know I need to workout. I have time to workout. I even like to workout. But for some reason, after a few days/weeks into a rotation I seem to stray. I have nothing stopping me but my own lack of initiative.

I have had great success working out with cathe's videos in the past. In 1989 I ordered MIS and MIC to use to lose 20 pounds. These were the first videos I had ever tried and I was hooked! I did MIC and MIS 3X per week each and followed a clean diet. I lost 46 pounds and dropped from size 13/14 to a size 6 (and sometimes 4!) in 7 months. I purchased each new Cathe video as they became available and loved them all. I continued to my program and rarely missed a work out. Best of all, I never gained back any of the weight.

September 2000 my husband and I found out we were expecting a baby. We started having serious complications with the pregnancy right away. I was put on total bed rest but after 6 months we lost the baby. I was not cleared to start my usual workouts for 6 more months. When I finally was allowed to start working out again I was still 30 pounds heavier than before I became pregnant and all of my hard earned muscle had turned to serious mush. It had been 12 months since I had been allowed to workout and I was finally getting past the depression and excited to try the new Cathe videos I had purchased. I could still make it through each video by modifying some segments. I started right back with the rotations, journal, and clean eating. But, after a few days/weeks into it I strayed. Unfortunately, the pattern has continued. I have yet to get back on the workout wagon.

I finally figured out the one thing about my old routine that had changed. Before, I had a friend who became interested in what I was doing to lose weight. I shared all of the information I had collected on clean eating and exercise (including Cathe's videos) with him. He started working out and after a while we were checking in on each other almost everyday to see how the other person had done that day. I am fairly competitive so reporting a night spent with Ben & Jerry in front of the TV was no longer an option! This worked wonderful for both of us. My friend moved away and we are not in touch as often as before. His support was such a huge motivation for me while I had it and I will always be grateful. I really miss having my friend who didn't mind giving me that little push to get my lazy behind going when I needed it.

I asked my husband, who is very supportive, if he would be my daily motivater. He refused and walked away mumbeling something about what is the right answer when a woman asks if her jeans make her butt look big. I don't blame him for not wanting to put himself in that position. He has to live with me. Besides, he always pretends to be blind to my weight gain and tells me I am purfect the way I am. If he had his way I think I would hang out with him, Ben, & Jerry everynight!

I recently started reading all of the forums daily. Your stories and support are inspiring! What an awesome group!!!

Do any of you check in with someone regularly to keep you going? What motivates all of you if/when you ever lack initiative?

Angela
 
Hi Angela,
First I want to say how sorry I am about the loss of your baby. I can't imagine how devastating that must be for you and your family.
As far as checking in, I know there is a workout check-in in here that is posted weekly and also some different kinds of weight loss check-ins - I believe there is a regular weight-loss check-in, a clean eating one and also an intuitive eating one. Or, if you go to videofitness.com (VF) there are lots of workout check-ins that you can join, but diet talk is not allowed there.
Personally, my motivation comes from how good I know I will feel after a workout. I tell myself it only takes a little while, but the benefits last a long time. I find that even when I don't feel like exercising, once I start I usually am totally into it and I always feel that I've accomplished something when I'm done.
Good luck!
Erica
 
My prayers to you and your family.

Forum: [link:www.forum.videofitness.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=3&daysprune=|Videofitness]

Click on the above to go there. This forum is great too.

Remember, others will follow your example some day. Each one of us is a pioneer. I personally pray and ask God for motivation if He wants me to have it. Also it helps to ask Him to give you whatever He knows you need, first. (Not my will but thine)

Just a suggestion, take it or leave it of course!
Sincerely, Connie
 
Hi Angela,

First of all, I too am so very sorry that you lost your baby. I'm wondering about something, Angela: I'm not a doctor but, reading your post a couple of times through, I kept thinking that you are surely still battling some perfectly normal depression. And I do mean normal, sweetie. After all, what you experienced was not just some clinical "miscarriage" procedure, it was the loss of your child. How many of us could bounce back from that completely within such a comparatively brief time?

So I suspect that a lot of what you're feeling will fix itself with the passage of more time and more healing, especially if you are in touch with your feelings and forgive yourself for not being "on track" yet. That seems to me very important: You deserve to allow yourself plenty of time to FEEL distracted and unfocused, and you should forgive yourself for it. And set some new, more realistic goals, like "I'm going to stick with a rotation for four weeks", not twelve weeks. Reward yourself for the baby steps.

There's another thought occurring to me, too, and it is that feeling unfocused and unable to stick to a schedule may be especially difficult for your personality type. Here's what I mean, using myself as an example: There have been episodes in my life (as I'll bet there have been in almost everyone's) where I experienced the same feelings of distraction and difficulty in staying motivated and focused that you are feeling. In every case that I can remember, the root cause of my feelings was an event that was very upsetting to me and disruptive to my "life plan." I'm a long-range planner by nature --- I think a lot of us on these Forums are; planned exercise programs suit our personality type --- and it drives me a little nuts when I've got a plan all worked out and something I can't control throws it all into confusion. I know this about myself, but it still happens.

So if you're a long-range planner by nature, too, then the fact that you're at a point in your life where you aren't able to make and keep a long-range plan will be especially frustrating to you.

Now, enough amature psychobabble -- who do I think I am, huh? :) What to do about all this?

My two cents' worth -- as I said, try setting some small goals for yourself and feeling good about hitting them. Take a little extra time to consciously forgive yourself for not being totally "on track" and to consciously applaud yourself for coming as far as you HAVE come. You've had to recover from a terrible blow. Good for you, bravo, way to go girl, for everything you've been able to do so far in returning to your "normal" life.

And last but not least, use us as your check-in and motivator. Your workout pal may have moved away but us Cathe folks haven't :), and we'll be very happy to cheer you on, prop you up, nudge you along, share successes and console setbacks. This is a world-class group of people on these Forums, Angela -- we're there for you!

http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/sport/sport003.gif Kathy S.
 
Sorry about your loss. I find that if I visit the forum a lot (or as much as I can), wear workout clothes and shoes when lounging around the house, and drink lots of water, I feel like I look like a fit person, so I might as well act like one too. This gets me into my workout room. On days when I don't feel like working out, I'll say, "I will only do the warm-up," but it seems so silly to let those warm, stretched muscles rest after that, so I start the workout. 9 times out of 10, I finish the whole thing. Just some suggestions. Don't feel afraid to talk about your depression with us or with a professional. You've been through a lot and deserve nothing but happiness and support. Glad to see you here!
 
I am so sorry about the loss of your baby. I agree with what Kathy said about probable depression. Could you also be feeling that NORMAL sense of guilt for getting on with your life--in other words, maybe you subconsciously feel that working out to get in shape is a selfish thing and that you should still be grieving? I felt this way when my father died, and it came to mind when I read your post. (If I am off base, ignore me!)
I think videofitness also has a mentor program, in which you sign up to have someone you can email daily...
Good LucK!!
Wendy
 
Thank you all for your kind, supportive words. The support my daughter, husband and I received was and is nothing short of amazing. I feel very fortunate to be blessed with wonderful family and friends that helped us and continue to be there during the occasional rough spots.

I have been thinking about all of your replies.

Erica and Connie - Thank you for your suggestions. I will certainly check VF.

Kathy S. - I am a long-range planner. Or as my DH likes to say, I like my ducks in a row. While I was otherwise occupied my ducks all wandered off and I have not yet managed to line them back up. It is hard work and it makes me crazy. It is good to know someone else understands my frustration. Thank you for your "psycho babble". I have set some short-term goals for myself and will work up from there. Maybe eventually I’ll get my ducks lined back up!

Jillybean - Lounging in workout clothes and shoes and the “I’ll just do the warmup” trick are great ideas. I will definitely use those daily! Thank you for sharing them.

Wendyloo - Thank you for your comments about "NORMAL sense of guilt for getting on with your life". I have struggled with this. I do realize now that I have grieved enough and it is okay to get back in shape and move on.


I am so happy that I decided to post to the Forum! You made me feel so much better.

Thank you all again,
Angela
 
Re: Ducks in a Row

Angela,

I'm glad that our replies were helpful to you. I love these Forums because there ARE such caring and wise folks here, and I know you'll find the same support system here, too.

I just had to smile seeing you use the term "getting your ducks in a row." I use that phrase ALL the time -- so much so that I don't even think about it. When my younger son was little (he's 12) he said to me one day, "Mom, where do we keep our ducks?" I had no clue what he was talking about and said "Honey, what ducks?" He replied, "Those ducks you talked about, Mommy -- you know, the ones that won't stay in their line?"

Out of the mouths of our babes, huh? :)

http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/sport/sport003.gif Kathy S.
 
RE: Re: Ducks in a Row

Kathy,

What a cute story!

My daughter(she's 12 too!) also picked up on me using the phrase.
When she was in kindergarten the teacher called and asked if I would be willing to bring one of my ducks in for show-and-tell. They had hatched a duck egg in an incubator and she wanted to show the children what the duckling would look like when it was grown!

It is so funny that your son picked up on it too!

Angela
 
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